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Goodbye Jesus

From Christian To Critical Thinker


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My story of my conversion from Christian to Critical Thinker:


This will not be a list of the contradictions that show the reasonability of my unbelief, but more of a personal background and narrative.


I, like many, was raised in "christian home". Religious activity was a formative part of our family life, going to church/youth

group/lock-ins etc. We prayed before meals and before bed time.


I converted to Christianity at the age of 15. I was part of a youth group that had a annual meeting every year called Ascension Convention.

This is was the solidifying follow up to a conversion experience that preyed on my fatherless home trauma. In this meeting I was shown how

to be drunk in the holy spirit. which I know now I faked, but this is the beginning of the damage.


The modern church, with their emphasis on entertainment and fun, is only there to sweeten the tart cautionary tale of the gospel. Believe or suffer.

(the medieval church wasn't entertaining teens, they were scaring them half to death by oppressing secular ideas and threatening actions)

My oh my how the modern church has evolved.


I was totally apart, my entire basis of friends and community was not based on what we liked to do or similar interests but instead all interaction

was predicated on the union of belief. We believed first and then interacted. Now, I had a lot of fun and lived a relatively un controversial life.

Except for an average amount of friction with my mom about regular teenage things I had good relationships.


I continued my growth in the faith by becoming a veracious reader of Christian apologetics. I always wanted to sharpen my understanding so

I could answer the objections non christians would bring up. Even then I was probably seeking solace in the mental gymnastics of Christian

apologetics to help seal the work I wanted so badly to be complete and absolute. It was neither, and it would never be sealed.


I went to Europe to complete a course in biblical studies, I was asked to leave because I objected to the manipulation i saw in the teachings.

I had traveled a bit before and maybe wasn't so enthralled by being away from home and just "wanting to be apart" like a lot of the others.

One teaching was when they asked the students link arms around a wooden cross and the teachers would pretend to be demons trying to

break through. It was hardly aggressive but certainly misleading. I was a christian then and objected based on the inconsistent metaphor.

Traditional christian teachings would realize that a believer has no capacity to protect jesus as well as no capacity to "save" another person.

How powerful is this god who needs us to rally together to protect him anyways?


Fast forward over the last 8 years and I spent time touring, going to school, working and trying to figure out my path. I thought of myself as

a christian but was nothing like the image i had in my mind as a 15 year old. I got married, had a beautiful baby boy who is now 2.5. I love my son.


I was in counseling for the past 2 years with a christian counselor but she didn't really talk about faith much.

My wife and I had stopped going to church, because we were generally perplexed by the whole thing and didn't really fit.


One day in a counseling session I had a breakthrough... I was frustrated by lack of power of my faith to change me,

to make me into the man I wanted to be. I was thinking about the scriptures telling me that "if you love me, you'll obey me",

I knew then I didn't love god. I contrasted then the care and love and powerful connection I have to my son to this god I had served with so many of my years.. or tried.

Nothing really to compare there. I saw like a flash all the sensational moments I had claimed god at work in and found them full of my own self deception.


The spell is broken:


i lack a belief in god or any gods. This process has been wonderful really, I have enjoyed the rediscovery of the world with much gratitude.

I have experienced the impact of responsibility that I formally put on a ghost but now gladly work harder for the life I want with more optimism and joy than ever before.


My hope is that more people with think through the contradictions of religious belief and object without fear to the inconsistency and reclaim our responsibility and our humanity.




Thanks for reading!


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JLu, welcome to ex-C!


Anyone who builds drums has to be okay. :3:

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Welcome! It's amazing to me that more Christian parents don't stop and look at how dramatically different REAL parental love is from what Christians experience from this mythical god. I'm glad you did!

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Welcome, JLu! Critical thinking is what got me in trouble, too. There's not much room for that in the christian world, is there?


Like you, I found that I could not hold on to my perception of god as a loving "father". I realized in the end that I was a much better parent than he was. It wasn't too much of a jump from there to realizing he was never actually there at all. I agree with you - that realization was a relief.


Has your wife deconverted, as well?


Hope you can stick around here and make some friends. :)

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Hi Jo, welcome to the forum. Thanks for sharing your testimony. A lot of that rings true to me as well.

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My ex-fiance had a child which I helped raise for a couple of years. While he wasn't mine I loved him like my own son. One thing became very clear to me, there is no way a deity loves mankind like a parent loves their child.

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JLu, thanks for sharing. I can relate to feeling like you didn't fit into the modern entertainment oriented church. I had a similar experience were my wife and I just stopped going to our church (where my wife had been a Sunday School teacher) just because we felt like we didn't fit in. That led to more questioning and doubt.

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