Time To Change

[Djoker]

I got kicked out of tennis practice a couple days ago for throwing my racket. This is a relatively new phenomenon, I never used to do this. Ever since my back injury last year, when I took a couple months off, I haven't been able to play nearly as well as I used to. I've slowly grown more and more bitter, more and more angry, more and more annoyed. My recent deconversion and other events have made all of these feelings worse. Nowadays, in the extreme heat and pressure of playing a match I feel like I can't hide it anymore. Tennis is my emotional outlet. When I play, my heart is laid bare for all to see. And now bitterness is the most profound emotion that festers within my heart. Players that I used to beat easily are now easily beating me. I feel like a washed-up veteran, like my prime is long past. All of my efforts to return to how good I once was have been futile. That's why I've decided... that I need to become a new person. I don't think I can ever become the player I once was, but I need to look forward to the player I am to become. I need to stop dwelling on how great I once was and start focusing on who I am right now and who I plan to be in the future. I need to figure out how to win matches with the skill set I now have, rather than wondering what I would have done in the past. I'm taking a stand right now. I'm making the resolution to forget that I ever played tennis before now and to finally orient myself toward the future. Thank you.