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I Went To Church Today


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Today was my first time in church as a non-believer. I haven't posted my deconversion story here on the site yet, but just to let anyone who might read this know, I began having doubts about two years ago and have more recently decided that I simply cannot believe what I used to as a Christian. I feel that I am still going through the process of deconverting from Christianity, and I am learning and researching all that I can. I am still "in the closet". I just wanted to write a little about the experience and my thoughts on what the sermon was about.

 

The church that my husband and I attend (we are not members) is quite a large church for the area that we live in. The once small congregation rapidly grew over a short period of time, and the sanctuary now holds about 1500 people. There are two Sunday morning services, and a Saturday night service was recently added in addition to Wednesday night services. Every service I've been to there has been packed full.

 

My husband and I had a fight a couple of months ago about why I didn't go to church with him anymore, and it was during that fight that I confessed my doubts to him. Of course, his response to me was that "that I should read the bible, that all my answers would be found there", and that going to church would help me "understand". By the time he had made this suggestion, he was pretty upset about what I had told him, and I knew that I had not done enough research to even begin to explain my reasons for doubting in a way that he could understand. So, I decided to take his suggestion, but I knew that I wouldn't find the answers that I needed in the bible; instead, I would read the bible, pick it apart and analyze it in a way that I never had before. I would go to church, not to understand god, but to take notes and research for myself what was being taught there.

 

I didn't really know how I would feel today...It's been quite some time since I've been to church. I didn't go expecting to be converted back to a believer. I didn't go expecting to "hear from god". I wanted to go and see what church would be like now that I am no longer ignorant and blinded by everything I had been taught my whole life. The world looks like a completely different place to me now, and church was no different.

 

The first thing I thought about as I sat down before the service was how much of a social aspect there was to church. Everyone was dressed in their "Sunday best". This thought was nothing new, however; in recent times that I had been to this church, I thought it was more like a place to show off than it was a place for worship. I grew up in a Pentecostal church, and we were always taught that women should be modest and not show too much skin. This concept didn't seem to apply here (a Methodist congregation). As the pews were filling up, people were talking, laughing, shaking hands, you know...fellowship and all that. Then the announcements came, and it was time for a short prayer.

 

As the announcer prayed, I didn't close my eyes. I didn't bow my head. I looked around to see if I could find another pair of wide open eyes, but I saw none, not close to me anyway. I did this each time a prayer was said. I wondered, "am I the only one"? Surely there had to be someone else in the room who had looked past what was in the bible, or done research outside of it to see what the real truth might be. I felt like an outsider, but it wasn't necessarily a bad feeling. I felt like I knew some big secret that no one else knew. I felt like all these people were on the wrong path, and that I was on the right one. I felt special, because I now know what it is really like to be free. Free from being told what to think and how to feel, free from the fear of things "unseen" and eternal pain and torture. Free to live my life and savor every moment.

 

The sermon was concerning comfort and the mind. The pastor then read a scripture from Psalms 94. (19) "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." He then went on and gave a few facts about the human brain. He said something very interesting during the sermon that I would like to share. At one point he began to speak about feelings, and how we should live our lives based not on feelings or emotions, but on facts. He then went on to say that "God is a fact". Now, I'm sure we've all heard someone say that they know God is real because they've had some kind of feeling or emotion. Instead of doing all this research on these little facts about the brain, he should have looked up the meaning of the word "fact". If God was a fact, then faith would not be needed! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! He then went on to speak about the second coming (the time is near!) and I found myself becoming very irritated. I felt sorry for all these people who had never even thought to question or consider that all of this was bullshit. Lies. I wondered if the pastor even believed what he was saying. It all seemed very fake. At the end, after the invitation to become saved or join the church, the pastor was sure to remind everyone of all the different things being sold and for everyone to eat at the restaurant there at the church (yes, they have a restaurant) for Sunday lunch.

 

These people were here looking for something, they were looking for comfort. That is what Christianity delivers. That is what keeps these people coming back week after week. It's comforting to think that an all powerful father figure is watching over you and keeping you safe and healthy. It's comforting to think that death is not the end...that we are just "passing through" in this life, as the pastor mentioned during the sermon while people clapped and shouted. Christianity manipulates people by giving them a false comfort.

 

Reality is not always comforting, but it is the truth. I would rather search for the truth than believe a complete lie.

 

Thanks for reading, and please share your thoughts. I'm so happy I found this site, it is helping me so very much.

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I am not familiar with many different churches, but even so, I suspect that somewhere between 40 to 75 percent of ANY congregation is there principally for the social aspect of church (including having lunch at the restaurant!).

 

It's like the Elk's Club or Masons with fire and brimstone thrown in.

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Thanks for sharing your story. I've also posted a couple things on this site about my marriage issues, so I can certainly relate to the difficulty you've had explaining yourself to your husband. I also relate to how you feel about going back to church. I still go fairly regularly with my family, but it is a very different experience than it used to be. I find myself listening critically to what the preacher says, and picking apart the errors. For example, in one recent sermon he was talking about the writings of Paul and how we can be certain that they are authentic because they were written only a few years after the resurrection, and we know this because pristine copies of Paul's writings were found in the Dead Sea Scrolls!! I immediately perked up because I had just been reading about the Dead Sea Scrolls and I knew they didn't contain any New Testament writings. Yet as I looked around the room, everyone just nodded in agreement, feeling even more assured in their faith. It made me wonder if the pastor was uneducated about what he was saying, or if he was intentionally being deceitful, knowing that nobody in the room would know the difference. Anyway, hang in there, and good luck with your journey!

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As the announcer prayed, I didn't close my eyes. I didn't bow my head. I looked around to see if I could find another pair of wide open eyes, but I saw none, not close to me anyway. I did this each time a prayer was said. I wondered, "am I the only one"? Surely there had to be someone else in the room who had looked past what was in the bible, or done research outside of it to see what the real truth might be. I felt like an outsider, but it wasn't necessarily a bad feeling. I felt like I knew some big secret that no one else knew. I felt like all these people were on the wrong path, and that I was on the right one. I felt special, because I now know what it is really like to be free. Free from being told what to think and how to feel, free from the fear of things "unseen" and eternal pain and torture. Free to live my life and savor every moment.

 

I don't go to church but I feel exactly like you described above when someone is praying (at a school function, at a high school sporting event, and even at a large family gathering). It's the best feeling to be truly FREE to enjoy life on your own terms!

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For example, in one recent sermon he was talking about the writings of Paul and how we can be certain that they are authentic because they were written only a few years after the resurrection, and we know this because pristine copies of Paul's writings were found in the Dead Sea Scrolls!! I immediately perked up because I had just been reading about the Dead Sea Scrolls and I knew they didn't contain any New Testament writings. Yet as I looked around the room, everyone just nodded in agreement, feeling even more assured in their faith. It made me wonder if the pastor was uneducated about what he was saying, or if he was intentionally being deceitful, knowing that nobody in the room would know the difference. Anyway, hang in there, and good luck with your journey!

 

One of the main reasons I think that my wife is okay with me not going to church, is that she is afraid that I would jump up at such a moment and loudly point out his lies. :)

 

I have agreed to go for Easter, but everyone there knows I am an Atheist, so it should at least be interesting.

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The pastor then read a scripture from Psalms 94. (19) "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." He then went on and gave a few facts about the human brain.

 

 

I hate when Christians try to give facts about the human brain (or anything else) as thought it's evidence for a God. What they are saying is that if something is complex or beautiful, this means, God did it! How is this evidence in favor of God?? It's not evidence!! If we don't know something, this is a sign that we need to roll up our sleeves and do some actual work. It's such a non-thinking, lazy way of studying something to just say, "God did it".

 

He said something very interesting during the sermon that I would like to share. At one point he began to speak about feelings, and how we should live our lives based not on feelings or emotions, but on facts. He then went on to say that "God is a fact". Now, I'm sure we've all heard someone say that they know God is real because they've had some kind of feeling or emotion. Instead of doing all this research on these little facts about the brain, he should have looked up the meaning of the word "fact". If God was a fact, then faith would not be needed! I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

This annoys the hell out of me as well. I find with Christians, it's a multi-choice, they either think God is faith, God is a fact, or a bit of both. You would think if God was real, there would be some consistence between believers.

