Undone Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I will probably be able to explain my story more easily as issues arise, as I'm really long winded but currently what I'm curious to know more about is the issue of the influence I have on other people. I quit christianity and left my family and hometown all in one swift move, about two months ago. Since then I've heard that my older sister has flown off the handle and lost her mind because she feels like she never got to do what I'm doing right now. I'm becoming more solid in my knowledge that what I've lived with my whole life was really truly a scam but I have been concerned about causing other people to lose their faith while mine falls apart... I was a leader for a lot of my friends and hosted Bible studies and did everything I could to keep the flame going until my own beliefs died out. I feel like I would be killing a part of themselves if I caused anyone to stop beleiving in something that gives them comfort or hope. I know it's better for me if I move on, but I have no desire to take anyone with me as I feel fail I've failed so many people... how do you deal with this? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Your actions will cause thoughts to arise in their minds, of course. But you do not control how they react to them, or even what they think of you and your actions. They have to deal with their own doubts, just as you did. I doubt your leaving will cause a massive exodus from christianity, but a few people may leave - and you might find that they were doubting before you ever left too. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Don't think you will be anyone's "only reason" for leaving christianity. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I will probably be able to explain my story more easily as issues arise, as I'm really long winded but currently what I'm curious to know more about is the issue of the influence I have on other people. I quit christianity and left my family and hometown all in one swift move, about two months ago. Since then I've heard that my older sister has flown off the handle and lost her mind because she feels like she never got to do what I'm doing right now. I'm becoming more solid in my knowledge that what I've lived with my whole life was really truly a scam but I have been concerned about causing other people to lose their faith while mine falls apart... I was a leader for a lot of my friends and hosted Bible studies and did everything I could to keep the flame going until my own beliefs died out. I feel like I would be killing a part of themselves if I caused anyone to stop beleiving in something that gives them comfort or hope. I know it's better for me if I move on, but I have no desire to take anyone with me as I feel fail I've failed so many people... how do you deal with this? You don't have to actively try to deconvert anybody. However you are not responsible for Christianity's problems. If the religion doesn't make sense that is that fault of the men who invented or shaped Christianity. It has nothing to do with you. Just live your life the way you see fit and relax. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted April 18, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted April 18, 2012 We are all responsible for our own individual choices. Nobody enjoys as crucial and influential a role in the lives of others as they often believe they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 Welcome to the forum, Undone. Good for you for getting away and moving on. You've got to take care of your own health first and foremost. Several years ago (while still believers) we left a cult-like church we'd been heavily involved in and we moved back to our home state. I remember feeling very guilty and realized I had "survivor's guilt". I actually had a dream at the time that I'd been in a train crash w/all of those friends/family from the church and I was one of the only survivors. It's a pretty intense feeling. It is normal for you to feel the way that you do right now. But don't allow that to hold you back from moving on and getting healthy. You can't "save" the people you left behind. They are responsible for themselves, just as you are responsible for yourself. If I were you, I'd cut off contact as much as possible from anyone who is filling you in on all the gory details of what everyone is going through. You can't really help them right now, so subjecting yourself to that is pointless and hurtful to you. If you can, just take a month (at least) to totally hide out so you can get your head together. It is tempting to want to check in and stay caught up on all the news, but try to avoid it if you possibly can. Then I'd suggest you surround yourself w/things that are positive and comforting to you...books, music, movies, new friends. Just focus on taking care of YOU! You deserve it! You've made a very courageous decision. Hugs, 2H 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted April 18, 2012 Moderator Share Posted April 18, 2012 Welcome undone! You haven't failed anyone my new friend. The system of religion... and the christian god myth, failed you. The 'veil' has been lifted from your eyes, but not theirs. They may not questiion things the way we did. They may never. You can let them believe and still stay true to you. Your heart knows the truth for you. Continue to be loving and kind! 2 years ago, I told everyone I was going through 'the dark night of the soul'....they continued to pray for me....a little longer through the months, I told them I have many doubts....they still prayed..... today I say out loud to the few who know about me....''you know I don't really believe that'' and they still continue to pray for me! You can tell them out-rightly or let them see that the god belief is 'fizzling' from your life. I was very angry when I responded to those who constanly questioned me at first. Now, when they question me, i try to stay calm and tell my part of the story (of losing my faith) without disrupting their faith. None of it is easy. We all have to do 'deconverting' our own way. You sound smart to me and I feel that your heart will tell you how to get through this. Best wishes as you go on this new journey. We're here for you! Sincerely, Margee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikirin Posted April 18, 2012 Share Posted April 18, 2012 I'm becoming more solid in my knowledge that what I've lived with my whole life was really truly a scam but I have been concerned about causing other people to lose their faith while mine falls apart... At first I felt guilty for leaving, and that it might cause others to leave. Maybe this was due to a lingering feeling of guilt, like what if i'm wrong? Like, I love my mom, and she's christian and I fear that if she left, she'd no longer be the same person. But other people, I feel they'd be better if they left. Anyway, I don't have those feelings so much anymore, so I think maybe for you also those guilty feelings will recede with time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 no-one should ever be made to feel guilty for their honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted April 19, 2012 Share Posted April 19, 2012 I will probably be able to explain my story more easily as issues arise, as I'm really long winded but currently what I'm curious to know more about is the issue of the influence I have on other people. I quit christianity and left my family and hometown all in one swift move, about two months ago. Since then I've heard that my older sister has flown off the handle and lost her mind because she feels like she never got to do what I'm doing right now. I'm becoming more solid in my knowledge that what I've lived with my whole life was really truly a scam but I have been concerned about causing other people to lose their faith while mine falls apart... I was a leader for a lot of my friends and hosted Bible studies and did everything I could to keep the flame going until my own beliefs died out. I feel like I would be killing a part of themselves if I caused anyone to stop beleiving in something that gives them comfort or hope. I know it's better for me if I move on, but I have no desire to take anyone with me as I feel fail I've failed so many people... how do you deal with this? I've struggled with this as well, worrying if I told someone I didn't believe anymore that they would start to question their own beliefs and then wouldn't be able to "handle it" if they started to doubt god and their faith fell apart. Sort of like a Matrix, blue pill/red pill situation, or even coming out as gay after being closeted--you have to a certain level of preparedness to do it (Obviously people can't magically "convert" to being gay, but it can cause others to reevaluate their own sexuality). I think it comes down to what others have said, that you can't really control others reactions, be they good or bad, to your deconversion. You probably can't pinpoint one particular reason why you left Christianity. It was probably a combination of things. And for anyone else in your life who may deconvert, the same thing will most likely be true as well. Hope my rambling made sense:). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Llwellyn Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Your sister is jealous, and she does not have anyone to blame for her shackles but herself. I wish the whole world would deconvert and continue a process of deconversion forever. If Christianity is false, and there are much better alternatives to Christianity, then having an effect on other people should be reason to celebrate rather than have regret. Christianity -- which teaches that there is hatred in the heart of God -- is a wicked religion and should be driven out of the hearts and minds of humans. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Your sister is jealous, and she does not have anyone to blame for her shackles but herself. I wish the whole world would deconvert and continue a process of deconversion forever. If Christianity is false, and there are much better alternatives to Christianity, then having an effect on other people should be reason to celebrate rather than have regret. Christianity -- which teaches that there is hatred in the heart of God -- is a wicked religion and should be driven out of the hearts and minds of humans. Hatred at the heart of god. Wow, never really put it together in that way. Ick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voice Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Thinking this way can immobilize you. It's like others here have said, you need to do what you need to do. We all make ripples behind us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts