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Life Groups And Supporting My Wife


Rek99
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My wife has had some shock recently due to my xtianity, and I've been trying to support her and comfort her in any way possible. I no longer have any fear of Christians trying to re-convert me, and I'm more than willing to debate/discuss my views with anyone asking. That being said, last Sunday there was an invitation to join a "Life Group", which as far as I can tell is the new term for "Small Group". Being the nice, handsome, supportive, intelligent, and humble husband that I am, I offered to go with her to the mixer and she was pleased.

 

It was okay overall, but when it came time to elect a group leader, everyone chose me, which is strange because I didn't say anything about being a believer. This puts me in an uncomfortable situation, as I don't want to lead my wife on and let her think that I'm going to believe in "The Lawd" again. As far as I can tell there isn't much to lead in the group, it's just a press play on the DVD player type thing, but still.....

 

Anyone been in this type of situation before? Especially those who were previous church leaders and continued to lead after deconverting? I could use some advice here.

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Yikes! I could not do that in good faith. I would try to politely decline. I stepped down from leadership early in deconverting. And then stopped helping altogether when I completely didnt believe anymore.

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LOL!! Hilarious!

 

Maybe just bow out and say "I don't feel I'm the right person for this, and I'd happily support the person (not me) who fills this role."

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Yes, turn it down! Now. Don't let this go any farther.

 

What did you say when they chose you as leader? I'm surprised you didn't just refuse right then.

 

In fact, since your wife knows you're ex, is it possible that these life group folks also knew and chose you as leader in one of those smarmy attempts to "bring you back to Jesus" by putting you in a can't-say-no position?

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We've been going to the same church for a long time, and all the people we saw there we hadn't met before, so I don't think it was done purposely. The groups were also fairly random in formation.

 

I think I'll just ask my wife to lead it, because our church doesn't have anything against women in leadership positions.

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Well....tell them you're not the leader type. Don't want to get stuck in the super-Xian mess.

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I think I'll just ask my wife to lead it, because our church doesn't have anything against women in leadership positions.

 

Wow! Really? My old church refused to let women be elders, and if you mentioned a female preacher, they'd start spouting about how the Church is succumbing to the world's ways.

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2Honest and I resigned our leadership of two groups when it became clear to us that we were deconverting. Those last couple of meetings were brutal, as I knew that what I was saying was most likely BS.

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Here's the letter that I ended up writing to the couple who are hosting the group:

 

Hey ************,

 

Thanks again for dinner. We had a great time and it was awesome to hang out with other people at the same point in life that we are. The kids seemed to enjoy beating each other up too, so that's a plus.

 

I didn't want to bring it up tonight, but I'll just come out with it now. I'm not a Christian. I would classify myself as atheist, but because I don't deny the possibility of an unmeasurable-undetectable-being somewhere out there, most would classify me as agnostic. I did get baptized when I was 18 and I did go to bible college for a year, but after lots and LOTS of research about a year ago, I could no longer believe. I told *my wife* about it 2 months ago, and she's handling it surprisingly well. Me being a Christian was a prerequisite before we started dating, and I did totally believe for years.

 

I'm coming with her for a few reasons. I still want to support my wife, and I want her to be happy. I know she'll only REALLY be happy if I was a Christian, but I'm going to do what I can do within the bounds of me not lying to myself. I still agree with most of the moral teachings in the New Testament, but there are a few things that I really can't subscribe to, homosexuality being a sin being a big one of them.

 

Also, I really want to make some good friends here in AZ. A lot of people I know moved away or don't really jive well with us. You guys seem like a really great couple, and if you're okay with it, I'd love to continue getting together outside of life group, or if life group doesn't really pan out after the 4-6 weeks.

 

That being said, I really don't feel comfortable leading group discussions or prayers. I won't rock the boat by any means, and I won't come in ranting about how I don't believe the bible is true or anything, but I won't lie if asked direct questions about my spirituality or beliefs.

 

I'll completely understand if you guys would prefer if I don't come to the group. While I don't believe the bible is anything more than a group of fables, I want people to come to their own conclusions about their beliefs. I'm really not a jerk, but again, if someone were to ask me a question one-off about something theological or about apologetics I can't lie about what I think.

 

Well, there it is. This took a lot longer than I thought it would, so I better get some sleep. I have to be up in 6 hours for a meeting. Take care.

 

-**********

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Yes, really well said, Rek. Not only what you said, but how you said it, with lightness, empathy, and humor.

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He responded already, very polite and said they had a great time as well. We're gonna continue hanging out and he actually said he'd like to hear my story. Seems like a good guy!

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I commend your bravery and honesty!

 

My then-husband and I were asked to step down as youth leaders long before we completely deconverted. It was because we dared challenge their baptismal beliefs and talked about how evolution is more likely than Creationism.

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We're gonna continue hanging out and he actually said he'd like to hear my story. Seems like a good guy!

 

Good luck. Hope it continues to go well.

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