 

He then went on to speak about the second coming (the time is near!) and I found myself becoming very irritated. I felt sorry for all these people who had never even thought to question or consider that all of this was bullshit. Lies. I wondered if the pastor even believed what he was saying. It all seemed very fake. At the end, after the invitation to become saved or join the church, the pastor was sure to remind everyone of all the different things being sold and for everyone to eat at the restaurant there at the church (yes, they have a restaurant) for Sunday lunch.

 

 

I firmly believe teaching kids about the second coming is child abuse. Teaching a child that if he doesn't believe God enough, then at any time, any second of the day, God will rapture a child's parents, friends, family and leave that child alone. Being alone for a child its one of the worse things a child can experience. I even find myself, even though I haven't been a Christian for years and grown into an adult. Catching myself thinking, can I hear anyone? Can I hear cars outside? Maybe God was real and the rapture has come and taken them away! But after a few seconds of this my brain kicks in and I'm fine. This experience still freaks me out.

 

I'm so happy that you have woken up out of this fantasy of spirits, demons, gods, angels, powers of goodness and darkness, talking snakes and donkey's and have stepped into reality! If I was in you're church while everyone was praying. I would of looked at you and thought "Finally, someone else who thinks they are praying to air" :)

 

Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble, i tend to do that a lot about Christianity :)

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Thank you for posting BethM it was very interesting! The last time I went to church was some time ago and I went more just as a novelty than anything. It's interesting to sit there as an "outsider" and actually kind of see what is actually going on. I enjoyed studying the various cliques and small little groups that would form, I quickly pointed out the "church insiders" and then the surrounding peripheral groups and finally the outsiders (not like me) but the ones who were rejected by the insiders and the peripherals because they were weird, dressed odd or didn't fit in.

 

I get what you mean about people just taking anything their pastor says as the golden voice of Gawd or something. I've had people spout completely wrong "facts" at me only to find out they had heard it from their pastor. I hate to generalize but I think most pastors either are willfully ignorant, deceiving or just plain ignorant. I don't mean plain ignorant in a mean way, just that they have a certain set of topics they can preach on and that's about it. However, I have met some pastors who were very intelligent, yet would preach some of the most ignorant dumb things....kinda makes you wonder.

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I was in Seattle last week on business. I thought about popping in at the Mars Hill church but I couldn't get anyone to go with me.

 

Me: "Aren't you morbidly curious?"

 

Friends: "Uh, yeah, but not enough to actually go."

 

Also, my roommate wants me to take her to the most bat-shit holy roller church I can find so that she can gawk. Trouble is, though, I don't know of any churches here in Vegas that fit that bill. I've been to holy roller churches here but none of it was at the snakehandling/TorontoAirport/ghettocrazy level.

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Thanks to everyone who read my post and responded.

 

I can only imagine the amount of money coming in through the members of this church. New buildings are going up, and the church is even purchasing homes around the area and thinking about putting in a football field. They have a home for battered women, a home for pregnant women, and a clinic that is free of charge but you must listen to the gospel before treatment. I'm sure that is also true for the women's shelters. They are helping people out, true, but spreading the virus of Christianity while they're at it. More sheep, more $$$.

 

My plan was to go occasionally just so I could address some of the problems with the teachings, but I don't know how much of it I will be able to stand.

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Trouble is, though, I don't know of any churches here in Vegas that fit that bill. I've been to holy roller churches here but none of it was at the snakehandling/TorontoAirport/ghettocrazy level.

 

Mountain View Baptist, Pastor Scott Postma - not the most holy roller church, but pretty close. The pastor was my youth pastor when I was a teenager in the KJV-only, fundamentalist, independent baptist church. To his credit he is one of the few from my old life who I can have a reasonable conversation with, and he has recognized that the KJV-only debate and alot of the "standards" preached by that sect are personal preferences-morphed into doctrine. Still, I will would wager that his church would probably fit your needs :)

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I was in Seattle last week on business. I thought about popping in at the Mars Hill church but I couldn't get anyone to go with me.

 

Me: "Aren't you morbidly curious?"

 

Friends: "Uh, yeah, but not enough to actually go."

