Bible Stories: Up-Close And Personal

[NyxPeregrine]

Christians often spend so much time trying to prove that the bible is true that they forget some of the things it actually says. Sometimes when I'm bored I take the liberty to dramatize a couple verses here and there. So, to all the Christians who believe that the entire bible is literally true...here's how 2 Kings 2:23-25 might have happened.

 

(Warning: slightly graphic)

 

It was a warm summer day in Bethel, and the children were getting restless. Reuel’s chores were done until nightfall, so he was occupying himself with his new slingshot, which he had finished making the previous day. He wasn’t really aiming at anything, but somehow the eight-year-old managed to launch a rock straight towards the line where his mother was hanging up the washing…tearing a hole straight through his father’s new shirt. Cringing, Reuel hoped it would go unnoticed. No such luck.

“Reuel!” his mother barked. She stalked over and snatched the slingshot from his hands. “I warned you about this. Now I’m taking it away. Go find something better to do! I don’t want to see you until nightfall!”

Reuel knew better than to argue. Head down, he turned to leave.

“And take your little brother. I have work to do.” She pushed Cheran towards him.

Cheran was only five—too young to play the fun games that Reuel and his friends liked—stickball, wrestling, and all that. But Reuel grabbed his hand and pulled him away toward the town square. That’s where his friends usually went when they were done working.

His best friend, Joktan, was already there, sitting on the curb throwing rocks at the street. Reuel sat down beside him. “There’s nothing to do,” he moaned. Joktan handed him some stones, but throwing them at nothing quickly got boring. They lay back and stared at the sky. Then Joktan noticed the sun and abruptly sat up, eyes lighting up. “It’s midday!”

“What happens at midday?” Reuel asked.

“I heard Jareth talking to his friends yesterday. At noon they’re all going up the mountain to carve their names in the rocks!”

Jareth was Joktan’s older brother. He was twelve—practically an adult—and they looked up to him immensely. Reuel was excited. “Do you know where they’re meeting?”

“Where the road splits in two, out of town. Quick, we have to run!”

“But…” Reuel scowled. “I’ve got Cheran today.”

“We can take turns carrying him on our backs.”

Reuel agreed. “Let’s go!” He hoisted Cheran up, and they were off.

They made it just in time, joining the back of the group. A lot of kids had heard about the trip—it seemed like half the children in town! Jareth was all the way in front and didn’t notice the three late arrivals. It helped that the girl on his arm was taking up most of his attention. Though Jareth and Telharesha had been bethrothed since infancy, they had only recently discovered that that might not be such a bad thing. Reuel didn’t think he would ever feel that way about Keena, but at least her father was wealthy and could provide a nice dowry.

Joktan had found a couple of their other friends. Naphish was strong, and offered to carry Cheran as they started up the mountain. Tired from running, Reuel gratefully accepted.

Suddenly, the boys up ahead stopped. Reuel craned his neck, trying to see what was happening.

“What is it?” Joktan whispered.

“I’ll be right back,” Reuel said, and started pushing through the crowd to get near the front. Finally he was close enough to see an old man blocking their way. “Who’s that?” he asked the boy next to him.

“That’s the weird old guy who goes around the cities talking about doom,” he replied. “My mom says he’s a prophet. My dad just thinks he’s crazy.”

Reuel’s neighbor, Haran, was in front of them. Turning around, he said, “I think his name’s Elisha.”

Jareth called out, “How’s the world going to end today, baldhead?” His friends laughed. “Cattle-sized hail? Or will the sun fall on us from the sky?”

Elisha turned and started hobbling up the path. The boys jeered, “Baldhead, go on up, baldhead! Go on up!”

Slamming his staff into the ground, the prophet turned and screamed at them, “I curse you all! In the name of the LORD!”

“Your hexes don’t frighten us, old man,” Jareth told him. But Reuel wasn’t so sure. He’d seen the look of pure hatred in Elisha’s eyes. Turning away, he started back through the group. He had to find Cheran and Joktan and get out of here. Every time he thought about the old man’s eyes he wanted to be sick.

Then he heard the first scream. His heart started pounding. “What’s happening? What is it!?” Chaos was erupting. Nobody answered him…but then he saw them. Two gigantic bears had come out from the woods and were attacking the children. Everyone was pushing against each other, trying to get away, but the creatures were huge and fast. Claws as sharp as swords cut easily through limbs. Blood sprayed through the air and fell like rain.

Reuel couldn’t think. “Move!” someone screamed at him, but his body was lead. Then he saw Naphish, deep scratches across his forehead, running past him. “Where’s Cheran? Where is he?”

Terror contorted Naphish’s face. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Then he was gone in the crowd.

The next few minutes seemed like hours. Everything was pandemonium and death. Someone shoved Reuel and he slipped in blood and fell to the ground. Growls and screaming, clothes ripping, heavy stomping getting closer. Reuel stayed very still, pretending to be dead. Something thudded to the ground next to him and Reuel’s eyes snapped open only to see Joktan staring back at him. Except Joktan was missing below the neck.

Reuel swallowed his screams, paralyzed by horror. Then something heavy landed on his legs, and Reuel felt them snap before he blacked out.

When he regained consciousness, it was over. He couldn’t feel anything below his waist. But he had to see if anyone was alive. He pulled himself along with his arms, dragging his useless legs behind him, past mutilated bodies and severed limbs. Jareth and Telharesha were lying in a heap, although beneath the blood Reuel could hardly tell which one was which. But then Jareth’s eyes opened and found Reuel’s. “Please…” he whispered, though Reuel could hardly hear. “This is my fault…please, I want to die.” He was clutching his stomach, and when he let go Reuel saw the deep wounds crisscrossing his torso.

“I’m so sorry,” Jareth murmured. Then he draped his arm over Telharesha’s broken body and joined her in death. Swallowing, Reuel crawled onward.

Finally he found what he was looking for. Underneath the body wearing Joktan’s clothes lay Cheran. He looked peaceful except for the claw marks across his throat. Drained and hopeless, Reuel gathered his little brother into his arms and lay there, crying silently, until the village men found him and carried him away.

 

Death toll: 42. Blessed be the name of Yahweh.

[JoeCoastie]

I wonder how people can read such stories without any empathy for God's victims.

[NeverAgainV]

Horrific Judges 19:1 bible story KJV

 

The gist of the story.....concubine goes to her dad's ...her master is looking for her, master stays at the dad's...they travel & end up somewhere where men bang on the door wanting to have sex/rape a man who was there.

(remember the sodom & gomorrah story where the men wanted to rape the "angels" but instead righteous Lot offered his virgin daughters...as any righteous man would do. NOT)

continuing on....the men do the same as Lot, but they offer the crazed men someone's daughter & the concubine..the men refuse the virgin daughter, so she is saved from being raped. But the concubine is given to the crazed men

to do with her as they seem fit. They left her to be abused & raped all night. In the morning she crawls to the door of the home where "her lord" is staying. Her lord finds the woman (concubine) who was laying outside most of the night until daytime at the door of the house where "her lord" was stay. Finding her laying there her lord demands she get up, she doesn't. (NO SHIT, she's been ABUSED all night!!)

so he does what any righteous person would do & DISMEMBERS HER into 12 pieces & ships them to the tribes of Israel.

 

OK that is just some sick fucking shit!!!!!

Note: there is no mention that what the "lord" did was wrong.

if the bible is god's word then bible god

winks at & has no problem in women being forcibly abused & gang raped

biblegod is a-OK with murdering a woman because she isn't a virgin

biblegod is a-Ok with dismembering a human & it doesn't mention if the concubine was dead or alive when she was dismembered

biblegod is a-OK with sending the body parts of another human being across the country

biblegod is a-OK with rape, murder, abuse & the dismembering of human beings

It's sick sick sick....one of the the many reasons I no longer believe the bible is any word of "god" bible god is a sick mother fucker & anyone who believes the bible

is the "good book" has completely deceived themselves.

 

I HATE that bible story....oh, now that I'm thinking about it.....what about the verse that says "happy is he & he rejoices who dashes his children against the rocks/stone"

on & ON it goes with the fucked up bible stories.

I am so so so glad I have gotten free of the bible being god's words. It can't be the words of any good & righteous god, no fucking way!

 

I just feel so strongly & I was very pissed off today thinking about the bible cult. another bible cult leader has started a new church...he left his old gig because they people had

been sucked dry over the years & several had begun to question him & his teachings. so off he goes & starts another fucking "church" of hell....more people to destroy, fuck over & steal $$$$ from....

all in gawd's name of course. So I was stewing & cussing over it while I was cleaning up tonight. hubby thought I was crazy..but fucking hell I am so sick of those bastards!

thanks for letting me rant

[NyxPeregrine]

Oddly, within days of my writing this story, one of my Facebook friends shared this lovely "Christian meme":

 

 

 

Fifteen people liked it. Sick.

[NeverAgainV]

WTF???

[Rando]

I have a vivid memory of my fundy Uncle giving my six-year old head a haircut. I made some sort of joke about my dad not needing a haircut, because he was bald. Uncle then told me the above story about the bald prophet and da bears. Even then I thought, all the other stuff going on, and god is this pissed about some kids teasing an old man?

A couple years ago I recounted that story to my parents, sister, and her family. None of them (except Dad) even believed it was in the bible- I had to prove it to them, all life-long church going christians.

Dad wears a hairpeice now, so I can't test the scriptures and see if the bears come out, but I did end up loosing a lot of my hair.....genitic or payback.....???

[Jose]

This is amazing. Have you done any other verses?

[greylight]

Wow, great story. It humanized the people and shows how awful to his children the god of the bible is. For those interested, I found this list of atrocities of the bible. http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/donald_morgan/atrocity.html

[SilentLoner]

OP, I was wondering it if would be okay to post your story in reply to someone? I'll gladly reference you.

[NeverAgainV]

Wow, great story. It humanized the people and shows how awful to his children the god of the bible is. For those interested, I found this list of atrocities of the bible. http://www.infidels....n/atrocity.html

Hey thanks for the link!! I'm going to check it our right now.

[SeekMyWayHom]

Dear Nyx: This is fabulous. Not only is it creative, it makes real the monstrosities in the Bible - if only only more people would read with their minds open. Keep writing!

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

 

Oddly, within days of my writing this story, one of my Facebook friends shared this lovely "Christian meme":

 

 

 

Fifteen people liked it. Sick.

 

The image has either been removed from where it was posted or it is broken. What was the image supposed to be? By the way, great OP NyxPeregrine.

[maximumgorilla]

Very cool stuff Nyx.

[owen652]

Horrific Judges 19:1 bible story KJV

 

The gist of the story.....concubine goes to her dad's ...her master is looking for her, master stays at the dad's...they travel & end up somewhere where men bang on the door wanting to have sex/rape a man who was there.

(remember the sodom & gomorrah story where the men wanted to rape the "angels" but instead righteous Lot offered his virgin daughters...as any righteous man would do. NOT)

continuing on....the men do the same as Lot, but they offer the crazed men someone's daughter & the concubine..the men refuse the virgin daughter, so she is saved from being raped. But the concubine is given to the crazed men

to do with her as they seem fit. They left her to be abused & raped all night. In the morning she crawls to the door of the home where "her lord" is staying. Her lord finds the woman (concubine) who was laying outside most of the night until daytime at the door of the house where "her lord" was stay. Finding her laying there her lord demands she get up, she doesn't. (NO SHIT, she's been ABUSED all night!!)

so he does what any righteous person would do & DISMEMBERS HER into 12 pieces & ships them to the tribes of Israel.

 

OK that is just some sick fucking shit!!!!!

Note: there is no mention that what the "lord" did was wrong.

if the bible is god's word then bible god

winks at & has no problem in women being forcibly abused & gang raped

biblegod is a-OK with murdering a woman because she isn't a virgin

biblegod is a-Ok with dismembering a human & it doesn't mention if the concubine was dead or alive when she was dismembered

biblegod is a-OK with sending the body parts of another human being across the country

biblegod is a-OK with rape, murder, abuse & the dismembering of human beings

It's sick sick sick....one of the the many reasons I no longer believe the bible is any word of "god" bible god is a sick mother fucker & anyone who believes the bible

is the "good book" has completely deceived themselves.

 

I HATE that bible story....oh, now that I'm thinking about it.....what about the verse that says "happy is he & he rejoices who dashes his children against the rocks/stone"

on & ON it goes with the fucked up bible stories.

I am so so so glad I have gotten free of the bible being god's words. It can't be the words of any good & righteous god, no fucking way!

 

I just feel so strongly & I was very pissed off today thinking about the bible cult. another bible cult leader has started a new church...he left his old gig because they people had

been sucked dry over the years & several had begun to question him & his teachings. so off he goes & starts another fucking "church" of hell....more people to destroy, fuck over & steal $$$$ from....

all in gawd's name of course. So I was stewing & cussing over it while I was cleaning up tonight. hubby thought I was crazy..but fucking hell I am so sick of those bastards!

thanks for letting me rant

 

I went over to biblegateway.com to check out the actual passage in judges and got the fright of my life - not by the passage itself but by the scary jesus eyes staring at me from the web banner. check it if you dare http://www.biblegate...-30&version=NIV edit: it seems to be gone now

[NeverAgainV]

Horrific Judges 19:1 bible story KJV

 

The gist of the story.....concubine goes to her dad's ...her master is looking for her, master stays at the dad's...they travel & end up somewhere where men bang on the door wanting to have sex/rape a man who was there.

(remember the sodom & gomorrah story where the men wanted to rape the "angels" but instead righteous Lot offered his virgin daughters...as any righteous man would do. NOT)

continuing on....the men do the same as Lot, but they offer the crazed men someone's daughter & the concubine..the men refuse the virgin daughter, so she is saved from being raped. But the concubine is given to the crazed men

to do with her as they seem fit. They left her to be abused & raped all night. In the morning she crawls to the door of the home where "her lord" is staying. Her lord finds the woman (concubine) who was laying outside most of the night until daytime at the door of the house where "her lord" was stay. Finding her laying there her lord demands she get up, she doesn't. (NO SHIT, she's been ABUSED all night!!)

so he does what any righteous person would do & DISMEMBERS HER into 12 pieces & ships them to the tribes of Israel.

 

OK that is just some sick fucking shit!!!!!

Note: there is no mention that what the "lord" did was wrong.

if the bible is god's word then bible god

winks at & has no problem in women being forcibly abused & gang raped

biblegod is a-OK with murdering a woman because she isn't a virgin

biblegod is a-Ok with dismembering a human & it doesn't mention if the concubine was dead or alive when she was dismembered

biblegod is a-OK with sending the body parts of another human being across the country

biblegod is a-OK with rape, murder, abuse & the dismembering of human beings

It's sick sick sick....one of the the many reasons I no longer believe the bible is any word of "god" bible god is a sick mother fucker & anyone who believes the bible

is the "good book" has completely deceived themselves.

 

I HATE that bible story....oh, now that I'm thinking about it.....what about the verse that says "happy is he & he rejoices who dashes his children against the rocks/stone"

on & ON it goes with the fucked up bible stories.

I am so so so glad I have gotten free of the bible being god's words. It can't be the words of any good & righteous god, no fucking way!

 

I just feel so strongly & I was very pissed off today thinking about the bible cult. another bible cult leader has started a new church...he left his old gig because they people had

been sucked dry over the years & several had begun to question him & his teachings. so off he goes & starts another fucking "church" of hell....more people to destroy, fuck over & steal $$$$ from....

all in gawd's name of course. So I was stewing & cussing over it while I was cleaning up tonight. hubby thought I was crazy..but fucking hell I am so sick of those bastards!

thanks for letting me rant

 

I went over to biblegateway.com to check out the actual passage in judges and got the fright of my life - not by the passage itself but by the scary jesus eyes staring at me from the web banner. check it if you dare http://www.biblegate...-30&version=NIV edit: it seems to be gone now

The Jeezus eyes are gone. Thanks for the link still. Messed up stuff for sure in the ole "good book".

[owen652]

interesting that Jerusalem at that time was known as 'Jebus'. Fulfilled prophecy right there.

[NeverAgainV]

interesting that Jerusalem at that time was known as 'Jebus'. Fulfilled prophecy right there.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

It would be interesting if you did another story that was about the victims of the great flood that covered the whole Earth in Genesis.

[kclark]

You should so do an entire book of bible stories (Egypt, wall of Jericho, Noah and the Ark, etc.)

[NyxPeregrine]

Sorry this response is so belated...haven't checked in here in a while. I did one other story about a Canaanite family during the God-ordered massacre, and I'll definitely do some other verses once I can find time between work and school. SilentLoner, if it's still relevant, please do! 

[SilentLoner]