Carolorado Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Thought too Much: I agree with another poster about this being a bit abusive. Abuse does not have to be physical, it can be merely controlling another. I would assume you value your relationship with your wife very much. But honesty about something so big in your life would, in the long run, let you live your life as who you are. It is all you truly own. No one wants to hurt another person, but there are times when we can no longer deny our own truth to please someone else. It truly is up to you to go, or not to go. But remember this: The keys to your freedom are in your hands. You may use them or you may allow them to rust and destroy who you really are. It is truly up to you. Peace and freedom. "I once was found but now I am free...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 If I go to the next meeting, I'll let my wife know exactly what it's all about. I suppose I partly didn't want to make a big deal about this meeting in case I had a bad vibe about it when I got there. If it looks like this could be a regular thing, I'll start being more open about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Can you guys get a babysitter and both go together? I attended pagan meetings even when I wasn't pagan because my BF at the time was interested in the topic and I wanted to see what it was about for myself. I sat quietly, listened, offered my viewpoint if asked and in as respectful a manner as I could possibly manage, and was accepted quite amiably. I'm not an atheist, but I read way more atheist blogs than I do pagan ones even nowadays, because the ideals of freethinking, secularism, and skepticism are something I think ANYBODY, of whatever religious bent, can appreciate. I'm sure this group wouldn't tar and feather a Christian for showing up if she was respectful and didn't push her religion on anybody. Or have you tried that already? The scariest thing a closed mind can encounter is how very normal and non-alien "The Others" really are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Several people actually said to me that I should invite my wife. I think I'll wait for her to invite herself, mostly because I don't want her to think I'm trying to push her toward my viewpoint. That, and a lot of the comments made throughout the evening were undeniably hostile toward Christianity (EDIT: comments like, "And then I woke up and realized it was all bullshit," not anything violent or threatening), and I don't think she would enjoy the experience very much. It might very well freak her right the hell out, actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 I guess I should note that I think I'm making a bit of personal progress here. I came out to my wife earlier this year, and that was a HUGE step for me, probably one of the most difficult single actions I've ever taken. Then, I thought it was a good idea to keep quiet about things for a while, just to reassure my wife that I'm not going to eat the children or sacrifice the cats to Baal. Now, I'm reaching out to other people to try to establish some sort of social life for myself. Attending the meetup is a baby step, but I don't want to rush all of this. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Sounds good Besides, Baal (according to Jeremiah 11:17) likes incense much better than cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Sounds good Besides, Baal (according to Jeremiah 11:17) likes incense much better than cats. Maybe they only burned incense because they ran out of cats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 OMG good for you. I am not quite there yet. Im like you in that I'd rather take it on the chin to keep the peace in the house. Its not apathy which my wife think it is. its more of an understanding that it doesnt matter that much, its trivial and not worth fighting over it and Id be just fine without it.(which in a roudabout way is apathy) I also bought into and still buy that both people in the marriage need to be on the same page. i do wish i could go to meetings too but its so weird to take off to an atheist meeting when the family is at church. I dont want to seem like Im bailing out on the family. but I yearn to connect in real life too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darwinfish Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I'm glad that your finding people to connect with T2M. I agree with you about not inviting your wife, but if she says she wants to come, then taking her along. My experience with these groups is that a lot of people that have left the church have lost friends and relationships with family members. This hurt might not be fully understood by your wife, and maybe she'd be offended by some of that hostility. I don't think my wife understood why I needed a Recovering From Religion group. Also, knowing that a believer is in the room might inhibit people from being open. I think it would help your wife to see that atheists are pretty normal, not like they tell her in church. Most of the time, I find people that declare themselves atheists to be kinder than people that declare themselves Christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronxo Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Let's break it down. Sigh. I would like to be able to talk to actual people again. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to do that without having to attend a Bible study or prayer meeting or something. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to discuss science and other topics with other human beings without using a keyboard. What's holding you back? (...) I just don't know. You're a man, not a boy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 Let's break it down. Sigh. I would like to be able to talk to actual people again. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to do that without having to attend a Bible study or prayer meeting or something. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to discuss science and other topics with other human beings without using a keyboard. What's holding you back? (...) I just don't know. You're a man, not a boy! True. Which is why I'm now making the effort to meet new people and do some new things. For example, on Friday night, I went to a local observatory, where one of the guys from the atheist meetup I went to runs the telescope some nights. I plan on going to more meetups and getting more involved in the amateur astronomy in the future. I suppose I need to clarify my statements above. When I say "I would like to be able to talk to actual people again," I should add, "without getting replies that are laden with bullshit from the Bible, and how Jesus is returning soon, and how scientists are all either evil or just woefully mislead." I would like to be able to talk to people about the latest news in science, and have someone reply, "I read about that too! That was very interesting, and here are my thoughts about it!" So really, it's me holding me back, but only because I've become weary of having the same bullshit conversations over and over again. I also hemmed myself in long ago because almost all of my friends and acquaintances were Christians. That wasn't by design, it just sort of happened gradually. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Let's break it down. Sigh. I would like to be able to talk to actual people again. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to do that without having to attend a Bible study or prayer meeting or something. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to discuss science and other topics with other human beings without using a keyboard. What's holding you back? (...) I just don't know. You're a man, not a boy! Men don't like to put their hands into flames, either. Try to understand that when a man loves a woman, he wants to please her and fears losing her. If my wife was a believer, I'd have the same problems. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roadrunner Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Let's break it down. Sigh. I would like to be able to talk to actual people again. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to do that without having to attend a Bible study or prayer meeting or something. What's holding you back? I would like to be able to discuss science and other topics with other human beings without using a keyboard. What's holding you back? (...) I just don't know. You're a man, not a boy! Men don't like to put their hands into flames, either. Try to understand that when a man loves a woman, he wants to please her and fears losing her. If my wife was a believer, I'd have the same problems. I understand what you mean and I want some atheist friends too. Just to talk about our beginnings and development without invoking god in real life. I think our astromy clue is like that. I may join that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
openpalm45 Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Good for you, T2M. Im very glad to see you taking these steps. I hope you find some good friends at these meetups, and I hope you and your wife can come to some kind of understanding with each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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