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Heaven Is For Real


owen652
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This is the kid's version of this loopy book, which was apparently number one on the bestseller lists. My sister gave it to my daughter as part of her ongoing proselytising efforts towards my kids. Beyond being simply idiotic and good for a chuckle (note how he meets up with his still-alive sister in heaven for some reason), it's beginning to piss me off a little that she keeps giving them stuff like this and I think I will have to say something to her and it won't end well.

 

2012-08-12215750.jpg

 

2012-08-12215906.jpg

 

edit: woops, sorry didn't realise it was upside down. and the full editor doesn't work.

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This is the kid's version of this loopy book, which was apparently number one on the bestseller lists. My sister gave it to my daughter as part of her ongoing proselytising efforts towards my kids. Beyond being simply idiotic and good for a chuckle (note how he meets up with his still-alive sister in heaven for some reason), it's beginning to piss me off a little that she keeps giving them stuff like this and I think I will have to say something to her and it won't end well.

 

2012-08-12215750.jpg

 

2012-08-12215906.jpg

 

edit: woops, sorry didn't realise it was upside down. and the full editor doesn't work.

When he saw Jesus' cousin John - did the baptizer have his head attached? LOL
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When he saw Jesus' cousin John - did the baptizer have his head attached? LOL

 

THAT would've been a freaking awesome illustration.

 

I'm also waiting for the companion volume to this, "Hell Is For Real: Turn or Burn, Kids!"

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I've never heard of this book before, but I wonder how are the parents of the little dead boy in the book are feeling.

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When he saw Jesus' cousin John - did the baptizer have his head attached? LOL

 

THAT would've been a freaking awesome illustration.

 

I'm also waiting for the companion volume to this, "Hell Is For Real: Turn or Burn, Kids!"

Turn or burn?? Gawd but you folks from down under come up with some gems over here. I'm still laughing while typing this and, with your kind permission, I'd like to coin that phrase in a future video I might make. Thanks. Now go kiss a kangeroo for me. LOL
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I've never heard of this book before, but I wonder how are the parents of the little dead boy in the book are feeling.

Well, if they're fundies they're probably jumping for joy. At least that's the impression many of them try to give to others which makes their cult so heartless.
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Yep Owen, I think it will soon be time for you to give your sister a little talk. It is inappropriate even as a fairy tale.

 

And LOL how are we going to recognize all these people in heaven? Do they all have reconstituted bodies? Even so, no one knows what Jesus, Paul, etc. looked like.

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Yep Owen, I think it will soon be time for you to give your sister a little talk. It is inappropriate even as a fairy tale.

 

And LOL how are we going to recognize all these people in heaven? Do they all have reconstituted bodies? Even so, no one knows what Jesus, Paul, etc. looked like.

I beg to differ! Everyone knows they all were white, with blue eyes, and all were about 6 foot tall and extremely conservative. In fact, if you look at a picture of the gipper, Ronny 'kill em commies' Reagan, or Charleston 'you'll only get my gun out of my cold dead hand' Heston, then you'll have a good idea of what those others in heaven now really look like.....

 

disclaimer: The comments I just made are to be totally disregarded due to rampant sarcasm employed. LOL

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I think turnabout is fair play in this situation. If she still has kids of her own start giving them books like:

 

The Anarchist's Cookbook

The Satanic Bible

It's Just a Plant - a children's pro-marijuana book

The Story of O

 

And if she doesn't have kids....hell, just give them to her!

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I thought you said your daughter is about 12. Isn't she a tiny bit old for that?

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When he saw Jesus' cousin John - did the baptizer have his head attached? LOL

 

THAT would've been a freaking awesome illustration.

 

I'm also waiting for the companion volume to this, "Hell Is For Real: Turn or Burn, Kids!"

Turn or burn?? Gawd but you folks from down under come up with some gems over here. I'm still laughing while typing this and, with your kind permission, I'd like to coin that phrase in a future video I might make. Thanks. Now go kiss a kangeroo for me. LOL

 

Maybe you just haven't gone to the right churches to hear that, since I've heard it in the US a few times.

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When he saw Jesus' cousin John - did the baptizer have his head attached? LOL

 

THAT would've been a freaking awesome illustration.

 

I'm also waiting for the companion volume to this, "Hell Is For Real: Turn or Burn, Kids!"

