College Ministry

[p53]

I've been involved with an evangelical college ministry at my university for the past few years; they’re pretty small, to the point where a person can get to know everyone within the church in a matter of weeks. I first met them a few years ago through one of their members doing “outreach” on campus. We became friends and soon enough I was being invited out to Bible studies and Sunday service. Growing up I had gone to church but my involvement never went beyond that. I believed in God but actually had little to no real understanding of the Christian god. Still, I called myself a Christian but hesitantly so since I knew very little beyond the basic tenants.

 

As I started becoming more involved in the ministry I was taken aback by the things I was learning in Bible studies and hearing in sermons, things that people seemed to just accept without question. Initially I would always ask a lot of questions during discussions to which I always received unsatisfying answers; eventually I learned to just nod my head in agreement like an idiot like everyone else. This would become a trend for me – learn the Christian response/answer/prayer, regurgitate, and repeat.

 

Why did I go through all this trouble?

 

The truth is, I was a bit of a loner and at the time had a very small circle of friends. If any of you know or have had experience with college ministries, they prey on people like that. Over time I would build a lot of friendships and soon found myself becoming increasingly involved in the ministry, all the while internally maintaining a lot of the doubts and questions I had in the beginning. Eventually I found myself caving in to social pressures and getting baptized, opening the floodgates for my involvement in the ministry over the next few years. I played in worship band, joined leadership, helped lead Bible studies – I had become totally immersed in the ministry. Yet at the end of the day when I was honest with myself I could not sincerely say that I believed in God.

 

I finally came to a crossroad where I realized I would have to sever ties with the ministry. Sitting through prayer times and listening to sermons was utter torture. Going out onto campus and evangelizing to people was so embarrassing. The only obstacle preventing me from leaving the church was the friendships I had with people. I knew that once I left the church it just wouldn’t be possible to maintain these friendships because nearly all of the social interactions with were through church related events other gatherings.

 

That is where I stand today. I have since taken small steps towards leaving by quitting leadership and worship band, essentially becoming a simple member of the ministry. However, I find it difficult to completely leave because of the loss of friendships that will inevitably follow. It’s unfortunate because a lot of them are actually really great people but have been disillusioned by their belief and are trapped in the church.

 

Even though I know it’s going to suck when I finally leave the church, I look forward to being able to live a life in honesty to myself and my [lack of] beliefs. Being able to read a lot of the other testimonies here has been a huge encouragement for me to get out while I can, and also has increased my contempt for the church and the multitude of lives it has destroyed and continues to manipulate. Though my situation is not nearly as unfortunate as others, I still hope to encourage others in their own journey towards de-conversion.

[Spectrox]

p53

 

Welcome back to the human race. Just journey through your deconversion at your own pace. There's no hurry. In terms of friends, there's plenty of fish in the sea. I'm sure you'll make plenty here on this site.

[♦ ficino ♦]

Hello p53, welcome to this site. Like you, I became an involved christian through a campus ministry, i.e. IVCF. Eventually I lost almost all those friends - am still in touch with two. One thing to keep in mind is that many people form very close friendships in college but then most of them unravel naturally over time. The main thing about college friendships is that it's a very intense time in life and you are all young together. When people start putting together their adult lives, they direct their energy toward the people in those lives. It's a rare blessing when college friendships endure throughout life.

 

BUT on top of that, as you point out, Christian friendships are ideological and are based on the community life, so when one person chucks the ideology, many of the friendships go with it. But that's OK. You are young, and friendships based on honesty are better anyway. You'll meet new people in new contexts, and who knows - maybe some of your present Christian friends would value you for who you are and not just as one of many bros in Christ, so some of them might last if you are honest with those people. And if they don't last, then is the friendship a true one when one person's lack of religion is grounds for rejection by the other person? Be careful that by anticipation you're not actually rejected them (heh heh - I sort of did that, so I know...).

 

Hope to see you around on here.