my testimonie

[willybilly30]

I have wanted to do a testimony for along time but I was afraid I was too different and I would not be accepted but from reading a lot on this forum I see many people with similarities so im not too different.

 

I was born June 16 1975 in Hamilton Alabama

I was raised in the church of Christ I had many questions no one could answer. Why do we have a heavenly father but not a heavenly mother? Why would Jesus have to die on the cross for us? The church also said all other churches were wrong and going to hell. I thought what makes this church the right one? So many questions so few answers. I read the bible and prayed anyway.

My mom would just say these are the mysteries of life god tells us all we need to know in the bible.

Too me god didn’t tell enough but I didn’t say nothing about it.

 

When I was eight my mom found out my dad was sleeping with another woman the deacon’s wife. In addition, guess what the sermon was about when he decided to tell the church.

My mom grabbed me, my sister ran out the door .her, and my dad divorced.

My mom said do not blame your dad we just was not getting along anymore it happens.

 

I had allot of problems as a child. I was born with a deformed face, had a limp, had fluid in my ears. I had surgeries almost ever week and a doctor cleaning my ear with what felt like a knife. My mom made me go to school with bandages around my head. Kids picked on me all the time calling me retard, a girl cause I guess I don’t look manly, said I got ran over by a truck.

I thought why would god do this too me he could have made me normal why am I having to go threw this?

Mom gave me the mysteries of life speech again.

(When I think about this why does it have to be a damn mystery? what does god work for the F.B.I. and he’d have to kill me if he answered my questions?)

I had a few friends in school Seth, Michael and Jim.

I think Michael had a problem with the missing mother too because he said ‘I made one up Meagan I pray to her look I prayed for the wind to blow and its blowing.)

This story gets more interesting later on.

My mom got married again to randy he was very abusive giving me whippings and shoving me around, telling me he was my dad now. I could say a lot more but this topic is not about child abuse.

My sister was the angel everyone loved she never got whooped and never got in trouble she was spoiled. My mom was so protective of me she would not let me go anywhere hardly shit randy grounded me so much I could not anyway.

I hated my family the only one I liked was my grandma shed let me come up their and gripe about how mean randy was. She tried her best to answer my religious questions

She said she did not think people went to hell based on what church they went to but it was more based on what you do in life. She later told me she doubted hell existed. She let me read Jehovah witness stuff, Mormon stuff and other Christian things. She was searching for answers too I think.

I decided maybe that other religions had answers to these so-called mysteries of life. in middle school I decided to start looking.

 

I started reading encyclopedias my mom had and found the moon goddess somehow. I went out side one time and just looked at the moon I started talking to her. And then the sun god I couldn’t look at him very long it would hurt my eyes! I thought these must be the gods in the bible too. I thought their watching over the whole world. In my opinion all religions were talking about the same thing. My dad gave me a whole bunch of books he found plundering in a garbage dump some were on meditation. I meditated a lot and had what I thought were spirit guides an imaginary brother Zachary, a squirrel named squeaky and a girl named Carla. I also talked to dead people.

(im glad my dad didn’t check the books he found in that box! He just knew I liked to read and guess he did not think to look threw them)

 

randy decided we all need to go back to the church of Christ and I started thinking all these beliefs I had was a trick from the devil. Therefore, I was baptized and saved and started reading my bible and preaching to people I was very much brainwashed somehow

People got mad at me. I thought the devil must really got a hold on them my dad started calling me preacher.

 

Randy got tired of church very quickly and decided to start staying home. Then we all decided to. People visited us constantly begging us to come back. I yelled the bible don’t say anything about not wearing shorts why are you adding stuff to gods word!

I haven’t seen them since lol I hated wearing fancy clothes I wanted to wear loose comfortable clothes. In addition, the missing dress codes in the bible made me think the church was ungodly.

 

In high school, I was faced with even more questions. People stumped me good.

Gwen an atheist friend of mine said who made God. I said I do not know.

She said there is no God!

 

Mike an atheist friend said how did Mary have Jesus if she was a virgin.

I said I do not know. He said he was a bastard son of a whore! That is how!

 

These were Seths friends he was an open minded Christian. I was not but deep inside I thought what are the answers? damn I have no answers! More so called mysteries of life?

All I could do was be silent and say I don’t know. It made me feel bad that I didn’t know.

 

I talked to gwen on the phone a lot she had me totally convinced their was no god.

She said there is no proof what so ever that he exists and the bibles the stupidest book ever written.

I started hating god anyway cause he gave me an asshole for a step dad, a bratty sister, a kids at school who constantly reminded me I was an ugly dog not fit to be in this world.

In a fight I yelled there is no god!

 

 

My mom made me read the bible the whole night.

Later on Michael got into Satanism and a friend of his named David

I was interested I thought if god cant help me with my problems maybe satan can.

At school they told me spells and shit and I wrote them in a notebook and on the notbook I drew upside down crosses and satanic symbols. I tried putting curses on randy by stabbing pictures and saying chants. Nothing worked.

I did all kinds of weird shit but that’s another story.

 

A schoolteacher saw my notebook and sent me to the principle. He said hed kick me out of school if I did not give it up and gods going to win and you will end up in hell.

When I told my friend Jim

Jim said Christian is nerds who no body likes.

Funny later he talked me into going to carter church

I was back a Christian was saved and baptized and brainwashed.

We smoked out side and the preacher did not like that. In addition, Seth started going and he was ran off by the preacher for giving a kid a cigarette. Jim was run off for getting in a fight cause he would not be allowed to preach because he was not ready the preacher said.

The preacher got mad when I asked what had Jesus done that made people crucify him?

He said the devils causing you to have such questions and doubts. So I fought my questioning hard damn it was hard.

(The bible is too damn uncompleted its like a book with missing pages! )

Being a Christian was hard I couldn’t stop cussing, smoking, looking a porno mags I got from friends who were old enough to buy them id give them my break money, questioning religion, trying to be Christian around non Christian friends who wanted to have fun. It was an inner conflict I was fighting myself constantly. I prayed to be released but never was. I decided god made me how he wanted me to be case closed! I was shure I was going to hell tho.

I decided to move in with my dad and went to a Pentecostal church with my stepbrother and half sister and their grandma. He was abusive put me down all the time. He also had a question. Why would god put the damn tree in the Garden of Eden god just don’t know what he is doing. Again I was stumped oh the mysteries of life. his wife lisa made me quit going to church cause she heard me on the phone saying they roll on the floor and stuff. (it was weird to me so I made fun of it)

When I moved out I got a computer with internet I decided to look up witchcraft I thought I wonder why its so bad. I fell in love with wicca.

Iv already told about that in this thread

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=4546&hl=

the thing that attracted me to Wicca was it had a God and Goddess (no missing mother) all religions were about the same god, no hell, be yourself, reincarnation you fuck up you get to do it again, it made so much sense to me.

Aeryn_sre a pagan priestess made a statement that forever changed my life. she is my teacher she has changed my life and taught me so much. And unlike jesus my former teacher I can prove she exists!

She said ‘Know yourself and find your truth its all with in you.’

So I asked my self-questions who is god? What is right? What is wrong? What do I believe?

In my newfound path, I had no more questions at least not as many anyway.

I came here to free myself from Christianity and it has really helped. Iv become more strong in saying I don’t believe in the bible, iv found ways to deal with witnesses,

You people are my teachers too iv learned many things I talked about this in this thread

http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=4664&hl=

you make me think and ask my self more questions learning more about myself.

The way I see it is life is a school we learn then when we die we’ve graduated to the next level come back and learn some more. so I feel learning is very important.

But I also learned on here that all this cannot be proven so I don’t have to take my path too seriously. Cause when you get to serious your life is no fun anymore and you have so much to deal with you cant enjoy life.

“to new exchristians: the lions den, general theological issues, science and religion, and exchristian life is a gold mine of information that will help you threw your struggle. Also go to search and put in a topic and search and you will find tons of stuff on it.

also ask questions and make your own topics. These people can answer your questions.

I find it interesting the most people on here that can answer my questions no Christian could answer are exchristians. Seems like sincere followers would’ve known the answers.”

 

It seems like were I live everyone’s in a box called Christianity.

The answers to some of the so called mysteries of life are out side the box but everyones afraid to look. So all they know that exists is inside the box. Its like being born in one room of a house and afraid to see if theirs more to the house. What a sad way to be. Im glad I looked outside the box.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Taphophilia]

Hi Willy,

 

You've gone through a lot in your life. I am so glad you are here and that I got to meet you through the internet.

((HUG))

 

Taph

[willybilly30]

Yea I have I like the saying ‘what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Willy,

 

You've gone through a lot in your life. I am so glad you are here and that I got to meet you through the internet.

((HUG))

 

Taph

[♦ nivek ♦]

Willy,

 

Thanks for posting buds..

 

Frackin' tough life not made easier by those whom you'd suspect were *supposed* to be there to help you through tough times and dark hours.

 

Glad you made it to ExC and here. Not gonna say that hangin around on an interNutt board will make anything *better*, but will say that tons of folks here will be able to discuss, talk to, and help answer questions that you've got.

 

I am sure as I am a tall, gimpy, fat bald son of a bitch that no one will every bother you about the physical problems that bug you. You'll find quite a few of we have similar problems, like you describe, in our lives.

 

You aren't alone.

 

kevinL

[willybilly30]

Im a lot happier now and feel better being myself.

Being an un believer in Christianity and expressing it openly im finding friends who either don’t believe or don’t really care if I believe or not.

[Ouroboros]

Im a lot happier now and feel better being myself.

Being an un believer in Christianity and expressing it openly im finding friends who either don’t believe or don’t really care if I believe or not.

It does give you a feeling of freedom, but also a feeling of responsibility.

 

You probably already start to feel how important it is that you make the right decisions and that you take action in your own life. You can't depend on wishful thinking or that God will help you win on Lotto anymore. It's all up to you. But that feeling is actually quite exhilarating.

[willybilly30]

that is true.

[Metroplex]

God himself says in the bible that the blind and the lame were made BY him...

God is not a very nice god, likes to make people suffer... for kicks.

You are a true champion, and have gone through so much.

Better to be free from a killer god and live in freedom, you made a good choice.

[kevin]

Hi Willy.

I hope you are doing fine and stronger from the trials life has brought you. Your honest questions have kept you searching for answers, and have brought you where you are today. My thoughts are with you.

 

Kevin:

[willybilly30]

Life has its ups and downs im ok.

 

 

 

 

quote name='kevin' date='Nov 21 2005, 09:58 AM' post='109592']

Hi Willy.

I hope you are doing fine and stronger from the trials life has brought you. Your honest questions have kept you searching for answers, and have brought you where you are today. My thoughts are with you.

 

Kevin: