Jump to content

The Only Thing I Had In Common With My Friends Was Xianity


TrailBlazer
 Share

Recommended Posts

I went out with some friends from high school tonight to a bar and had a pretty dull time. I've been feeling crummy the past few days, but one of my friends was in town for the night and I wanted to see her. I took some advil and chased it with pepto and drank water while I watched everyone else get drunk. Woot, I really don't like drinking much anyway.

 

I did do a lot of thinking tonight. I don't have much in common with the friends I had in high school. Never did. We had xianity in common, and that was about it. As it turns out, alcohol makes them even more rude and judgmental. I thought that, perhaps, this was part of the reason I felt so down all the time as a teenager; I never had anyone to relate to or connect with well.

 

We walked out to the river after they paid their tabs because they couldn't drive for a bit. I sat by that river last summer quite a few nights with my boyfriend (we were just talking about starting our relationship at that point) and all I could think about was how much I miss him (he's been fighting overseas since April). I think I'm finally at the point in my life where I just want to be with my man and forget about all those silly girls I used to hang with.

 

I dunno, I just need to vent. I wish I had more people in my life I could relate with, that's all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I get along quite well with my Christian friends, but of course its not like we discuss theology or it could be different.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You aren't the only one. I don't even know if I would call the people from church and Campus Life friends because there was never anything else that I could relate to them about. I was never very close to them, except for one person that I would call a friend, and I have no clue where he is now. A few were assholes and the others I didn't really notice. Of course, now I have absolutely nothing in common with them, and I'm actually quite happy that I don't have to go to camps and conventions with them anymore.

 

I never really got close to my non-christian friends either, and I don't know why. I think it was fear of being 'unequally yoked' put into me by those years of church, because I can remember having better friendships when I was younger. But, since I'll be leaving for college soon, I hope I will be able to fix this problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have one christian friend I relate to and talk to, I avoid all other born agains like the plague. Ask yourself this: When I am in a point of need in my life, who came through: was it my christian friends or non christian friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Life is all about investments. So.. You have to think which one of your friends should be given that investment. That is, if any of them deserve it. You're looking for somebody to push you in the right direction and give good advice. Not some body who is going to leave you stranded without hope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand. My christian environment was filled with people who I could not stomach due to their self-righteous and judgmental attitude. I did not realize just how unhealthy they were until I entered into the non-christian environment and realized the people were so much more mentally stable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't really have many Christian friends in high school. I tried Christian youth groups and just couldn't fit in. They left me feeling weird, out of place, and unaccepted. It was as though they'd tell you how welcome you are with huge empty grins. I'd go to a few meeting and then stop. I knew there was no way I could bond with folks like that.

My best friend growing up (knew him since we were 3) went Fundy on me when we about 17. Dude made it clear that I was too much of a sinner to hang out with him. Kicked our 14 year old friendship to the curb and just started hanging with youth groups. He's not as fundie now, but we've never been anywhere near as tight as we used to.

Most my friends considered themselves atheists and agnostic and the Christian ones were extremely lax Christians. It really opened my eyes as I realized my prejudices towards atheists were all wrong. With god out of the way we'd bond through music, film, video games, and crazy stupid adventures. I've been quite well now without any gods getting between me and my friends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I dunno, I just need to vent. I wish I had more people in my life I could relate with, that's all.

 

I am sorry, TB, that sucks. Doesn't help that you don't have your guy around to talk about this stuff with. I live in the country on a farm with my husband, and making friendships without the socialization church provides can be difficult.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope that you can spend time with your man soon, TB. Fuck war.

Hey thanks for the support guys. My boo is coming back early 2013.

 

I just, UGH hate how isolating being an ex-c can be! It seems like I can no longer relate to my xian friends because we don't believe the same things anymore, but I have a hard time relating to non-xians too because we've had completely different experiences and life perspectives. If that makes any sense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you want more from life and you have outgrown these friends. And That's ok, sometimes we change and move on.

 

why keep trying to keep things going if you aren't really enjoying their company.

 

I am like this. I would rather be alone than just settle. I don't have many friends and that is I find it hard to find the right people to connect with and i have had made friends but friendships have not lasted. Just haven't found the right people. And I find that I have lowered my expectations too because quite frankly I think a lot of people suck.

Been let down and disappointed by people and I find that I give and they take. Often not two sided.

I am introverted too and like my space. And

And just not enough there to keep things going. it has been like that for years for me since i was young. School sucked. Didn't fit in really.

 

I connect well with my husband, he IS my only friend really and then my two sons who are grown now.

 

Anyhooo, I am getting off track. Just saying I do understand. Perhaps it is time to find new friends if that is what you want. Are there Any meet up groups in your area that share your interests?

 

It is tough that your man is away. I lived the military life for several years, husband was away often. I know how that is. I hope your bf returns soon and you have a good reunion.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just saw your last post. That is a while to wait for your guy. I know how hard that is. Are you able to talk much with him?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just saw your last post. That is a while to wait for your guy. I know how hard that is. Are you able to talk much with him?

Just about every day we are able to exchange a few words; a few times even connect through video. Skype = Godsend!! He's well worth the wait tho, he was my high school sweetheart & first love- we got back together last Aug.

 

I live 60 miles north of the middle of nowhere; like GG said, it's hard to find people to connect with outside of a church setting.

 

It's difficult to let go of these friends; they were my best friends since jr. high and I'm just now realizing that we never had much in common. They always put me down and I took it, I ignored it, or I pretended they were just being real with me because I was a "fellow sister in christ". But I can see now how the way they treated me at times was just plain not nice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After high school we get to meet many more people who are different to wht we grew up with - the big wide world and all that. Not only will there be the Christian / non-Christian divide but a whole host of other interests and life perspectives that you will have been exposed to.

 

So ... you've outgrown your teenage friends for all sorts of reasons. Often we make friends of people doing the same courses at college or people that we work with because their outlook and interests are similar to ours.

 

The one thing that worried me about you post was you talking about just wanting to be with your man. I have seen lots of women get to this stage in long relationships. Then ... the relationship breaks up and you find you don't have many friends left. This has just happened to one of my daughters. So, while you are growing past your teenage friends, don't let yourself have only your partner for a friend.

 

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Aw, TB, I'm so sorry to hear you can't have your sweetie there. I know how it feels to realize your Christian friends are completely out of touch with where you are. When I deconverted, I knew I was going to lose every one of them--ALL we had was Christianity; it's all we talked about really; all we did was wrapped around the church or prep for church like Bible studies and prayer meetings. I knew it was going to happen, and I was sad about losing some of those friends. But it couldn't be helped. Maybe there's a club or group near you that meets to do stuff that's not even a little related to religion? Like a hiking club or knitting circle or animal volunteering or anything secular at all that you might be interested in doing? Pagan groups might also be fun if you can find a well-grounded "doing stuff" group and not a twee "let's talk about psychic wards and crystals all night, whee!" group--I've never yet met a pagan who sniffed at an atheist, and many of them are ex-Christians. You need something you can throw yourself into, it sounds like :) Activity can take your mind off long waits.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Love all the advice! I'm just in a tough situation, financially, geographically, relationally...

 

I know it's not healthy to just have my bf as my one best friend, but that's what happens when you leave town for four years and come back to your parents' house. During high school I was so sick with anorexia, I didn't have time to make friends outside my xian friends. Come to think of it, I didn't have time for them outside of Sunday services... I might be on to an epiphany here... lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find it a bit ironic that your Christian friends got drunk while you, the apostate, stayed sober. ;)

 

Have you tried meetup.com to connect to others? I've met some cool people that way. I've only done the freethinker meetups, which are good, but often there are also other options that have nothing to do with religion or the lack thereof.

 

I only regularly keep in touch with one person from high school. He is a Christian, but he's a really good guy, and we used to play in a band together. My children and his are friends and enjoy playing together when we're back in the area. We don't really talk about religion, and in fact, he may not even know that I'm not a Christian anymore (though he may, since my wife talks to his wife). Other than an occasional passing comment about him playing guitar at church or something minor like that, the issue just never comes up. We talk about music, work, family and stuff like that.

 

But enough about me. I hope the time flies by and your boyfriend returns safely. Good luck in your future endeavors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I understand. My christian environment was filled with people who I could not stomach due to their self-righteous and judgmental attitude. I did not realize just how unhealthy they were until I entered into the non-christian environment and realized the people were so much more mentally stable.

 

DING DING DING It is one thing to be an idealistic college kid or 20 yr old, but when you are middle aged and still cannot realize that you are in control of your own situations, there is an issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.