Hello and a short testimony of sorts

[kiinlin]

Hi all. I used to belong to the old forums and have found my way over here finally. I was raised Christian (the Wesleyan variety) and even though I had a lot of doubts and questions, I squelched them with the "God knows best, who can understand the mind of God..God's "fair and just" isn't human's "fair and just" hoo-ha until a few years ago. I'm a really inquisitive person which doesn't do too well in the church environment I learned. I don't know if it was getting married to a "nominal" Christian guy or moving away from my religious family, but for whatever reason I was finally able to start looking stuff up on the internet about history, the church, etc. and instead of shutting my mind off, I was able to continue reading and face what I was taught as being wrong.

 

I was really angry when I first started studying, and I remember even feeling physically ill the moment I realized there was even a possibility that Christianity wasn't true and that Jesus might not even have existed. It was so scary to even allow those thoughts, I felt like I was committing pure blasphemy, but there's no moving backwards once you move forwards and I realized I wanted to know the truth and live truthfully, no matter what that may mean. If there is a God (and increasingly I'm not so sure there is), if he/she is going to condemn me for searching out the truth, well he's more evil than I thought then.

 

I go through spurts, having a lot of anger at how I was raised, choices I made in life, while at the same time realizing my parents did their best. It was like my religious faith actually died a physical death and I've had to go through all the grieving processes step by step, bit by bit. I go through spurts where I feel energized to study and read a lot and then I'll back off for a while to process all of it and just "live" without being too intense with it. I wouldn't call myself an atheist as I'm not one to want to slap a label on anything unless I know 100% so I just hang out in agnostic land.

 

I've got 2 little ones ( 3 year old and a 6 month old), plus 3 cats, 2 dogs and this husband of mine who keeps coming home every day, so it's quite hectic around our house, lol. I probably won't post as much as I'd like, it'll be in spurts at times, but I do enjoy, and have enjoyed reading what everyone has posted, even that Daniel guy has given me some entertainment, albeit not in the nature he probably intended.

 

Thanks for letting me sign up and I look forward to getting to know everyone better and learning more.

[thomas]

 

I wouldn't call myself an atheist as I'm not one to want to slap a label on anything unless I know 100% so I just hang out in agnostic land.

 

 

 

Welcome here Kiinlin, and enjoy the forum. There are a lot of new people here.

I lurked around in the old forum, but did not sign up until much later.

 

I think being agnostic is fine. There is no need to rush to find a new label, so take your time, and enjoy the place here.

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Welcome!

 

[Taphophilia]

Hi Kiinlin,

 

I can relate. I went around for a while thinking that I was going to go to hell just because I understood Christianity to be untrue. I'd been that brainwashed, as had a lot of us here.

 

Taph

[Godless Wonder]

Welcome to the boards.

 

and this husband of mine who keeps coming home every day,

The way you phrase that doesn't sound ideal. Hope things go well for you two.

[kiinlin]

Thanks for the welcome, I'm glad to be here. GW - that was my poor attempt at a joke:) Things are fine with us... I just wish he'd quit watching Andy Griffith every.single.night.