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Goodbye Jesus

Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers With Crayons And Police Hats.


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I'm writing a lot of stuff out at the moment and not replying enough of it... I just have so much running through my mind since I came here.. (well actually I do all the time lol...) specific things are coming to my mind... and I'm thinking them over. This one is about behavior I experienced in and outside of religion. I make it sound silly, because I'm trying to laugh things off more... I would rather say, "Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers with Crayons and Police Hats" than, "fucking cunts"... both still come from my own hurt in their judgemental vibe... but one is less bitter and hypocritcial.... and all this is behavioral which makes me no better than the next person.


The Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers with Crayons and Police Hats


So, they're feathery because their feathers get ruffled... Sheep dogs because they try and keep others in line... Engineers because they design and construct mechanisms which they use to manipulate and cope... crayons because they have the mental age of an 8 to 12 year old... and police hats because they are the self appointed law enforcement of their own standards... and you are expected to not breech the peace, or you will be cuffed and reprimanded!


edit: I know this is judgemental and hypocritical... but I am trying to find ways of expressing feelings which as bad as they may be.. I don't understand them yet... so I just need to say it first..


It's quite easy to ruffle many peoples feathers by committing the crime of not adhering to their standards and expectations. So many people experienced this kind of parenting, this kind of education, this kind of corporate mind, work environment... rules, laws, regulations... To some extent they serve a purpose. But things in this world are way out of hand with this manipulation (understatement of a fucking millennium)


Which I can't get my head around... Some people have nightmares when they sleep, but relatively speaking, most of the time I feel like I wake up and I'm in the nightmare!. That the world I'm living in is a primary school playground... surrounded by hurt children, bullies, false egos, nations ran by 8 year olds... Don't get me wrong, I'm saying stuff here to paint a picture, I also have gratitude I'm waking up in a bed, with a roof over my head, a shower to get cleaned up, wardrobe with clothes, fridge with food in it, access to clean water and ways of generating the currency to attain things... even things of comfort and luxury, like cigarettes.. So aside from all of that and remaining in it's relative context, this world is a nightmare to wake up to... the more I look around from immediate social levels, to communities, cultures, nations... all the way up is just this manic carnival... looking at it all I'm thinking, "Is this actually fucking happening?"... this is part of the reason I moved to China, for my own way of getting out of it all for a while...... Watching politicians talk, like mindless children in old mens bodies and suits... and people ACTUALLY listening to them???.... but even on the every day type level, I go to bars and clubs with friends here and I can have fun for a time, but then I'm thinking, "Is this the best we can do???"... (I'm currently developing a live set... going to produce music live with all kinds of world instruments and VJ'ing... video with images of space, nature, all sorts of things about life... sample great people talking over the top... having different sections, working with local gyms, yoga trainers, health shops to come and talk about what they're doing..... making music and visuals that take people on a journey, a real experience of senses, sound and visuals, good energy.... Come on!?? that beats standing in a club surrounded by weary people fueling the mechanic functioning they have to do during the week, as they're enslaved in repetative jobs that should be automated...... we need more nights and events about life, creativity... we need to inspire, empower, share with each other and express what we're feeling.... I want to get people who do poetry and spoken word to say something, live artists....

and LOL I'm not talking about a church.... AH fuck... I sound like a wannabe cult leader now.... I better drop this rant fast lol....

Just don't forget to pay me 10% of your salary for the work of Kralek, the Lord of the second earth... who you must obey or you won't get to the second earth... and I will bed your wives on your day of marriage, as well as your first born on their 10th birthdays, thank you, Amen).


FOCK..... Back to tolerating the feathery sheep dog engineers with police hats keeping others inline... the self appointed police force of their own standards or standards they've huddled with others and decided, "These are The standards of life! Obey or we will arrest you with our disapprovement"... Grouping together on a culture level makes them feel even more confident in enforcing them. "We are the knights that say Ni!! Where is your shrubbery!!!"....... Ok what shrubbery? since when is it expected for me to have a shrubbery.. "WHERE IS YOUR SHRUBBERY!!!???"...... Ok, back up there knights who say Ni!... aka Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers with Crayons and Police Hats.