Turn or burn?? Gawd but you folks from down under come up with some gems over here. I'm still laughing while typing this and, with your kind permission, I'd like to coin that phrase in a future video I might make. Thanks. Now go kiss a kangeroo for me. LOL

 

Maybe you just haven't gone to the right churches to hear that, since I've heard it in the US a few times.

Well I have heard the various, nauseating, versions of it such as God loves you but he's so holy that he has no choice but to send you to hell. And so on ad nauseum. But the 'turn or burn' thing is a priceless gem.. LOL
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No, this is not his version of events, its his parents. The kid was preasured into this by his parents to conjure up these images that, well, in scientific terms, are hallucinations when the brain is in an altered state.

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It is perhaps not quite a coincidence that his dad is a pastor. yet apparently it is considered miraculous that he came up with all these little details about heaven all by himself. Streets of gold? How could he possibly have known about that? LOL

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This preacher guy/father of the kid who saw Heaven came this way a few years back. I looked up online where the profit is going, and if I recall correctly, he wouldn't disclose it. I made the trek to hear their story, and the father spoke the whole time, but the son sang Amazing Grace.

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I've never heard of this book before, but I wonder how are the parents of the little dead boy in the book are feeling.

 

Dead little boy? No, he's alive and that's how he wrote the book. It's a near-death experience he had.

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Yep Owen, I think it will soon be time for you to give your sister a little talk. It is inappropriate even as a fairy tale.

 

And LOL how are we going to recognize all these people in heaven? Do they all have reconstituted bodies? Even so, no one knows what Jesus, Paul, etc. looked like.

 

Heaven has name tags. Real nice sparkly ones.

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Plz 2 hav sum evidence, "Heaven is 4 realz" author!

 

Related:

HEAVEN IS HOTTER THAN HELL

This appeared in the magazine Applied Optics [11(8) A14 (1972), August]:

 

The temperature of heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is the Bible, Isaiah 30:26 reads, "Moreover, the light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold as the light of seven days."

Thus, heaven receives from the moon as much radiation as the earth does from the sun, and in addition seven times seven (forty nine) times as much as the earth does from the sun, or fifty times in all. The light we receive from the moon is one ten-thousandth of the light we receive from the sun, so we can ignore that. With these data we can compute the temperature of heaven: The radiation falling on heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation. In other words, heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann fourth power law for radiation

(H/E)^4 = 50

where E is the absolute temperature of the earth, 300°K (273+27). This gives H the absolute temperature of heaven, as 798° absolute (525°C).

 

The exact temperature of hell cannot be computed but it must be less than 444.6°C, the temperature at which brimstone or sulfur changes from a liquid to a gas. Revelations 21:8: "But the fearful and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone." A lake of molten brimstone [sulfur] means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, which is 444.6°C. (Above that point, it would be a vapor, not a lake.)

 

We have then, temperature of heaven, 525°C. Temperature of hell, less than 445°C. Therefore heaven is hotter than hell.

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This is the kid's version of this loopy book, which was apparently number one on the bestseller lists. My sister gave it to my daughter as part of her ongoing proselytising efforts towards my kids. Beyond being simply idiotic and good for a chuckle (note how he meets up with his still-alive sister in heaven for some reason), it's beginning to piss me off a little that she keeps giving them stuff like this and I think I will have to say something to her and it won't end well.

 

2012-08-12215750.jpg

 

 

 

edit: woops, sorry didn't realise it was upside down. and the full editor doesn't work.

 

Wait, so horses have gay pride?

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Yep Owen, I think it will soon be time for you to give your sister a little talk. It is inappropriate even as a fairy tale.

 

And LOL how are we going to recognize all these people in heaven? Do they all have reconstituted bodies? Even so, no one knows what Jesus, Paul, etc. looked like.

The average person at the time looked like this, so that's a start:

26102.jpg?v=1

 

My question, however, is whether the little boy will suffer in heaven for his lack of experiences on Earth. If so, do they have nurseries of some kind in heaven? If not, it kinda renders the decision to accept Jesus irrelevant, doesn't it?

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excerpt from first draft:

 

"All the animals in heaven are really nice and friendly. They don't even shit, because that's yucky so God sewed up their anuses and re-designed their intestinal tracts to function as a frozen yoghurt machine which dispenses the frozen yoghurt through their noses. Except for the rainbow horse, he dispenses rainbow-coloured horseshit, which by the way was the working title of this book."

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