Falloutdude Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I'm just gonna end it, what's the point if you can't live? That's how life is, so forget it. You're created sick, commanded to be well, you gotta kiss some ass so you don't go to hell. No life in this world because it's all sin, you just want to die, but you can't, then again, why die when you can just live, try to thrive? I'm tired of the torture, of the fear, of the doubt. No one can help me, god's got me pinned to the ground, his sword to my throat, he offers love for slavery, no other choice but to cope, or hope that he'll be merciful for you wanting peace, if you look at his actions, you'll know how misery is key, to his love, there's no mercy above. Mine as well just take yourself down... No one understands, comprehends the pain, they say they do but they're over it, don't know what it's like to just want to forfeit, it all. No one can help me, not even myself. I'd love to be free, but i'm just some hopeless whelp. A slave to my mind, in shackles once again, there's no help for someone who has no friends. I've driven them away, i've shown too much pain. They can't take it, they're too pure, they've never been stained, tainted by horrors of the mind. I wish i could get some freedom, just buy some time, a few seconds to be alright. Death, perhaps, is the price I must pay, the currency for freedom, an escape from the fray. I don't want your money, i don't want your love, i don't want your heaven, no desire for mercy from above. I just want my life, but maybe i have to take it to make it, mine. To really claim it as my own, just to take my life for myself and make eternal slumber my home. Torture is a constant companion, he's my only friend, it'd be better to be alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted August 18, 2011 Moderator Share Posted August 18, 2011 Oh dude, this makes me so sad. I'm not sure if you wrote this or it is a poem of some kind............. But if this is the way you feel.......... I am so sorry you feel so hopeless. I wish so much I could help you. I just want you to know I care today, my dear friend. I really do............ Please, try to get someone to help you. Hug. Big hug. Bigger hug. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Dude, call this number now: Are you in crisis? Please call 1-800-273-TALK Are you feeling desperate, alone or hopeless? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. •Call for yourself or someone you care about •Free and confidential •A network of more than 150 crisis centers nationwide •Available 24/7 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/?gclid=CJ6asfCu2aoCFQFN4AodHQp--A Don't wait. Don't think about it. Don't say there is no hope. Don't give up. Call NOW!!!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falloutdude Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Oh dude, this makes me so sad. I'm not sure if you wrote this or it is a poem of some kind............. But if this is the way you feel.......... I am so sorry you feel so hopeless. I wish so much I could help you. I just want you to know I care today, my dear friend. I really do............ Please, try to get someone to help you. Hug. Big hug. Bigger hug. It's sorta both. It's basically a "rap", so in a way it's a poem. Kind of reminiscent of Eminem (his later stuff). I did right it though Don't worry margee i dont' expect help or to feel good, and i'm not really going to kill myself, i'm just going to sit it out. It's just more...."fantasizing" about not having to be in pain, not sure if that's the right word. I don't know if i said this before but i couldn't do that to my family or people who loved me. I am ok with being depressed, just as long as i don't go back to christianity, that's all i care about. This wasn't so much of anything as much as just expression of my feelings and how worn out i feel. I'm supposed to be interviewed for a therapist soon, although i'm not hopeful most therapists aren't likely to support me in religious issues because they really can't ethically say anything against one or another (although i'm sure they'd be ok to "defend the faith" if they were a christian) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falloutdude Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Dude, call this number now: Are you in crisis? Please call 1-800-273-TALK Are you feeling desperate, alone or hopeless? Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. •Call for yourself or someone you care about •Free and confidential •A network of more than 150 crisis centers nationwide •Available 24/7 http://www.suicidepr...CFQFN4AodHQp--A Don't wait. Don't think about it. Don't say there is no hope. Don't give up. Call NOW!!!! I can't go to a crisis center, if it's just calling i'm ok with that....i have too much i have to do, i'm going to be going back to school in september...i was just expressing my feelings, not necessarily what i will do. Just sort of venting...All the other forums or places are bound to have some sort of christian or another so i really can't vent to them. Like i said to Margee it just felt good to get it out. I'm still waiting to go to a therapist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I can't go to a crisis center, if it's just calling i'm ok with that....i have too much i have to do, i'm going to be going back to school in september...i was just expressing my feelings, not necessarily what i will do. Just sort of venting...All the other forums or places are bound to have some sort of christian or another so i really can't vent to them. Like i said to Margee it just felt good to get it out. I'm still waiting to go to a therapist Okay, then I feel better. But if you ever do get to the point when you are seriously considering ending your life, keep that number handy, okay???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted August 18, 2011 Moderator Share Posted August 18, 2011 dude, I'm gonna put you over my knee and spank you soon! That looked like a suicide note and scared me to death! And it looks like Overcame assumed the same thing. Maybe when you post something of this nature, you could let us know more of 'the story' behind the meaning of the post. Then we woudn't worry about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 dude, I'm gonna put you over my knee and spank you soon! That looked like a suicide note and scared me to death! And it looks like Overcame assumed the same thing. Maybe when you post something of this nature, you could let us know more of 'the story' behind the meaning of the post. Then we woudn't worry about you. Yes, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Falloutdude Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 dude, I'm gonna put you over my knee and spank you soon! That looked like a suicide note and scared me to death! And it looks like Overcame assumed the same thing. Maybe when you post something of this nature, you could let us know more of 'the story' behind the meaning of the post. Then we woudn't worry about you. I'm sorry I really think people didn't care that much anymore/fed up with me anyways It kind of was and it wasn't. In that I was feeling suicidal and at the end of my wits, but it wasn't a last letter sort of thing. I don't think i'd say anything i was really going to do it because people of course would just tell me not to. I'd probably just say good bye and that's about it This is was how i was feeling at the time. These feelings come and go though, well they don't really go away anymore, they just get less intense. I've dealt with feeling suicidal since i was about 14-15, probably always will and even though i'm a bit angry for that, i can't do anything about it, and to be honest i do have these feelings of wanting to kill myself. Still do, however they're not so something i can really act on, or will. More like just...fantasies, fantasies of peace in death, you know? Probably don't what i'm talking about, but that's what i meant. Also part of it was feeling like i should just cut my losses and go back to christianity, so i could at least feel like i had some stability, and i'd just try to make the best of it. Thus the part about god's sword at my throat and having to cope. Honestly i don't want to live right now, but i don't really have a choice. I must endure for my family and a few friends. Once they are gone? Well don't know what would happen then. I'd probably be too much of a coward to do it, but i still long for death sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted August 19, 2011 Moderator Share Posted August 19, 2011 dude, I'm gonna put you over my knee and spank you soon! That looked like a suicide note and scared me to death! And it looks like Overcame assumed the same thing. Maybe when you post something of this nature, you could let us know more of 'the story' behind the meaning of the post. Then we woudn't worry about you. I'm sorry I really think people didn't care that much anymore/fed up with me anyways It kind of was and it wasn't. In that I was feeling suicidal and at the end of my wits, but it wasn't a last letter sort of thing. I don't think i'd say anything i was really going to do it because people of course would just tell me not to. I'd probably just say good bye and that's about it This is was how i was feeling at the time. These feelings come and go though, well they don't really go away anymore, they just get less intense. I've dealt with feeling suicidal since i was about 14-15, probably always will and even though i'm a bit angry for that, i can't do anything about it, and to be honest i do have these feelings of wanting to kill myself. Still do, however they're not so something i can really act on, or will. More like just...fantasies, fantasies of peace in death, you know? Probably don't what i'm talking about, but that's what i meant. Also part of it was feeling like i should just cut my losses and go back to christianity, so i could at least feel like i had some stability, and i'd just try to make the best of it. Thus the part about god's sword at my throat and having to cope. Honestly i don't want to live right now, but i don't really have a choice. I must endure for my family and a few friends. Once they are gone? Well don't know what would happen then. I'd probably be too much of a coward to do it, but i still long for death sometimes. Dude, I love ya man! You just scared the shit out of me and I know there is nothing I can do to fix you, goddamn it! I know what it's like to not want to live. I know what it's like to fight this god-dam christianity brainwashing. I know what it's like to not be able to have something you really want. I know what it's like to struggle. I know what it's like to be depressed. I am a VERY sensitive personality like you. Lots of times in my life, I thought people didn't accept me or like me because I was always questioning everything. I also know what it's like to face the fact that I might be one of those people who has to make peace somehow, with all these emotions and try to understand that they are part of me. I have learned that it's only a short life and I need to make the best of it. I have asked god to forgive me for being a non-believer and I have to trust that IF there was a loving, kind god - he knows my heart and the struggle I have been through. I found this website called 'Beating the Beast'. It looks very much like EX-c. Only, it's for depression, anxiety, relationships, OCD, ADD, addictions, eating disorders, self harm and suicidal thoughts. You may want to check it out my dear friend. It's a support forum, just like this. I looked it over - it looks pretty good. Looks pretty busy with a lot of people helping each other. You know I care.......................Big hug for you today http://www.beatingth...dex.php?act=idx 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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