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What Inspired My "story"


notaxtian
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Ray Garton posted on Beliefnet.com a few years ago and his posts inspired me to tell my "story". I REALLY wanted to tell someone about it, but I just couldn't find the right words. Although our experiences differ, I understand completely what he is saying. If anyone is interested, visit the website and go to "discuss seventh day adventism" and you will find his story. You may have to search for earlier posts though.

Now that you know why I'm here, I will tell you the reason why I wrote it. After reading Ray Garton's story several times(before I registered)I decided to post mine here, no matter how "simple" it may sound. My experience with adventism was uncomfortable, to the point that I started to think that everything I did was sinful. I began disliking God and all things adventist/christian. I just wanted to enjoy life and not worry about the End Times. There were times that I was angry and began putting pressure on myself to believe in God no matter what I was going through in my personal life.

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I can understand that pressure. In every turn of my life there was never a shortage of people there to point out to me that I was sinning in some way. I found myself pushing thirty and having never kissed a boy. I was incredibly lonely and sad. I was told countless times that I had made men and marriage an idol in my life and that I needed to change my focus. I put all my energy into my job for several years, working 80 hour weeks and working 40 hours straight. Then, someone told me I had made my work my idol and that I needed to change my focus. I decided to take the fruits of my labor and buy a house. bought an older home. It needed a lot of work, so I cut back my hours at work and spent a majority of my time working on my house. 2 years later it's worth 25% more than I paid for it. But of course, someone was there to tell me that was my idol too. I was broken, and I felt that anything I did was going to be sinful in the eyes of god. I felt so ashamed of every aspect of my life. I became suicidal under the pressure. Every prayer and plea for god to intervene that came unanswered strengthened my doubt, which reinforced my guilt. I tried harder and harder to force myself to believe. When I reached my lowest point and was ready to kill myself, I got off my ass and sought help. I can definitely understand the pressure.

 

Also, if you wanted more responses, perhaps a link would work. Generally, people are too lazy to look shit up for themselves.

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Is the Ray Garton who wrote the testimonial in the linked post, the same one who wrote this (and other works of fiction)?

 

41xFjsZGBuL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

 

His testimonial that you linked tells a chilling tale, one that I am sure rivals his horror fiction. If that is what you went through, I'm glad you were able to escape it.

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I was told countless times that I had made men and marriage an idol in my life and that I needed to change my focus.

 

That's one of the more destructive weapons that Christian have in their arsenal. I've heard several pastors of different denominations use the "What's the idol in YOUR life?" sermon. I've seen even the more moderate and low key preachers employ it from time to time.

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Is the Ray Garton who wrote the testimonial in the linked post, the same one who wrote this (and other works of fiction)?

 

41xFjsZGBuL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

 

His testimonial that you linked tells a chilling tale, one that I am sure rivals his horror fiction. If that is what you went through, I'm glad you were able to escape it.

Yes, he is the same guy. My experience was nothing like that, thank goodness, but it reminded me of my own struggles in adventism. I haven't read any of his novels. I am not a fan of horror, and I never watched any horror movies or read horror novels when I was little, The official doctrine of adventism was scary enough. I don't remember exactly when I stopped attending church, but it was sometime during college.

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I have two other links to share: My link and My link and as time goes on I plan to add other ones as well. The former has posters discussing his testimonial on horrorbound.com(there is a link on the site) and in the latter he discusses his background in greater detail.

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