TrailBlazer Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I hope my friend does not mind me posting this here. Tory and I went to the same church, school, church choir, and had the same core group of friends... But after HS we mostly lost touch- she went to state uni and I went to xian college. Tory was drawn a bit to the party scene and I judged her for it, (yeah it I'm owning up to it: I JUDGED HER! What now??) She's in town visiting this weekend and confessed that she recently admitted to herself that she's no longer a Christian. She talked with me a great deal about her de-conversion. A part of me went out to her 'cause this process absolutely sucks, but another part of me was very glad that she is being honest with herself by taking this path. And I'm quite excited now to have a friend in real life to relate with. We had the most brutally honest conversation; I did not leave a single deep-dark ugly secret hidden and it felt GREAT to get it all out after years of holding it in! I regret that I judged her and others for so long. When I heard Tony tell her story I felt nothing but love for her. It's strange to think that a year ago I would have judged her for "sinning" but now I'm just in awe of her honesty and passion about the things she cares about. She actually messaged our former pastors and a mutual friend of ours to tell them all about her de-conversion; she's got guts! I'm feeling braver about coming out around my friends and family now, because I've been avoiding them for quite a few months. I forgot where I was going with this post, just that I feel inspired and excited to have a friend who understands now; I don't feel like a condemned, crazy atheist freak among my estranged group of judgmental Christian friends. Anyone else have friends in real life that share their experience with leaving the faith? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I only in the past month realized 2 guys I've known quite a long time were ex-C's. We've had very interesting discussions. It's good to know I'm not alone. Only one is somewhat open about it though. I doubt I'll ever fully come out of the closet. Why the need? Nobody would understand or take the time to try, would only be social suicide for most. Being an atheist/ex-C in the South isnt easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I have one in real life - and it's great. He was an acquaintance through one of my hobbies and also friends on f/b. I posted a note http://www.ex-christian.net/blog/150/entry-577-winter-time-blues/ on f/b and the only line anyone even read was about my coming to the conclusion that the angry God of Xtianity doesn't exist. It got a little heated on f/b so we took our conversation to email. We get together and discuss stuff every so often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 Having friends/acquaintances in real life who understand you and agree with your beliefs is important. To quote a great Nickelback song: ..Nobody wants to do it on their own And everyone wants to know they're not alone There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere There's gotta be somebody for me out there I went to church this morning to see Tony again before she left town. She had been corresponding with our pastor this week about her feelings regarding her xian upbringing in the church. Coincidentally the sermon was all about loving people more like Jesus and living more like a true xian instead of going through the motions. All-in-all not a bad sermon, but I'm not about to get on my knees in repentance anytime soon. I am impressed that my old pastor took the time to listen to Tony and to try to correct some of the issues she had pointed out with the church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 I only in the past month realized 2 guys I've known quite a long time were ex-C's. We've had very interesting discussions. It's good to know I'm not alone. Only one is somewhat open about it though. I doubt I'll ever fully come out of the closet. Why the need? Nobody would understand or take the time to try, would only be social suicide for most. Being an atheist/ex-C in the South isnt easy. Hell, just being in the south isn't easy. I was openly vegetarian there and got strange looks from people. Keeping your beliefs to yourself might be a good idea tho if you just don't want to go into it. Personally I enjoy being an open person and feel stifled when I have to censor myself or act fake around people. I see where you're coming from because I don't think I could ever break the news to my ex-pastor grandmother! But its also not fun to keep avoiding friends or beating around the religion bush when someone asks about what I believe now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RankStranger Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I'm lucky in that my wife is an exchristian, and so are both of my brothers. I've run across very few otherwise in 'real life', but it's nice to have a few people around who understand the paradigm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 I think there must be quite a lot of us out there. I have a cousin who is an ex christian and another cousin who was raised like I, but who is an atheist. I don't think she ever bought into it, so I can't really call her an exer, but she was force fed until she was 18. My grandfather was also like this cousin, raised with it, married to an xian, but never bought into it and was an atheist (other side of the family from my cousins, so no influence there). If there are 3 in my relatively small family, there must be tons out there by extrapolation. One of the guys I grew up with in church pretty much thinks it's all bullshit too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser01 Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 It took about a year for me to learn about a freind of mine who was a exchristian, the more open you become about your atheism the more suprised you will be to learn ho many non-belivers are actualy around you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 It took about a year for me to learn about a freind of mine who was a exchristian, the more open you become about your atheism the more suprised you will be to learn ho many non-belivers are actualy around you. Its really freeing to open up about it, I think other people find that relieving too. Since I started opening up somewhat on my FB I've had a few frustrated xians message me about how they're leaving the faith too. All the bashing I get after posting anti-xian stuff seems worthwhile when it somehow helps a few friends out there feel better i think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 That's terrific! I came clean with an ex-christian friend recently. In fact, she had been deconverted for several years, and I was just starting the process, a couple of years back. This is when I heard the term "ex-Christian" for the first time...a tidbit of information that would eventually lead me to this site. Well, we got together for a drink last week and shared why we left the faith. Our reasons were completely different. So interesting! If I feel safe in a group of friends I may admit to being an ex-fundy. I'm a leftist neo-hippy activist/academic......so no one can really wrap their head around my sordid past! Three cheers for those of us who leave the fold! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 4, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 4, 2012 I wish--Working on it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser01 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 It took about a year for me to learn about a freind of mine who was a exchristian, the more open you become about your atheism the more suprised you will be to learn ho many non-belivers are actualy around you. Its really freeing to open up about it, I think other people find that relieving too. Since I started opening up somewhat on my FB I've had a few frustrated xians message me about how they're leaving the faith too. All the bashing I get after posting anti-xian stuff seems worthwhile when it somehow helps a few friends out there feel better i think Eventualy i just stoped carring about hidding it as used to i was petrified of any one knowing but now i almost welcome it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I find with my family me being in the closet has become sort of irrelevant. They know I am definitely not a fundementalist, and I think they just don't care to ask any farther then that. The three friends I told, one didn't care, and one I think just was surpised and was trying to see if I was serious. And one said, "I thought I never see the day." My mom doesn't care and has probably forgotten, and the same with my older brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I never really had friends when I was a christian. So when I started making friends, many of them were either ex-c's. non-christians, or very liberal christians, and didn't care what I was. I've had many conversations about being non-christian over the years, so I guess this isn't so new or surprising to me. What would be surprising would be if one of the kids from the fundie school contacted me again at all. If that person was an ex-c as well, I might faint from shock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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