Djoker Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 It's getting really frustrating. I've already revealed to my mother that I don't believe in Christianity and am an agnostic atheist, but she acts as if I never said anything. I feel very insulted that she claims "God's will" while I'm depressed when she knows that means nothing to me. Or when she asks me why I haven't been going to church. Why the hell would an atheist go to church? I've tried to remind her a few times, but she just seems to shrug it off and remind me within an hour of how great God is. One of the most ridiculous things was when she noticed that I had ex-christian.net bookmarked. She had to sit me down and have a "talk" about why I would have such a site bookmarked. I ended up revealing to her for the third fucking time that I am not Christian anymore. What I find most frustrating about this is that I thought we had a real heart-to-heart when I first came out to her and I feel really offended that she is either constantly forgetting or is just willfully ignorant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xerces Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 May she has alzheimers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam5 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Maybe she is worried and doesnt understand why you are rejecting your Christian upbringing. The longer you are out of it, the more people will simply accept it as normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Maybe you need to approach her about the issue of cognitive decline and how it makes people forget previous conversations? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdaddy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 She thinks it's just a phase you're going thru. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Yeah, doesn't sound like she takes your decision seriously. I would find something that brings you joy, because nobody can dispute a joyful nonbeliever. Unless Satan is giving you joy, which just doesn't sound like him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I think she has very little respect for you and your thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Ask her if she has dementia. Ask her A LOT. She'll either see a doctor, or get pissed off. If it's pissed off, tell her to stop acting like your previous train of thought/conversation never happened, and woman the fuck up. You're not a child, you can wipe your own ass, she can fuck right off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Ask her if she has dementia. Ask her A LOT. She'll either see a doctor, or get pissed off. If it's pissed off, tell her to stop acting like your previous train of thought/conversation never happened, and woman the fuck up. You're not a child, you can wipe your own ass, she can fuck right off. I like this, but it needs the Southern touch. You need to bless her heart. Something like this... Mom, bless your heart. Do you not remember what I told you the other day? Maybe your memory is going bad? I sure hope not. Bless your heart. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 WHAT LEGION SAID. WHAT HE SAID, LOTS. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 She probably just refused to accept that you don't follow Jesus, my mom is the exact same way. She thinks if she can just get me back into church or to read some christian books I'll reconvert. I don't know how your mom is but mine believes the "promises" of the bible and therefore she believes that in proverbs god has promised her that I'll one day return to the fold.... Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRoper Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Ha, ha, ha, Legion, as a Damn Yankee nothing chaps my ass more than being dismissed with a "bless your heart." Djoker - welcome to my world! My Mom still tries to take credit for things that happen in my life because God did it, because SHE prayed! It's truly difficult to establish proper boundaries with a parent that lives in a continuous state of denial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Ha, ha, ha, Legion, as a Damn Yankee nothing chaps my ass more than being dismissed with a "bless your heart." Dean It's so damn effective it's scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You can say a lot of shit about Southerners, but we are the motherfuckin world CHAMPEENS, my friends, of passive-aggression. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You can say a lot of shit about Southerners, but we are the motherfuckin world CHAMPEENS, my friends, of passive-aggression. 'Bout the size of it, huh Akheia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weetie Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Sounds to me like she's in denial. Maybe you could try this: Every time she makes a god reference, or says anything about prayer, or pesters you about church, just calmly remind her that you don't believe any of it. The trick is to be really consistent with it - you have to remind her EVERY time, so eventually she'll have to come to grips with the fact that every religious statement from her will result in a denial of god by you. It's just like house training a puppy. Once she is conditioned to expect your response she'll be able to let go of her denisl and move on to the later stages of coming to terms with your atheism: anger, grief, and acceptance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Sounds to me like she's in denial. Maybe you could try this: Every time she makes a god reference, or says anything about prayer, or pesters you about church, just calmly remind her that you don't believe any of it. The trick is to be really consistent with it - you have to remind her EVERY time, so eventually she'll have to come to grips with the fact that every religious statement from her will result in a denial of god by you. It's just like house training a puppy. Once she is conditioned to expect your response she'll be able to let go of her denisl and move on to the later stages of coming to terms with your atheism: anger, grief, and acceptance. I like. Djoker, have you had your Weeties this morning? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 You can say a lot of shit about Southerners, but we are the motherfuckin world CHAMPEENS, my friends, of passive-aggression. 'Bout the size of it, huh Akheia? Well, I'm a Texan, so I don't know if I count, but damn, I never saw people who could beat Southerners for sheer malice-with-a-smile. I think it's the Christian ethos -- it's very dishonest and discourages true communication or confrontation. When I lived in Kansas, it was in a town so small that nobody could afford to be that NASTY. It always floored me how genuinely generous and nice people were even to their worst enemies. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't a super-Christian area; to this moment I even know the religion of *one* of my friends from there, and that's only because I ran across her by accident on a website years after moving away (hint: she's not Christian). I feel like DJ's mom is doing something very similar to that sort of aggression; either she's going vague on him or she's deliberately acting this way. If it's deliberate, it's really dismissive and mean. Maybe a dog-training approach might be best, but either way, calling it out very directly seems to me the best route to take. She's being sneaky, and the thing sneaks hate worst is having light shined on their faces in mid-sneak. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 She's being sneaky, and the thing sneaks hate worst is having light shined on their faces in mid-sneak. The thoughts I have here... wow. um Denial is lying to yourself, yes? It's being sneaky with yourself? If we can't be honest with ourselves, then what hope do we have of being honest with others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djoker Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 I don't think that it's a mental problem considering this is the only thing she ever seems to forget. Well, I'm a Texan, so I don't know if I count, but damn, I never saw people who could beat Southerners for sheer malice-with-a-smile. I think it's the Christian ethos -- it's very dishonest and discourages true communication or confrontation. When I lived in Kansas, it was in a town so small that nobody could afford to be that NASTY. It always floored me how genuinely generous and nice people were even to their worst enemies. Unsurprisingly, it wasn't a super-Christian area; to this moment I even know the religion of *one* of my friends from there, and that's only because I ran across her by accident on a website years after moving away (hint: she's not Christian). I feel like DJ's mom is doing something very similar to that sort of aggression; either she's going vague on him or she's deliberately acting this way. If it's deliberate, it's really dismissive and mean. Maybe a dog-training approach might be best, but either way, calling it out very directly seems to me the best route to take. She's being sneaky, and the thing sneaks hate worst is having light shined on their faces in mid-sneak. This sounds like something my mother would do. I cannot tell you how many times my father has had to vent to me about her passive-aggressiveness. And he's not even married to her anymore. Sounds to me like she's in denial. Maybe you could try this: Every time she makes a god reference, or says anything about prayer, or pesters you about church, just calmly remind her that you don't believe any of it. The trick is to be really consistent with it - you have to remind her EVERY time, so eventually she'll have to come to grips with the fact that every religious statement from her will result in a denial of god by you. It's just like house training a puppy. Once she is conditioned to expect your response she'll be able to let go of her denisl and move on to the later stages of coming to terms with your atheism: anger, grief, and acceptance. I think I'll follow your advice. I mean, I've done it occasionally, but I've let a lot of things slide when I probably shouldn't have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 When dealing with a problem child, consistency is key, DJ. Fundies tend to respond very well to firmly-made and consistently-drawn boundaries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I do believe it can be done in a gentle, loving fashion Djoker. But anticipate. As Weetie points out, she may very well go through the other stages of acceptance... ... anger, then grief, and then finally acceptance. You could be patient with her anger. You could be there with her in her grief. And then she may see, when she accepts, that your love for her was always there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Djoker Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 When dealing with a problem child, consistency is key, DJ. Fundies tend to respond very well to firmly-made and consistently-drawn boundaries. Just to clarify, my mother is actually a fairly liberal Christian. She doesn't hate gays, thinks abortion should be legal and doesn't try to deny science. That doesn't change anything about her blind faith and reverence of God, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 It's getting really frustrating. I've already revealed to my mother that I don't believe in Christianity and am an agnostic atheist, but she acts as if I never said anything. I feel very insulted that she claims "God's will" while I'm depressed when she knows that means nothing to me. Or when she asks me why I haven't been going to church. Why the hell would an atheist go to church? I've tried to remind her a few times, but she just seems to shrug it off and remind me within an hour of how great God is. One of the most ridiculous things was when she noticed that I had ex-christian.net bookmarked. She had to sit me down and have a "talk" about why I would have such a site bookmarked. I ended up revealing to her for the third fucking time that I am not Christian anymore. What I find most frustrating about this is that I thought we had a real heart-to-heart when I first came out to her and I feel really offended that she is either constantly forgetting or is just willfully ignorant. She may be trying to bring you back into the fold or it may be that uber-religious people just continually think about religion so it comes out. I asked my ex once if all things should be taken in moderation...she said yes...so I asked her if religion should be taken in moderation....she was afraid of god so didn't want to answer the question. I felt the 'fear' as an xian so purposely spoke of Jebus now and then as if fulfilling my duty to spread the word. It reduced the guilt I felt for not actively evangelizing full time or going on missions. Saying god and jebus and religious shit just becomes habit too after a while. If she is old don't expect her to change much. If she keeps asking why you dont go to church I suppose you can keep telling her you dont believe anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Rose Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Djoker, I don't know how it is in your house, but in my house when I was growing up you just didn't talk about "things" and everything was "alright". Perhaps your mother doesn't know how to respond, or is afraid to respond. If she is a liberal christian, she is put in this place where she wants to support her child but has NO idea how to do that out of the context of religion perhaps. She may have no point of reference in which to figure out what to do, so it's just easier to try to pretend like the elephant isn't there. It's not healthy but it is what it is. If your mother isn't just forgetting, this may be a sort of a breakdown for her to some extent. Perhaps you could find some gentle blogs or articles for her to read that you inadvertently leave up on the computer. Things that could help her see that atheism isn't what she may have been taught to believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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