Amethyst Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I deconverted because I did research on the history of Christianity and its links to Paganism, and various Pagan myths, and found Christianity to be the modern offshoot of Paganism. Just another cult. Not because my prayers weren't answered (which they weren't, but I was praying for my mother, who had cancer, to get better. She died. I wasn't praying for anything selfish, unless you count the time when I was a kid when I prayed to be pretty so my mother and everyone would love me. And I prayed for the bullies to stop, but they didn't stop until I was a foreign exchange student and left the country in high school. But that wasn't why I deconverted. My mother was the type of person who was ultra-perfectionistic and judgemental. I was never good enough for her, nor was anyone else. Well, nevertheless, I prayed for her to get better, so did EVERYONE at church, so did my ENTIRE family. My mother still died when I was in high school. But that was not what made me deconvert. Like every Christian here it seems, I did the mental gymnastics and excused it as god's way of teaching me a lesson (don't love others or they'll leave you was the lesson I learned from that, for all of those who are so fond of learning lessons). So I clung to the religion, trying to keep believing. But then why was it, that so many Christians were so hateful towards people they didn't like? Gays? African Americans? Poor people? Liberals? If Christianity was the religion of love, why do so many Christians HATE so much? Why did my mother hate me because I wasn't good enough for her? Why did the people in my mother's church hate me because I wasn't good enough for them? I figured it must have been my fault somehow, so I tried even more to fit in, but I never could. When I was in college, I had friends who weren't like me. I dated an agostic guy in college. We had some interesting debates. It also was not what made me deconvert, but it made me think. A friend of mine was bi, and I realized I couldn't hate anyone just for being different. But I made up my mind to be a "different" Christian. So I tried for a while to be a liberal Christian. In 2003, I was subletting a townhome and living in the basement. There was a guy who lived upstairs. I lived in the lower half. We were not particularly close, but we got along. He was the son of my stepmom's friends. Anyway, he committed suicide by fire the Sunday before Christmas that year. It came as a complete surprise because every time I had talked to him before then, he'd said that he was fine and everything was okay. Everyone in my family thought it was a miracle that I survived because I had been sleeping and the window in my bedroom broke, due to the heat and air pressure change. So I got out, but the townhome was completely destroyed and my friend died. And of course, I got the "god saved you for a reason" cliche' for months on end from everyone. I tried to believe it, but what kind of god murders one person to send them to hell, and saves another? Only a tyrant would do that kind of thing. Only a despot would be so cruel. And it's the ultimate in arrogance to believe that "you were saved for a reason" when someone else died. Now, real true Christians believe that people who commit suicide burn in hell. I couldn't believe that. There was a question as to why he had done that, because they found a brain tumor in his autopsy, so some Christians did the mental gymnastics and said that maybe he was confused, maybe it wasn't suicide. You don't pour gasoline all around and light a match in simple "confusion," though. It wasn't as if he had just knocked over a candle. It was suicide. I couldn't believe that he was in hell, or that ANYONE deserved to go to a place like that because they were mentally ill. I could not reconcile the hell doctrine. I could not believe that anyone other than Hitler deserved to go to a place like that, yet the Bible said that all you had to do was not believe and you would still go. I couldn't accept the hell myth. So I did research, and it turns out that quite a few Pagan religions also had hell myths. In fact, Jesus was quite similar to a lot of Pagan deities. You'll never find a cookie-cutter version, but the similiarities are uncanny. I could not put it down to coincidence. Christianity was obviously an offshoot of Paganism, and anyone who thinks otherwise is seriously deluded. I couldn't believe in any of the myth, not at all. Not when the research pointed to the logical conclusion that it was just another cult. So you see, it wasn't unanswered prayers or burnout or being angry at god or any of those stereotypes that caused me to deconvert. It was logic that ultimately set me free, and I hope it sets others free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trashy Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 excellent Amethyst - thanks for the post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 excellent Amethyst - thanks for the post I second that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Nice post, Amethyst. It always bothered me too - the fact that christianity did not make for better people. And, in myself - I knew that christianity made me a worse person. More judgmental and closed-minded. More paranoid. Less able to enjoy the world and the things around me. The pagan origins thing - the fact that christianity is so unoriginal sealed the deal for me, too. ps: Sorry that you lost your mom so early in your life. Even though she doesn't sound like a real hoot to be around, that's still a tough break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 ps: Sorry that you lost your mom so early in your life. Even though she doesn't sound like a real hoot to be around, that's still a tough break. Well, she was a fundy. I blame that on the brainwashing. There were times when she was nice, but they were too few and far between. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Yeah, but she was still your mom. And I know how that is. I have a lot of respect for anyone who is the child of a fundy and can still deconvert. I know there are a lot of people here who have that experience. There is something about parental influence that really deeply imbeds into the psyche. For me, it's the opposite. I tried to evangelize my dad, and he told me to take a hike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 I have a lot of respect for anyone who is the child of a fundy and can still deconvert. I know there are a lot of people here who have that experience. There is something about parental influence that really deeply imbeds into the psyche. I think a lot of it was that I decided I could not be like her. If I ever have kids, I could not inflict that kind of perfectionism onto them. Nor could I inflict onto them the kind of emotional abuse that Christianity causes. For me, it's the opposite. I tried to evangelize my dad, and he told me to take a hike. My dad is much more moderate. He doesn't take any of it literally, but he still wants to believe that there is a god and an afterlife. He remarried after my mom's death. My stepmom is a liberal Catholic who also doesn't take it literally, but wants to believe in an afterlife and still thinks that "Christianity is good for you," despite that I've told her all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DrepmoreH Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 That was great. Thanks for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MQTA Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Yeah, but she was still your mom. And I know how that is. I have a lot of respect for anyone who is the child of a fundy and can still deconvert. I know there are a lot of people here who have that experience. There is something about parental influence that really deeply imbeds into the psyche. For me, it's the opposite. I tried to evangelize my dad, and he told me to take a hike. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> My parents didn't like The Satanic Bible days, but when I found Dyer in 1993, my sister read his books after I did, and my mom also read them. They still wanted me to be and do what they wanted me to do and never accepted I found my own path and was/am quite happy on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Thanks Emily, great read.. Appreciated kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkepticOfBible Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 For me, it's the opposite. I tried to evangelize my dad, and he told me to take a hike. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Somehow that sounds real funny Sometimes I feel I should also post my testamony, but I was not a ex - christian, I am ex-hindu. So I don't whether it would count as valid testamony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Somehow that sounds real funny Sometimes I feel I should also post my testamony, but I was not a ex - christian, I am ex-hindu. So I don't whether it would count as valid testamony I for one would love to read it. It would give us a different perspective on how others in the world have similar struggles with various forms of religion. It would be quite educational I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Hi Amethyst, You deconverted for the same reason I did. I went to a fundy church too. My ex's dad, when I was still married, had cancer. Everyone prayed for him to be healed. He died. There was a mom with two very small kids at a church that I once attended that had cancer, she never went to the doctor for treatment because she believed she would be healed. She died. The pastor's son of this church had a brain tumor and on Sunday mornings the pastor would rebuke the spirit of cancer out of his son. He would command his son to be healed and to get up and walk. His son just sat there in his wheelchair unable to move. Talk about abuse! He died. If you had a baby, and you had to have a C-section, or had complications, or had a long labor, or even had an epidural or pain meds it was because there was some sin in your life that you were hiding. If you were really a child of god then you wouldn't be under the same laws and therefore would have an easy time giving birth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 Well, similar reasons, but not exactly the same. If my life had been all roses and rainbows, I might not have questioned at all. But I started looking for answers, and that search was what ultimately led me to not believe. I am sorry to hear about your ex's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 For me, it's the opposite. I tried to evangelize my dad, and he told me to take a hike. 97410[/snapback] Somehow that sounds real funny Sometimes I feel I should also post my testamony, but I was not a ex - christian, I am ex-hindu. So I don't whether it would count as valid testamony 98716[/snapback] I would love to hear it! Hinduism fascinates me (but all I know about it is from what the ivory tower academics tell me, which I am sure is very different from the average believers' version of Hinduism). Perhaps you could post your testimony in the rants or off topic sections... PLEASE??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 I would love to hear it! Hinduism fascinates me (but all I know about it is from what the ivory tower academics tell me, which I am sure is very different from the average believers' version of Hinduism). Perhaps you could post your testimony in the rants or off topic sections... PLEASE??? Same here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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