Caretaker Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 http://www.rapturealert.com/satanicattack.html Anyone remember when Satanic Attacks were like walls turning into big huge portals where demons come out and kidnap you, or like some giant pool monster that reaches for anything that moves? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JPD Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I must disagree. Not the least bit interesting, unless you find the same old bullshit christian dogma to be interesting. I don't anymore. No offense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caretaker Posted November 20, 2005 Author Share Posted November 20, 2005 Or perhaps a demon emerging from a TV set that is displaying static? For some odd reason, I find conspiracy theorist Christians somewhat amusing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JPD Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Anyone remember when Satanic Attacks were like walls turning into big huge portals where demons come out and kidnap you, or like some giant pool monster that reaches for anything that moves? Nope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 http://www.rapturealert.com/satanicattack.html Anyone remember when Satanic Attacks were like walls turning into big huge portals where demons come out and kidnap you, or like some giant pool monster that reaches for anything that moves? Personally, I'd prefer some obvious thing like something coming out of walls or tv's. This every bad thing that happens to you might be satan is just annoying. It's smacks of stupidity and desparation (of course, according to the website, me just typing this is an obvious tactic of satan...xians beware! ). To sum up the webpage though. Anything that happens to you that you think is bad just might be satan out to get you. Satan, like Santa, is always watching and waiting to get you so be super extra paranoid about it. To defend yourself just close your mind as tightly as possible and ignore anything you disagree with or don't understand. If you can close up all your head holes and eat and breath through your ass (remember anything is possible with "god" just remember to not, I repeat not just stick your head up your ass as this is anal sex in the eyes of "god" and is exactly what satan wants you to do) then you'll be in really good shape. Keep the faith (repeat "jesus is god...no, really, he is" non-stop until you die). This will keep you firmly on the path to glory! This is just so screwed up. Shit, Satan can come get me. Too bad he knows that this would then prove the whole myth to be true and I'd rebuke him and get back on the bible-god train. Satan is smart to stay away. "God" also knows coming to get me would prove the myth true and I'd get back on the bible-god train but "god" wants "faith" so I'm Satan's by default. Bible-god is extra smart letting Satan get me by default. Good for you bible-god. Good for you. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Or perhaps a demon emerging from a TV set that is displaying static? For some odd reason, I find conspiracy theorist Christians somewhat amusing... I don't, my dad is one and it's horrible for me...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I think it's a good example of how far the cult will go in order to divide people. If you think that everyone on the other side is out to get you, you're not going to be likely to befriend any of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 Sweet son of Santa - people actually believe this crap! We've all had this one happen! Think for a moment about how many times you've been tempted to do something you knew you shouldn't then started a dialogue with Satan as to whether or not you should do it, in spite of the fact you already knew you shouldn't do it! What the fuck!? How often does this guy have 'a dialogue with Satan'? I seem to remember Satan was the bad guy in the xtian cult... Of course, he prolly means Satan as 'anything that goes against dogma' - ie, 'the 'world', which can be anything from television to co-workers who aren't True Christians™. Sad, really. How to survive a Satanic attack 1. Identify the enemy - Ephesians 6:12: For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 2. Stand firm by dressing in the armour of God - Ephesians 6:11: Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Honestly, this is the same mentality of the Salem witch hunts. "My washing fell off the clothes line! It was the work of the devil! Protect me, Jebus!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 "Satan lured Eve into a debate in the Garden of Eden. Appearing before her in the form of a serpent, he got Eve involved in a dialogue with him then used reason and logic in combination with deception to get her to eat the forbidden fruit" Oh yeah a devil disguised as a talking snake advocating reason and logic certainly is within the realm of reason and logic, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I think I saw something like this on Animal Planet: "When Satan Attacks" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 What the fuck!? How often does this guy have 'a dialogue with Satan'? I seem to remember Satan was the bad guy in the xtian cult... My guess is that he means the cliche' angel on one shoulder and demon on the other bit. However, since I never actually saw any angels or demons, I'm pretty sure that you can't have a conversation with one and be sane at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I especially like this picture from that site... http://www.rapturealert.com/pics/comeuphere.jpg For some reason, it makes me laugh hysterically!!!! I want it as my avatar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I especially like this picture from that site... http://www.rapturealert.com/pics/comeuphere.jpg For some reason, it makes me laugh hysterically!!!! I want it as my avatar! That picture make me think of Aliens and UFOs, and not God... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazy-tiger Posted November 20, 2005 Share Posted November 20, 2005 I especially like this picture from that site... http://www.rapturealert.com/pics/comeuphere.jpg For some reason, it makes me laugh hysterically!!!! I want it as my avatar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Silent One Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I especially like this picture from that site... http://www.rapturealert.com/pics/comeuphere.jpg For some reason, it makes me laugh hysterically!!!! I want it as my avatar! IT'S RAINING PEOPLE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 I especially like this picture from that site... http://www.rapturealert.com/pics/comeuphere.jpg For some reason, it makes me laugh hysterically!!!! I want it as my avatar! That picture make me think of Aliens and UFOs, and not God... Cheesy is what that pic makes me think of. It looks like a clip from a bad 60's low budget sci-fi movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted November 21, 2005 Share Posted November 21, 2005 It looks to me like they're getting sucked into the sun! I always knew Yaweh had a sick sense of humor. "I'm coming, Lord! Hallelujah!" "...say, is it getting hotter or is it just me?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poonis Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Or perhaps a demon emerging from a TV set that is displaying static? For some odd reason, I find conspiracy theorist Christians somewhat amusing... maybe interesting, but this is the very kind of christian I was: fundamentalist evangelical conspiracy theorist. Satan was everywhere. Man, this kind of christian is the worst kind. I'm sorry to say, but if it was 400-500 years ago, I probably would have wielded a pitchfork and helped hunt down the latest witches to be burned. =( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted November 26, 2005 Share Posted November 26, 2005 Or perhaps a demon emerging from a TV set that is displaying static? For some odd reason, I find conspiracy theorist Christians somewhat amusing... maybe interesting, but this is the very kind of christian I was: fundamentalist evangelical conspiracy theorist. Satan was everywhere. Man, this kind of christian is the worst kind. I'm sorry to say, but if it was 400-500 years ago, I probably would have wielded a pitchfork and helped hunt down the latest witches to be burned. =( This brings back memories of "The Spirit of Nicotine", The Spirit of Alcohol", The Spirit of Lust", The Spirit of etc. etc. etc. Everything you are not supposed to do in life, has some demonic spirit coaxing you to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Anton P. Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Or perhaps a demon emerging from a TV set that is displaying static? For some odd reason, I find conspiracy theorist Christians somewhat amusing... maybe interesting, but this is the very kind of christian I was: fundamentalist evangelical conspiracy theorist. Satan was everywhere. Man, this kind of christian is the worst kind. I'm sorry to say, but if it was 400-500 years ago, I probably would have wielded a pitchfork and helped hunt down the latest witches to be burned. =( This brings back memories of "The Spirit of Nicotine", The Spirit of Alcohol", The Spirit of Lust", The Spirit of etc. etc. etc. Everything you are not supposed to do in life, has some demonic spirit coaxing you to do it. What about The Spirit of Hemorrhoids? That could be Satanic, too. Especially after the Devil tempted me to eat the enchillada last night Seriously, I concur that you often find churches that attempt to put an demonic spirit to every vice and issue in life. It really takes away from the core fact that life is full of issues and problems (which is normal) and that it is up to the person to their own talents and abilities in handling life's issues. I think it actually causes a lot of psychological harm to Christians from the perspective that when you deify life's problems (demon of this or that...) you take away personal responsiblity for the cause of a problem and the resolution. For example, smoking is caused by a the demon of nicotine so give it to God and he'll make it go away, rather than smoking is caused by an individual who has a physical and psychological dependence on nictotine and needs to summon their own will to stop or go on the patch. People therefore will misidentify the root cause of a problem, and are unsuccessful in finding a solution with that kind of mindset. My 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 The opening of that website reminded me of the symptoms lists for the tv commercials pushing prescription drugs for minor ailments......with side effects considerably more awkward that the original problem. Do you ever find yourself having a wonderful day when something suddenly comes from out of nowhere to ruin it? Have you ever been betrayed by someone close to you? Have you ever been tempted to do something you knew you shouldn't? Have you ever been made angry by someone for no good reason? Have you ever had your faith in Christ mocked? Have you ever been victimized, either mentally or physically, by someone? Have you ever reasoned that it would be okay to disobey God just once then proceeded to do something you knew you shouldn't with disastrous consequences coming to you as a result? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you have been the victim of a Satanic attack! Do your toes itch? Are you tired at night? Do you find yourself thinking during the day? You may be suffering a Satanic Attack! Christianity is the answer! Warning: Side effects of Christianity may involve, mental confusion, elevated blood pressure, obesity (stupid potlucks......SHOW me a skinny fundie), and paranoia. People using christianity should not attempt to operate heavy intelligence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutal Brian Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 The opening of that website reminded me of the symptoms lists for the tv commercials pushing prescription drugs for minor ailments......with side effects considerably more awkward that the original problem. Do you ever find yourself having a wonderful day when something suddenly comes from out of nowhere to ruin it? Have you ever been betrayed by someone close to you? Have you ever been tempted to do something you knew you shouldn't? Have you ever been made angry by someone for no good reason? Have you ever had your faith in Christ mocked? Have you ever been victimized, either mentally or physically, by someone? Have you ever reasoned that it would be okay to disobey God just once then proceeded to do something you knew you shouldn't with disastrous consequences coming to you as a result? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you have been the victim of a Satanic attack! Do your toes itch? Are you tired at night? Do you find yourself thinking during the day? You may be suffering a Satanic Attack! Christianity is the answer! Warning: Side effects of Christianity may involve, mental confusion, elevated blood pressure, obesity (stupid potlucks......SHOW me a skinny fundie), and paranoia. People using christianity should not attempt to operate heavy intelligence. That has just made my day!! Thanks White Raven.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skankboy Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 OW! I got a paper cut! DAMN YOU SATAN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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