Denyoz Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I just received a visit from two Jehovah's Witnesses. I thought "Goodie, let's have some fun!" But they didn't come to talk, instead they handed me this invitation, smiled and walked away: And on the other side, there's this: Hey! Since when does Jesus have white hair? Ha-ha! He's getting old! He looks more and more like his father. I wonder if his old man passed away... I never could understand this: How can anyone call themselves witnesses to something invisible. When you witness something, you see it. Your testimony only has value if you see it yourself. When you repeat something you heard someone else say, it's called hearsay, and hearsay is not allowed in a court of law. Jehovah's Witnesses are not real witnesses. Their name is a lie, I don't even have to look at what they believe, even if Jehovah was real, there is no first hand witness alive today. When you talk about what you heard other people say, it's called gossiping. So actually, they should be called Jehovah's Gossipers. The same goes for all other christians for that matter. So, should I go to their special event? Ah shit, April 5th, we celebrate my daugher's birthday. Oh well, I guess I was not meant to go... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Pushing some JW buttons can be fun I did it years ago with two of our local witlesses (to be fair, they always were very polite to me, and I pretty much returned the favor. Of course no one knows what would have happened if I had joined their cult ). I trust we all know the bullshitty reasoning "Claim xy is in da wholly babble and it is true [insert some trivia like the sun rising and setting every day], therefore jebus is real!"... sure enough they gave me that statement to play with and tear apart. I grabbed a file I had prepared and told them "Well this is a printout of a book. This book deals with real countries, real events, real (though no longer living) persons. By your own standards, everything in that book must therefore be true." Then I turned that file so that they could read the title and asked "Still think it must be true?" It was a printout of Mein Kampf. The looks on their faces were... interesting. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 It was a printout of Mein Kampf. The looks on their faces were... interesting. Lol, that's good Thurisaz. One point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 I love our laws concerning privacy and trespassing. I have this big 45kg Bull Mastiff. He has this gallop when he hears anyone at the gate and does not bark until he arrives at the gate. I do not have a bell so they have to shout to get our attention. Once the dog has scared the crap out of them, we may pause to glance at them running down the street as the gate is only 4' and he can easily scale it is he wants to, he just has not figured out he can do it yet (whew). The JW's come about 4 times a year on their walkabouts and with the dog they do not even leave brochures. Our friends know to toot their hooter to be escorted in. Been tempted to make a sign like this but it happens so infrequently it is not necessary 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Lol, "My God is dying to meet you. (my signwriter is dyslexic)" that's funny. You're always so good with words LivingLife, I admire that. One point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 "A cult is a religion with no political power." -- Tom Wolfe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 The JW's in my area must be slack- I never get any visits.. Though dad DOES say that our town is the Capitol for Apathy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REBOOT Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 No JW visits for the last 20 years LOL ... They must be planning something 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Lol, "My God is dying to meet you. (my signwriter is dyslexic)" that's funny. You're always so good with words LivingLife, I admire that. One point. Thanks, I had it on my FB profile but then folk went quiet on me. Fortunately even my fundie friends know me for my humour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Gated community for last 12 years. No JWs. Not missing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
older Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 We live in a rural area so canvassing is difficult due to the distance between houses and the many gates and long driveways. But they have been by a few times over the years. I'm actually looking forward to their next visit as I think I'm ready to debate. Some time ago, one of you pointed me to Mark 16:18 where it says that if you believe and you drink poison you will not be hurt. You then suggested that I offer them a bottle of chorine bleach and challenge them to prove their faith. It should be fun to watch them weasel out of that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 We live in a rural area so canvassing is difficult due to the distance between houses and the many gates and long driveways. But they have been by a few times over the years. I'm actually looking forward to their next visit as I think I'm ready to debate. Some time ago, one of you pointed me to Mark 16:18 where it says that if you believe and you drink poison you will not be hurt. You then suggested that I offer them a bottle of chorine bleach and challenge them to prove their faith. It should be fun to watch them weasel out of that. *laughing my ass off* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeCoastie Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 "I'm not going to stand here and talk to somebody who thinks its a flying spaghetti monster..." Uh... You came to the man's house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Never had the pleasure to have JW's come knocking on my door. But I have had visits from Mormons. The problem is that they're so polite, it's really hard to let into them. But, I haven't had a visit in some time, and living in the Deep South, we don't really have much in the way of the "fringe" sects anyway, mostly baptists, methodists, and pentecostals. And they don't come knocking. Too bad, I could really have some fun with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 That guy tore them a new one. Such willful ignorance is sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Holy crap, that is the EXACT same invitation i got handed the other day while skating my local hill. I got into an interesting conversation with him too; only the second conversation i've ever had with a JW and the first time was on the same street. That street must be chock full of gullibles. They must be having some kind of world-wide proselytising push at the moment or something. I thought the same thing when i saw the picture of Jesus. I guess they are trying to market him in a different way, to promote him as more of a father figure, which is weird cos i thought that job was taken. Oh, good on them for trying. As I mentioned in another thread, this guy told me that in 50 years of bible study he had never come across a single contradiction. I just looked at him with incredulous eyes, but he seemed genuine in his ignorance. They are certainly trained well in their pat answers, and at least they don't have to dodge questions about hell cos they don't believe in it. He even had a dig at pentecostals for pushing the hell doctrine. Because of course, their religion is completely loopy compared to our perfectly sane religion. He started talking to me about angels (Nephilim) who came down and mated with humans when one of his accomplices said they had to go, so he said goodbye. I was almost disappointed; I wanted to hear if the angels mated with unicorns also. I agree they are hard to get angry at; they're just so darn friendly you want to take them home and cook them a nice casserole. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Holy crap, that is the EXACT same invitation i got handed the other day while skating my local hill. I agree they are hard to get angry at; they're just so darn friendly you want to take them home and cook them a nice casserole. Happy to hear you got an invitation too! Yeah, you're right about them being so darn friendly, and so extremely polite, and sensual, some are even quite attractive, if they didn't come in pairs, I'd be tempted to grab one, take her in and... start cooking like you said. I don't think I could do what the guy does in the video above. I mean, ahhh, look at the cute asian girl, so innocent and delicate, I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. The other all-knowing one though deserves a kick in the butt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 What do you get when you cross an Atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? . . . . . . . . . . . Someone who knocks at your door for no reason. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 29, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted March 29, 2012 The same flier was stuck in my door only minutes ago (I didn't answer the knock). I had't heard anything from JWs for years, but two weeks ago one of them handed me a Watchtower while at a rest stop during the vacation drive, and now today. I guess headquarters is feeling the economic pinch and has ordered all units to hustle a little harder. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 I guess headquarters is feeling the economic pinch and has ordered all units to hustle a little harder. And with the price of gas going up, now they're inviting us to go to them instead of them coming to us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 This was the joke I was looking for There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning. I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." So I said "Come in and sit down." I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?" He said, "Beats the shit out of me, nobody ever let me in before." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 29, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted March 29, 2012 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This was the joke I was looking for There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning. I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." So I said "Come in and sit down." I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?" He said, "Beats the shit out of me, nobody ever let me in before." That is way funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Ha! There's a scene in "Black Books" (a British comedy from a few years ago about a misanthropic bookstore owner) where Bernard is so eager to avoid doing his taxes he lets missionaries into his house; neither actually knows what to talk about or how to behave, since nobody's ever actually let them talk or visit before. How bizarre this thread is! There's got to be some big push for these guys. This is the exact same pamphlet those missionary ladies wanted to give me while I was watching that "Why I Am No Longer a Christian" series. I was just guessing they were JWs from the Amway vibe they were giving off in their desperate attempt to make me think the invitation was just to "an event" and certainly not a religious thing. I'm amused to see I was right. I didn't take the pamphlet--just the sight of a baby on it made me think "RELIGION ALERT" and get them off my porch. It all happened so fast I realized later they could have been asking me to a daycare open house for all I knew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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