Some sheep dog engineers get their feathers ruffled, make a note of your offense with their crayon and approach you with your breach of the peace. Before that, they will mumble and bitch about you in their heads, as their intolerance grows thinner when they see you committing the crime of not adhering to their standards and structure of values...


Look at that person being unique and different!..... they need a talking to!

What you are saying and doing is ruffling their feathers!... They cannot keep it in any longer! they approach you and say something to you out of the side of their mouth, "You are out of line! can't you see that???? get back in line!"...


Sorry what? Are you actually talking to me? Do you actually think that I am a sheep that you tell to get back into line?... Let me review these offenses I have committed.... hmm... ye, I can't read some of these, did you write this with a crayon?


I don't know how I'll tolerate it in the future like I do now... I don't know what I'm doing :S..... I don't think it's that I'm subserviant... I think it's that I don't give a fuck and most of my life I haven't given a fuck... I've been conditioned to tolerate taking shit from people, to the point that I think I have a sign on my forehead saying, "Punch me in the face, it's ok"..... "Feel free to fart next to me and walk away".... I think that's another characteristic of the Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers with Crayons and Police Hats... when their sirens are switched off, they generally walk around just farting everywhere. Again, this reminds me of the crap that they have had to eat in their life times to have such a bloated bowel, venting their spleen in my immediate environment... Sometimes even while making eye contact with me, with a gentle smile, saying with sincerity, "this is for you"... and starring me down till I accept it... My poker face isn't that good anymore though, I think the reason I tolerate it now is out of false humility and even some false inadequacy that I feel... Perhaps in the future, I will just call them up on what they're saying or just laugh... or I hope I can do that in a loving way, as I would like to be treated myself (as I am just as capable of this nature of behavior as the next person). So I hope I can lovingly confront them with their behavior, as opposed to doing the equivalent of throwing a bucket of water in their face and shouting, "Wake up moron!... You're not a sheep dog, and I'm not a sheep!"...


This shit happens all over the place... in communities, in relationships and all kinds of social situations........ But amongst many other manipulative and strange games people pay with words... on the more covert types of behavior I'm referring to, no one gets called up on it.... Because it's always layered with defense and deflective mechanisms which are constructed to be projected TO something with its judgmental and negatively critical nature, but if reflected BACK it is deflected to some meaning/intention/interpretation of a harmless nature... So if in the event of being confronted, can just deflect it to that... and if confrontation is pursued the feathery sheep dog engineer with a police hat hides their crayons and turns into an innocent golden Labrador panting with a smile.


I need to start and laugh at how fucking stupid some of our behavior is.... some of the meaningless shit we get stressed out about...... The great thing about love, is it's real..... and fear, in most contexts is perceived as the equivalent of a viscious, over powering 4 meter wolf... when it's really just a little defenseless puppy, panting happily and unphazed by this terrified human screaming "Nooooooooo!". I like the idea of loving and laughing our way out of fear, conditioning and indoctrination, instead of it being this wearisome, burdening, dark journey... Kind of feels a bit more like freedom then....

(I recognise that there are many situations where what I'm saying here may appear to be too, "rainbows, sunshine & gum drop trees.."... but... again, a lot of those situations, in light of the love that we can find...... are still no reason to take our freedom away).


I'm just learning how even laughing to myself can make that vale fall to reveal the police hat and crayons... and sometimes it's hard to remember that it's just a hurt kid inside all those mechanisms they're using... But I don't know if I will feel more weary some day from this profoundly sick society, and with the abusive nature of these feathery sheep dog engineers with crayons and police hats, who have suddenly transparently cloaked themselves... Like the comedy "Scary Movie 3" where the killer with the mask is hiding behind the sofa on the phone, and he's giggling with the croaky voice, "hahah you can't see me"... and the girl is standing there on the phone watching his legs poking out of the back of the sofa shuffling around as he's giggling... "ye I can see you by the way...".... I hope I can do something in a loving way (patience, empathy, perspective, compassion, care).


