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Craziest Drama You've Experienced At Your Church?


sethosayher
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So my church had a retreat last weekend. All in all fairly fun, especially when you skip 90% of the meetings/devotionals/bible studies. But the entire excursion was marred on the last night by an explosive controversy involving young girls and late night movies.

 

You see the retreat organizers (who are respected members of the pentecostal church I attend) wanted to show an extremely lame movie about Fathers and Sons called "Courageous" on Saturday, at the well-know licentious time of 9:30 pm. We all know that nothing good happens after 9:30 pm.

 

Basically a very conservative member of the Church (let's call him "Jack") started yelling at around 9 that he wouldn't let his 15 year old daughter watch a movie that late with horny boys from our church. Ignoring that Courageous is probably the least sexy movie of all time and that there would be tons of watchful adults.

 

So one of the retreat organizers (an intimidating but ultimately good-hearted adult, let's call him "Larry") found about this and blew up, jumping in his car to drive back to the retreat center to confront Jack about this. Larry and John met and spent three hours discussing this situation. Thankfully, Larry kept his anger in and the exchange was fairly civil.

 

Basically what happened was is that the pastor of the church (a relative of mine) conspired with more conservative members of the church to bring their daughters back to the retreat center if the movie was past 9:30. They did this in an extremely underhanded and secretive way. They knew that Jack was hot-headed and told Jack months in advance to go nuts and demand his daughter not attend the movie. They essentially used him as a pawn, instead of just being upfront about their beliefs/intentions. My pastor was essentially exposed and now things are very tense.

 

It's fucking amazing how scummy and immoral some believers can be. These sanctimonious pricks walk around like their God's gift to man, and imply that their possession of the holy spirit makes them moral people. Bullllllshit. The Holy Spirit doesn't seem to do jack shit in most people, most congregations, most denominations.

 

So what's the craziest Church Drama you've experienced?

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My church was too lukewarm to produce any shocking things... :shrug:

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My husband and I began attending the "growing" & "popular" church in town (about 100-150 members). We loved it! Meanwhile, there was a lot of behind-the-scenes garbage going on we were completely unaware of. Some of the original members, as well as the ones who always seemed to cause trouble in the churches and moved around a bit, decided they didn't like the way our pastor was conducting his sermons (too calvinist?) and his encouragement of community activities (they didn't believe youth group/mingling with other denominations). Eventually, half the church left after a big production at a meeting (we went to this). People got up to the mic and spoke about their support of the pastor, or what they thought was wrong with him. What a disaster. He was eventually fired.

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Guest wester

The craziest drama I have seen comes direct from my mother. For years she wanted to be a minister, but her Prsebyterian denomination refused her. She tried and tried to change it, and even went down to the courthouse and got herself a minister's license, so she can go around and tell everyone she is a "licensed" minister. Shows how easy it is to buy the title.

 

Anyway - after years and years, she changed her church to some "Christian" denomination but they refused and refused to ordain her. Finally she gave up, and now she walks around like god's stepford wife in a constant state of trauma but still committed to making it through the non-existent pearly gates - probably because she is obsessed with somehow being able to see her obese racist, man-hating unconsummated closet lesbian lover who died a few years back.

 

When I try to tell mum what a misogynist pack of hypocritical f*ckwads the leadership in her church is and how she should tell them and her 'religion' to go to hell, she'll scream and yell and roll on the floor and act like she's having a heart attack. Then pretend it never happened and be right back to evangelizing me and praying for me two days later.

 

I think she secretly doesn't believe anymore, but won't admit it to herself since that would entail admitting that the last 45+ years of her life were wasted chasing a disgusting male-centered, woman-hating pipe dream. The psychology of previous investment. Sublimation and misdirection of aggression. Annoying....Annoying....Annoying....

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In one year at xian college:

6 professors and one RD called it quits, followed the Holy Spirit's leading in another direction -they will be missed ezhappydead.gif

The school almost lost accreditation and failed to communicate that to the student body no worries, god provides cloud9_99.gif

They focused more about improving athletics than upholding academics When god provides, he provides! In faith he will raise 5million for a new athletic complex, all to glorify his holy name! clap.gif

One RD got fired, was told that the HS was urging resident life to take a new path. LeslieWave.gif

Everything there is hidden or covered up by fake masks of happy Jesus smiles The LAWD is good, can I get an AMEN??

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This is more churchy related than church, but an interesting story. A very well known private company is run by a group of fanatical Xians; the founder is now a billionaire. Many of you would instantly know the company if I named it. It is not Walmart, so please don't guess that; this company is not publically traded.

