Jds22 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I told my wife about my deconverion about a year ago. She was shocked at first but came around pretty quickly to see that religion and Christianity is BS and is now in the agnostic camp. She was raised in a very strict baptist family that is quite large. We live in the small town she was raised in and everywhere we go, there they are. 2 of her uncles are baptist preachers with decent sized churches. None of them know and she really has no intentions of telling them as it would create quite a mess for her. FYI, moving away is not an option at the present but might be in 6-7 years. She feels like she's trapped. She's trying to hide this from her family and at the same time she feels like she can't explore her new found freedom and ideas. Do you know of any books or blogs that might offer some help or guidance for somebody in this kind of situation? Thanks, Jerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 godless by dan barker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 but welcome to the ever-growing club of closet atheists. There ALOT of us on here. tell her sign up and hop online. many are here to offer advice. i also found alot of comfort listening to others' stories on youtube. also search for thethinkingathiest any one of those videos are good. the goal is to get comfortable in her own skin. They will show their true colors when and if she lets them in on her doubts and they flip out. that says more about them, not her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted June 20, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 20, 2012 Hi Jerry. This was the first book I read. I actually studied this book. I kept taking it out at the library (for a year) during a time when I could not afford the book. Charles Templeton made more sense to me than any pastor I had talked to about my questions. Charles was Billy Grahams best friend and he once was a very influential minister like Billy. I was sooo lucky to actually contact this wonderful man by phone and had at least 4 conversations with him before he died. He sent me an autographed book for a x-mas present!!. He is very simple to read and answers all the questions that you have about the christian god. His story is fantastic.... For more than twenty years, Charles Templeton was a major figure in the church in Canada and the United States. During the 1950s, he and Billy Graham were the two most successful exponents of mass evangelism in North America. Templeton spoke nightly to stadium crowds of up to thirty thousand people. However, increasing doubts about the validity of the Old Testament and the teachings of the Christian church finally brought about a crisis in his faith and in 1957 he resigned from the ministry. In Farewell to God, Templeton speaks out about his reasons for the abandonment of his faith. In straightforward language, Templeton deals with such subjects as the Creation fable, racial prejudice in the Bible, the identity of Jesus of Nazareth, Jesus’ alienation from his family, the second-class status of women in the church, the mystery of evil, the illusion that prayer works, why there is suffering and death, and the loss of faith in God. http://www.amazon.com/Farewell-God-Reasons-Rejecting-Christian/dp/0771085087 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRoper Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Are you looking for books to help her with her deconversion as far as religion/bible books. Or more of something that will help her overcome the shame of being different from her family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherJosh Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Bart Ehrman is usually pretty straightforward, but without a lot of the fervor some atheist/non-Christian authors have. John Shelby Spong is another good one, in my opinion. He still identifies as a Christian, but is a huge critic of fundamentalist/literalist types. Would maybe be good to introduce her to other modes of thought within Christianity that is vastly different, yet more scholarly, than Baptists. Dan Barker is another good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jds22 Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 Are you looking for books to help her with her deconversion as far as religion/bible books. Or more of something that will help her overcome the shame of being different from her family? I'd say more of the latter. Something to help her overcome being different. She loves her parents, who live right behind us btw, but says she doesn't enjoy their company anymore because of all of the religious talk. Sorry if I wasn't more clear about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRoper Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 In that case, I'd recommend Brene Brown. She has a spiritual side to her, probably a Xian but she doesn't get into it at all. She is a shame researcher & her books were very helpful to me in understanding the difference between shame & guilt - and how harmful shame is to a person. And how to let go of shame and accept yourself. This one is very chewy in the beginning, but if she can get through that it get's easier: http://www.amazon.co...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340228475&sr=8-1&keywords=brene+brown She also has a good website, blog & a couple videos that are helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Barbabra Brown Tayor's An Altar in the World Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Here's one of Brene Brown's videos that I've watched many times, trying to figure out what she's talking about. I'm certainly not trying to discourage your wife from being more open, but there will be days that a person will wonder if it is worth it. Forewarned is forearmed, is what I'm trying to say, because it is worth it. Just be prepared for some grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Here's one of Brene Brown's videos that I've watched many times, trying to figure out what she's talking about. I'm certainly not trying to discourage your wife from being more open, but there will be days that a person will wonder if it is worth it. Forewarned is forearmed, is what I'm trying to say, because it is worth it. Just be prepared for some grief. loved this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsRoper Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Here's one of Brene Brown's videos that I've watched many times, trying to figure out what she's talking about. I'm certainly not trying to discourage your wife from being more open, but there will be days that a person will wonder if it is worth it. Forewarned is forearmed, is what I'm trying to say, because it is worth it. Just be prepared for some grief. loved this... She's funny too. She's like someone you'd sit down and have a beer with if she still drank. I love her. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I dont have a book suggestion, but has she thought about coming here on ex-c? This place has been incredibly helpful for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Valk0010 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I hate to sound like a hitchen's fan boy but I would recommend this book to even christians if they could stomach it. Its just something that I think anybody should read even if they think hitchen's is a fool on the religion subject. Letter's to a young contrarian 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wndwalkr99 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Try Sam Harris' "Letter to A Christian Nation". Very short and mostly respectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 21, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2012 I wish I knew of a good book to recommend. My wife and I have found it helpful to study the lives of Benjamin Franklin, Charles Darwin, and Mark Twain. BB seems pretty cool too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wester Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I would recommend some books with a bent of feminist autonomy, not only deconverion or religion oriented books. I liked Naomi Wolff's "Beauty Myth" from back in the 1980s Also Simone De Beauvoir's "Second Sex" (fantastic book) Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own" And then of course, Andrea Dworkin and Mary Shelly, author of Frankenstein and her mother's book "Vindication of the Rights of Women" These are the books I read in the feminist genre, but of course there is a whole lot more. Recommended with the objective of not just helping with step by step deconversion but building self-confidence and to find permission and validation to think for one's self and authentically to be one's self (not at all easy for the women in the place where i came from in a william faulkner-like gothic south). Cheers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jds22 Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks for all of the advice and recommendations. I bought Godless last night for my Nook and really like it so far. I'm not sure if she'll be interested in that or not. I'll suggest that she join up and share her concerns with the group. And Valk0010 - I think everybody should be a Hitchens fan boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I told my wife about my deconverion about a year ago. She was shocked at first but came around pretty quickly to see that religion and Christianity is BS and is now in the agnostic camp. She was raised in a very strict baptist family that is quite large. We live in the small town she was raised in and everywhere we go, there they are. 2 of her uncles are baptist preachers with decent sized churches. None of them know and she really has no intentions of telling them as it would create quite a mess for her. FYI, moving away is not an option at the present but might be in 6-7 years. She feels like she's trapped. She's trying to hide this from her family and at the same time she feels like she can't explore her new found freedom and ideas. Do you know of any books or blogs that might offer some help or guidance for somebody in this kind of situation? Thanks, Jerry My favorite is "Trusting Doubt" by Valerie Tarico. She's a regular contributor to Ex-C. Her book has a lot of heart along with very well thought out reasoning. Other books sometimes are a little more - snarky? They have great info, but they lack a certain compassion that Valerie infuses into her work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator TrueFreedom Posted June 21, 2012 Moderator Share Posted June 21, 2012 My favorite is "Trusting Doubt" by Valerie Tarico. She's a regular contributor to Ex-C. Her book has a lot of heart along with very well thought out reasoning. Other books sometimes are a little more - snarky? They have great info, but they lack a certain compassion that Valerie infuses into her work. I would place Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell in the same category--good stuff. It deals more with that "what now?" aspect of losing faith and has exercises for recovering from past hurts and indoctrination. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Thanks for all of the advice and recommendations. I bought Godless last night for my Nook and really like it so far. I'm not sure if she'll be interested in that or not. I'll suggest that she join up and share her concerns with the group. And Valk0010 - I think everybody should be a Hitchens fan boy. I'm with Wester on the feminist literature. At its core, feminism is about accepting and embracing yourself as you are. I found it very self-affirming and empowering, and I found that it gave me the strength to be comfortable in my own skin, regardless of whether anyone else actually liked me. Women are often pressured to please others, and to deny themselves. In christianity, and often in society too, we are told to be submissive and to sacrifice our own desires and aspirations. Your wife is not just undoing all the indoctrination and brainwashing, but in doing so, she is doing what she was told not to. She is being herself as an individual and not people pleasing, and that's not easy when everyone around her has a mindset where she should be pleasing them. You might want to show her this doco, about how gender is a social construct. It may help to open both your eyes to what she is trying to deal with as a woman. http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/codes-gender/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelHappy Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 For a $0.99 kindle book, Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary was pretty great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 For a $0.99 kindle book, Why I Believed: Reflections of a Former Missionary was pretty great. That one was very good too. I second this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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