 

Also, my roommate wants me to take her to the most bat-shit holy roller church I can find so that she can gawk. Trouble is, though, I don't know of any churches here in Vegas that fit that bill. I've been to holy roller churches here but none of it was at the snakehandling/TorontoAirport/ghettocrazy level.

 

You may be able to find one yet. Years ago when I was church hopping, I stumbled on a small church renting a store in a strip mall. They were as loony, if not more than the Toronto Airport crowd. Some chick danced all around us, while inbreds took turns speaking/shouting in tongues and others interpreted them in King James grammar. There was only 20-30 of them, but they were off their rocker nuts.

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Hi, BethM. Welcome to ExC.

 

You gave a very insightful description of having gone to church now that you are no longer a believer. Step back and again read your description of what was going on around you and it is easy to understand why people allow themselves to be captured by Christianity. You described it all so well. It is a community of like-minded people who find fulfillment and comfort in what the pastor says and who can feel a part of something much bigger and more important than themselves. The vast majority have not seriously studied the Bible and never will. At most, they have a passing knowledge of its contents and even when they do read it, they do not read it critically. A critical reading of the Bible would destroy what the church and their social activities offer them and they love that and will hold onto it for as long as possible. After all, why let the truth ruin comfort and happiness?

 

Just think what it took for you finally to wake up and see and accept the truth. Though you say you haven't yet written your deconversion story, I am sure it was not a sudden revelation and everything was fine and dandy thereafter. If you are like most of us, you didn't want it all to be a lie and when you found out that it was it was devastating to you. And perhaps one of the worst parts is that once you see and accept the truth that Christianity is a false religion, you can never go back and you can never again feel the warmth, companionship, and assurances that you thought god was providing to you because now you know it was not what you thought it was, it was and is something entirely different that you now have to struggle with to understand.

 

I know these things, because I was describing my own experiences. I'll bet yours were at least similar.

 

Take your time with adjusting to your new and improved way of thinking and understanding the world around you. You will feel a lot of emotions and none of your Christian family or friends will be any comfort to you because, to them, you are crazy. But you know you're not. You can always comfort yourself knowing that you managed to do what so few are able to do -- pull yourself out of the fog of Christianity and into the bright light of reality where there is no Satan, no demons, and no hell. There's real freedom in that.

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I felt like I knew some big secret that no one else knew. I felt like all these people were on the wrong path, and that I was on the right one. I felt special, because I now know what it is really like to be free. Free from being told what to think and how to feel, free from the fear of things "unseen" and eternal pain and torture. Free to live my life and savor every moment. [/size][/font]

 

 

This is true freedom. And once you taste true freedom, it is difficult to go back to what we once accustomed to. Now you have the freedom to look at your own values, morality, and decide the rights and wrongs of matters based on your own knowledge, intuition, and experience without the guilt that your thoughts may contradict those of the Bible. You're only constrained by your imagination, and your beliefs are your own. This is much better than being castigated/ostracized by church "friends" who are quick to turn on you should you ever stray from the rest of the sheeple.

 

When I deconverted I only remained contacts with one or two people, and only then because I knew they themselves were persecuted by the church (he happened to be gay) and also because I could count on their friendship, unlike the others.

 

 

The sermon was concerning comfort and the mind. The pastor then read a scripture from Psalms 94. (19) "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." He then went on and gave a few facts about the human brain. He said something very interesting during the sermon that I would like to share. At one point he began to speak about feelings, and how we should live our lives based not on feelings or emotions, but on facts. He then went on to say that "God is a fact". Now, I'm sure we've all heard someone say that they know God is real because they've had some kind of feeling or emotion. Instead of doing all this research on these little facts about the brain, he should have looked up the meaning of the word "fact". If God was a fact, then faith would not be needed! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! He then went on to speak about the second coming (the time is near!) and I found myself becoming very irritated. I felt sorry for all these people who had never even thought to question or consider that all of this was bullshit. Lies. I wondered if the pastor even believed what he was saying. It all seemed very fake. At the end, after the invitation to become saved or join the church, the pastor was sure to remind everyone of all the different things being sold and for everyone to eat at the restaurant there at the church (yes, they have a restaurant) for Sunday lunch.

 

 

Christianity itself is a logically inconsistent belief system. I tried reconciling this for a while but eventually the cognitive dissonance became overwhelming and I just completely lost my faith. What you just mentioned is just one example of many of how Christians justify their belief, even if that is completely at odds with reality. Another good example is the idea that God is a personal, loving one when the Old Testament antecedent clearly says that he smites and dices and does anything a decent blender can do to people who do not follow him or are "evil" in his sight.

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Mountain View Baptist, Pastor Scott Postma - not the most holy roller church, but pretty close. The pastor was my youth pastor when I was a teenager in the KJV-only, fundamentalist, independent baptist church. To his credit he is one of the few from my old life who I can have a reasonable conversation with, and he has recognized that the KJV-only debate and alot of the "standards" preached by that sect are personal preferences-morphed into doctrine. Still, I will would wager that his church would probably fit your needs :)

 

You used to live in Vegas?

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Today was my first time in church as a non-believer. I haven't posted my deconversion story here on the site yet, but just to let anyone who might read this know, I began having doubts about two years ago and have more recently decided that I simply cannot believe what I used to as a Christian. I feel that I am still going through the process of deconverting from Christianity, and I am learning and researching all that I can. I am still "in the closet". I just wanted to write a little about the experience and my thoughts on what the sermon was about.

 

The church that my husband and I attend (we are not members) is quite a large church for the area that we live in. The once small congregation rapidly grew over a short period of time, and the sanctuary now holds about 1500 people. There are two Sunday morning services, and a Saturday night service was recently added in addition to Wednesday night services. Every service I've been to there has been packed full.

 

My husband and I had a fight a couple of months ago about why I didn't go to church with him anymore, and it was during that fight that I confessed my doubts to him. Of course, his response to me was that "that I should read the bible, that all my answers would be found there", and that going to church would help me "understand". By the time he had made this suggestion, he was pretty upset about what I had told him, and I knew that I had not done enough research to even begin to explain my reasons for doubting in a way that he could understand. So, I decided to take his suggestion, but I knew that I wouldn't find the answers that I needed in the bible; instead, I would read the bible, pick it apart and analyze it in a way that I never had before. I would go to church, not to understand god, but to take notes and research for myself what was being taught there.

 

I didn't really know how I would feel today...It's been quite some time since I've been to church. I didn't go expecting to be converted back to a believer. I didn't go expecting to "hear from god". I wanted to go and see what church would be like now that I am no longer ignorant and blinded by everything I had been taught my whole life. The world looks like a completely different place to me now, and church was no different.

 

The first thing I thought about as I sat down before the service was how much of a social aspect there was to church. Everyone was dressed in their "Sunday best". This thought was nothing new, however; in recent times that I had been to this church, I thought it was more like a place to show off than it was a place for worship. I grew up in a Pentecostal church, and we were always taught that women should be modest and not show too much skin. This concept didn't seem to apply here (a Methodist congregation). As the pews were filling up, people were talking, laughing, shaking hands, you know...fellowship and all that. Then the announcements came, and it was time for a short prayer.

 

As the announcer prayed, I didn't close my eyes. I didn't bow my head. I looked around to see if I could find another pair of wide open eyes, but I saw none, not close to me anyway. I did this each time a prayer was said. I wondered, "am I the only one"? Surely there had to be someone else in the room who had looked past what was in the bible, or done research outside of it to see what the real truth might be. I felt like an outsider, but it wasn't necessarily a bad feeling. I felt like I knew some big secret that no one else knew. I felt like all these people were on the wrong path, and that I was on the right one. I felt special, because I now know what it is really like to be free. Free from being told what to think and how to feel, free from the fear of things "unseen" and eternal pain and torture. Free to live my life and savor every moment.

