how do I tell my Baptist family I don't believe what they believe anymore?

[Guest Shontel]

I was raised in a Baptist family. I went to a Baptist church as a child. Now that I am an adult and can make my own decisions, I dont believe what I was taught all my life. I dont believe in God, the devil, heaven or hell. I am the type of person that has to have proof that something exists to believe it is true. Even as a child, I knew there was not Santa Claus. I began to ask questions about GOD when I was 12 or 13 yrs old. All my mom could tell me was "you're not suppossed to question God." I went to a baptist church today with my brother's wife. I felt like I was in a cult!!!!! How can I tell my VERY southern VERY Baptist family that I don't believe anymore? Some of my family is Church Of Christ too. I just don't know how to tell them that I just don't believe in GOD. I am new to this site and I'm not sure if I can find my way back here, so if you would like to reply to this message, please email me at:

tnspott03@bellsouth.net

 

Thank you,

Shontel

[Caretaker]

If you desire to remain a welcome part of the family....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

... you don't tell them.

 

 

Unfortunately, something tells me that your family will give you hell if you come out to them for non-belief.

 

Perhaps you should try with subtle hints, such as making scientific (including *GASP* evolution) literature within sight.

[Lanakila]

You don't have to tell your family anything, if you don't want to. They are going to freak out no matter what you say about your lack of faith. I am a former Baptist and am sorry that you have to go through the inevitable rejection when they find out. I can't find a huggy smiley, but welcome.

[qadeshet]

I was raised in a Baptist family. I went to a Baptist church as a child. Now that I am an adult and can make my own decisions, I dont believe what I was taught all my life. I dont believe in God, the devil, heaven or hell. I am the type of person that has to have proof that something exists to believe it is true. Even as a child, I knew there was not Santa Claus. I began to ask questions about GOD when I was 12 or 13 yrs old. All my mom could tell me was "you're not suppossed to question God." I went to a baptist church today with my brother's wife. I felt like I was in a cult!!!!! How can I tell my VERY southern VERY Baptist family that I don't believe anymore? Some of my family is Church Of Christ too. I just don't know how to tell them that I just don't believe in GOD. I am new to this site and I'm not sure if I can find my way back here, so if you would like to reply to this message, please email me at:

tnspott03@bellsouth.net

 

Thank you,

Shontel

 

When I de-converted, I simply quit going to church. I left my old friends behind and moved on. Tell your family the truth, but there is no reason to volunteer information. My girlfriend's family didn't find out my beliefs for ten years. They just never asked me. You can find your way back here if you add exchristian.net to your favorites.

[Taphophilia]

I agree with Khan. I haven't told my family. Though, after five years I think they suspect something.

 

If you do decide to tell them don't do it in an arguement. Pick the right time and expect negative feedback and maybe even a flood of emotions.

 

Educate yourself about the falseness of Christianity so that you can answer their questions.

 

Most important, you will need a support system to help you through this. Don't tell them if you don't have one.

[Max]

Don't know if this is what you wanted to hear, but I'm with the group. I was brought up Baptist, and I've just never told my family I'm not any more. It would upset them greatly, and I can't see any benefit to it.

[nightflight]

I wish my family was xtian so I could piss them off.

[Ouroboros]

I wish my family was xtian so I could piss them off.

That's true family love for ya'!

 

Shontel, you're an adult now, and you should be allowed to make your own decisions and have your own beliefs. It's easy to say, but harder to follow. I know how hard it is to tell the family, especially if you still love and respect them.

 

I haven't told everyone in my family either. Only one brother knows the full truth, and one other knows I'm not a full believer anymore, and the rest have no clue. You have to take it in steps, and feel your way. Don't rush it, and like Tahpo said, you need supporters or friends to replace the ones you will lose. Because you will lose friends and family. Not everyone, but the relationship will be different.

[Checkmate]

Welcome, Shontel.

 

I don’t believe the question is so much HOW to tell anyone you’re no longer Christian. The “how” is really immaterial. For no matter what you say, and when, what you’re really seeking is damage control. You’re looking for a way to mitigate the damage upon breaking the news.

 

Rest assured, how people respond is NOT up to you. You can’t control how well or how irrational people respond. So your best bet is to know beforehand what type of people you’re dealing with.

 

If you’re dealing with level-headed folk, who are the accepting sort – non-judgmental, unconditional love type – then, have no fear. Tell them openly, honestly and as soon as possible. While they may well be disappointed, they at least won’t reject you and treat you as dead, or as a leper.

 

BUT, if you’re dealing with irrational, “either you’re with me, or you’re agin me” Fundy-type folk, then you’re in deep doo-doo. No matter WHAT you say, no matter how you say it, no matter when you say it, THESE people will condemn and judge you.

 

Great fear will sweep them as they grieve your “loss”. If they don’t reject you outright, then they will treat you as if you had a communicable disease (such as AIDS or leprosy). You will become their Number One Prayer request at every church meeting. You will receive endless e-mails and spirit-filled overtures. Your every WORD and MOVE will be subjected to the painful scrutiny of the “righteous”. If you have children, your family will see it as their duty to intervene on your behalf as their spirit guides, since you are obviously under the devil’s control – blinded.

 

All this and MORE will befall you, IF your family and friends are of Fundamentalist stock. And there isn’t much you can do about it. Grin and bear it, or cut them out of your life (if they haven’t ostracized YOU already).

 

There is NOTHING and no way to “cushion the blow” of apostasy. Your ONLY question is “What kind of people am I dealing with?”

 

If rational and level-headed, then tell them without fear.

 

If they are Fundy nutbars, then I’d hide the truth for as long as possible. At least until you move several states away from their influence and their impact upon your life.

 

Fwiw.

 

I hope you can find your way back to this site. I feel that you're going to be in dire need of what encouragement this site can offer. It isn't easy going against the herd instinct ALONE.

[Amethyst]

I have some Baptist relatives, even though my family on that side is mostly Lutheran. I'm an adult and I don't plan on mentioning my deconversion to them anytime soon, but then, I don't have to see them on a regular basis. They are pretty fundy and would flip out and give me the "you are going to hell" speech. I strongly suspect one of their kids, my cousin, doesn't believe anymore, but he probably hasn't told them and I understand why.

 

I remained in the closet to my parents for over a year, but they suspected anyway and said so when I told them. At least my parents are moderates and pretty tolerant of other people, although my stepmom still treats church like milk...she thinks it's "good for you."

[Taphophilia]

Has anyone written to her email address? I think one of the Mods should forward our responses to her.

[Ouroboros]

Has anyone written to her email address? I think one of the Mods should forward our responses to her.

Good idea. I'll do it right now.

 

-edit-

 

Done.

 

-edit-

 

Email denied:

 

Your message did not reach some or all of the intended recipients.

 

Subject: Responses up till now.

Sent: 11/21/2005 3:56 PM

 

The following recipient(s) could not be reached:

 

'tnspott03@bellsouth.net' on 11/21/2005 3:56 PM

554 Denied

[Guest Shontel]

Thank you to all that replied. I think I will keep this to myself for a little while. I don't want to be "damned to hell"!!!!! LOL.

Thanks again!!!!!!

 

Shontel

[Karissa]

I think as Tadphophilia said "Educate yourself about the falseness of Christianity so that you can answer their questions." Also edicate yourself, and figure out first, what you do believe now. A lot of times, Christians think that people who don't believe are awful horrible people that can do no good. I would make sure that YOU know what you think about morals and values and all of that so you can tell your family that you do have some of your own beliefs that make you just as good of a person as them.

 

Also, deal with this before you talk to them- it was hard for me and some of my friends. You have to know they are going to think you are bound for hell, and they are going to say things like "we are praying for you" and "we believe god will reveal himself to you." Just know that is coming, because it is sort of hard to deal with feeling your whole family thinks you are going to hell.

 

Another thing is to be respectful of their practices, but not to participate in them if you truly don't agree. Don't say amen at the end of prayers, and politely refuse to pray at the dinner table. Don't attend church with them when visiting. I am not saying reject THEM, just don't participate in anything you don't agree with. This will help them understand you have made a REAL change in your ideas.

 

And by the way, the Bible does say to question the holy spirit- your mother was wrong. I am sure, also, that she was possibly wrong about a lot of other things the Bible supposedly says. Christians are all fed sermons, and most of them don't bother to go and look it up for themselves or there would be more people in this forum.

 

Best wishes.