 

A friend of mine worked for them at their headquarters. No man and woman were allowed to be in the same room with the door closed. No one could be seen in public with an alcholic drink, instant termination. No dancing for employees, if caught, you were fired. What ever church the founder 'graced' immediately adopted his wants which were the usual, tax cuts, evil gays, free guns blah, blah blah....

 

However, the founder had a personal, very attractive female masseuse who came a couple of times a week to the office to give Mr. Christian Billionaire massages. With the door closed and locked.

 

Meanwhile, this same founder set up a charity drive to give to the poor. However, most of the people who work for him make extremely low wages, their only benefit was they got every Sunday off. Anyway, there was donated food and apparently his employees were very hungry. One person was caught taking soup to eat. So, Mr. fine Xian billionaire fires him and his boss--because the boss knew the guy was hungry and turned his eyes to the theft. Mr Billionaire Said, no excuses, stealing was against the Bible.

 

And people where I used to live thought I was the crazy one for not believing in God...

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Oh gawd. Where to begin. Here are some of the more interesting/dramatic incidents in bullet format for brevity. These events all happened at 3 different churches of which we were a part.

  • Associate pastor, single, shagging a married parishioner. Difference of opinion on whether or not this was OK caused the church to implode and shut down.
  • Music pastor, engaged to be married, shagging a married parishioner at an ongoing relationship/sexuality conference. (Irony? Therapy?)
  • Worship leader throws a fit in a church meeting because she is jealous of a new worship leader who "God uses more". Meh?
  • Lead pastor announces he has lost his faith and becomes an atheist, walks away from the pulpit. Looks on parishioners faces: eek.gif
  • Main pastor becomes an alcoholic while still a pastor. The building that held his business/day job is now a liquor store. Hmmm.
  • Pastor with narcissistic personality disorder. Wow.

That's it for now! Looney tunes! Wendycrazy.gif

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Longtime pastor quit to become a full-time missionary, church spent two years finding a replacement. The young and very emotional youth minister clearly wanted the job...but his sermons ran long and of all the big churches in town ours was the farthest from restaurant row and goddammit we WILL NOT wait an hour for a table at the Red Lobster just cause all those uppity chuch-of-christers got there first. So he got voted down, promptly left to start his own congregation, and took a fourth of the membership with him.

 

And then his new place imploded a few years later over some other bullshit. Rinse and repeat.

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One of the weirdest "during the service events" that I witnessed all occurred because the church had installed a new sound system and was having some problems getting the sound picked up right and speakers for the congregation properly placed and adjusted. Apparently this old couple planned this event out. As one, she knelt down and began praying and he stood up and began to speak. He went on and on about how loud music was of the devil and how the church was becoming worldly. Eventually the pastor and the sound guy sort of stopped him and told him that they realized there were problems and that they were in the process of trying to fix them.

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Oh, you know, nothing too salacious...

 

There was that time when the minister was discovered having an affair with a younger, thinner divorcee... He got fired, because he then left his wife for the other woman; they're still together, actually, must be 13, 14 years now. Neither of them attend a church anymore.

 

Oh, and there was the time the young female assistant youth pastor slept with one of the guys from the youth group. Honestly, it wasn't as though the guy was 14- he was like 18 and she was like 20 or something. But they made her stand up in front of the whole church and confess her sin. Poor girl.

 

Oh, and there was the time that one church got a couple in as new pastors and they sold the church building. Over half the church up and left over that one. All-in-all, though, nothing too major, that I can think of, right now.

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This is more churchy related than church, but an interesting story. A very well known private company is run by a group of fanatical Xians; the founder is now a billionaire. Many of you would instantly know the company if I named it. It is not Walmart, so please don't guess that; this company is not publically traded. A friend of mine worked for them at their headquarters. No man and woman were allowed to be in the same room with the door closed. No one could be seen in public with an alcholic drink, instant termination. No dancing for employees, if caught, you were fired. What ever church the founder 'graced' immediately adopted his wants which were the usual, tax cuts, evil gays, free guns blah, blah blah.... However, the founder had a personal, very attractive female masseuse who came a couple of times a week to the office to give Mr. Christian Billionaire massages. With the door closed and locked. Meanwhile, this same founder set up a charity drive to give to the poor. However, most of the people who work for him make extremely low wages, their only benefit was they got every Sunday off. Anyway, there was donated food and apparently his employees were very hungry. One person was caught taking soup to eat. So, Mr. fine Xian billionaire fires him and his boss--because the boss knew the guy was hungry and turned his eyes to the theft. Mr Billionaire Said, no excuses, stealing was against the Bible. And people where I used to live thought I was the crazy one for not believing in God...

 

Hobby Lobby

 

OR

 

Chick-fil-A

 

Have a CLOSE relative who is lead in-house counsel for Chick-fil-A. If I had to guess......

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I SORTA outed the last pastor we had at the last church I went to. There was no way he still believed---no way at ALL. The first time I met him, it was like a "takes one to know one" scenario. I simply got him off in a corner after LITERALLY about ten minutes of meeting him in PERSON (at a football tailgate--though I had heard him preach twice already and this was how I was sure he had lost his faith---it was a sixth sense.) and asked him if we could talk about losing your faith.

 

He looked like I had punched him in the gut.

 

I wanted to talk about MY faith flagging, but I sensed that he would understand in a "different' more personal way, and I intimated that to him....kinda...ya know....since we both are flagging, maybe you can help me best as a pastor kinda thing....

 

Well I continued at that church for about three months before falling out of love with Jesus forever.... and he would NEVER LOOK ME IN THE EYE AFTER THAT OR SPEAK TO ME IN ANY WAY.

 

Fast forward about nine months>>> he and the music minister and the youth leader are ALL THREE LEAVING THE CHURCH. AND HE IS LEAVING THE MINISTRY ALTOGETHER.

 

Who knew? I guess he wasn't as good at hiding it as he thought he was. It seemed so obvious to me...an Emperor with no clothes moment....if that makes any sense. I hate it for him. I wish I could approach him....I am sure he knows about the Clergy Project... I HOPE he does...

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I simply got him off in a corner after LITERALLY about ten minutes of meeting him in PERSON

 

I'm sorry Paine, but that one line had my mind going in all directions!!!

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Crap, its been like 40 years but I will never forget it. I was hiding out in the car trying to skip church when a deacon spots me, comes to the car and threatens me "I will tell your parents if you don't go back in there". Scared the crap out of me.

 

I never tried it again, but I hated that church even more.

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Of course. Mustn't let our easily-influenced women stay out late or they might--gasp!--sit less than three feet away from a man.

 

The craziest drama at my parents' fundy church was my deconversion. As far as I know, anyway. There might be better, but I haven't heard of it.

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This is more churchy related than church, but an interesting story. A very well known private company is run by a group of fanatical Xians; the founder is now a billionaire. Many of you would instantly know the company if I named it. It is not Walmart, so please don't guess that; this company is not publically traded.

 

A friend of mine worked for them at their headquarters. No man and woman were allowed to be in the same room with the door closed. No one could be seen in public with an alcholic drink, instant termination. No dancing for employees, if caught, you were fired. What ever church the founder 'graced' immediately adopted his wants which were the usual, tax cuts, evil gays, free guns blah, blah blah....

 

However, the founder had a personal, very attractive female masseuse who came a couple of times a week to the office to give Mr. Christian Billionaire massages. With the door closed and locked.

 

Meanwhile, this same founder set up a charity drive to give to the poor. However, most of the people who work for him make extremely low wages, their only benefit was they got every Sunday off. Anyway, there was donated food and apparently his employees were very hungry. One person was caught taking soup to eat. So, Mr. fine Xian billionaire fires him and his boss--because the boss knew the guy was hungry and turned his eyes to the theft. Mr Billionaire Said, no excuses, stealing was against the Bible.

 

And people where I used to live thought I was the crazy one for not believing in God...

 

CFA?

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I vividly recall when I was in my teens we had this crazy pastor. He actually tried to sell the church out from under the congregation to some land developers to use as a shopping mall. No one in the church knew what was going on until there was an article in the business section of the local paper. Shit hit the fan- there was a business meeting called and it looked like he would be kicked out. BUT.. he and his supporters apparently went over the lists of members and called a lot of them in for the meeting. Some of these people hadn't darkened the door in years. They all voted en masse for him, left and most never came back again. The meeting broke up with the head of the deacon board and the treasurer of the church yelling at each other. BTW we found out later that the pastor had sent out the church bus to bring these people to the meeting., They could have used him in Cook county, Illinois.

 

Anyway, he lasted another couple months then got a 'call' to another congregation. Last I heard he was selling cars in Seattle. The church is still there, last time I checked. It's still a little church, probably just as dysfunctional as it was all those years ago..

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Last I heard he was selling cars in Seattle.

Same activities, different product. tongue.png

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...they made her stand up in front of the whole church and confess her sin.

