Wings Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 My sister and her boyfriend came to visit me this weekend- I was excited to tour them around my town. Friday and Saturday we did plenty of tourist activities (I have the sunburn to prove it). I'm impressed that we managed as much as we did, despite the fact that they slept late both days and wanted to come home early because they were tired. I love my sister and I've really enjoyed spending time with them.... but I'm frustrated because we came home early tonight so they could map out the nearest one of "our" churches and they're getting up at 6am to be there in time since it's a few hours away. I think I am in an angry stage now... are there stages of deconverting? I've felt relief and depression... but now EVERYTHING seems to make me feel angry/frustrated. The comments on facebook, the righteous right, my sister getting up at 6am to drive for hours to spend time in church. I guess in the light of the universe, who am I compared to jeebus? And I get it, I used to get it, anyway. I used to be that person. But today I'm angered and upset so is this just a temporary state? What comes after this?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted June 17, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted June 17, 2012 My BIL/SIL do that when they come to town. It's dumb to me, but they seem to get a kick out of it because it keeps them from going to Hell. He always buys dinner, so it's okay by me. Also, I get to catch up on email while they're wasting time at church. Typical religious activity doesn't bother me at all. I draw the line at proselytizing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrailBlazer Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 From the stages of grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance I think for deconversion it might look more like this: 1. Denial/ Cognitive Dissonance 2. Bargaining/ Pleading 3. Depression 4. Anger 5. Acceptance *note that anyone can skip stages and/or come back to stages through their own processes 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asanerman Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 .. I used to get it, anyway. I used to be that person. But today I'm angered and upset so is this just a temporary state? What comes after this?? Letting-Go? Now, that's nice! At first the letting go seems mechanical--plastic. It ain't easy. But with intentional practice, letting-go becomes a trait--automatic, effort free. I think the cogitative-behaviorist term it habituation and extinction. Its a natural human tendency that can be learned and developed. Now, that's really nice! *note that anyone can skip stages and/or come back to stages through their own processes That's always nice to know, TB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Thank Florduh and TrailBlazer, I'm usually pretty easygoing and initially I didn't feel this strongly about things, but it's really been driving me crazy lately. Looking forward to that stage where it's just "meh, have fun. I'm going to sleep in and do some other stuff." Acceptance, you will be good! TB, your list is pretty good! Thanks for the advice too, Asanerman. I think letting go and changing my thinking process will really help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity Rose Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Here's a wonderful thread about the stages of deconversion... http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/21830-phases-of-deconversion/ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I think I am in an angry stage now... are there stages of deconverting? I've felt relief and depression... but now EVERYTHING seems to make me feel angry/frustrated. The comments on facebook, the righteous right, my sister getting up at 6am to drive for hours to spend time in church. I guess in the light of the universe, who am I compared to jeebus? And I get it, I used to get it, anyway. I used to be that person. I totally hear you. My SIL makes me *crazy*. I've managed to rise above the religious insanity for the most part, and because they don't know I'm not a believer anymore, I can play these fun little games with her. I think there are stages to deconverting. For me (and I think it can be different for everyone) it was: 1. Denial that anything is wrong , even though I was going insane with cognitive dissonance. 2. Fulminating cognitive dissonance for the last few years of my faith. This was also my anger phase. 3. Bargaining while also "covering" for God. 4. Sliding into depression at the loss of my worldview. 5. Acceptance. Bliss. Recovery. Reclamation. Being "born again again". The hardest part for me was the cognitive dissonance. Funny thing, I didn't know what I was experience was called. I only knew the term "cognitive dissonance" from education theory; I wish I'd had this framework to work through what I was experiencing. What a terrible time. While I was bargaining and giving God one last chance, while also learning more about my cognitive dissonance, I slipped into a depression. Interestingly, the academic literature supports the notion that deconversion is an intensely painful process. Anyhow, I think we can only move forward. Do you have someone you can talk it through with? My husband heard an earful every Sunday on the way home from church for years. Poor guy. But it helped me sort out what was wrong. It gets better! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Woah! I just realized this was you, Kristen! I guess I missed the name change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wings Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Lol, yes... I come from a pretty small community of churches and I've already had multiple people guess my name (cause I had my last name initials in there). FIgured I'd maintain a little more anonymity just in case. Wings... cause Isaiah 40:31 about he will raise you on wings like eagles used to be one of my favourites. I figured I have to get my own wings now 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusanStoHeli Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Definitely stages - being pissed off, at realizing it was all a very old lie, realizing the time you've wasted, seeing others waste that same time - that's a very natural first stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paine Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 And its your SISTER. You love her enough that if you wanted to "love ANYONE out" of Christardedness, it is a SISTER....a CLOSE loved one. I'd turn on my white noise machine (Loooove!) and cinch down the black ZZZzzzz mask and defy her to wake you up when she SETS AN ALARM ON A "DAY OF REST" to go put on pantyhose and jump around singing Karaoke for Christ.... Tell her you'll see her when she gets back and that you have REAL RESTING TO DO ON THE LORD'S DAY. (That whole "day of rest" hypocrisy always burned my ASS!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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