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Jesus Drove A Honda

Guest wester

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Yes, but do you know HOW Jesus got his Honda, when there were no factories or car building technology 2000 years ago?


It all started when Jesus got a staph infection and developed an abscess. He had to endure this, you know, because he had become flesh. We already learned from Brother Jeff that Jesus was sent down by the Holy Farter, and was magically Him. And filled with all the God magic, there truly was something magical about Jesus' farts. Well, this abscess that he got from the staph infection somehow magically transformed his fart energy. It all started one night when Jesus farted in his sleep and his abscess powered fart magically coalesced into a tiny toy car. Jesus drowsily rolled over the car in the morning and noticed it, thought, "Huh, will you look at this" and placed it next to his bed on his night stand. Well, the pain and suffering that Jesus had to endure with his abscess really stressed him out, and made him pretty gassy over the days that followed. Every night the magic farts would drift over to his car to surround it, and make his car grow larger and larger each day. He had to move the car from his night stand next to the floor, and eventually it grew into a full sized Accord before his staph infection finally healed and the process stopped. Now this is exactly why Jesus didn't talk about his Honda. Would you talk about your Honda if you were God and you grew it from your farts? But we did inherit one legacy from Jesus' fart grown Honda: That's where we got the expression: "Abscess makes the farts grow Hondas."

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"Abscess makes the farts grow Hondas."


Oh, that was baaaaaad. BAAAAAD. BAAAAAAAAAAD. Laughed my head off. I'd say laughed my ass off, but under the circumstances ...

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That joke was so bad I think I need to lay down for awhile in a dark room with a cold compress and contemplate staving kids in africa.

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When Jesus ascended to Heaven, he left the car to the apostles to share.


Acts 2:1

And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.


Apparently, it was a very impressive car for its time, and rare:


Acts 8:6

And the people with one accord gave heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and seeing the miracles which he did.


The People With One Accord are clearly considered special. Honored, even. With miracles. This teaches us that God loves car-sharing, and, by extension, car-sharing services such as Zipcar and Wecar. During the Council of Nicea, a schism nearly erupted regarding the canonical anointing of car-RENTAL - rates, age restrictions, do we get the insurance?, is it better to rent at the airport or in town?, the usual. A compromise was reached in which the Gospel of Hertz was removed from the canon.

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