Of course on another extreme, there's also the feathery truncheon wielding Rottweilers who do things more unpleasant than saying shit things to people who have committed the crime of not meeting their standards and expectations. The feathery truncheon wielding Rottweilers are more obvious in their abuse... and if called on their violence and brutality, can't hide as easily behind constructs which deflect back to an unoffensive agenda and intention.


However good their constructs and manipulation, after being violent and abusive or severely manipulative they cannot so easily turn from the truncheon wielding Rottweiler to the innocent Golden Labrador... without people angrily protesting, "Hey! I can see you!!!!"


Unless of course, they're governments and the powers that be who take these manipulative constructs to an artistic league of strategy, like the Hegelian Dialectic. They operate covertly from what stages the Game, which the eyes of everyone else in the world is fixed upon, The Game.. everyone is engaged, transfixed, mesmerised, it has different sides, winners and losers, we win and lose and think that the game is all that life is.... but the game was made and the ones who made it own the game and they don't win or lose... The Game is the performance oriented pantomime of the free world, the majority of the population hypnotically interact with the show, gorging themselves on popcorn, while politicians on puppet strings dance to the tugs of totalitarian tyrants... Under the field where the Game is played, most of the population slave away to fuel the machine... considerable power remains with those sat in the stands... but the show is deadly beautiful and the mesmerising poison in the popcorn keeps seducing them into the bliss of ignorance.... if someone stands to say,

"Rise like Lions after slumber,

in invanquishable number.

shake your chains to earth like dew,

which in sleep had fallen on you.

For ye are many and they are few"

~ Shelley 1819

They are silenced.


Is that what it will take?...... is that the dreams of an idealist..... or is the perception of that being the dream of an idealist coming from a cynic who if you scratch their surface you will find a disappointed idealist. Is it about idealism... realism... it's certainly not about religion... But... fuck it (butt fuck it lol)... if I'm going to focus my energy into something... at the very least it's that we can transition into something better. It's not all doom and gloom... sure it's possible for wars to break out... and I think Einstein got it when he said, "I don't know what weapons will be used in the 3rd world war.... but I know that in the 4th one, sticks and stones will be used"..


I just look at this carnival that's going on... and I don't want to be in it....... maybe I should shave my head and live in a cave...

Then again, what the fuck else is anyone doing... constructing our own realities is the same as hiding in a cave, and scribbling the reality we want to see on the roof of the cave. So I don't want that... which I've definitely got now... I want to step out of constructed realities to look up and see the vastness of outer space... and instead of hiding inside my "I know my shit, I know what's going on" cave while looking at my little paradigms I've sprayed onto the cave roof.... "Come into my cave, let's have a conversation, I'm a Feathery Sheep Dog Engineer with a Police Hat, look what I've drawn with my crayon... let me impose my reality onto you, I'll tell you how you're wrong, my logic is uncontestible, see the constructions of logic I have scribbled with my crayon"...


No thanks... I want to step out of caves... which are a combination of blindness and a hiding place...


Einstein said,

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."


If we're in the cave, "our eyes are closed", we're "as good as dead".... and we cannot look up into the blanket of stars in the skies up above and just go, "that is some fucking cool shit!!!! outer space is out of my fucking world!!!! WOW!!!"... and see the beauty of its mystery... "pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe"


It's fear and fear rooted things like religion that must know..... and the reason is because they are a choice to hide and that might be the choice of a child who knows no other way..... but that choice was made and the constructions of paradigms with the foundations of indoctrination conditioned a self constructed cave in the childs emotional and cognitive development which served as a coping mechanism to function in a profoundly sick society... Holy shit... I can digress further into the environments and systems we have in this carnival of a world.... but back to religion, because it's a little slippery fucker and I want to grab it.......

fock... lost my line of thought with religion..... but it's.... just a "Seahaven".... from the movie, "The Truman Show"..... it's a construction. Everything has it's place, and the more people you can huddle inside there reinforcing the same delusion, the less it disturbs the slumber of the true self.


