Attempting To Redefine My Perceptions About Homosexuality As A New Non-Christian

[silentknight]

Every man I've been with since has reacted to the news that I don't want kids in the same way: "Oh. Really? Is that even possible for a woman? .... Will you be my girlfriend?" Considering some 20-25% of women hit their 40s without procreating, one would think men would be aware of the phenomenon of a woman not wanting kids, but to them women like us are unicorns grazing in a sparkling meadow of fairy dust. Add "competent tabletop GM" to the list and for a while there you could write your own check, relationship-wise.

 

Look a unicorn! Oh wait.. it's just a woman that doesn't want kids.

 

Actually, to guys it does seem very rare. To guys that aren't really interested in kids, or at least think it's some far off thing to consider later, it seems like every woman out there wants to have babies, and wants to complain about how they can't wait too long or it might be too late, etc.

 

My wife and I have entered our 30s and that became a topic of discussion. I never said I didn't want kids, but all through my 20s it was "I can think about that later". Now that I'm almost 31, I still don't feel ready for kids, nor do I think I ever will, really. If we got pregnant I'd love our child and raise it as best as possible, but I don't think I want to try to have kids. My wife on the other hand doesn't feel ready either, but is worried about us putting it off too long and then it being too late. Though I think she's coming around to my attitude as the other day she said "I don't think we're ever going to have kids, because I don't think I'll ever feel like we have life under control enough that having kids will seem like a good idea"

 

Also... a female GM... where were you when I was single!? JK

I've tried to get my wife into table top games, mainly D&D, but she doesn't like the RP part of it. I'm considering jsut making a dungeon run game with very little RP... we'll see.

[Akheia]

I sometimes think that childfree women tend to get snapped up pretty quickly.

 

My opinion: Kids are a very expensive hobby, kind of like RC planes. If you're not passionately into the idea, it's best not to start it up. Unlike an RC plane, though, you can't have the kid and then go "oh shit have I ever buggered up my life" and give it back. It's a crapshoot about whether or not anybody would like being a parent. People say that, but a good percentage of women have trouble "bonding" with their infants and way too many men tell me they regret not having a firmer say in not breeding. There's always that "but of course I love the kid," but how often is that really true? That's just something society tells people they must say. People who want kids generally know they want kids from an early age. If you're ambivalent about doing it and you're in your 30s, chances are you're best off skipping that life script. COULD you muddle through it? Sure. But is that really how you want to spend the next couple or three decades, "muddling though"? The world will survive just fine without your genes, and you'll have plenty of time for the stuff you know you really will enjoy--like each other. I say, let the people who want kids enjoy all the fun of having them A happy, meaningful life is what you make of it.

 

You ever see some of those old-school AD&D modules? They're just nice straight dungeon crawls. Lots of dice-rolling and min-maxing of stats and classes. She might like that. Or Traveler. I hated it precisely because it was so sparse on RP. If she's got a quirky sense of humor, try her on Paranoia or Mouse Guard.

[silentknight]

I was thinking Mouse Guard. I showed her the covers and she "Eeeeeed" at it. Also, she loves Reaper miniatures' mouse minis.

[Akheia]

I've got some friends who've run Mouse Guard and have nothing but good things to say about it. It's just a lighthearted little game with enough depth to make the roleplayers happy and enough stats and tables and dice-rolling to make the roll-players happy. I'd suggest Changeling as well (not the new reboot, but the 2nd Edition) if she's into that kind of quirkiness, though running a one-player game is a bit harder on the GM. If she likes Serenity, the Serenity RPG system is a hell of a lot of fun and easy enough to do without navel-gazing.

[wndwalkr99]

WW: HOW DARE YOU enjoy the copious benefits of marriage without doing the penance that goes along with it!

 

Oh wait I'm in a childfree marriage too. Had myself tied about 15 years ago and not a regret in the world. Every man I've been with since has reacted to the news that I don't want kids in the same way: "Oh. Really? Is that even possible for a woman? .... Will you be my girlfriend?" Considering some 20-25% of women hit their 40s without procreating, one would think men would be aware of the phenomenon of a woman not wanting kids, but to them women like us are unicorns grazing in a sparkling meadow of fairy dust. Add "competent tabletop GM" to the list and for a while there you could write your own check, relationship-wise.

 

A lot of the anti-gay arguments boil down to someone feeling uncomfortable with another way of handling life and not realizing just how contradictory their arguments against it are. They think anal sex is icky, but forget that a lot of straights have it and love it. They think the idea of two guys kissing is weird-looking, but most of them are happy to watch girl-on-girl porn. They think marriage is about kids, but forget that a lot of straights get married and never have kids (too old, don't want 'em, or can't have 'em). They make up stupid non-facts about gays being dangerous to society or to THE CHILDREN WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN, without a shred of proof of any of their claims. It's about having a very insular, narrow view of the world and an egocentrism level that can be spotted from high orbit. We know this is the case because the surest way to shake that kind of bigotry out of someone is to have them make friends with a gay person or discover a gay person in their own family. And this is why conservatives have given "multiculturalism" such a dirty reputation, and why they fear education.

 

LOL we are terrible aren't we! Isn't it fun!?

 

Agreed, on all counts.

 

Religion is just an excuse for intolerance. People who are intolerant will always find an excuse, and religion is a really, really common one. Pathetic, really.

 

Edited to add - wait, what is a GM? I realize it's a gaming term and not "general manager" as I originally thought...could you enlighten this nongamer?

[silentknight]

LOL we are terrible aren't we! Isn't it fun!?

 

Agreed, on all counts.

 

Religion is just an excuse for intolerance. People who are intolerant will always find an excuse, and religion is a really, really common one. Pathetic, really.

 

Edited to add - wait, what is a GM? I realize it's a gaming term and not "general manager" as I originally thought...could you enlighten this nongamer?

 

Game master. It's the person that runs the game for all the players. that person is generally the most experienced of the gamers in the group, because it takes a lot of knowledge, skill and preparation - compared to a player, who can just kind of show up and play.

 

As for the procreation thing... yeah... once we got married we've been dealing with routinely being asked when we plan to start having the babies.

[Akheia]

You forgot to add that we're the ones who induct the new players into our Circle of Power so they can learn the REAL MAGIC once they hit level 8.

 

When I was fundie, I got those questions about kids a lot too. I finally had to learn to start saying "That's personal" with a sweet, final smile. Once I had to repeat it like three times in the space of five minutes, and the bitch ended with a raised eyebrow and a lofty "Welllll.... yew nivver knoooooooooooooow......." It's just part of the Childfree Bingo; you fill that spot pretty quickly if you're a member of a fundamentalist church. I called her on it, too, saying that yeah, actually, I *did* know, and it really wasn't her business. What a bunch of nosy busybodies! So glad I'm out. Your wife doesn't toe the fundie line much either; she'll see in short order, I've no doubt, how nice it is to be away from that bullshit. You can't win at all in that footrace. If you're engaged, you get pestered about being married. If you get married, you get pestered about when you're having kids (not if, WHEN). If you have one, you get pestered about having more. Once you've got a clutch of them, you get pestered about homeschooling and VBS and god knows what else. Once you walk away from that religion, you walk away from a host of other carping worries.

[silentknight]

You forgot to add that we're the ones who induct the new players into our Circle of Power so they can learn the REAL MAGIC once they hit level 8.

 

LOL. Yeah.

I used to game all the time with my older brother as GM, until he moved away to escape my step father. My step father then destroyed all my "satanic" games.

 

It's been hard to get back into it since, as I don't know many people who play anymore.

 

When I was fundie, I got those questions about kids a lot too. I finally had to learn to start saying "That's personal" with a sweet, final smile. Once I had to repeat it like three times in the space of five minutes, and the bitch ended with a raised eyebrow and a lofty "Welllll.... yew nivver knoooooooooooooow......." It's just part of the Childfree Bingo; you fill that spot pretty quickly if you're a member of a fundamentalist church. I called her on it, too, saying that yeah, actually, I *did* know, and it really wasn't her business. What a bunch of nosy busybodies! So glad I'm out. Your wife doesn't toe the fundie line much either; she'll see in short order, I've no doubt, how nice it is to be away from that bullshit. You can't win at all in that footrace. If you're engaged, you get pestered about being married. If you get married, you get pestered about when you're having kids (not if, WHEN). If you have one, you get pestered about having more. Once you've got a clutch of them, you get pestered about homeschooling and VBS and god knows what else. Once you walk away from that religion, you walk away from a host of other carping worries.

Indeed. They stopped bugging us after we told them we hadn't made any plans yet for about the 50th time.