Loosing A Sibling To Pentecostalism

[rain]

Hello Everyone, I have been visiting ex-c for about 5 months now and have found some comfort in reading members extimonies. I have found a certain amount of comfort in knowing that people do come to realize that belief in a god or religious doctrine is not only foolish, but is a total mind fuck.

My story is nowhere as horrific as many here, nevertheless I did go through a period of questioning what I had been indoctrinated to believe as a child while raised in a catholic home. My father never seemed all that interested in going to church, but my mother was quite catholic. When i was somewhere around the age of 10 I really started to question the story of the pearly gates into heaven. I bravely asked one of my favorite nuns at school if the gates really existed up in the sky ? Her answer to me was a resounding yes! Somehow I knew at that very moment it was impossible for gates to be in the sky. At that point religion was pushed to the back burner for me, although i continued to believe there was a god and this belief remained a default belief for many years. I struggled with long deep depressions, thoughts of suicide and anxiety for many years due to some things i had experienced in my life. I prayed to god almost daily asking to bring me out of this darkness, i tried bargaining, praising but there were never any answers or help. As the years went by my beliefs morphed more into what I think many people would term New age. That seemed to comfort me. As time went on I started weening myself off of medications i had been on for years and with more clarity of mind, started to realize that life was what is was, and there was no god to comfort or save me from the unfortunate things that happen in life. I am now somewhere between agnostic and atheist, but to be honest it really doesn't matter to me. I don't need to believe in anything.

My real purpose for visiting ex-C is not because i have struggles with my belief or lack thereof, but because I have lost my one and only sibling to Pentecostalism. She is of the strange variety, speaking in tongues, never cutting her hair, wearing long skirts and well i suppose you know the variety I speak of.

She is a very loving , kind person but at the same time she is not the sister I have known for some 55 years. She suffers with depression and anxiety, and has no friends, i mean real friends, even within her church. Low self esteem and the inability to be assertive without feeling tremendous guilt. I know this about her as we talk frequently and she will share these problems with me. I am there for her, but , it is very difficult to have truly open honest conversations with her without her becoming hurt, or defensive due to her complete indoctrination. I can not be my true self around her because of this, so i feel like our relationship is one of being default sisters.

In some ways you all have become my pseudo siblings, as I am always cheering for you while I read how you get from point "C" to point "A".

I have looked for a forum where people like myself have lost family and friends to fundamentalism but have yet to find one that isn't predominantly christians talking about their own brand of christianity. I would appreciate any help with finding one. Thanks.

[Deva]

Welcome to ex-c rain. You have come to the right place. There are many, many people here who have lost family members to fundamentalism. I can relate very much to your story. I really feel like your sister could have been me. The only difference is that I have gone into Buddhism and not Christian fundamentalism - at any rate I am completely lost to my family. Never mind that it is the only thing that has kept me going the last two years.

 

Your sister has found something that she can belong to. For some personality types, I believe this is literally a life-saving move. Unfortunately this Pentecostalism just feeds into her low self esteem issues. It is comfortable to be proved that you are right. It is incredibly sad that she can't see this.

 

You say she is loving and kind, and that counts for a great deal in this world, despite a person's beliefs. Try to continue to be there for her, although there is this religion barrier that you will not be able to breach until, possibly, one day, the right time comes.

[Margee]

Rain, I am so glad you have joined us! Welcome, fellow Canadian!!. I am sorry that you had to come to Ex-c with this type of news about your sister. You both sound very kind to me. Your story is all too familiar to us. Thank you for sharing it. I know all about the 'brand' of Pentecostalism you are speaking - It was my first introduction to the fundy world many years ago. They just couldn't get Margee to grow her hair down to her feet, change into a dress, take off all the jewery or wash her makeup off.....so I left and went to the 'softer' version of Pentecostal.

 

My only sister and I remained very close during those years, but my sister had no problem telling me that she thought I was out of my mind. She made it quite clear to me not to even try to convert her. I knew she meant business, so I rarely brought up what was going on in church, etc....to her. We continued to have a great relationship, although I secretly prayed for her to 'come to the lord'..

 

Maybe if you are assertive, you might try telling her that you cannot and will not go along with the United Pentecostal doctrine (or any doctrine for thar matter!) and that as long as she dosen't bother you about it...you may be able to have a beautiful relationship regardless of her brainwashing. Let her know you are not one bit open to this.

 

Try to continue to talk about all other things of interest, go shopping together, do the lunches and just know that she is and has been indoctrinated by the fundy world. If she is ever open to hear your points of view... do it with as much love as you can muster up.

 

We are here for you. Post all your concerns and someone will always try to be there to help you out.....me included. Wishing for the very best outcome in this situation.

 

Sincerely, Margee

[rain]

Your sister has found something that she can belong to. For some personality types, I believe this is literally a life-saving move. Unfortunately this Pentecostalism just feeds into her low self esteem issues. It is comfortable to be proved that you are right. It is incredibly sad that she can't see this.

Hi Deva, thank you for the welcome, and it is so true what you said regarding her low self esteem. I have watched it decline over the past few years while hearing my sister struggle with feelings that no one likes her. I try to engage her in looking at her false views of herself, but in her mind she is the one who isn't worthy.

[rain]

My only sister and I remained very close during those years, but my sister had no problem telling me that she thought I was out of my mind. She made it quite clear to me not to even try to convert her. I knew she meant business, so I rarely brought up what was going on in church, etc....to her. We continued to have a great relationship, although I secretly prayed for her to 'come to the lord'..

 

Maybe if you are assertive, you might try telling her that you cannot and will not go along with the United Pentecostal doctrine (or any doctrine for thar matter!) and that as long as she dosen't bother you about it...you may be able to have a beautiful relationship regardless of her brainwashing. Let her know you are not one bit open to this.

 

Hi Margee, thanks for the welcome. I wish I could talk with her about her beliefs, just to get a feeling of why she believes what she does, but any mention , or even enquiry about her church sends her running in the opposite direction from me. She knows that I do not beieve in bible god, so i often wonder if she prays for me???

Another thing that concerns me is the amount of time she spends at church. Four times a week seems like alot of time to me, especially when she says she is always so tired, or doesn't have enough time to do anything. I just really miss her and worry about her.