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Typical Fears You Experienced After De-con


joyless
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I have so many fears since my faith is in disarray. One of the bigger ones is that God won't take care of my financial needs. When my ex abandoned us I was told that God was now my husband and would fulfill all my needs. Now every time something breaks I feel that it is God punishing me for not obeying him. A leaflet at church one year had the story of a couple who stopped tithing and all sorts of stuff started breaking until they started again and then he got a raise as God's reward.

 

My other is that the decisions that i am making about career pursuit, partner, other life decisions are just crap because I didn't seek God's will.

 

How did you get over your fears?

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I had a lot of fears while deconverting, but all the fear of god being angry with me went away once I realized I didn't believe he exists. Now my fears are more along the lines of "if god's not there to make life work out, then things might go wrong and I'll be powerless to do anything, and it really sucks that there is no cosmic force of justice".

 

What helped for me was getting therapy and reading Buddhist stuff. The Buddhist attitude is much more about personal responsibility for your own well being than about feeling guilty, and in fact (to mix terms that don't go together) you could almost say that Buddhism sees guilt as sinful because it keeps you trapped in a pity party and prevents you from taking positive actions to change your circumstances. It's nice to see that many people do not view the world and our place in it the same way christians do.

 

Here's some stuff I've read lately that I found useful:

http://viewonbuddhism.org/guilt.html

http://viewonbuddhism.org/self-confidence.html

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I don't know how relevant this will be to you since I'm assuming we're different people and react to things differently.

 

Anyway, what helped me was applying a logical explanation to everything that didn't involve God. For example, shortly before I got with my last girlfriend, I'd prayed about it. I more or less said "God, I know I've been a dick to you, but I have no idea what to do about ________." There was more to it than that, but within 12 hours we were a couple. When I left the faith I wondered about God and his will and all, but then it occurred to me that we would have gotten together irrespective of whether I'd prayed about it: owing to the fact that we both liked each other and we were drinking.

 

Have a guess as to which of those two was more causal.

 

So if you're anything like me, questions like "why did this break?" or "why does God care that I left when there's so much better things he can do with his time?" should help a lot.

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i had really lost most of my emotional attachments to their religion when i deconverted but i still had to get over the whole "what if im wrong" just do as much reserch as you can on the things that scare you in the religion and you will learn their man made things and can be traced to man made concepts.

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I have so many fears since my faith is in disarray. One of the bigger ones is that God won't take care of my financial needs. When my ex abandoned us I was told that God was now my husband and would fulfill all my needs. Now every time something breaks I feel that it is God punishing me for not obeying him. A leaflet at church one year had the story of a couple who stopped tithing and all sorts of stuff started breaking until they started again and then he got a raise as God's reward.

 

The funny thing about that logic (as I once pointed out in another thread) is that if this were true all the starving children around the world, the poverty stricken and the multitudes who can't afford medicine simply need to tithe so they can receive God's blessing. Interesting though, I don't see all that money filling God's bank account since it goes directly to the people asking you for the money.

 

It's the same as saying, "I'll buy you a Christmas present, but only if you give me money". How about you keep your money and put it to a better use. The idea that an all-powerful deity who created the ENTIRE universe would be upset because you didn't drop a twenty in the offering plate on Sunday seems rather silly once you step outside the idea.

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The idea that an all-powerful deity who created the ENTIRE universe would be upset because you didn't drop a twenty in the offering plate on Sunday seems rather silly once you step outside the idea.

Didn't you know? God can do anything but he needs money! And the pastors need some kind of compense for their hard work. It's not easy having the ear of the man upstairs.

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joyless, I have said this on the board before......Everytime I get these types of fears, (and I still get them ) I go back and read the story of Genesis and remember how god formed adam out of the dust of the ground, breathed into his nostrals and made life go into him, then asked him what animal he wanted for a mate........after the debate that the cows or horses wouldn't do, he laid Adam down and cut him open and took one of his ribs (bandaged him for good recovery) and made Eve.

 

Then they go happily to the garden where they fucked up real bad because a talking snake decieved them...............

The whole deck of cards falls for me.........

 

Works every time for me........Wendyshrug.gif

 

It's just life hon...things break......(including relationships!) then you have to collect pop bottles for a short time to make the monthly payments. and then you're rich and back on track again for a while. biggrin.pngJust life........The 'demons' of life!

 

P.S. god is a very abusive type of 'husband' to have - move on and get a nice guy...................

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Didn't you know? God can do anything but he needs money! And the pastors need some kind of compense for their hard work. It's not easy having the ear of the man upstairs.

 

Pro-Tithing.0.jpg

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Didn't you know? God can do anything but he needs money! And the pastors need some kind of compense for their hard work. It's not easy having the ear of the man upstairs.

 

Pro-Tithing.0.jpg

I remember hearing a story about a church in a reasonably poor neighbourhood. They decided they needed a new marble-glazed roof or something and took some obscene amount of money from the congregation over a few months. What absolutely beggared belief for me was that with the money they got they could have been so much more charitable with it but instead they work on making their own place look nicer. And no doubt the fact that they were doing up the church made people more likely to part with their hard-earned. Praise Jebus!

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Christianity, on an intellectual level, fell completely apart over a year ago for me. I no longer believe in God as some entity out there who is waiting for an appropriate time to damn me. Emotionally, though, things still get to me once in a while.

 

I've seen enough bad things happen to Christians that there is no way I can view subscribing to Christianity as a system of belief that will protect me from "real life".

 

I'm not trying to sound trite, but time is a wonderful healer. You'll find yourself with a particular problem in the rear-view mirror, and realize that you didn't "need God" to help you get through it.

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Fears are instilled in Christians like breathing. They are taught to fear instead of thinking for themselves. They are taught to have self doubt, self loathing, and the cults also manipulate and use peoples insecurity's. The Cults believe people are nothing but trash (or dirty rags as they say) without their dogma. They have no problem spreading around the concocted "disease" of dark despair and gloom ready to hand over their ready handy medicine of salvation. Human nature is to believe the worst in our own-selves. To focus on our failures rather then our accomplishments. Churches know this and use this tool and reinforce this already built in belief to keep the people under their power.

 

 

Religion is all "feelings" based, thinking is not allowed or required. It's all blind faith. Every single aspect of it is based on "Feelings" All one must do is give up all thinking, all questioning, all reason, and blindly believe. Anything that goes against the blind belief is taught as Satan's tools, Evil human nature and/or a rebellious spirit against Christ.. et al.

 

The Dogma can not sustain itself on anything BUT fears. They are full of contradictions and impossible goals that no person will ever reach. Because people never reach these impossible goals, they feel guilt, failure, self-loathing, regret, embarrassment, fear and so on. Leaders tell people to never question god.... , but in the same breath turn around and tell them to seek God. A simple question posed, How can one find answers if no questions are allowed? People are forced to put away all questions of doubt hence they can't see the illogical mess they are required to live by to become a 'true' ™ Follower.

 

They tell people to know one's by their fruits, even tho they themselves are full of rotten fruit. They tell people that they are in the world, not part of the world, but yet to go out into the world and preach, even tho you're suppose to not tempt faith by surrounding yourself with anything that isn't of God. Nearly everything is a contradiction, and people leaving the dogma know they are confused, and attribute it to lack of faith, instead of questioning if their faith itself has any sense or truth to it. .

 

In order to maintain control over the people, they use fear. The fear of the rapture, end times, are also tools used to keep the sheep in line. They proudly also call the church sheep, and the sheep wear it as a badge of honor.

 

If you get a flat tire, it's never just life, it's a sign, a punishment, a consequence. The MINDSET pushed is: You are the blame of everything wrong in your life, and anything that goes good, God must be given the glory. Unknowing believers walk a tightrope and attempt to lead perfect lives because of this unreasonable mindset, they do everything within their power to stay on the rope, because they don't want harm to come to them or their family's, then when life happens they are told it's because they sinned some how. (either with thought or deed) Which leads to more negative feelings of never measuring up to 'gods ' impossible standards. Which just starts the cycle all over again.

 

Think about it, If someones in an accident and are rushed to the hospital and saved, God gets 100% of the glory, The Dr's, ambulance, and modern medicine is almost never acknowledged during the 'testimonial'. It is like that in every aspect of their mind-fog.

 

Fears are programed for a reason, thinking people are not sheep. Questioning doctrine or 'doubting' is labeled a sin in the cults world. This keeps people in the cult for fear of their immortal soul and committing sins against god. Sheep are to paralyzed to think about what's not approved, hence they bury their heads in the sand by doing whatever asked of them like the humble servant they are demanded to be. Nothing is questioned, it's just done with a yes my lord, anything you ask my lord. Anything to prove my self worth my lord, anything to save my life my lord. Believers are to busy attempting to be perfect, and to busy to even acknowledge anyone else other then the people that need "SAVING".. near every thought is consumed about if gods happy with them or not.

 

The best way to over come fear, is to face your fears. This is coming from someone who's been diagnosed with Panic Disorder. For me, I reason my way out of my emotions. I don't trust my own emotions because I freak out to much. The Damage that the cult has done to my emotional state will always be a part of who I am. I'm probably always going to think someone I love is going to be hurt or maimed. I'm probably always going to worry and fret the "What If's" There was a time where the Fear controlled my life, there came a time where I just couldn't live that way anymore and I got a handle on my fear. Medication helped it was a long long LONG road, but today I'm off it.

 

I overcame it, it's scary, dark and going against everything I was ever taught, but using reason helped me have my own questions answered. I was raised as an extremist Pentecostal in the Assembly of God Church/school.

 

Start with the small things like, Okay God, I'm here I need to find you. How do I know if the religion I practice is right? If God gave his life to cover all sin, Why is there still sin? Why is Christ not dead? Was the sacrifice really a sacrifice if he only died for 3 days and came back? On the scale of eternity, it doesn't seem like anything. Why is there injustice in the buybull if God is all about 100% about whats right,Justice and love? Why does blind belief trump deeds?

 

Do what the Christians tell you to do. Seek out the "Truth" and "Know" them by their fruits. These two verses gave me drive to "Seek" out god, it also helped me deprogram. Use your own moral compass, If something doesn't smell right on the justice level, there can only be two conclusions. God is not a Just god, or he is just (if he at all exists) and the Buybull story's are Crap. Either way, I personally could never follow a god that didn't have at least my mere human level of Justice.

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Thank you everybody for your replies. Japedo, so glad to hear that you have made huge strides in conquering many of your own fears. Funny that you used the example of a flat tire being a sign of sin because that very thing happened to me! I have lived so long in agonizing belief that I had to abandon all my wits and wait on God to take care of me and that will definitely take time to undo. It is so comforting to know that so many of you have similar feeling and you can relate to exactly what I am talking about. Someone on another thread made an excellent point to me. She said that my husband left while I was trying to be a good Christian girl, so bad things happen even while you "walking with the Lord".

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Not so much fears, but sadness that I will cease to exist, and that my loved ones will cease to exist, and that I don't have millions of years to live, but only a few decades, if that.

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