I'm New.

[Edie]

Hi, I'm new here. I'm 30 years old and I live near London with my cat. In September I am going to university to study animal care, as I hope to work with animals.

 

I am very, very pleased to be here.

 

It's 11 years since I left an Evangelical Church that even called itself fundamentalist. Some days I feel like it's all behind me, but others I still struggle.

 

I was involved from age 10 and committed myself to Christianity aged 12. I started to have doubts aged 19 and it was about 6 months later, still aged 19, that I was excommunicated before I was quite ready to walk away. The people at the Church were informed that the reason for my leaving was that I had sexually abused an infant. I did not fight this rumour because I was more ashamed about losing faith than the lie.

 

I walked away from the Church with a lot of baggage. They somehow made me feel simultaneously special, and guilty. Even when I left, I still believed most things and felt very ashamed about my lack of faith.

 

Since then, many rumours have circulated the village, including that I am a cocaine addict. They just can't accept that a person can be a non-Christian, and not turn evil, so they have to make up stuff.

 

Although I'd attended the local school, the Church took up all my social time and discouraged forming friendships other than for the purposes of bringing people to Church. I had no actual friends outside the Church and was taught to fear the outside world, that all people who did not attend out particular Church were evil drug addicts, murderers, and worst of all, homosexuals.

 

My relationship with my parents was a bit of a mess by this time because they were not members of the Church and I had been encouraged to distance myself from them and distrust them. Although they had concerns about some things I came out with, they were also relieved that I was reading the Bible instead of trying cannabis and having sex like many teenagers do. I did not tell them what was going on with the Church, about my doubts, or my excommunication. They were very angry that I had turned my back on my only friends for no reason. Our relationship totally broke down and I left home with nowhere to stay that night. We have now repaired things as well as they can ever be repaired. Things are a little variable between my mum and me, but I am close to my dad.

 

I suffered with depression for most of my teenage years. Although there were other factors, I believe the heavy burden of guilt was a major contributory factor. The Church were the only factor in my failure to seek treatment.

 

I suffered a bad breakdown after leaving the Church. My life was totally up in the air, I did not trust anyone, was scared of people outside the Church, was totally naïve due to not experiencing anything normal teenagers do. I had a lot of catching up to do, and I gradually did it, but looked very immature and a bit crazy as I did so.

 

Then I married a very controlling man. (Can you see a pattern here?) We are divorced since 5 years now and I am very happily single.

 

About 3 years ago I found I was no longer confused about religion, and was content with my atheism. It's been a big relief!

 

Last year my life was turned upside down by the sudden death of my brother in an accident. My brother was my best friend and it's a huge loss to me, and painful to watch my parents' grief. It's been tough, but I'm going to be OK and have a happy future. In bereavement it seems that everyone is religious, but I haven't had any total nutters and at least my mum and dad also share my beliefs so I can talk about things with them. Of course I wish I could see my brother again. I also wish I was a millionaire. But neither are going to happen and eventually you just have to stop wishing and get on with it.

 

I am now quite well in terms of the depression. Not 100% well, but on an even keel and confident of a better future. I have some physical health problems and also Asperger's Syndrome, which means I'm not very good at conversation, making friends, or running my day-to-day life. The diagnosis is recent, and explains a lot of the difficulties I've had which I previously put down to lack of faith. It has helped to alleviate a lot of the guilt, and also provided a useful starting point to learn new skills. I am quite socially isolated and nervous because of my experiences with the Church and my marriage, but I have a part time job and I am starting university in September so I'm not a total recluse.

[Kaiser01]

welcome to EX-C, you will find a good community here. I wonder how the rumor of you and the infant started, never be afraid of the fact you dont believe.

[mcdaddy]

Welcome!! Glad to have ya!

 

Jump in on some topics and let er rip!

[LaughingMan]

We welcome you to our community. The sense of community is often the thing most of us miss during our walk down this lonesome road. We are often forced to leave those we cared for behind not out of willful defiance but due to banishment. I understand how you feel, I too am a stranger in my own hometown. While the path we walk on may seem lonely at times, be assured many walk this road and sooner or later you shall encounter many fellow travelers. Good luck and may the sun shine on your face and the wind to your back.

[openpalm45]

Im glad you are here. Thank you for sharing your story. Keep posting!

[Edie]

Thank you for the welcome. This looked like a friendly place to be. Turns out I was right about that. I'm looking forward to getting stuck in.

[antix]

Welcome. As for rumors about a coke habit: seems christians have a gossip fetish

[Overcame Faith]

Welcome, Edie. So sorry to hear of your brother's death. Also sorry to hear of those terrible rumors that were spread about you. But I am glad to read that you seem to have your depression under control and, most of all, that you left the Christian religion.

[2Honest]

Hi, Edie. Glad you found the forum, sounds like it's just the right time for you. I'm sorry for all that you've been through. Good for you for getting out! I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. Sounds like you are on the path to starting a new life. Here's to a great future for you!