I hope she ended her speech with, "The sex was AMAZING!" cloud9_99.gif

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...they made her stand up in front of the whole church and confess her sin.

I hope she ended her speech with, "The sex was AMAZING!" cloud9_99.gif

 

Forbiddden fruit tastes the best.

 

Or so I've heard..... ? ;)

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...they made her stand up in front of the whole church and confess her sin.

I hope she ended her speech with, "The sex was AMAZING!" cloud9_99.gif

 

Unfortunately, she didn't. She went on to become the poster girl for accountability WendyDoh.gif

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The craziest thing I ever saw was a guy spasming in the aisles and collapsing soon after. My parents stopped going to church some time after that.

 

I can, however, top that story. About a year and a half ago my cousin died in a tractor accident. Now, it's worth noting he goes to the same church my parents used to drag me along to.

 

His parents had split and I think his mum had left the church, but his dad stuck around as the church got crazier. The night before the funeral, this guy (my ex-uncle?) and his friends from the church were up all night chanting and generally slaying themselves in the spirit - notwithstanding the fact that most of the direct family was staying at his house for the time being (including young children and a guy who'd flown in from France shortly before) and were stressed enough as it was.

 

Tensions only got stronger as the guy's dad was offered a chance to speak and planned to use that as a platform to try and resurrect his son in front of everyone.

 

Thankfully on the morning of the funeral, one of the his friends had a vision in which he talked to my late cousin's spirit and the spirit told him it wanted to depart the earth. While that crisis was averted, crazy times were had by all.

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I worked for made the mistake of working for a Christian organization once. The manager once said to me, "I love you in the Lord, but I really don't like you at all."

 

Ah yes. Nothing like good Christian love. smileydies.gif

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Um, I'm afraid that I caused it, but I'd do the same thing all over again.

 

I was taking RCIA as an adult because I had decided to become a catholic shortly before I had ever even met my fiance. And, while he was catholic, he was non-practicing, and hadn't been to mass in years--which totally drove his controlling mother up the WALL. We also had no intention of being married in a church, but only planned on having a small ceremony, where I wore a "Bride" t-shirt, and he wore a "Groom" t-shirt, and we requested food donations in lieu of gifts. When his mother had found out my "wedding plans" she was absolutely livid.

 

We were living in one state, while his parents (who were very well to do) still lived where he had been born--into a trust fund, no less. A few weeks before I was to be confirmed, my fiance told me that his sister had just warned him that his parents were actually planning a "surprise" visit to fly in, just so his mother could use it as an excuse to embarrass him into going to the service.

 

I DETEST bullies--especially sneaky manipulative ones--so I went to the priest, and asked him to request special permission from the bishop to confirm me privately himself, because the situation bothered me so much.

 

The priest did it a couple of days later, and I called his mom, and told her that I had heard about the "surprise" and I appreciated it, but that there was no point in them coming so far, because I had already been confirmed.

 

The priest, an older, really sweet, low-key ex-boxer, that had actually been cool enough to allow me to go through RCIA even though my fiance and I were "living in sin." He had also thought that the fact that I refused to let my fiance's mother use my confirmation as a weapon against him was really cool, so he mentioned it in passing to a couple of the nuns.

 

My "reputation" at the church immediately went down the toilet, because I had "disrespected" my fiance's mother, and the priest got ticked off at the nuns for gossiping about what I had done..

 

The nuns ended up feeling like idiots later on, when they found out that my fiance's parents had offered him a huge amount of cash a few months before, if he would leave me; but, the problems that they had already caused for me with the other parishioners finally forced me switch to another church.

 

His mother had already disliked me before that, because I wouldn't help her manipulate his behavior, and make him do what she told him to, etc., so things with his parents just went even more down hill from there.

 

What his idiotic parents never did understand, to begin with, was that when they had offered him all of that money to leave me, he had been so mad at them, and it had hurt him so badly, that he was never going to speak to them again.

 

I had talked him into forgiving them, because it was the kristyun thing to do. <head slap>

 

When he got a job transfer back to his home state again, his parents behavior got so bad, that I couldn't take it any more, and I finally had to leave him.

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...they made her stand up in front of the whole church and confess her sin.

I hope she ended her speech with, "The sex was AMAZING!" cloud9_99.gif

 

Unfortunately, she didn't. She went on to become the poster girl for accountability WendyDoh.gif

 

Junior Anti-Sex League anyone?

 

(Well then she'd possibly be just as honest about it as Julia... oh well :lmao: )

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