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Goodbye Jesus

Unlike Christianity, My Creative Work Is Not A Delusion


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edit: I don't think the title I made for this is good, please ignore hahah :)


When I was a Christian, I was recruited into the "Worship team" Ridigwoopsie.gif


I was a Christian for about 6 years.... but music has always been a part of my life, where I transcend the world around me, and "me"... and experience a place where I can breathe. This is since I was very young... I wasn't an "introvert", but I always felt I was in my own world... a lot of the time when I was young at school, I would sneak into a room and play the piano while other kids were outside. When I played, I could breathe. I can sit and play a piano for hours and enjoy it.... I can't read music though... only play by ear. Today I'm a composer for film and television and producer for acts and artists... In many ways I'm very lucky to have found the space to do something I love and it's ended up being how I make money. But, my story wasn't all sunshine and lollypop trees.. which I won't digress into too much in this.


So, while I was a Christian, I couldn't stand Christian music.... Someone at the church I went to said to me, "You know Jake, one day we'll be in heaven and we're going to worship God for eternity!".... and the thought of that Ridigwoopsie.gif made me feel a bit sick lol


I used to play in the "worship team" (Ridigwoopsie.gif ) for a few years... playing the piano, and I would often play on my own while people prayed and meditated. I played for 1 and a half hours every Tuesday which was just for prayer and meditation... that's when I just got to play freely/improvise.


So after I left church and Christian community... and later realised Christianity is a delusion... That didn't take music away from me... it didn't take the transcendent experience from me.


For years, even before I was a Christian, I wanted to make music which, wasn't created to be from my heart because music is not from any 1 person.... The frequencies of energy and sound that we experience from any "artist" that we listen to are not from that "artist"... the experience we have listening to music is already part of us, the music we're experiencing is just frequencies lighting up parts of who we are. So the music I want to make is to be created to enhance whatever ability or methods or practices people use to access their own heart.


The trouble with this.... is I cannot capture these frequencies, until I have journeyed myself to a certain place...


Apologies for any negative association I bring by using concepts from words from a book we used to appreciate more....

but if I look at the heart as a wellspring which life, consciousness is released from... and that this wellspring can be blocked up with junk, which could be anything from unresolved emotional developments to all kinds of cognitive mechanisms we have developed in the environments we've grown up in... These blockages in this wellspring, our heart... Well, I need to clear those first, before I am able to make this music that would enhance a listener from clearing blockages themselves.


And that's where I see how far I am... because I have a lot of stuff to clear! lol


I make lots of music every week... but this music is different... and I've wanted to make it for years.


The last time I tried, was 12 months ago... and that track is linked below.


I only spent a day on it... and I completed it... Although I listen to it now, and it creates some level of the environment of frequency and experience... it's no where near where I need to be for this music.


But still.... it's on my iphone... and I put it on when I can't listen to anything else and I just need to be still and reflect.


So I dug it out and put it online today so I could throw it on here. This was made 12 months ago, and I'm going to try again this year..... I realised 12 months ago I needed more space to work on this... so I moved out to China 8 months ago... and I've setup a small studio where I can work and have space... so I will make something new soon!


"deserts and wellsprings"



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That's really beautiful, Jake. Thanks for sharing it. I've been listening to your stuff while I sketch and also when I do "movement" (a free-form type of dance). It's very relaxing and inspiring.


I love the fact that as an unbeliever you've found an even purer form of music to create. I'm glad you're giving value to this music and have created a safe place to work on it. Do you have any plans to record an album?

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Heck, if you were still playing on a worship team somewhere, I'd go to church just to hear that! So glad to hear you didn't let your music talent die out after you left your church

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Hi Jake49, Thanks for posting the link. Your music is wonderful!! I'm so glad that you are creating. I'm creating so much more now than I did while in the cult.

I think that bible religion can really stifle a person's creativity, though some flourish.


Anyhoo, LOVE your music. Thanks for sharing. :Dbeer.gif

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Great thread title, Jake, you are so full of yourselftongue.png . j/k.



I always enjoy your expansion into your creative motivation as well as your music.


Music and art in general are so important as therapy indeed. I'm only just starting to more appreciate acting/drama as a very power medium. I see these two have a lot more in common when it comes to ability to heal; Not only can they entertain us with lighthearted or romantic notions of life, they can also force us to confront the dark we've locked away. As I invest time into learning and developing my craft , I gain a lot more appreciation for artists creating great work. I guess it goes beyond music or drama or art in the end. It is all about excellence. The code artist, the medical practitioner, teacher...anybody passionate about delivering a quality service that can positively impact a live and the personal sacrifice and dedication that goes into making that idea happen. The amount of work that goes into achieving that vision... We are lucky to enjoy the fruits of such motivated individuals/groups. The purer the motivation, the luckier we are.


I don't know how much this applies to you but when it comes to artist and audience vibing, consider that there's room for your more darker stuff too. You don't have to try to filter or hold back too much in translating that into music. i.e The darkest stuff you create may need the tiniest hint to no hint at all of hope in it (in either the music or lyrics or both) to still be inspiring or beneficial to an audience. In attempting to help your listener be rid of "blockages", apart from uplifting them, you also have the option of just staying in the darkness with them through the entire song. Sometimes, simply having company in darkness can be as strengthening as hearing inspiring/uplifting stuff. cosmic love by florence and the machine is the song that comes to mind. I say this despite not recalling ever creating anything dark without infusing it with enough hint of hope. I've always been fascinated with dark songs put to uptempo beats i.e kate bush, running up that hill... it seems the uptempo side of the music always handles the hint of hope/inspiration aspect. Even when that does not happen, the sad song or the angry song or the silly song and the danceable song all have their space to be profound. maybe this post is more a reminder to myself as a songwriter.


Anyways, As I study everything from audio engineering to songwriting to music composition these next couple of months, so far, I've been very inspired by your music. They are as good for zoning out completely and dreaming as they are for keeping me company while I study. I don't know how people say music today sucks; I come accross enough stuff that are simply mindblowing every now and then from lesser known artists that I'm feeling compelled to start a blog and just promote songs from other artists while I work hard at coming of age myself as an artist. I just marvel at the works some of my peers are creating. Nope, I'm content to remain a music fan and student for a good while, indeed. If I'm going to be a member of a music supergroup someday, I will not be the weakest link.lol.


I would love to hear a collaboration between Jake49, Jenny Mayhem, and absofacto.



exhibit a-hooking me with a song about a geiger counter of all things.lol.


and her, I will write love songs to, oneday, and because I'll be employing your musical sorcery, Jake, I'll wear her down and win her heart, and we'll go on to raise little baby musical prodigies and live happily ever after...in my fantasy that is. lol.


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