"i Was A Good Mormon Wife ...until My Husband Stopped Believing In God"

[buffettphan]

Interesting article on Alternet this morning.

The bold part near the end of the article is what I hope all of us unequally yoked can eventually say.

(bold added by me)

 

 

<<<

snipped>>>

 

We rarely talked about religion, yet it consumed us. When Sean replaced his temple garments — the sacred underwear he’d promised to wear day and night — with boxers, I couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much betrayal. I called up a neighbor with a husband like mine and cried. But instead of empathy, she offered questions that stunned me into silence. Was Sean addicted to pornography? Watching R-rated movies? What sin had brought him to this terrible place?

 

My tears stopped. Her questions were so off-base that they seemed absurd. She was sincere, and trying to help, but she believed what the Church teaches — that a man would only leave because he’s disobeying the commandments. She couldn’t understand this was a rational inquiry. She saw everything as the result of sin.

 

This started my brain twitching. I knew Sean was still a good person, that he still maintained the same moral standards he had when he married me. The Church was wrong about him. What else might they be wrong about? I shoved the thought away.

 

<<<snipped>>>

 

Ironically, the Mormon Church teaches that marriage can only thrive if God is an equal part of it. But when we left God out of it, we were free to love each other completely, to share the burden of our grief as two individuals with no one else.

 

http://www.alternet....god?page=entire

[Peace]

TFS! I hurt for all of the ex-C's here whose marriages are suffering after their deconversion. Hopefully those spouses will be able to come to a place of questioning like this woman did.

[Akheia]

That was a beautiful story and I'm so glad to hear it worked out so well for them. Thanks for sharing the linky

[freeasabird]

WOW. Just wow. With the except of us not being Mormons, I feel like my wife could have written that. That was a great read, thanks for sharing.

[Thought2Much]

I hope that one day my wife will be able to write a similar story about herself.

[buffettphan]

I hope my husband will write a similar story some day too. But truthfully, I think I've given up on that ever happening. At least today, that's how I feel.

 

 

.

[FeelHappy]

I went to a premarriage counselor during my during my fundi days and he drew me a diagram. You see a man and a woman are parallel lines going on their own paths never converging, but when you place god in the middle and both alter their paths towards god then instead of being parallel lines they'll now become adjacent lines meeting at god and as long as god is first priority in their lives those two lines will say together not on separate paths........ so you see god is needed for all marriages to work. I'm sure you can look at the history of marriages and find that 100% of god-centered christian marriages with succeed and 100% of non-christian marriages end in divorce.......thank gawd I'm not a fundi anymore.

[Thought2Much]

I went to a premarriage counselor during my during my fundi days and he drew me a diagram. You see a man and a woman are parallel lines going on their own paths never converging, but when you place god in the middle and both alter their paths towards god then instead of being parallel lines they'll now become adjacent lines meeting at god and as long as god is first priority in their lives those two lines will say together not on separate paths........ so you see god is needed for all marriages to work. I'm sure you can look at the history of marriages and find that 100% of god-centered christian marriages with succeed and 100% of non-christian marriages end in divorce.......thank gawd I'm not a fundi anymore.

 

I've seen that diagram before. What a load of shit. I can't believe I didn't openly mock anyone who showed that to me.

[GardenerGal]

i enjoyed her article -- thank you for sharing it.

[ConureDelSol]

I think this was my favorite part:

 

Over the next few days our usual mile walk turned to four as my brain tornadoed through discovery, my conversations stopping mid-sentence with “Whoa, then that means …” Whoa, we suddenly have 10 percent more income. Whoa, our weekend free time just doubled. Whoa, we can try alcohol, coffee and tea — the trifecta of forbidden drinks.

 

I hope I'll one day have someone I can share my deconversion experiences with like she can with her husband. For now though, Ex-C is my support!

 

Awesome story!

[Voice]

I met a mormon family with an incredibly "perfect" (quotes so that no one will say 'no one's perfect') daughter coming of age. I actually thought of taking the appearance of converting to Mormonism, like George Costanza did for his girlfriends, without sincerity; like presidents (and their puppet masters) claim to be christians while they slaughter people over seas for no better reason than making money. Anyway, I would have married her and then endeavored to take her to this place, without the religion, with only one another.

Problem was, I probably would have been found out before the wedding. Let me say without quotes, she would have made a perfect wife. Let none say that no one is perfect.

[Positivist]

I met a mormon family with an incredibly "perfect" (quotes so that no one will say 'no one's perfect') daughter coming of age.

Let me say without quotes, she would have made a perfect wife. Let none say that no one is perfect.

Mo-mos have that appearance. They try to look perfect. I work with a few mo-mos and there is one especially that has a solid hairdo (big hair) and she literally struts down the hall. It is annoying as hell.

 

With mo-mos, I've figured out, it's all about appearances....

 

Consider yourself having dodged a bullet, Voice!

[Akheia]

I dunno, Voice. Stealth crazy is a definite danger in anybody who seems perfect. That said, I accept that she was pretty perfect for YOU. My husband is like that. A lot of women might not find him perfect, but I think he's beyond perfect--for me anyway.

