openpalm45 Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Do you feel guilty about the people you used to mentor in the church, or the people that you lead to christ? Do they know that you aren't a christian anymore? When I was still a Christian, I went on a mission trip one summer, and was assigned to be a leader over 4 girls. I wont go into the details of the trip, but at the end of the trip the girls all wrote me letters telling me how knowing me had changed their lives, and I had grown their faith, and all of these things that I thought was wonderful at the time. But now I just feel horrible about it. I am friends with these girls on facebook, and they post christian statuses all the time and go on christian events. I havent spoken to them in a long time. Part of me wants to tell them Im not a christian anymore, but part of me doesnt think its my business to talk to them about it, since I am not really in their lives. Do any of you have situations like this? How did you handle it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Just leave em alone. Even if they found out there defenses would go up and they would automatically think you had some kind of defect, they wouldn't even consider something could be wrong with the product. I was over some 6th grade boys a while back. Never got über close with em tho. If they see me again there's no reason to say anything. I'm not out to deconvert anyone; that has to come from within. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 You're probably right, mcdaddy. I just feel really guilty. I dont want them to get sucked into it like I did, and it ruin their potentially wonderful lives. They just graduated. I want them to have a good life ahead of them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I don't remember if I ever mentored someone. I too was given the opportunity to have a group of 4 on a missions trip. However, when I expressed my nervousness over the opportunity, it was taken from me and given to someone else. One thing I learned was never to express doubts again. Perhaps it was a good thing in hindsite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 I was hesitant to lead as well, but was convinced that "God had placed me in their lives." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 You're probably right, mcdaddy. I just feel really guilty. I dont want them to get sucked into it like I did, and it ruin their potentially wonderful lives. They just graduated. I want them to have a good life ahead of them... You could destroy their lives. Just bc you're glad to be out doesn't mean they would. Some are better off with it. I think my wife honestly is better off. She doesn't ever try to convert people. It makes her happy. It's cool. Don't always assume someone will be major fucked up by it. Maybe they are, or will be. But ya never know. It's earth shattering; if they want to know, they'll seek. If they want to stay in the matrix, they won't. It's their life. A long as they aren't douchenozzles like electech's FIL, leave em be, I say. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 You're probably right, mcdaddy. I just feel really guilty. I dont want them to get sucked into it like I did, and it ruin their potentially wonderful lives. They just graduated. I want them to have a good life ahead of them... You could destroy their lives. Just bc you're glad to be out doesn't mean they would. Some are better off with it. I think my wife honestly is better off. She doesn't ever try to convert people. It makes her happy. It's cool. Don't always assume someone will be major fucked up by it. Maybe they are, or will be. But ya never know. It's earth shattering; if they want to know, they'll seek. If they want to stay in the matrix, they won't. It's their life. A long as they aren't douchenozzles like electech's FIL, leave em be, I say. You're right. I just have so many issues with christianity, and even some bitterness because I feel like it stole so much from me, that I forget it can ever be a good thing. Well, sometimes I wonder if it is ever a good thing... But, I know that having deconverted a year ago, I am still in the midst of an uncomfortable, painful existential crisis. A crisis I would have gotten worked out a long time ago, had I never believed in Christianity in the first place but....... Well, I think you're right. Let them be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Re my wife: I cant say she's necessarily BETTER off, but she's not WORSE off for being a xian. She doesn't think too deeply (about many things lol) so she doesn't have dissonance disease. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 Re my wife: I cant say she's necessarily BETTER off, but she's not WORSE off for being a xian. She doesn't think too deeply (about many things lol) so she doesn't have dissonance disease. Yeah, thats kind of how I feel about my mother. We debate sometimes (she knows I am not a christian anymore), but I keep it tame. I actually dont want to deconvert her (bc I dont want to ruin her life...). I just want her to accept my views as valid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 i am in this situation now, as i have mentored the same girls through their 6th and 7th grade year. I am supposed to have one more year left until they are off to 9th grade. i am not sure how to tell people i cannot mentor under a Christian tent. The first two years were hard enough. I was questioning so much and struggled to talk about God with them. : / I still feel qualified to mentor somewhere because I believe in the program. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I feel kinda guilty, but looking back, I did what I thought was right based on the misinformation I had at the time. If I came face to face with someone who was impacted by my faith in the past, I'd probably be inclined to apologize for being a nutter, and then letting them say, "Yeah, that was pretty wild", or "Hmm, funny how things look now, eh?" or "PTFL! I am so glad you led me down the garden path to the Lord!" And then we'd take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voice Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 It's a gift that keeps on giving. I converted most of my extended family, a lot of cousins who all had 4 kids each, who will all be force-fed fundamentalism. Yah I regret it. My cousins are going to be lifers. They'll never come back. Their kids will probably end up like us, fucked up but smart enough to challenge it, and hopefully to overcome. I don't feel guilty so much as I feel for them. Regretful, not guilty. Grey line maybe. But hell yah I regret it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 I can't help but promote what I believe. It's just my nature. I don't normally start conversations, but I'm a natural leader and I've never been one to hide what I believe, so people usually start the conversations with me. I don't have an proactive plan to de-convert my extended family, friends, and people I have mentored/"led to the lord". I do/will however happily engage if anyone opens the door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted May 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted May 26, 2012 I've actually helped a few criminals out of their ruts with the help of Christianity, so I don't feel at all guilty about that. They are better people now. What I feel guilty about is the people that I judged when I was a fundy. I've said some hurtful things in the past, and I hope to make it up to everybody eventually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 You're probably right, mcdaddy. I just feel really guilty. I dont want them to get sucked into it like I did, and it ruin their potentially wonderful lives. They just graduated. I want them to have a good life ahead of them... You could destroy their lives. Just bc you're glad to be out doesn't mean they would. Some are better off with it. I think my wife honestly is better off. She doesn't ever try to convert people. It makes her happy. It's cool. Don't always assume someone will be major fucked up by it. Maybe they are, or will be. But ya never know. It's earth shattering; if they want to know, they'll seek. If they want to stay in the matrix, they won't. It's their life. A long as they aren't douchenozzles like electech's FIL, leave em be, I say. You're right. I just have so many issues with christianity, and even some bitterness because I feel like it stole so much from me, that I forget it can ever be a good thing. Well, sometimes I wonder if it is ever a good thing... But, I know that having deconverted a year ago, I am still in the midst of an uncomfortable, painful existential crisis. A crisis I would have gotten worked out a long time ago, had I never believed in Christianity in the first place but....... Well, I think you're right. Let them be. I think letting them be is best, too. If you'd ever feel like unloading about your existential crisis, I think there are people on here who probably would have some insight, even perhaps experienced something similar, and at least would listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Posted May 27, 2012 Share Posted May 27, 2012 I never converted anyone. I'm shy and I don't like to impose my opinions on people and to me proselytizing always felt awkward. So I never really did. As a Christian I felt very guilty about it. Now I'm glad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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