spherr Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 I have been here for about a month, and I decided its time for me to finally share my extimony. Well, here it goes…. My name is Shawn and I have recently deconverted. For my whole life, I have attended the same small, rural church. My family has attended there, including 3 of my 4 grandparents. When I grew up, my church was great and I enjoyed going for the social interaction I had with others. My pastor was great, and she felt like another family member. You could tell she really cared about all the members of the church. She was at my church from when I was 6 until I was about 16. She was the reason I ended up coming to become a Christian, becoming baptized, and officially joining the church as a member. As I was starting high school, I realized I was attracted to guys. As being a Christian, I always heard that being gay is unnatural and a sin. I put my feelings in denial and tried to ignore the attractions I had. I even had a girlfriend. It felt so unnatural, but I worked through it. Looking back, it felt more like a really close friend than a girlfriend. When she went off to college, we broke up and I actually felt relieved. Back in the summer of 2008, I attended a camp meeting. They had a speaker, who encouraged us to rededicate our lives to Christ. I did and that meeting and I lived my life out for Jesus. I started reading devotionals every day, and joined a Christian forum. On that site, I met a guy for said he was gay and also a Christian. I thought, “How could that be possible?” He helped to explain to met that its ok to be gay and its natural. A month after that, I met another guy on this forum who was also dealing with same sex attractions. We both helped each other to accept that we are gay. I ended up coming out to my parents 3 months after that. Although it was a little rough at first, they have come around and completely accepting of me. Now how did I get to my point of being deconverted? Well, accepting being gay knocked out a HUGE part of my faith. I did try to accept parts of Christianity. It’s hard though when parts of that religion are condemning me for a natural part of me. Remember how I mentioned how my previous pastor helped lead me to the Christian faith? My current pastor has done the opposite, pushing me further and further away from the church. I couldn’t stand how negative he was, saying how the world is gonna end cause we are “turning away from Christ” His homophobic comments recently really began to get me upset. He was all condemning of gay marriage, yet he never admitted he was previously married (and it’s so obvious he was!) I couldn’t understand how a leader of the church could be filled so much with hate and so full of secrets. He got me to reading more secular books, and that started my deconversion process this past year. The final piece of the puzzle happened this Easter. While I was sitting at the sunrise service, I was listening to the sermon and I said to myself, “I don’t believe this anymore” I then heard how each of us should bring one person to God this year, and to me, it just sounded like trying to convert people to the faith. Since then, I have felt free and life makes more sense to me. I’m still stuck going to my church though, and now starting next month I’m in charge of the audio system. That is just what I want to do when I want to leave for good. I guess one good thing out of it is I be by myself up in the balcony. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Welcome, spherr! Wow, what a story. I am so glad you have come out to yourself at a relatively young age. I am so glad you are finding peace! ...accepting being gay knocked out a HUGE part of my faith. I did try to accept parts of Christianity. It’s hard though when parts of that religion are condemning me for a natural part of me. This was a major sticking point for me, too. I'm straight, but I was so confused by the hate in the Christian church. I was also confused by the church saying that being gay is a choice, a notion that I found utterly absurd. I was confused by what the Bible said about being gay or lesbian; if God hated them so much, why did he make them that way? So for me, also, a huge part of my faith was destroyed through this issue. I am pleased to report that I am finally living a life of peace. Some of my closest friends are lesbian. I no longer have to juggle hatred in one hand and love in the other; I no longer have a war inside my head. One of the best things about my deconversion is that I can love whoever the hell I want and don't have to feel guilty about having "unsaved" friends. I have actually "come out" to my gay and lesbian friends as an ex-fundy. How's that for a "coming out"? Welcome aboard, spherr. Stick around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 Hello, spherr! Speaking from experience, working in the sound booth can be a step on the way out of the church... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DUG853 Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 I'm so very glad that You're finding Your way to rationality. For me it wasn't an easy path, but, keep working at it and it does get easier in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted April 21, 2012 Author Share Posted April 21, 2012 Hello, spherr! Speaking from experience, working in the sound booth can be a step on the way out of the church... That's good to hear! Its not like I had much of a choice, the guy who did it before is moving area in a couple weeks and I'm the only one who actually knows how to use it. A good amount of my church members don't even know how to use a DVD player, its quite sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Spherr, Very glad to hear you have freed yourself from the dogma of xianity. There is so much going on in this world & all the fundamentalists can bitch about is gay people?? It's insane. You experienced how a judgmental pastor can affect a person. I'm glad that you realized that you could not buy into the harshness of