Guest Babylonian Dream Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I've got rapid cycling bipolar. I was diagnosed while I was still a Christian, but didn't believe I was really bipolar until I actually bothered to understand the diagnosis, which was after deconversion. While deconverting, I religion hopped like crazy. My older brother's joke of me was that I was "a different religion every week". When manic, I wouldn't just study to see if a religion fit me, I'd jump right in with full enthusiasm "I've found the holy truth at last!", and then would crash right back down to "I guess not, better go back to my mom's religion before God sends me to hell". This was part of why deconversion was so hard for me. I find that religion is a destabilizing factor when it came to my bipolar. The reason is that logic helps to keep you're thinking in check, whereas religion as I knew it, was inherently illogical. Now, I'm able to understand my illness from a physical standpoint, which is empowering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 I've got rapid cycling bipolar. I was diagnosed while I was still a Christian, but didn't believe I was really bipolar until I actually bothered to understand the diagnosis, which was after deconversion. While deconverting, I religion hopped like crazy. My older brother's joke of me was that I was "a different religion every week". When manic, I wouldn't just study to see if a religion fit me, I'd jump right in with full enthusiasm "I've found the holy truth at last!", and then would crash right back down to "I guess not, better go back to my mom's religion before God sends me to hell". This was part of why deconversion was so hard for me. I find that religion is a destabilizing factor when it came to my bipolar. The reason is that logic helps to keep you're thinking in check, whereas religion as I knew it, was inherently illogical. Now, I'm able to understand my illness from a physical standpoint, which is empowering. It is empowering, isn't it, just knowing what you're dealing with. Sometimes a little thought enters my head, and it says, "you're not really bipolar". I had it just last night, so I sat down to watch a doco on bipolar, and I sat there, going, "yep, I've done that... and that... and that... I've thought that..." And by the end, like always, I realise that yes, I do have bipolar, and I need to get on with dealing with it again. But accepting it now isn't anywhere near as hard as it once was when I was a fundy, and particularly when I'm not believing in being healed anymore. Managing bipolar is what I can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 This is one of the reasons that I'm glad my bipolar aunt doesn't go to church. Her boyfriend she lives with wants nothing to do with it. She interprets that as "He's mad at God." She still goes on about how God or Jesus helped her with this and that, but the very fact that she isn't going is encouraging. She used to be in what I like to call the "Brainwashing Homes" where all the people from the streets are taken in, barely fed, told they can only be involved with Christian things and work for no pay. She was thrown out of those homes because of her dystonia, ironically. Her house leader didn't want to take her to a doctor when she seized up because she was one of those "faith heals everything" nutters. Now she has a boyfriend who scares her enough that she doesn't go on her rampages, doesn't go to church and isn't encouraged to on a daily basis. That's recovery to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 This is one of the reasons that I'm glad my bipolar aunt doesn't go to church. Her boyfriend she lives with wants nothing to do with it. She interprets that as "He's mad at God." She still goes on about how God or Jesus helped her with this and that, but the very fact that she isn't going is encouraging. She used to be in what I like to call the "Brainwashing Homes" where all the people from the streets are taken in, barely fed, told they can only be involved with Christian things and work for no pay. She was thrown out of those homes because of her dystonia, ironically. Her house leader didn't want to take her to a doctor when she seized up because she was one of those "faith heals everything" nutters. Now she has a boyfriend who scares her enough that she doesn't go on her rampages, doesn't go to church and isn't encouraged to on a daily basis. That's recovery to me. I feel so sorry for your aunt, Conure. I think I remember you talking about those "Brainwashing Homes" before, and they would not have been healthy for her. Is she in a good relationship with her boyfriend? What do you mean by "scares her enough"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 This is one of the reasons that I'm glad my bipolar aunt doesn't go to church. Her boyfriend she lives with wants nothing to do with it. She interprets that as "He's mad at God." She still goes on about how God or Jesus helped her with this and that, but the very fact that she isn't going is encouraging. She used to be in what I like to call the "Brainwashing Homes" where all the people from the streets are taken in, barely fed, told they can only be involved with Christian things and work for no pay. She was thrown out of those homes because of her dystonia, ironically. Her house leader didn't want to take her to a doctor when she seized up because she was one of those "faith heals everything" nutters. Now she has a boyfriend who scares her enough that she doesn't go on her rampages, doesn't go to church and isn't encouraged to on a daily basis. That's recovery to me. I feel so sorry for your aunt, Conure. I think I remember you talking about those "Brainwashing Homes" before, and they would not have been healthy for her. Is she in a good relationship with her boyfriend? What do you mean by "scares her enough"? He has a short temper and can get pretty scary when he's upset. One time he shoved her against a wall. One of the reasons is he's a CNA and he has to deal with this 600 lbs old guy who can make a conversation out of the ingredients on a candy wrapper. So he comes home pretty grumpy to start with. I don't condone any sort of violence, but my aunt is the kind who will start abusing medication and going through an episode where she tells cops she'll chop their head off with a samurai sword. This guy just won't let her talk to him like that and she's intimidated enough that she isn't abusing. As long as they aren't arguing over the typical couples stuff they get along really well. He's the closest thing to a decent man my aunt's ever had. Plus, he likes Star Trek. That's always a plus in my book! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 This is one of the reasons that I'm glad my bipolar aunt doesn't go to church. Her boyfriend she lives with wants nothing to do with it. She interprets that as "He's mad at God." She still goes on about how God or Jesus helped her with this and that, but the very fact that she isn't going is encouraging. She used to be in what I like to call the "Brainwashing Homes" where all the people from the streets are taken in, barely fed, told they can only be involved with Christian things and work for no pay. She was thrown out of those homes because of her dystonia, ironically. Her house leader didn't want to take her to a doctor when she seized up because she was one of those "faith heals everything" nutters. Now she has a boyfriend who scares her enough that she doesn't go on her rampages, doesn't go to church and isn't encouraged to on a daily basis. That's recovery to me. I feel so sorry for your aunt, Conure. I think I remember you talking about those "Brainwashing Homes" before, and they would not have been healthy for her. Is she in a good relationship with her boyfriend? What do you mean by "scares her enough"? He has a short temper and can get pretty scary when he's upset. One time he shoved her against a wall. One of the reasons is he's a CNA and he has to deal with this 600 lbs old guy who can make a conversation out of the ingredients on a candy wrapper. So he comes home pretty grumpy to start with. I don't condone any sort of violence, but my aunt is the kind who will start abusing medication and going through an episode where she tells cops she'll chop their head off with a samurai sword. This guy just won't let her talk to him like that and she's intimidated enough that she isn't abusing. As long as they aren't arguing over the typical couples stuff they get along really well. He's the closest thing to a decent man my aunt's ever had. Plus, he likes Star Trek. That's always a plus in my book! Whatever works, I guess LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Babylonian Dream Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Yeah, it can be hard to accept that you have an illness, especially when its how you are and you assume everyone else is the same way and just hides it. You were born with bipolar, so you get used to having your moods swing, and assume its how its supposed to be/always will be. It feels great though when you get help, to not have you're moods swing so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted February 18, 2012 Author Share Posted February 18, 2012 Yeah, it can be hard to accept that you have an illness, especially when its how you are and you assume everyone else is the same way and just hides it. You were born with bipolar, so you get used to having your moods swing, and assume its how its supposed to be/always will be. It feels great though when you get help, to not have you're moods swing so much. I was 16 when I felt different. I couldn't quite explain it, I just felt different inside. I tried to tell people, but they all told me it was just part and parcel of being a teenager. So I didn't think about it anymore, I just thought it was me growing up, that it was just who I was. As I became increasingly erratic in my behaviour, I just thought it was normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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