 

2H

[Spectrox]

Thanks for sharing Edie. Sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been awful.

 

Glad that you're beginning to feel better about everything. Onwards and Upwards! (But not to heaven - that doesn't exist...although it is possible to find a little piece of heaven on Earth ... sometimes even on this website!)

[♦ nivek ♦]

Edie,

 

Feel quite welcome to investigate and read all over forums and all the vatious information this Community leaves to share.

You will find fellow travellers here at ExC, folks who will be somewhere on your path, or able to help you past all kinds of bumps in your journey.

 

kevinL

[ConureDelSol]

I think you and I will get along FAMOUSLY! I am in the process of completing pre-requisites to apply to a veterinary technology program about an hour away from me. I will be more than happy to obsess over animals with you!

[RintrahRoars]

Hi Edie and welcome. Reading your story reminded me of my life growing up as a Christian and being burdened by guilt and shame. Now out of that cycle I can accept my emotions and deal intelligently with issue I've had. Good luck with your journey forward!

[Carolorado]

Hi Edie, I am new here, too. I will be interested to read your take on the types of religious fundamentalism in UK. As you are probably aware, end times religion is a big part of America these days.

 

I look at the people here as co rebels. We are all just trying to find peace and happiness. And everyone I know that left xianity has had an huge adjustment to go through. But this is the place to find solace among other thinking people. Peace.

[Edie]

It's funny, we have this impression of America as being very godless and lawless, it's only in the past couple of years we've really become aware of the heavy Christian influence on American culture.

 

My only experience of America is that I went to California last March, but I think California is much more liberal anyway, and the people I stayed with were an English family.

 

Fundamentalist Churches like the one I went to are not common in England, and most people would regard them as rather mad. Those who do go to Church tend to attend the established Church, the Roman Catholic Church, or Church of England (Protestant). Religion really is much less a part of everyday life here. There seems to be very little resistance to teaching evolution in schools, for example. Things are a little different in Northern Ireland becuase of its troubled political history.

 

Richard Dawkins even appears in a TV series we have (called "Inside Nature's Giants") on dissections of interesting animals to talk about their evolutionary history and no one bats an eyelid. Actually, most English people think Dawkins comes over as a bit of a prat, but it's because he's arguing with mad American fundamentalists. Most people here don't understand why he's getting so angry and think he exaggerates what the Christians are saying.

 

It only seems in grief that people come over all religious. But it's not always Christian-based spirituality. Many people just say that my brother is looking over me, or that he is a star, or things like that. When I have discussed my total disbelief in anything spiritual, people have got quite cross with me, so I tend to bite my tongue now and just smile and nod. Fortunately my parents both feel the same as me, so at least I have someone to talk to when it starts to do my head in.

 

I do feel like I am really building an actual life for myself now. In the past I've just felt like I was fleeing the wrong life, not working toward the right one. But it was all part of the process I suppose. I will be 31 by the time I start university, and it's only now that I've felt confident enough to do so. And it feels good!

[blackpudd1n]

Hey Edie,

 

I'm a little late to the party, but I wanted to welcome you, too

 

I'm 26 and have just started university (again- bipolar interrupted the first attempt a few years ago) myself. As you are English, I was wondering if you are studying through the Open University or on campus. I'm purely curious because we have Open Universities over here in Australia modelled loosely on the UK version.

 

Actually, my vet is English- dad (who's from South End on Sea) tells me she's from the North. And I have two cats myself- Bruce and Wednesday. They're both black. That's Bruce in my profile pic.

 

Anyway, I'll stop rambling- once I get onto the subject of puddins, I just don't stop Oh, and please add a pic of your puddin to the Cat Appreciation Thread- we can never have too many photos of puddins!! http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/49684-cat-appreciation-thread/page__hl__%2Bcat+%2Bappreciation+%2Bthread

[Carolorado]

Thank you for your response about fundamentalism in UK, and what you said about how Richard Dawkins is considered over the top in what he is saying about xianity. He isn't. A couple of years ago, Dawkins was a featured guest speaker at a state university in a very conservative state here --he had donated his time and someone donated a ticket, so the school paid nothing. The state legislators were so furious that an atheist was allowed to speak at at state school --never mind it is used for everything else for xianity--that they passed a state law to make atheists pay for the costs of electricity and expense for building use. Never mind that breaks every law about freedom of speech and separation of church and state. The then governor vetoed, but they have a governor there that would not.

 

Nope, Dawkins is speaking the truth about especially the south. There is some insane religion there; churches forming militias. Dawkins probably is toning it down.

 

And the thought of Dawkins being on one of our major networks would cause massive, belivers boycotts of advertisers. So, no money, no show. Big time religious influence on everything in very conservative areas in this country.

[Kaiser01]

Thank you for your response about fundamentalism in UK, and what you said about how Richard Dawkins is considered over the top in what he is saying about xianity. He isn't. A couple of years ago, Dawkins was a featured guest speaker at a state university in a very conservative state here --he had donated his time and someone donated a ticket, so the school paid nothing. The state legislators were so furious that an atheist was allowed to speak at at state school --never mind it is used for everything else for xianity--that they passed a state law to make atheists pay for the costs of electricity and expense for building use. Never mind that breaks every law about freedom of speech and separation of church and state. The then governor vetoed, but they have a governor there that would not.

 

Nope, Dawkins is speaking the truth about especially the south. There is some insane religion there; churches forming militias. Dawkins probably is toning it down.

 

And the thought of Dawkins being on one of our major networks would cause massive, belivers boycotts of advertisers. So, no money, no show. Big time religious influence on everything in very conservative areas in this country.

 

If Dawkins came to my state i would be ecstatic, i dont care whats going on i would go see him.

[Carolorado]

Me too. Dawkins did show up; it was only after the fact the legislators got mad!

[NeverAgainV]

Welcome Edie!!

 

What you wrote here really spoke to me, "They just can't accept that a person can be a non-Christian, and not turn evil, so they have to make up stuff."

So true!

 

I'm glad you have gotten free mostly from the guilt of the indoctrination & so happy to hear at least you are making repairs to your relationship w/ your parents.

I absolutely hate the way that religious doctrine alienates children from their "flesh" parents. It's so abusive & harmful.

 

So sorry to hear your brother passed, I can't imagine how that hurts.

I hope you were able to spend time with your brother over the years & made some good memories.

 

religion often doesn't give one a chance to MAKE those good memories....

my dad passed away while I head over heels indoctrinated in the bible cult. What I would give to get a hug from him...to let him know how much I respect him for NOT believing the religious nonsense during his lifetime.

He detested religion...I think he saw the hypocrisies & he was totally human, smoked, drank, watched the oh so sinful porn...but to me it's better to be addicted to that than to abusive hurtful religion!

Too late for me with my dad...not too late for you with your parents so take advantage of your time with them the best you can.

 

Good luck & thanks for sharing some of your story. So glad for you that you got free from abusive religion.

[Edie]

Hi blackpudd1n, I didn't know there was a cat appreciation thread, I will have to check that out! The university I am going to is a physical campus. It's an agricural college with a working farm and an animal centre with small mammals, reptiles and birds. My course is called a Foundation Degree, which is said to be equivalent to year 1 & 2 of a BSc, though it's widely understood that they are not as academic. As I want to work with animals, this is the ideal course for me as I will get plenty of hands-on experience at the college and on work experience placements. I have the option to "top up" to a full BSc by taking the 3rd year at the same college or elsewhere, or going on to study a more academic subject like Veterinary Medicine, biology or Zoology. I like nerdiness, but didn't select the right subjects when I was in school 12 years ago (sciences would have been ungodly), so my choices are a bit restricted at this point. This course will rectify that though!

[tothemorning]

Asperger's plus religious trauma...that's a double wopper. I feel your pain, but I must say based on your writing you are a gifted communicator. I am sorry for the pain you sustained. Most of have had experiences such as yours...I too was exiled from a christian college based on lies. I left the college with a threat of arrest for tresspass if I returned on campus. I walked off the property by myself wondering where god had gone. My christian environment was ripped out from under me. That was 25 yrs ago...and I am still evolving and recovering from that shit. Glad to see you are getting a handle on this early.

 

This site is great. Not going to find a community of exiled brights anywhere who have more compassion than the believers.

 

Welcome aboard...stay connected. The journey is enriching.

[♦ ficino ♦]

Hi Edie, I'm late to this thread but I add my welcome. It's great that you will begin training to work with animals. They are our better angels, I think. You'll find a lot of cat lovers on here!

 

The power and ubiquity of Christianity in the USA is very strong, but it seems its hold is weakening a bit on the younger generation. You are lucky in the UK to have it less in one's face.

 

Will you be moving in Sept. when you start university? And get out of your village where people make up stuff about others?

[Edie]

No, I won't be moving away. About 2 years after leaving the Church I did move away to live (in sin) with my boyfriend. I moved back nearby about 3 years ago, and back to the village to be near my parents just under a year ago. Now I live and work here, the rumours have stopped because everyone can see that I'm not a pregnant druggie prostitute or whatever they want to say. So rumours aren't really a worry any more.

[Sheldon]

Welcome Edie!!

 

What you wrote here really spoke to me, "They just can't accept that a person can be a non-Christian, and not turn evil, so they have to make up stuff."

So true!

 

 

 

They do that in order to unify their ranks, to create an "us vs. them" mentality, to create a false sense of persecution by the "heathen" world around them. It's sad that not only religions, but governments resort to such tactics, making outsiders, and enemies (whether real or imagined/exaggerated), seem like evil people, when they are human beings just like them....