TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Why do I keep getting angry at a God that isn't even there? Is it because I want there to be God, but I know there isn't anyone there listening and that fact makes me mad? Or is it because in the back of my mind I might subconciously still think there might be a God and I want him to know how fucking pissed off I am? I just can't figure it out. Whenever I'm reminded of something bad that's happened to me in my life and how "God" didn't protect me, I get FURIOUS and this rage inside of me builds up thinking of "God". It's all just so confusing. Maybe I'm not as deconverted as I thought I was and I still have some work to do. I don't know. One thing I do know: I'm mad as hell at how unfair the world is and all the bullshit I've been through when I'm not a bad person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 And another thing - what's with all this pain and heartache in life? I'm so fucking tired of being in emotional pain all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeCoastie Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I think its a result of being told so often that God listens to your prayers, and "Pray and you shall receive." Maybe your anger is because you feel you were lied to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Same basic line of thinking - why do we allow dead people to continue to make us angry and affect our behaviors? Beats me, but it certainly happens all the time. I've got a book about grief recovery that I think I'll re-read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Anger isn't always just an emotion that springs up out of nowhere. It has causes: disappointment, fear, defensiveness, pain, surprise, etc. Think about a young child who tries to drive Mom's car and ditches it. She'll probably be FURIOUS, but really she was just scared he'd get hurt. I think of anger as an emotion that comes over me when something doesn't go the way I expected or wanted it to go. It's okay to be angry. You are allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, whether it's anger or happiness or sadness. It's also worth a bit of introspection to see if your anger is coming from some other emotion. Maybe you were disappointed that it wasn't true, or hurt that you were lied to (or that you believed the lies, which is what happened to me--how could I have been so STUPID? How could I have alienated so many people, and upset so many people who loved me like that?). Your anger can be a real gift to motivate you to move ahead and learn and grow, so try not to stay in that self-destructive pit forever. But especially if you're fairly new out of the faith, I don't think anger is an unreasonable or unexpected emotion at all to feel. I still get blind fucking furious at the *idea* of the Bible's God, but what I'm really angry at is how believers use that fake deity to prop up their own sense of privilege and to justify bad behavior toward their fellow humans. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikirin Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I'm angry there isn't a god because now I see through every thing. The sense of magic and mystery was like a spice that colored things in an interesting way for me, now it isn't there and I just see through things, I see through people. I've got this general anhedonia going on, bored with music, movies, etc. I'm getting more and more into food though, I was never a real big food enthusiast, now I really look forward to my meals. I'm going to the farmers market later, it's a cornucopia for the senses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 I hear you. I was angriest when I was deconverting. I think anger stems from the dissonance of unmet expectations, and the Bible is full of things to be angry about: the empty promises, the degree of belief and sacrifice required of us....all for a big gaping silence, etc. The Bible also gets us to believe in a just world--that God will balance things out it the end, that God will reward/help me, that God sees my suffering, and that God makes good things come out of bad. I no longer believe any of this, and losing this belief has really helped dissipate my anger. I'm in the drivers seat, so I'd better learn how to drive! Eek! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted April 28, 2012 Moderator Share Posted April 28, 2012 Anger isn't always just an emotion that springs up out of nowhere. It has causes: disappointment, fear, defensiveness, pain, surprise, etc. Think about a young child who tries to drive Mom's car and ditches it. She'll probably be FURIOUS, but really she was just scared he'd get hurt. I think of anger as an emotion that comes over me when something doesn't go the way I expected or wanted it to go. It's okay to be angry. You are allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, whether it's anger or happiness or sadness. It's also worth a bit of introspection to see if your anger is coming from some other emotion. Maybe you were disappointed that it wasn't true, or hurt that you were lied to (or that you believed the lies, which is what happened to me--how could I have been so STUPID? How could I have alienated so many people, and upset so many people who loved me like that?). Your anger can be a real gift to motivate you to move ahead and learn and grow, so try not to stay in that self-destructive pit forever. But especially if you're fairly new out of the faith, I don't think anger is an unreasonable or unexpected emotion at all to feel. I still get blind fucking furious at the *idea* of the Bible's God, but what I'm really angry at is how believers use that fake deity to prop up their own sense of privilege and to justify bad behavior toward their fellow humans. THIS, TotalWreck...I couldn't have said it any better than Akheia........thank you Akheia! Well said! Huge hug for you today my friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 28, 2012 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 I hear you. I was angriest when I was deconverting. I think anger stems from the dissonance of unmet expectations, and the Bible is full of things to be angry about: the empty promises, the degree of belief and sacrifice required of us....all for a big gaping silence, etc. The Bible also gets us to believe in a just world--that God will balance things out it the end, that God will reward/help me, that God sees my suffering, and that God makes good things come out of bad. I no longer believe any of this, and losing this belief has really helped dissipate my anger. I'm in the drivers seat, so I'd better learn how to drive! Eek! That's it exactly! All the empty promises and all that belief just for silence in return, even though the bible says, "Ask and you shall receive". Bullshit! I'm so angry that I was lied to and I guess I also get angry at all the people in the world that keep believing in this bullshit even though they see all the contradictions too (even if they won't admit it). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Why do I keep getting angry at a God that isn't even there? Is it because I want there to be God, but I know there isn't anyone there listening and that fact makes me mad? Or is it because in the back of my mind I might subconciously still think there might be a God and I want him to know how fucking pissed off I am? I just can't figure it out. Whenever I'm reminded of something bad that's happened to me in my life and how "God" didn't protect me, I get FURIOUS and this rage inside of me builds up thinking of "God". There is your answer, inside your question. I get the strong impression that you still think there might be a God. And it's not subconscious, it's conscious. I think you're just like me and Margee. We are not happy atheists. We try but we can't, life is just too unbearable without "Something Other Than This!" We have just realized this a couple days ago. Join us in our quest. We need to find our source. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 There is your answer, inside your question. I get the strong impression that you still think there might be a God. And it's not subconscious, it's conscious. I think you're just like me and Margee. We are not happy atheists. We try but we can't, life is just too unbearable without "Something Other Than This!" We have just realized this a couple days ago. Join us in our quest. We need to find our source. I'm on board! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wester Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Baron D'holbach was asked what he would say to mr. allmighty, the creator of the universe on judgement day. D'holbach replied "How dare you!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbiss76 Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Why do I keep getting angry at a God that isn't even there? Is it because I want there to be God, but I know there isn't anyone there listening and that fact makes me mad? Or is it because in the back of my mind I might subconciously still think there might be a God and I want him to know how fucking pissed off I am? I'm going through this right now too... By habit, I find myself praying sometimes and halfway through I realize that it's silent... No one is there. No one was ever there. I want to believe in God, but I know that Christianity is a lie and the truth in that won't let me go back. It makes me really angry sometimes. I am overwhelmed by emotions at times... I'm happy that I'm out of the fog, but angry at how cold it is out here. A part of me thinks once everything simmers down, I'll find my peace in just pure spirituality. That we are all energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed... Maybe it's a little sappy, but it's what I personally need, and that's all that matters. Maybe when I'm through "deconverting" I'll be happy without anything "higher" than mere human life... No one knows.. I guess my only advice is try to find a peaceful thought in your moment of anger and focus on just that. So I've read, deconversion is a process and we're just going through the steps. Take a deep breath, remember the facts, and try to find your personal peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sybaris Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 One thing I do know: I'm mad as hell at how unfair the world is and all the bullshit I've been through when I'm not a bad person. I would imagine one of those people in the WTC who had to make a choice to jump or burn would gladly trade places with you. It could ALWAYS be worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 I would imagine one of those people in the WTC who had to make a choice to jump or burn would gladly trade places with you. It could ALWAYS be worse. Yes, we all know this. But you're turning the topic in a different direction. Yes, I'm alive, but now my faith has died and it's easier said than done to just get over it and think "it could always be worse". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I'm going through this right now too... By habit, I find myself praying sometimes and halfway through I realize that it's silent... No one is there. No one was ever there. I want to believe in God, but I know that Christianity is a lie and the truth in that won't let me go back. It makes me really angry sometimes. I am overwhelmed by emotions at times... I'm happy that I'm out of the fog, but angry at how cold it is out here. A part of me thinks once everything simmers down, I'll find my peace in just pure spirituality. That we are all energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed... Maybe it's a little sappy, but it's what I personally need, and that's all that matters. Maybe when I'm through "deconverting" I'll be happy without anything "higher" than mere human life... No one knows.. I guess my only advice is try to find a peaceful thought in your moment of anger and focus on just that. So I've read, deconversion is a process and we're just going through the steps. Take a deep breath, remember the facts, and try to find your personal peace. Yes, we have sciencific evidence that everything is made of energy. It's not much, but for me, this is what has replaced my belief in the Christian God. I don't know where I will go from here, but it changes my perception of people and things and I need that. It gives me hope and makes me less depressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 this is julia sweeney letting go of god. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qixXRkCNrtE we all probably have similar emotions at first and then our circumstances dictate the rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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