it. Unfortunately my guess is many will probably change their way of thinking to fit the pastor's opinions & proclivities rather than to do what you did & realize it is nonsense. I am so happy to be out of bible religion because, as Positivist mentioned happened to her, I am FREE to accept & love & have compassion on those who the xian church would shun. It feels so good to be free to make my own choices. Funny thing is I never really clicked with the people in my xchurch-cult. I was forced to have relationships with people who I had nothing in common with except "church" & I was forced to exclude people who I would have wanted to be friends with, creative & artistic folk. Being in such a restrictive group is topsy turvy. How great it is that you have gotten your mind free. I know you are still going to church, but at least the pastor doesn't have your mind anymore. Good luck & Yaay for you & all of us who got free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 You experienced how a judgmental pastor can affect a person. I'm glad that you realized that you could not buy into the harshness of it. Unfortunately my guess is many will probably change their way of thinking to fit the pastor's opinions & proclivities rather than to do what you did & realize it is nonsense. It is great to finally be free. My family over the past year has started to believe my pastor is full of crap. In fact, my sister can't stand it there anymore she goes to her best friend's church almost every Sunday. I can't stand my pastor. I think hes so full of BS and its sad that most of the congregation doesn't see right through him. I try to avoid him at church, but its hard to do with an average attendance of 25-30. Someday its gonna come out that I'm gay (and possibly non-believer too) and I'll love to see his shocked face. It would make a big, dramatic exit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 You experienced how a judgmental pastor can affect a person. I'm glad that you realized that you could not buy into the harshness of it. Unfortunately my guess is many will probably change their way of thinking to fit the pastor's opinions & proclivities rather than to do what you did & realize it is nonsense. It is great to finally be free. My family over the past year has started to believe my pastor is full of crap. In fact, my sister can't stand it there anymore she goes to her best friend's church almost every Sunday. I can't stand my pastor. I think hes so full of BS and its sad that most of the congregation doesn't see right through him. I try to avoid him at church, but its hard to do with an average attendance of 25-30. Someday its gonna come out that I'm gay (and possibly non-believer too) and I'll love to see his shocked face. It would make a big, dramatic exit Good to hear your sister sees through him. That should be interesting when you come out...I wonder how your pastor will handle that? You gotta let us know when it happens how it all goes down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mitzer Posted April 22, 2012 Share Posted April 22, 2012 Hello, sperr...welcome and thanks for the extimony! Your story is somewhat like mine, only mine spreads over many years. Up well into my 40's I still wondered in the back of my mind, if this God realy existed, would I be condemned to hell for something I didn't choose? What really helped to open my eyes with religion/the bible/God was the validity of those three things. After honest contemplation and a little research I found...none are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted April 22, 2012 Moderator Share Posted April 22, 2012 It's great to hear that you are finding yourself and being accepted for who you are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted April 22, 2012 Author Share Posted April 22, 2012 Good to hear your sister sees through him. That should be interesting when you come out...I wonder how your pastor will handle that? You gotta let us know when it happens how it all goes down. It probably won't turn out well. He add some anti-gay rant at Sunday School today as I was told by my parents. Too bad I missed it, I was off to the Flyers vs. Penquins playoff game, in which the Flyers won 5-1! My Sunday can be awesome without going to church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Good to hear your sister sees through him. That should be interesting when you come out...I wonder how your pastor will handle that? You gotta let us know when it happens how it all goes down. It probably won't turn out well. He add some anti-gay rant at Sunday School today as I was told by my parents. Just start bringing a boyfriend to help you in the sound booth. Tell the pastor that you are mentoring him Seriously though, I'm happy for you that you have worked through such huge things so young. Congrats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Welcome, thanks for sharing your story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Welcome, spherr! I'm glad you are here and look forward to getting to know you better. Hope you can stick around and make some friends. This is a great place. 2H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Great to hear how you are moving forward, Spherr. Welcome and stick around here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 this is pretty much my story to a T! I came out last year and it all fell apart in the winter. Welcome to ex-c Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted May 3, 2012 Author Share Posted May 3, 2012 Didn't expect any more responses to this! Anyway, thanks everyone for your warm welcome. I plan on staying around for a while. Due to a complicated circumstance, I'm gonna have to still attend church for a while. It will be nice to have somewhere to vent after Sunday mornings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted May 3, 2012 Share Posted May 3, 2012 The final piece of the puzzle happened this Easter. same here. hang in there. you can only be true to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts