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Goodbye Jesus

Deconversion And The Arts


openpalm45

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I wanted to talk about music that has spoken to us during/after our deconversion, but thought it would be better to talk about the arts in general.

 

Is there anything artistic or expressive which has spoken to you and helped you during/after your deconversion?

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During my deconversion I loved listening to Waste of Paint, by Bright Eyes, specifically the last verse.

Conor Oberst is an atheist, and the way he sang about an absent God, is the exact way that I felt. I found to be incredibly beautiful and encouraging. It still brings me to tears when I hear it.

 

Listen to it. At least the last verse.

 

 

So now I park my car down my the cathedral, where floodlights point up at the steeples.

Choir practice was filling up with people. I hear the sound escaping as an echo.

Sloping off the ceiling at an angle. When voices blend they sound like angels.

I hope there is some room still in the middle.

But when I lift my voice up now to reach them. The range is too high, way up in heaven.

So I hold my tongue, forget the song, tie my shoe and start walking off.

And try to just keep moving on, with my broken heart and my absent God

and I have no faith but it is all I want, to be loved and believe in my soul, in my soul...

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A song that I'm certain wasn't written about deconversion, but has meant a lot to me is Linkin Park's "In the End". "God knows" how hard I tried to keep my faith together, but intellect finally won out. The god that I spent years trying to please, hoping to stay out of hell? Turns out - he doesn't even exist.

 

 

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4UdFH9wr10



I've read JMK (the lead singer) wrote this song about his mother Judith, who had severe, debilitating health problems and believed in god, but he did not and couldn't understand why she believed.
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This song probably isn't about deconverting, but Madonna's "Live To Tell" definitely helped me when I was coming out about being gay (surprise, surprise) and it's providing some solace now while I figure out my next move when it comes to telling friends/family/church about my disbelief.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvaId8X4GGY&noredirect=1

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Another thing I thought of. IDK if you can look at Marlene Winell's facebook page, but she has a neat photo album called "Art Exhibit: From Holy to Whole".

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mary Oliver's Poetry.

Mark Twaine's satire (specifically the Wartime Prayer)

And this song:

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"Midnight In Harlem" (Harlem meaning, ''a new movement'' )

 

I re- dedicate this song to 'Brother Jeff' who knew I was struggling and also knew that I loved the 'blues'.

 

Midight In Harlem has become one of my favorite songs and has been a big part in my deconversion and healing. I think of the hold religion has had on me and I ended up putting new meaning to this song............just for me.............

 

Well, I came to the city (EX-c)

I was running from the past

My heart was bleeding

And it hurt my bones to laugh

Stayed in the city ('Fundy town')

No exception to the rules, to the rule (had to stay or die in hell)

He was born to love me (jesus, to die for me?)

I was raised to be his fool, his fool

 

Walk that line, torn apart

Spend your whole life trying.............

 

Ride that train, (Rational brain finally kicks in!) free your heart

It's midnight up in Harlem

 

I went down to the river

And I took a look around

There were old man's shoes (they were my old shoes)

There were needles on the ground

No more mysteries, baby

No more secrets, no more clues

The stars are out there

You can almost see the moon

The streets are windy

And the subway's closing down (lost my faith)

 

Gonna carry this dream (my new dream)

To the other side of town.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7czlanjaObs&feature=player_embedded

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also

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"Midnight In Harlem" (Harlem meaning, ''a new movement'' )

 

I re- dedicate this song to 'Brother Jeff' who knew I was struggling and also knew that I loved the 'blues'.

 

Midight In Harlem has become one of my favorite songs and has been a big part in my deconversion and healing. I think of the hold religion has had on me and I ended up putting new meaning to this song............just for me.............

 

Well, I came to the city (EX-c)

I was running from the past

My heart was bleeding

And it hurt my bones to laugh

Stayed in the city ('Fundy town')

No exception to the rules, to the rule (had to stay or die in hell)

He was born to love me (jesus, to die for me?)

I was raised to be his fool, his fool

 

Walk that line, torn apart

Spend your whole life trying.............

 

Ride that train, (Rational brain finally kicks in!) free your heart

It's midnight up in Harlem

 

I went down to the river

And I took a look around

There were old man's shoes (they were my old shoes)

There were needles on the ground

No more mysteries, baby

No more secrets, no more clues

The stars are out there

You can almost see the moon

The streets are windy

And the subway's closing down (lost my faith)

 

Gonna carry this dream (my new dream)

To the other side of town.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7czlanjaObs&feature=player_embedded

Pretty, I rike it.

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"Midnight In Harlem" (Harlem meaning, ''a new movement'' )

 

I re- dedicate this song to 'Brother Jeff' who knew I was struggling and also knew that I loved the 'blues'.

 

Midight In Harlem has become one of my favorite songs and has been a big part in my deconversion and healing. I think of the hold religion has had on me and I ended up putting new meaning to this song............just for me.............

 

Well, I came to the city (EX-c)

I was running from the past

My heart was bleeding

And it hurt my bones to laugh

Stayed in the city ('Fundy town')

No exception to the rules, to the rule (had to stay or die in hell)

He was born to love me (jesus, to die for me?)

I was raised to be his fool, his fool

 

Walk that line, torn apart

Spend your whole life trying.............

 

Ride that train, (Rational brain finally kicks in!) free your heart

It's midnight up in Harlem

 

I went down to the river

And I took a look around

There were old man's shoes (they were my old shoes)

There were needles on the ground

No more mysteries, baby

No more secrets, no more clues

The stars are out there

You can almost see the moon

The streets are windy

And the subway's closing down (lost my faith)

 

Gonna carry this dream (my new dream)

To the other side of town.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7czlanjaObs&feature=player_embedded

 

Bless the LARD, Sister! Your take on the lyrics to this glorious song has magically caused tears to stream down my face in the Spook of Swaggart:

 

 

Glory!

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After I deconverted I went on an "extreme metal" binge. All the most fucked up, satan worshipping, church burning, baby eating shit that I had been absolutely avoiding for 13 long years, everything from Cannibal Corpse, Celtic Frost, and Deicide to Burzum, Mayhem, and Emperor. It made me laugh my ass off. Satan and his demons, who had been my personal sworn enemies as a bat-shit Pentecostal, the nearly omnipresent and entirely malevolent entities that I conducted spiritual warfare against on a daily basis, were now as ridiculous and fictional as the zombies and demons in the Evil Dead movies. It was so cathartic.

 

These days I'm big into vintage satan rock from back in the late 60s and early 70s, such as Coven, Black Widow, and Lucifer's Friend. Norweigan black metal might have all that screeching and bloodletting, with non-stop blastbeats throughout every 7 minute song, but none of that is as evil sounding as the hippie flute in a fucked up minor key.

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After I deconverted I went on an "extreme metal" binge. All the most fucked up, satan worshipping, church burning, baby eating shit that I had been absolutely avoiding for 13 long years, everything from Cannibal Corpse, Celtic Frost, and Deicide to Burzum, Mayhem, and Emperor. It made me laugh my ass off. Satan and his demons, who had been my personal sworn enemies as a bat-shit Pentecostal, the nearly omnipresent and entirely malevolent entities that I conducted spiritual warfare against on a daily basis, were now as ridiculous and fictional as the zombies and demons in the Evil Dead movies. It was so cathartic.

 

These days I'm big into vintage satan rock from back in the late 60s and early 70s, such as Coven, Black Widow, and Lucifer's Friend. Norweigan black metal might have all that screeching and bloodletting, with non-stop blastbeats throughout every 7 minute song, but none of that is as evil sounding as the hippie flute in a fucked up minor key.

 

My deconversion has been a long one. It took me about 8 years to finally be liberated of all the Pentacostal bull shit. But when I first left the church I did the exact same thing! I had always had an attraction to all things dark and metal but was forbidden by my family and church to go near it. Once I left the church metal was one of my first and most important indulgences/influences. I have to say that it opened my mind to so many things. The opinons and views of the music and artists were so different. It helped me to establish my own beliefs and opinions. I even went to a few concerts...Cradle of Filth, Deicide, Slayer and a few others I can't remember at the moment...

 

Now I am an atheist and dont believe in any gods (obviously) or demons/ghosts or whatever else. I am open to all kinds of music. But I still love metal. A few songs that have really had an influence on me are:

 

Scar Tissue by Kerli...It most likely was written to an ex lover but it helped me.

Her Ghost in the Fog by Cradle of Filth

Angel by Within Temptation

God Has a Plan For Us All by Sara Jezebal Deva

and there are few Marilyn Manson songs that I love. (s)Aint is probably one of my favorites, especially when I get angry with Xtians.

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  • 3 weeks later...

also

I never thought of New Shoes in this way, but I like it. :)

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(Also, Paolo Nutini is a beautiful man.)

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(Also, Paolo Nutini is a beautiful man.)

Hell yeah, girl ;) Glad you like it too! :D

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I think anyone with uber-religious parents could relate. I haven't given them the news yet, but I moved away four years ago, and it's made my life much better. I think telling my parents "I don't believe" will be the hardest thing I've had to do, but this can't continue my entire life. It forces my wife to lie also when we visit, and I can't have my future kids caught up in the web.

 

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/kdvbD3vyMdA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

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I always liked the Beatles but as a Christian I dismissed a lot of Lennon's lyrics as New Age and silly; now I find his lyrics popping into my head more and more.

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