 

That diagram sounds absolutely insane. I cannot even imagine who thought that was anything like accurate. If Christian marriages actually held together better than non-Christian ones, they might have a point. But we know otherwise. You know, now that I think of it, you could put ANYTHING in the middle of that sort of thing. Any hobby that both partners enjoy could bind them. People put kids there, God, political activism, WoW, food, sex, drugs, you name it, and as long as that thing is there binding them, all is well. But when that thing is moved around, or one partner loses a bit of interest in it, it can be hard to keep that bond there.

 

Here are good thoughts and best wishes to all those posters and lurkers who find themselves in that heart-wrenching position of lines that need to be brought together again without an artificial construct between them.

[Thought2Much]

That diagram sounds absolutely insane. I cannot even imagine who thought that was anything like accurate. If Christian marriages actually held together better than non-Christian ones, they might have a point. But we know otherwise.

 

The whole idea is, "Since God is at the top of the triangle, the closer you both get to God, the closer you get to each other!" It still makes me want to vomit.

[Positivist]

That diagram sounds absolutely insane. I cannot even imagine who thought that was anything like accurate. If Christian marriages actually held together better than non-Christian ones, they might have a point. But we know otherwise.

The whole idea is, "Since God is at the top of the triangle, the closer you both get to God, the closer you get to each other!" It still makes me want to vomit.

The whole notion of God at the apex is misleading. The devil is in the details, and IRL this triangle theory fails for dehumanizing the other while striving for God, to whom one partner invariably has better access.

[midniterider]

I went to a premarriage counselor during my during my fundi days and he drew me a diagram. You see a man and a woman are parallel lines going on their own paths never converging, but when you place god in the middle and both alter their paths towards god then instead of being parallel lines they'll now become adjacent lines meeting at god and as long as god is first priority in their lives those two lines will say together not on separate paths........ so you see god is needed for all marriages to work. I'm sure you can look at the history of marriages and find that 100% of god-centered christian marriages with succeed and 100% of non-christian marriages end in divorce.......thank gawd I'm not a fundi anymore.

 

I've seen that diagram before. What a load of shit. I can't believe I didn't openly mock anyone who showed that to me.

 

Can you link that diagram? I'd like to make fun of it. :-)

[Guest Valk0010]

I don't usually say wow, to things I read anymore.

 

Wow

[Thought2Much]

I went to a premarriage counselor during my during my fundi days and he drew me a diagram. You see a man and a woman are parallel lines going on their own paths never converging, but when you place god in the middle and both alter their paths towards god then instead of being parallel lines they'll now become adjacent lines meeting at god and as long as god is first priority in their lives those two lines will say together not on separate paths........ so you see god is needed for all marriages to work. I'm sure you can look at the history of marriages and find that 100% of god-centered christian marriages with succeed and 100% of non-christian marriages end in divorce.......thank gawd I'm not a fundi anymore.

 

I've seen that diagram before. What a load of shit. I can't believe I didn't openly mock anyone who showed that to me.

 

Can you link that diagram? I'd like to make fun of it. :-)

 

Here you go. But don't eat before you read this.

 

This diagram shows the relationships between a husband, wife, and God. Both the husband and wife have an individual relationship with God as well as a close relationship with each other. Notice that as the husband and wife grow closer to God, they actually draw closer to each other. This means that a vital part of a husband and wife’s relationship is their individual relationship with God. If one of the spouses is growing closer to God and the other is not, the triangle’s shape gets out of balance. This is very evident in marriages where one spouse is a believer and the other is not. For non-Christian marriages this triangle is still in effect although is not used by the couple. It is important to understand that the spiritual aspects of marriage is the most intimate part of marriage because out of it all other aspects of the relationship are developed.

[Thought2Much]

Can you link that diagram? I'd like to make fun of it. :-)

 

Here, I made my own version of it.

 

[Exevolt]

Story was nice and amazing. Mormons man, they never understand that the church isn't something that keeps their marriage happy, it's the person they married that keeps them happy.

[Akheia]

Unless they married an idea or concept more than a person. Codependents are famous for that. They marry the potential spouse, not necessarily the spouse him/herself, and then spend their lifetimes on their chosen DIY projects trying to force that potential into reality--either through self-delusion or control.

 

That paper someone linked to about how dysfunctional families can get under Abrahimic religions really hit home for me. I've been thinking about it a lot the last day or two.

[MrsRoper]

That paper someone linked to about how dysfunctional families can get under Abrahimic religions really hit home for me. I've been thinking about it a lot the last day or two.

 

Do you know where the link is? I'd like to read it.

[Akheia]

http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/michael_moore/weak.html

[Voice]

I met a mormon family with an incredibly "perfect" (quotes so that no one will say 'no one's perfect') daughter coming of age.

Let me say without quotes, she would have made a perfect wife. Let none say that no one is perfect.

Mo-mos have that appearance. They try to look perfect. I work with a few mo-mos and there is one especially that has a solid hairdo (big hair) and she literally struts down the hall. It is annoying as hell.

 

With mo-mos, I've figured out, it's all about appearances....

 

Consider yourself having dodged a bullet, Voice!

 

You don't understand. She was all natural, appearance and lifestyle. The one you described would be repellant. I did dodge a bullet though - her dad.

[Akheia]

AH, see, there's the stealth crazy. I knew it'd come out eventually. If her dad is that nuts, no way it wouldn't be problematic down the road.