Can Someone Give Me Advice?

[Lilith666]

I'm a senior in high school, and there's this guy. We're friendly acquaintances, but not friends. I've been really into him for the past two years and I haven't told him for a couple reasons: 1) I'm certain the interest isn't mutual, so I'm scared. 2) He is way out of my league. He's a jock and is friends with just about everyone. Sports intimidate me and I have only a few close buddies. Most of the time I look like a loner. I feel stupid for liking him.

 

This year, we only have three classes together: study hall, gym, and chorus. I am not going to find an opportunity to confess, and I don't want to wait for a miracle. The year could be over by then, and we'll go off to different colleges. This is too much to handle; I have got to let it out, but I won't have a chance.

 

We are friends on Facebook. Someone told me that FB messages are private and no one else can see them. Is that true? I really, really, really do not want anyone else to read it. People would think it's a great joke--we are in very different social classes. Should I message him? I have no idea how to initiate the conversation. Any thoughts? I would appreciate it very much. Thanks.

[flockoff]

I'm a guy, but all I can say is if if it looks like he's going to be on your mind for a while, you need to draw the air into your chest and tell him now. The worst possible outcome is still going to beat wondering what would've happened whenever you think back to it when you're almost thirty.

 

Don't make the mistake I did.

[MerryG]

I ache for you. Things were much the same for me in high school.

 

But however you do it, don't do it via Facebook. There's ultimately no such thing as privacy on Facebook. As old-fashioned as it seems, you should probably do it in person or by a hard-to-reproduce, hard-to-share physical letter.

 

You could open the topic by simply telling him he's a great guy and that you've admired him from afar for a long time. You don't have to confess undying love or passion. You can just open the topic. You can even say, "I know I don't have a chance with you, but I wanted you to know I admire you." If he's the good guy he seems, he won't mock you or hurt you. If he's not so good a guy, then yes, you're taking a risk that could end up causing you a lot of pain. Well, it's a risk either way. But if you're really driven to do it, be honest but don't be pushy; if he's not interested, he needs to know you're not going to stalk him. You just need to say your say and accept whatever his reaction may be.

 

Good luck. It's a scary situation.

[BrotherJosh]

Regret things you did, and not things you didn't do.

[TrueFreedom]

Don't put it in writing. Just speak with him in person or make a voice call.

[Margee]

Lilith..I was not 'forward' at all when I was 'youngin'. I was totally crazy for a guy who I thought was completely out of my league. All the girls used to hang around him with their long hair and skinny tight jeans. I NEVER made a move..ever. I had short, short hair and was quite chubby. I never thought he would even notice me.

 

Met him 25 years later.....He was working in a meat department of a large grocery chain. He remembered me from school and told me he had a huge crush on me and that he thought he was not in my league!!!! So...... he never made a move towards me!!

 

go for it girl...put a big smile on your face and find out what his interests are and make yourself known. It can only go 2 ways. Prepare yourself for the worst OR the best!! You have nothing to lose. Best of luck and keep us posted!!

[florduh]

Nobody is "out of your league." Give him a chance. He might turn out to not be a good match, but you should at least give it a shot. My only regret is that I didn't take a shot more often back in high school.

[Thought2Much]

I'll concur with those saying to take the chance, and let him know how you feel, Lilith. Think about it this way:

 

1. You tell him, and you wind up in a relationship. Yay!

2. You tell him, and he's a dick to you about it. Yay! That just means you've ruled him out because he's a dick, and it's a good thing you didn't go out with him.

 

If he's in chorus with you, then you might share some interest in music. Try to find a way to spend time with him doing something along those lines (going to a concert, whatever). This also means that he's probably not just a "dumb jock" type.

 

Try not to make the situation a big confessional, though. Try to find an avenue in which you can talk to him about things you have in common, and then give him your contact information. He should get the hint at that point.

[★ Citsonga ★]

I'm not one to tell others what to do, but I can relate. I am now twice your age, but back when I was your age, there was a girl I was interested in, but I thought she was out of my league, so I never asked her out. She went on to marry a guy whom I would have expected to be even more out of her league than I was. I'll probably never know whether or not I had any real chance with her, but I can't help but think that I may have.

[mymistake]

I guess I will be the voice of caution.

 

High school jock? Just be careful not to wander into a minefield. I don't know either of you but I do know some of the pressures from social roles. High school relationships seem really important at the time but really it's the friends and relationships you make at college that will last. It's magic the way people mature just by going from one environment to the other. In the end it is your life so your call.

[TrueFreedom]

I guess I will be the voice of caution.

 

High school jock? Just be careful not to wander into a minefield. I don't know either of you but I do know some of the pressures from social roles. High school relationships seem really important at the time but really it's the friends and relationships you make at college that will last. It's magic the way people mature just by going from one environment to the other. In the end it is your life so your call.

 

I agree with this, especially with guys. They don't usually mature as early as girls. It's probably best not to put too much of your heart out there. Take your time.

[wndwalkr99]

I'm a senior in high school, and there's this guy. We're friendly acquaintances, but not friends. I've been really into him for the past two years and I haven't told him for a couple reasons: 1) I'm certain the interest isn't mutual, so I'm scared. 2) He is way out of my league. He's a jock and is friends with just about everyone. Sports intimidate me and I have only a few close buddies. Most of the time I look like a loner. I feel stupid for liking him.

 

This year, we only have three classes together: study hall, gym, and chorus. I am not going to find an opportunity to confess, and I don't want to wait for a miracle. The year could be over by then, and we'll go off to different colleges. This is too much to handle; I have got to let it out, but I won't have a chance.

 

We are friends on Facebook. Someone told me that FB messages are private and no one else can see them. Is that true? I really, really, really do not want anyone else to read it. People would think it's a great joke--we are in very different social classes. Should I message him? I have no idea how to initiate the conversation. Any thoughts? I would appreciate it very much. Thanks.

 

The only thing that is truly private is a conversation between two people, and sometimes not even then. Even an FB message that cannot be forwarded can still be captured with a screenshot.

 

But if he is a good guy, he won't mock you for a short conversation in which you divulge your feelings. And if he isn't a good guy, then you don't want him anyway.