Guest glb72 Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Hello all I have been looking through these forums and found open minded people. With that said I am looking for your opinions. I am not a relegious person, but my son and his mother are. He does not live with me and currently stays with his mother and step father who I get along with. A recent visit has me baffled. Some of the comments that he said were a bit upsetting. He explained to my wife and I that we are going to Hell, thats OK I guess he can believe what he wants. Here is what scares me, in a discussion he stated that he did not want to be around anybody that was not christian. Man thats going to be tough when he enters the real world. It seems like he has no acceptance of anyone other than christians. Is this part of the teachings at church? Another thing said was that gay people are stupid and they are going to hell. That sounds way to prejudice to me, I explained he should not be so judgmental and that he should not form opinions without first questioning them. So for all you that have been on both sides of the fence what is going on?? Is it my son being a typical 13 year old??Or is this the real truth to church?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Hello all I have been looking through these forums and found open minded people. With that said I am looking for your opinions. I am not a relegious person, but my son and his mother are. He does not live with me and currently stays with his mother and step father who I get along with. A recent visit has me baffled. Some of the comments that he said were a bit upsetting. He explained to my wife and I that we are going to Hell, thats OK I guess he can believe what he wants. Here is what scares me, in a discussion he stated that he did not want to be around anybody that was not christian. Man thats going to be tough when he enters the real world. It seems like he has no acceptance of anyone other than christians. Is this part of the teachings at church? Another thing said was that gay people are stupid and they are going to hell. That sounds way to prejudice to me, I explained he should not be so judgmental and that he should not form opinions without first questioning them. So for all you that have been on both sides of the fence what is going on?? Is it my son being a typical 13 year old??Or is this the real truth to church?? I'd say to use the Socratic Method on him, to help him think. Just ask him questions that would lead to a logical conclusion that Gay people are not stupid, or that it is ok to be around people who aren't christian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dio Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 You might point out that the Bible says that Jesus associated with unbelievers and people who were considered sinners. Also, Paul says in 1Cor 5:9,10 - "I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person". So Paul is supposedly saying that one cannot avoid associating with 'immoral people' or unbelievers. Now I believe the bible is nonsense, but your son may consider that he is not being faithful to his own beliefs by taking that position and attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest glb72 Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I tried using the Socratic Method by asking him why Gay people are stupid, the first response was The bible states that they are wrong, I then asked why does the bible state that, he said its Gods word and we should not question it. I then ask why we should not question Gods word through the interpritation of the bible then he says that is the way it is and shuts down the conversation. Man its like beating my head into a wall. Funny thing is when we look at science I ask questions and he logically thinks through them. When religion is involved there is no leeway for thinking or questioning and this scares me. Me and my family are really the only non christians that he has ever been around. He has attended my wifes family passover and Chanukah and enjopyed even though everyone in the room was going to Hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Christianity is inherently a prejudiced religion. Most of us overcame this by getting to know people who were very different from us, and realized that they were human beings and not worthy of hate. I would take your son to places where he could get to know people who were different, then he will eventually realize that they aren't so bad. I am not a relegious person, but my son and his mother are. He does not live with me and currently stays with his mother and step father who I get along with. A recent visit has me baffled. Some of the comments that he said were a bit upsetting. He explained to my wife and I that we are going to Hell, thats OK I guess he can believe what he wants. Here is what scares me, in a discussion he stated that he did not want to be around anybody that was not christian. Man thats going to be tough when he enters the real world. It seems like he has no acceptance of anyone other than christians. Is this part of the teachings at church? Another thing said was that gay people are stupid and they are going to hell. That sounds way to prejudice to me, I explained he should not be so judgmental and that he should not form opinions without first questioning them. It sounds as if he is going to a fundy (fundamentalist) church. They are the ones who take everything literally and claim that everyone who isn't exactly like them is going straight to hell. I grew up in a Mo. Synod Lutheran church. It was very similar. Not all churches are conservative, but it sounds as if the one your son goes to is. Can you talk to your son's mother and voice your concerns to her, that you don't want your kid to grow up prejucided and bigoted, and to take him to a more moderate church? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taphophilia Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 13 is a very tough age. I know I have a 13 year old. Wanting to fit in and acceptance of peers is more important than family. If his peer group are all Christians then I can understand why he is like this. Peer pressure to conform to the group is more important then being an individual. However, as a parent you need to let him know that he needs to be able to have his own opinoins and be able to think for himself, not just copy what his friends say. Taph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest glb72 Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Dio excelent point. I will ask him if he feels that. I really need to study the Bible so that I can see his perspective, I need to be as open minded as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 I tried using the Socratic Method by asking him why Gay people are stupid, the first response was The bible states that they are wrong, I then asked why does the bible state that, he said its Gods word and we should not question it. I then ask why we should not question Gods word through the interpritation of the bible then he says that is the way it is and shuts down the conversation. Man its like beating my head into a wall. Funny thing is when we look at science I ask questions and he logically thinks through them. When religion is involved there is no leeway for thinking or questioning and this scares me. Me and my family are really the only non christians that he has ever been around. He has attended my wifes family passover and Chanukah and enjopyed even though everyone in the room was going to Hell. Well, you can even show him that gay people aren't stupid from a christian point of view. You could point out that being wrong doesn't make someone stupid, only wrong. You could also point out that Jesus hung out with sinners, and that he himself is a sinner. You could also point out that God doesn't view any sin to be worse than any other sin, and that Jesus commands him to love his neighbour as he loves himself, and not to go down the path of one who hates people just because they are different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasemonkey Posted November 29, 2005 Share Posted November 29, 2005 Welcome GLB I've not had a lot of experience with kids (I'm 39, but never had kids), so I'm not sure if my rambling will be of much help on this matter. Back in my fundie-days, we were told all kinds of bad stuff about gays. I was homophobic to the hilt until something shattered my perceptions about homosexuality. My oldest brother came "out of the closet," and suddenly I had a choice between my brother, or the beliefs I held. It really wasn't much of a choice at all (and that was probably why he told me nearly 2 years before any of the rest of the family, I guess he thought I would handle it better), and he was, and still is, one of my best friends. If you have any gay friends, I might suggest exposing him a little bit, but not telling your son thier orientation. It's really easy to throw stones at homosexuality if you don't actually KNOW any homosexuals. I might be a bit naive, but I think exposure would probably help. Just a thought, and glad to see another newbie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 So, your son thinks that you and his mother are going to hell, huh? He needs a little bit of Biblical Correction if you ask me. You should see to it that he is stoned for not honoring his parents. Just kiddin'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saxyroze Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Hello all I have been looking through these forums and found open minded people. With that said I am looking for your opinions. I am not a relegious person, but my son and his mother are. He does not live with me and currently stays with his mother and step father who I get along with. A recent visit has me baffled. Some of the comments that he said were a bit upsetting. He explained to my wife and I that we are going to Hell, thats OK I guess he can believe what he wants. Here is what scares me, in a discussion he stated that he did not want to be around anybody that was not christian. Man thats going to be tough when he enters the real world. It seems like he has no acceptance of anyone other than christians. Is this part of the teachings at church? Another thing said was that gay people are stupid and they are going to hell. That sounds way to prejudice to me, I explained he should not be so judgmental and that he should not form opinions without first questioning them. So for all you that have been on both sides of the fence what is going on?? Is it my son being a typical 13 year old??Or is this the real truth to church?? It might be a phase he’s going through, which is good in some ways. I went through that same phase, at age thirteen I became serious in Christianity and became excessively close-minded. But as the years went on I lived, learned, grew and matured. So over all, throughout high school, I went through a “fundy” Christian phase, a gothic wiccan phase, and even a hippie phase. I’m not so sure if I’d be good at giving advice but I’d have to say just be patient with him and open minded. If you get defensive and haughty, it might push him even further into his “fundy” attitude. Kind of like a rebellion. Oddly, becoming a Christian can be a rebellious act sometimes. That’s how I became so “fundy”, I was rebelling against my family and the town environment. Did he just get into Christianity recently? Maybe in a while he’ll realize that the true