Back to the carnival...


Bill Hicks said,

"The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think that it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly coloured, and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question - is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us. They say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride.' And we...kill those people. Ha ha ha. 'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride. SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings, and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourselves off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what you can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace."


At times it may feel like spluttering in the deep end of shit in this world, just trying to get to the shallow end. But there's always a next step... and I tell myself there's no need to worry, when I do what I can to find and take the next step.


At least that's what works for me, while at times surrounded by the reality that everything's fucking up... That "reality", along with the feathery sheep dog engineers with crayons and police hats can fuck off...... Because I'm looking for or taking that next step. What more can be done?


If anyone read this far... and any of it makes any sense... I just hope that in this world where like MLK said, "man does not move without great difficulty against all the apathy of conformist thought within oneself and in the surrounding world", if we are getting free from the conditioning of the world and indoctrination of religions and fear based conformist thought, to think for ourselves and construct a new understanding, without going back into the same patterns of functioning... which for me, at times is a journey far beyond what anyone in my life can understand... and so it has to be faced alone sometimes... in a place where in my own little way, I learn what it is to be brave.. to let go.. and walk into the unknown. If you hear me, without me being cheesy lol, I hope in some way I'm looking across and we're giving each other a nod and saying, "You are a pioneer... keep going brother/sister.. there are great days ahead... your hope is real.."... In a way... I'm writing all this to say that to my true and authentic self..... at times this can feel like.... my most true and authentic self is a bit like the emperor from the movie, "The Last Samurai"... and the emperor remains silent, surrounded by a counsel of advisers and heads of different areas of his kingdom... the emperor has no voice... when he wants to speak up it is drowned out by the aggressive voices of heads of operations and function in the kingdom. I guess this is my inner Kingdom... and the ways of functioning are the impostors, false selves, false egos, my self constructed coping mechanisms to function in a profoundly sick society... and they served me for a time when I knew no other way.... but now I am making my way to my feet, to stand up (which will most likely take my whole life, from what I'm looking at... but I think that's the journey).


If I can link this youtube video.... I this scene where the voice of consciousness reaches the true self and empowering the true self to stand up and speak with authority. Which I think is so epic smile.png I love that film smile.png




Thanks Feathery Sheep Dog Engineers with Crayons and Police Hats... The knights that say NI!!.... the self appointed guardians of the status quo..... Like many people who love this film, I want to do it Truman Burbank style lol


.....hmmm..... either all that I've said or the world is actually a lovely place and I'm just a damaged kid who's projecting his own pain into a delusion.


Either way, fuck it I'm late for a meeting LOL and the carnival continues...


track I made featuring words from Charley Chaplain,


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..... this is part of what's going on in my head pretty much all of the time... and if I'm just a screwed up individual... I'm ok with that..... and if the way I think and function is so offensive to other people that they tell me how I fail their expectations... I don't give a fuck..... whatever that makes me in their eyes.... I don't care about those expectations... because I don't know about them.... but I live in a world where 38,000 children die of starvation every day... so if in their lives they "have everything together" and under control, great for them to have that as a foundation of confidence from which they project their criticism to me.... and yes, I fuck all kinds of things up.... I don't have a website, I'm not looking for clients all the time, I appear to be lazy sometimes, and probably am... when I don't do daily organised things... "call me crazy or call me brother".


"Here's To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the

square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have

no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.

About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the

human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world - are the ones who DO !"


But maybe, I'm not trying to change the world... I'm trying to change by thinking... awaken in consciousness...


"Be the change you want to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi




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