 

The sermon was concerning comfort and the mind. The pastor then read a scripture from Psalms 94. (19) "In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul." He then went on and gave a few facts about the human brain. He said something very interesting during the sermon that I would like to share. At one point he began to speak about feelings, and how we should live our lives based not on feelings or emotions, but on facts. He then went on to say that "God is a fact". Now, I'm sure we've all heard someone say that they know God is real because they've had some kind of feeling or emotion. Instead of doing all this research on these little facts about the brain, he should have looked up the meaning of the word "fact". If God was a fact, then faith would not be needed! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! He then went on to speak about the second coming (the time is near!) and I found myself becoming very irritated. I felt sorry for all these people who had never even thought to question or consider that all of this was bullshit. Lies. I wondered if the pastor even believed what he was saying. It all seemed very fake. At the end, after the invitation to become saved or join the church, the pastor was sure to remind everyone of all the different things being sold and for everyone to eat at the restaurant there at the church (yes, they have a restaurant) for Sunday lunch.

 

These people were here looking for something, they were looking for comfort. That is what Christianity delivers. That is what keeps these people coming back week after week. It's comforting to think that an all powerful father figure is watching over you and keeping you safe and healthy. It's comforting to think that death is not the end...that we are just "passing through" in this life, as the pastor mentioned during the sermon while people clapped and shouted. Christianity manipulates people by giving them a false comfort.

 

Reality is not always comforting, but it is the truth. I would rather search for the truth than believe a complete lie.

 

Thanks for reading, and please share your thoughts. I'm so happy I found this site, it is helping me so very much.

 

When I look around during a prayer I see ALL kinds of eyes. People writing their checks for offering or with eyes open- checking their manicures. I like to try to make eye contact. It makes them really uncomfortable :lmao:

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I know that type of church. I went to one for a while with my ex-wife when we were having issues. It had a coffee shop, basketball courts, bookstore...etc in it. They had big projection screens and an entire sound and lighting crew almost as if it was being broadcast on T.V. Things that bothered me about all of this was first off, the minister and his wife where always dressed to the nines. The man would show up in a Lexus and the woman in a Caddy Escalade and park right in front, in their resevered spots, for everyone to see. This was also the year that Bill Clinton was refunding people 500 dollars in tax credits. The minister told everyone in his sermon that that was gods money and we needed to sign those refund checks over to the church because god spoke to the president and told him to be generous to the churches. At this point I called BullS. and vowed never to return. This church also had membership levels. You actually had to apply and donate so much and be voted into the church to be a member. Depending on the amount you donated you could get special advantages. Each membersip had different parking lots with the diamond membership being in front. The highest memberships would get invited to special dinners and book reviews, dicounts at the coffee shop and bookstore, and so on. So basically the more money you had the more god loved you? :scratch: WTH is all that about? Unfortunatly that seems to be how it is in most churches just not on that extreme of a level.

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Mountain View Baptist, Pastor Scott Postma - not the most holy roller church, but pretty close. The pastor was my youth pastor when I was a teenager in the KJV-only, fundamentalist, independent baptist church. To his credit he is one of the few from my old life who I can have a reasonable conversation with, and he has recognized that the KJV-only debate and alot of the "standards" preached by that sect are personal preferences-morphed into doctrine. Still, I will would wager that his church would probably fit your needs :)

 

You used to live in Vegas?

 

No, Spokane, WA. He was my youth pastor in Spokane. He moved to Vegas and started that church a few years ago.

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"At one point he began to speak about feelings, and how we should live our lives based not on feelings or emotions, but on facts. He then went on to say that "God is a fact". Now, I'm sure we've all heard someone say that they know God is real because they've had some kind of feeling or emotion. Instead of doing all this research on these little facts about the brain, he should have looked up the meaning of the word "fact". If God was a fact, then faith would not be needed!"

 

 

I remember a "facts faith feelings" teaching from when I was an xian. This was supposed to help me when I had doubts. This is also dependent on believing that the Buybull is facts.

 

"Facts", "Faith", and "Feelings" are three people walking along the top of a wall. If "Faith" keeps her eyes on "Facts" in front, she walks along just fine. If she turns around and looks at "Feelings", she falls off the wall. If I kept my eyes on the Buybull verses that said I was "saved", I wouldn't worry if I didn't "feel" saved.

 

Imagine my surprise when I heard about the "gawd chasers" who chase after spiritual experiences with "gawd". Highs, whether spiritual or drug induced, eventually wear off, reality comes crashing in, and you are back to where you were before.

 

I'm a very moody person who wishes I were more like Mr. Spock of Star Trek, always logical. I have intimate knowledge of how often feelings change.

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