basis of Jesus’ message is love. Once he gets that maybe he’ll become more accepting towards nonbelievers. Or start talking about Mother Teresa. She was an amazing woman who followed Jesus but also worked with the “low-life” of society with love, compassion and charity, not pride and arrogance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest glb72 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 Thank you all for your opinions. I guess it could be worse he could be into drugs. If his beliefs get him through his teenager years it wont be that bad. I look back to my friends that had to attend church and relized that none of them attend church on a regular basis as adults. I have a strong feeling that life will change his views, Hell he might show up on this board one day. I will have a talk with his mom and express my concerns. Greasemonkey my sister in law is bi but I do not want to tell him that, Funny thing is that they get along great. I will see if she will speak to him that should freak him out and make him think. Yes I see the point if we didnt hang out with sinners we would have no friends Home schooling has not allowed him to get out and meet others. If his mom lets him go to high school he will be in for one rude awakening. So hopefully one day he will open his mind and find out that good and crappy people come in all shapes and sizes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Ooh. Wow. Yeah. If he's homeschooled in a particularly isolating way, he's in for a rude awakening, either when if he goes to highschool, or when he's finished and goes to college. (Or the military, or for a job, or whatever.) The real world is likely to be a shock to him. On the other hand, showing him pieces of the real world right now probably isn't a bad thing. Being supportive and loving isn't bad either, in fact it's great. It might well just be a phase. I remember when I was at that age I had both a deep need to conform to family demands so that I wouldn't be rejected, as well as a deep need to figure out my own way in life so I could become an individual. It turned out it was safer for me to conform, so I did. When I was 13 I was pro-life, rather racist, certainly classist, and overall conservative in my views. I didn't add religion into the mix until I was about 16 or so. Honestly, I was a right bitch about it - self-righteous, arrogant, the lot. But, I grew out of it. I have my moments but overall I don't think that way anymore. And it took some time - but I still got here. Maybe it'd help if you provide a place where your son is safe to think whatever he wants and become an individual as much as he needs to. I don't know about life with his mom but it's possible, with the homeschooling and perhaps church, that his mom's house isn't a safe place for him to be an individual, so he's conforming. Anyway. Just some more thoughts. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Open_Minded Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Hello GLB72 I tried using the Socratic Method by asking him why Gay people are stupid, the first response was The bible states that they are wrong, I then asked why does the bible state that, he said its Gods word and we should not question it. I then ask why we should not question Gods word through the interpritation of the bible then he says that is the way it is and shuts down the conversation. Man its like beating my head into a wall. Funny thing is when we look at science I ask questions and he logically thinks through them. When religion is involved there is no leeway for thinking or questioning and this scares me. Me and my family are really the only non christians that he has ever been around. He has attended my wifes family passover and Chanukah and enjopyed even though everyone in the room was going to Hell. You might try getting the book If Grace Is True : Why God Will Save Every Person . You can find it at this site: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006251704...glance&n=283155 The book is a pretty easy read and it is written to a conservative Christian audience. I'm a liberal Christian and so a lot of the logic in this book is a bit over done for my tastes. But, and this is key, I've never been taught to read the Bible literally. On the other hand - I have found that this book connects with people who have been taught literal Christianity, especially young people. I've loaned it to a few young people who ask me about being "saved", right now a 15 year old girl has it. To me, this book opens doors for discussion. It is not the final word, but it does give someone from a more conservative background cause to consider the true meaning of Grace. In addition, if your son is interested in science, really encourage this interest. Expose him to the environmental sciences and to quantum physics. Take time to expose him to the wonder in science itself. This exposure will rest in him - but someday, if he gives himself permission - the exposure to science will make him question much of what he is learning now in the rhelm of religion. One last thing - when an opportunity presents itself - talk to him about the fear connected with his current thinking. The fear he must feel inside himself, for himself and for those he loves. Talk to him about whether this is healthy. Wish I could be of more help. I too have teens in my life. My own children have a more balanced approached to these things. But they have friends who have been exposed to some pretty unsettling belief systems. I've found that there are no easy answers. Just keep the doors of communication open and let him know you love him no matter what he feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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