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Angry No More


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Yes, I've had issues growing up. But my Christianity helped me mask them very, very well. It was sadness with bouts of depression and lots of resent. I guess you could say I've been angry at God my entire life. You see, I - like many other young boys in the world today - grew up fatherless (mom never remarried after they divorced when I was 2 months old). Not once did I converse with my father - ever. I never met him and found out in 2007 that he had passed away in 1997.

 

For some odd reason, I could never be angry with my dad. I just never was. I wanted to know him and meet him but it never occurred. After all, he was in his home country now and it wasn't the US where I was. The logistics of it ever happening were impossible - especially with shallow pockets of a single mom. I often wondered why, so very often I wondered why... I always wondered why that God had placed me here without a dad but he gave the other boys dads. It affected every aspect of my life - especially as a young child and it hurt really, really bad. The mounds of obstacles I felt I was presented with that weren't even ideas inside the heads of my friends, were massive. It damaged me.

 

But, fast-forward to today. And I'm no longer angry. I've concluded that the Christian god is a myth and that things just happen. I forgave my father long long ago. He was young and naive. It was what it was and it is what it is. And now, I'm no longer angry. God didn't place me here in this situation for his entertainment, or for me to come out of these pressures sparkling like a diamond. God had no control over it because god is no more real than a Conservative Bill Maher. And this single epiphany is what started my healing.

 

The timing though... The timing of all of this... This de-conversion process that started in me over a year ago and reached its pinnacle just a couple of weeks ago, couldn't have been better... Tonight I have my first session with a Christian counselor who wants to work out my anger issues with God due to growing up as a boy, fatherless. But I won't walk in there angry. I'll walk in there renewed. I won't walk in there confused. I'll walk in there assured that the only reason things happened as they happened is not because God is a sick, twisted mother fucker but because a young couple made some mistakes and I don't fault them. It happens. It's just a part of learning and growing.

 

The source of my anger has been exposed to be a fraud. The curtain was raised and nobody was there. The only ones on the stage were the actors themselves and I will always love them. I will always love my father and I will always embrace what I do know of him. So, I can't be angry anymore. These revelations of that past few weeks have freed me. :)

 

So, I don't even think I can pretend to be angry. I may be smiling the whole time. I dunno. What are we going to talk about? :)

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Great outlook! I can't relate to your experience with your dad, but I imagine you've reached the best possible outcome given the situation. Life is much more enjoyable when you can let go of anger, anyway.

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Why are you going to a Christian counselor?

 

Well, it was setup weeks ago. But the funny thing is, I was just open and honest... This guy knew exactly where I was coming from... It appears he shares my ideas and has no disagreements with my outlook. Funny enough, he's not just a counselor but he has "Dr" in front of his name... He's very well researched and knowledgeable. It's interesting... The smarter people I know either have massive questions with Christianity and are not sold on it completely or just outright do not believe it.

 

So yeah, it was refreshing that I could be open and honest. We ended up talking theology some and a lot about me. But I was genuinely happy. It was something new for me. :)

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  • 6 months later...

After a few weeks of BSing with the counselor, I bailed... Never returned... Never replied to his email and forgot about it all...  On a positive note... I think he's a skeptic.  I could hear it in his voice. 

 

 

Maybe I was counseling him.  :D

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Interesting. I stopped believing while I was seeing my 'christian' therapist (also a PHD doctor) and once I opened up about all the logical, biblical and historical errors I had found in christianity he shared his many doubts. In fact it turns out he is not really a christian anymore. He had been when he was younger and was very involved in the church but he is more of a deist now. I could tell he really enjoyed talking about 'spiritual' issues with someone who didn't buy the bullshit from christianity.

 

Maybe you were counselling him in a way Life Cycle. That is really tough what you went through growing up without your Dad. I am glad you have been able to find some sort of peace about it all. Makes me realize I take my parents for granted at times. 

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I was raised a Jehovah Witness and disfellowshipped at 19. For years it was hell as I kept trying to go back. Then one day, it just happenned, and poof, the veil was taken off. I can honestly say that my life took a turn for the better when I just said, I don't care anymore.

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I don't remember ever being angry at God, but his "followers" constantly drove me nuts. I often found myself angry with the dogmatic screwballs that were part of the particular group that I was affiliated with. Committed believers was the right term........many of them desperately needed to be committed..... to a mental institution.

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I was angry with God when I was still a Christian.  Once I figured out that the Christian god was just a myth and that things just happen, I was able to look at the world and for the first time understand how everything makes sense.  All of the pain, injustice, and suffering in the world isn't because God doesn't care enough to act... it's because the world is controlled by evolved animals who are just trying to make their way through this life.

 

I am angry about a lot of things regarding Christianity, for good reason I think.  But I'm not angry with the nonexistent God.

 

(I just watched the Greta Christina YouTube clip this morning on Ravenstar's 'I'm so angry because.." thread in the 'Rants' forum, which was simply fantastic.)

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