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Spiraling Upward Out Of Xtianity


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Hello everyone,

 

Thanks for being here. I found this site a few days ago right when I needed it most. Just the presence of this community gives encouragement to others like myself who are changing -- or wanting to change -- their involvement in xtianity.

 

I was raised in a very religious home, in a sect called Christadelphian. I want to be specific about that group so that if there are any other ex-Christadelphians that ever see this, please feel free to contact me at any time if you want to visit or need support in deconversion.

 

After being raised in that sect, I first deconverted around 10 years ago. I spent that 10 years happy and doing various pretty cool things with my life personally and professionally. Then in January of this year I returned to church with my family to visit. The atmosphere was so familiar and pleasant (surrounded by my family) that I ended up rejoining, which was no simple or trivial thing with this group. So I guess let me be an example of how easy it can be to go back to old ways of thinking. One thing that made it easy for me to do is that I agree with that church's morality and character-oriented teachings; it was on the basis of that likemindedness that I felt comfortable with them.

 

But of course, xtian churches have a lot of teaching that goes beyond being a good person. As time has gone on this year I've realized more deeply than ever how much I disagree with all that "other stuff" that defines a xtian belief system. The main conflict for me with xtian teaching is the suffering in the world-- both personal and on the scale of natural disasters, famine, genocide. I do not believe that a loving god would allow those things to happen, because even I as a flawed human know that it's not nice to let people suffer. If I had the power, I'd make sure no child ever died. But children die every day, and people of all ages suffer every day. Therefore there is no loving god out there. If there is a non-loving god out there, he can stay out there. I'll do fine without him. It's up to us-- you and I-- to see the suffering of others and help make things better.

 

So this brings me to tonight. I'm in the middle of a 2nd deconversion process.

 

For me, it's a time of good energy-- I'm being honest with myself and with those around me as I've always tried to be. But for my family members who are church members, it is pretty much the worst news they could ever imagine. So it is also a time of dreading those conversations where I tell them the news. But all I can do is walk through that fear and be honest with them-- and so I told two people tonight-- my brother-in-law, and my dad. Overall I have to say it went better than expected, but it is very bittersweet, as I truly regret the bitter disappointment this brings to my dad. He sees this news as him losing his son in a way that is very real for him.

 

That's the hell of a cult-like belief system-- it can twist reality for the believers so that I, a loving son and honest man, are seen as a source of ultimate sorrow for my dad. All I can do is keep loving him, and try my best to never inflict this sort of thing on my kids (if I'm ever lucky enough to have some).

 

So it's twice around the bend for me then. But a good friend once taught me that repeating mistakes is ok as long as we're learning something along the way. Then instead of going in circles, we're going in a spiral upward, like climbing a spiral staircase, gaining better perspective as we go.

 

Thanks again for being here.

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It is very difficult but you were very honest with your family. This site should be helpful to you as there are many here who have walked your same path. All the best to you.

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Welcome to the site. Going back and forth cannot be good for your mental health, we all know how difficult it is to go through the deconversion process. I would recommend to continue your search to solidify your belief system. It seems like the philosophical aspects of religion pull you back and forth. I would recommend checking out some of the factual claims and historicity of Christianity, as once once you truly learn the facts and the history there is no way to unsee behind the curtain. Good luck in your path.

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Thanks for the replies!

 

 

Going back and forth cannot be good for your mental health, we all know how difficult it is to go through the deconversion process.

 

Well, it happened once 10 years ago, and then I had the experience this year. So it's not a matter of fluctuating quickly. And there are true opportunities for learning about ourselves through our repeated actions if we're observant. I'd like to be in the club that says, "I left and never looked back", but instead I'm a a very family-oriented person, and very people-oriented person, who is trying to make my best way forward through a truly tangled religion/family dynamic.

 

I would recommend to continue your search to solidify your belief system. It seems like the philosophical aspects of religion pull you back and forth. I would recommend checking out some of the factual claims and historicity of Christianity, as once once you truly learn the facts and the history there is no way to unsee behind the curtain. Good luck in your path.

 

Thanks very much. I'm 100% settled in my views stated above, that the depths of suffering and inequity in this world disproves the existence of any god. It was from this place of being 100% settled that I took the step of bringing this subject up to my family.

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Hello everyone,

 

Thanks for being here. I found this site a few days ago right when I needed it most. Just the presence of this community gives encouragement to others like myself who are changing -- or wanting to change -- their involvement in xtianity.

 

I was raised in a very religious home, in a sect called Christadelphian. I want to be specific about that group so that if there are any other ex-Christadelphians that ever see this, please feel free to contact me at any time if you want to visit or need support in deconversion.

 

After being raised in that sect, I first deconverted around 10 years ago. I spent that 10 years happy and doing various pretty cool things with my life personally and professionally. Then in January of this year I returned to church with my family to visit. The atmosphere was so familiar and pleasant (surrounded by my family) that I ended up rejoining, which was no simple or trivial thing with this group. So I guess let me be an example of how easy it can be to go back to old ways of thinking. One thing that made it easy for me to do is that I agree with that church's morality and character-oriented teachings; it was on the basis of that likemindedness that I felt comfortable with them.

 

But of course, xtian churches have a lot of teaching that goes beyond being a good person. As time has gone on this year I've realized more deeply than ever how much I disagree with all that "other stuff" that defines a xtian belief system. The main conflict for me with xtian teaching is the suffering in the world-- both personal and on the scale of natural disasters, famine, genocide. I do not believe that a loving god would allow those things to happen, because even I as a flawed human know that it's not nice to let people suffer. If I had the power, I'd make sure no child ever died. But children die every day, and people of all ages suffer every day. Therefore there is no loving god out there. If there is a non-loving god out there, he can stay out there. I'll do fine without him. It's up to us-- you and I-- to see the suffering of others and help make things better.

 

So this brings me to tonight. I'm in the middle of a 2nd deconversion process.

 

For me, it's a time of good energy-- I'm being honest with myself and with those around me as I've always tried to be. But for my family members who are church members, it is pretty much the worst news they could ever imagine. So it is also a time of dreading those conversations where I tell them the news. But all I can do is walk through that fear and be honest with them-- and so I told two people tonight-- my brother-in-law, and my dad. Overall I have to say it went better than expected, but it is very bittersweet, as I truly regret the bitter disappointment this brings to my dad. He sees this news as him losing his son in a way that is very real for him.

 

That's the hell of a cult-like belief system-- it can twist reality for the believers so that I, a loving son and honest man, are seen as a source of ultimate sorrow for my dad. All I can do is keep loving him, and try my best to never inflict this sort of thing on my kids (if I'm ever lucky enough to have some).

 

So it's twice around the bend for me then. But a good friend once taught me that repeating mistakes is ok as long as we're learning something along the way. Then instead of going in circles, we're going in a spiral upward, like climbing a spiral staircase, gaining better perspective as we go.

 

Thanks again for being here.

 

I agree all what you say.

 

We taught me so many times that the world needs to see the goodness of God...And for me who traveled so much around the world like in India and I was confronted to the misery

I just see that this so called "caring God" is not at all. Why God would be only a loving God for those who believe in him and not with the rest of the world if salvation is so important ?

 

When you share with so many ex christians here that once trust in God and his goodness and agreed to obey to Him and His Word and at least we all realize that the bible was

fake, unrealistic promises, etc...so many struggled with lies when they were convinced for so many years that the God they once served was a God of justice and and good father

for them....what is the worse ? our situation or the world who does not know him ? and so many christians have a comfortable life with a house, a bed, they 3 daily meals....

God is finally a liar for me. But in the process of decconversion I tried to find a compromise and return to my former church which is catholic. In fact in summary I met then "born again christians"

in evangelical and pentecostal churches whn I was 18 and then I spent almost 20 years with them. But my parents are not religious. Faith was something so important in my life. But

after a while in catholic church, I was confronted again to Jesus and the bible and as I know he was a liar I couldnt stay more. Recently I really had to admit there was on other issue to

go out and forever...every place where the bible is teached I cant deal anymore and accept it. Before my conversion with evangelical I participated in a mass in catholic church but I didnt

know the bible so it was different. But once you know the true about the false promises you cant stay longer...it takes time to accept this reality and abandon christianiy forever

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because even I as a flawed human know that it's not nice to let people suffer. If I had the power, I'd make sure no child ever died

 

This is exactly right. The world around us shows that the omnipotent, loving god described in the bible is incompetent or just plain evil. He knew all this suffering would occur, yet went along with his sick plan anyway, hoping to save a handful with his Bible that no one can interpret properly, while the rest of us suffer in this life and the next. Man if I were God things would be amazing.

 

trying to make my best way forward through a truly tangled religion/family dynamic.

 

This is something that I've realized to a fuller extent recently. Fundamental christianity impacted every tiny facet of my family. Growing up, my home was like a mini version of the church we attended. Authoritarian, black and white, you're afraid to speak anything negative, put on a happy face because you're supposed to be a christian, mock every part of science that doesn't align with young-earth creationism, and so on. For almost any topic of conversation, fundamentalism has its dirty judgmental fingerprints all over it. Which makes it hard to have any kind of relationship with family members. No matter what you discuss, there is a christian opinion on it, and if you don't agree then you're deceived by Satan. Having a decent conversation with my parents is like navigating through landmines.

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