GardenerGal Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 On the brink of my unbelief, I grasped for any hope I could, usually through local Bible studies. The last church Bible study I engaged in was presented by a speaker who was a divorcee and trying to understand why God would allow her to go through something like that. At one point in her recorded DVD message, she said something along the lines of: An ungodly woman is a bitter woman. Most of the women nodded an amen. Well, I was hanging on by a thread when this echoed through my ears, and I recall thinking, I do not want to turn into a bitter woman. My choice was to remain a Christian and obtain joy (at some point), or leave the faith and become a bitter, unpleasant woman. At least those were the options I felt I was given. After thinking on this longer, I thought of all the Christian women and men who I saw as bitter. Either they didn't fit the speaker's formula, or they were not really Christian. I decided the latter fit the bill best. Presently, I see the bitter church-goers as those who hang on out of pride, or business reasons, or whatever. Now I see I didn't have much of choice in becoming an ungodly woman or not. I just wasn't one, no fault of my own. But I did, however, have the choice to become a bitter woman. Since leaving the fold, I am stubbornly passionate to pursue and demonstrate joy. I don't want to confirm their attitude toward unbelievers that keeps them clinging to this faith. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 There has to be some wisdom to Paul's alleged teaching of women to keep silent and learn from their husbands. Sounds misogynistic but the amount of fucked up things that women get up to in their lady groups just shows how much shit they will share with each other. Kinda like misery seeks company kind of thing. The woman wondering why god let her get divorced, well doh, look at yourself and ask what did I do wrong? The idea that women should be this submissive twit sucks to me. I am guessing many marry too early to actually have enjoyed a bit of life as a single before yielding to becoming a baby making machine. My theory is that come 28 onwards, they realise that they missed out on something and then form these "help" groups which really don't help. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VacuumFlux Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 There has to be some wisdom to Paul's alleged teaching of women to keep silent and learn from their husbands. Sounds misogynistic but the amount of fucked up things that women get up to in their lady groups just shows how much shit they will share with each other. Kinda like misery seeks company kind of thing. The woman wondering why god let her get divorced, well doh, look at yourself and ask what did I do wrong? The idea that women should be this submissive twit sucks to me. I am guessing many marry too early to actually have enjoyed a bit of life as a single before yielding to becoming a baby making machine. My theory is that come 28 onwards, they realise that they missed out on something and then form these "help" groups which really don't help. I don't entirely agree, but I do think that when a marriage goes bad, a woman should talk to her husband about it, and not just her girlfriends. Same thing with guys who get together and talk about women and get things wrong; both genders in the church have some pretty messed up ideas on how to do relationships. Since leaving the fold, I am stubbornly passionate to pursue and demonstrate joy. I don't want to confirm their attitude toward unbelievers that keeps them clinging to this faith. Yay for using spite to become a better person! I think some of the reason that christians end up bitter is that they try to repress their negative emotions, not work through them or transform them into something positive. That never goes well. A christian would try not to feel spite, not to admit that they'd been hurt, try to "forgive". But you are admitting that there is something wrong and determining to do something about it. That's great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 There has to be some wisdom to Paul's alleged teaching of women to keep silent and learn from their husbands. Sounds misogynistic but the amount of fucked up things that women get up to in their lady groups just shows how much shit they will share with each other. Kinda like misery seeks company kind of thing. The woman wondering why god let her get divorced, well doh, look at yourself and ask what did I do wrong? The idea that women should be this submissive twit sucks to me. I am guessing many marry too early to actually have enjoyed a bit of life as a single before yielding to becoming a baby making machine. My theory is that come 28 onwards, they realise that they missed out on something and then form these "help" groups which really don't help. The overall point of women's Bible study is to be reminded of what wretched sinners we were before God, and what he has done to restore us to wholeness. Never do women actually talk about marriage problems, faith problems, etc., though, because that would be unsafe! Stick to the safety topics, such as: kids, becoming a better wife (not the sex part), recipes, hormones, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 When I took psych 101 the professor tried to explain self-actualization at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs using Eleanor Roosevelt as an example. It sounds to me as if you are on track in your life toward the goal of self-actualization GG. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 When I took psych 101 the professor tried to explain self-actualization at the top of Maslow's hierarchy of needs using Eleanor Roosevelt as an example. It sounds to me as if you are on track in your life toward the goal of self-actualization GG. Thanks, Vigile, for sharing that. I remember Maslow's hierarchy of needs being demonstrated in school, but it makes more sense now as an adult with some life experience under her belt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 An ungodly woman is a bitter woman. My choice was to remain a Christian and obtain joy (at some point), or leave the faith and become a bitter, unpleasant woman. Gawd. Don't you hate the manipulation? Christianity coughs up all these false dichotomies and we think we have to choose between two options. The fact is, there are way more choices of what to pursue...as you describe! I agree GG--we choose our joy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 ...the amount of fucked up things that women get up to in their lady groups just shows how much shit they will share with each other. Oh LL, it was so bad. Even as a fundy I couldn't handle these women's groups, which were all about how to serve your man (I didn't have/want one) and how to be a better doormat for your husband. To this day, I shy away from women-only groups, even if they are secular. Gawd, it was bad.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 ...the amount of fucked up things that women get up to in their lady groups just shows how much shit they will share with each other. Oh LL, it was so bad. Even as a fundy I couldn't handle these women's groups, which were all about how to serve your man (I didn't have/want one) and how to be a better doormat for your husband. To this day, I shy away from women-only groups, even if they are secular. Gawd, it was bad.... I'm hearing you, Pos. I'm still scarred by the memory of the scrapbooking ladies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Gawd. Don't you hate the manipulation? Christianity coughs up all these false dichotomies and we think we have to choose between two options. The fact is, there are way more choices of what to pursue...as you describe! I agree GG--we choose our joy! If everything were that black and white! I remember some of our studies included talking about why we struggled so hard to get our "morning time" in with the Lord. "Why do I look through my stack of mail before opening the Bible?" Um, I don't know, maybe because the Bible is b-o-r-i-n-g. Of course, no one says that I really ran myself ragged trying to get up at 5 before heading off to work at 6:45 so I could read, get ready, eat and go. It was miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wester Posted July 10, 2012 Share Posted July 10, 2012 "Bitter" is a word of denigration and control.... Imagine those folks whose families lived through slavery...why so bitter??? Or the Jews in Germany mid 20th century...why so bitter?? Women don't have equal rights or voting rights for centuries...why so bitter?? Lied into war in Iraq...why so bitter? How about the big bank/failed business bailouts in 2008 while the rest of the country can go to hell...why so bitter?? Frankly this is grotesque. People have every g-dam right to be pissed off their asses all day and all night about stupidity and injustice. The next ax-crack who accuses me of being bitter will taste the lemons on the end of my knuckles. Often, Christianity looks like a misogynistic Stockholm Syndrome society of masochists to me. And another thing I got from one of my friends: "As soon as they start to complain about your 'tone', you know you are winning...." Have a good day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GardenerGal Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 "Bitter" is a word of denigration and control.... Frankly this is grotesque. People have every g-dam right to be pissed off their asses all day and all night about stupidity and injustice. The next ax-crack who accuses me of being bitter will taste the lemons on the end of my knuckles. Very good points. I would often get overwhelmed with the rate of human trafficking and receive blank stares because I obviously wasn't "giving it to God". I feel more responsible for my actions now more than during my five-years as a Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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