Was Never Quite In The Matrix

[Guest Tehuti Nefer]

I am newly exed from Christianity. Just a few months ago after over thirty years in the Church.

 

My story is probably not much different from that of many of you. In its uniqueness you may find pieces of your own story.

 

When I was about two or three my godmother brought me a children’s prayer book and taught me how to pray. I remember one night I lay in bed deeply troubled about something. My mother and godmother got into terrible shouting matches that just traumatized me. As I lay there I just asked Jesus to be with me. Nobody explained to me that I was a sinner and there was a specific prayer I had to pray in order to reach God. There was no flash of light or roll of thunder. I just knew in my heart that he was there with me.

 

About eight years later I went to a Church where they told me in order to be saved I had to be a Christian. I didn’t have the foggiest idea what they were talking about. I knew Jesus but what is a Christian. I remember sitting in the choir box wondering who exactly is Jesus. What is his relationship to God? Is Santa Claus really his brother? Lots of questions. At the same time my godmother was trying to show me all the contradictions in the bible. Although she was the one who introduced me to Jesus and taught me to pray my faith was not shattered by her change of heart because it stemmed from the Church gossiping about her adultery.

 

As a teenager I learned a lot about bible doctrine as a member of Fred Price’s Church. However to make a long story short, from the time I was a small child until now going to Church has been one painful experience after the other.

 

Twice I have tried to complete a read though the bible in a year program and each time I’ve had to put the book down because I was just unable to stomach the things it claimed God did to people. The way he reacted with violent rage at the most .infinitely petty offences and his seeming total lack of knowledge of basic human psychology. I just prayed “Lord I can‘t understand this. I know I‘m supposed to read your word but I can‘t. help me to understand.. I‘m not asking for answers just understanding.”

 

Several months ago on another message board a poster had put up a list of over a hundred bible contradictions. I defended the bible quite valiantly. Then another poster checkmated me by pointing out all the things the bible claims God did==the genocide, murder, rape done at his command. I could do nothing but admit these questions had puzzled me/

 

In truth the Church was doing a much better job at pointing out the contradictions in the bible than this unbeliever. The ministers in my Church apparently realized that they could not reasonably tell us we are no longer under the law and then tell us we still have to pay tithes when there is no commandment outside the mosaic law for Christians to pay tithes. So the pastor decided to throw Paul out the window and tell us he was going to teach the whole counsel of God including the law. Whenever I pointed out what Paul said they would point out what Jesus said about not coming to destroy the law. That’s just one of the ways they contradicted scriptures they didn’t agree with by turning to scriptures they did agree with while at the same time telling us the whole bible is the inerrant, infallible and inspired word of God.

 

To make a long story short, the confusion in the pulpit and the mayhem in the pews led me to feel that spiritual growth could not take place there. It was not enough to say don’t look at the people. Look at Jesus. The Church is the body and Jesus is the head. How can I separate the actions of the body from the head. If I punch someone in the face can I tell them not to look at my fist but judge me by my head? John tells me that he who is born of God does not sin because his seed is in him and he cannot sin. . For years I just glossed over that scripture, unable to reconcile it with the idea that Christians are not perfect, just forgiven.

 

The last service I attended was a midweek bible study where the pastor was reading from the book of acts where Jesus promises Paul that no one would harm him. I sat there wondering if I was the only person there who thought that was a strange promise for God to make to a man who would e beheaded. It felt uncomfortable to sit there thinking and using my brain in a place where I’ only supposed to believe and use my faith. So I’ve not been back since.

 

The spiritual crisis that arose was not about my relationship with God. It was about my relationship to the bible and the Church. I was not afraid of finding out that the bible is untrue since I had not found God in the bible or in a Church. Some might say that without the bible I would not know God. Is that true? The bible is only 1700 years old so what did people do before then?

 

I had to go back to the place where I first met God. Befoe the confusion and pain that the Church and christianity mixed into my relationship with him/her. I asked the Creator to help me understand and now I overstand.

[pandora]

Welcome.

 

I look forward to hearing more of your posts. Perhaps you can elablorate on what exactly your views are on the nature of god once you have settled in a bit. .

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Welcome!

 

 

Congratulations on finding the strength to move on!

[Joyous1]

The last service I attended was a midweek bible study where the pastor was reading from the book of acts where Jesus promises Paul that no one would harm him. I sat there wondering if I was the only person there who thought that was a strange promise for God to make to a man who would e beheaded.

 

This is just what pushed me out the door of Christianity, the extravagent promises that evaporate when you really need them.

 

Welcome, I am very new here too.

[Guest Tehuti Nefer]

The last service I attended was a midweek bible study where the pastor was reading from the book of acts where Jesus promises Paul that no one would harm him. I sat there wondering if I was the only person there who thought that was a strange promise for God to make to a man who would e beheaded.

 

This is just what pushed me out the door of Christianity, the extravagent promises that evaporate when you really need them.

 

Welcome, I am very new here too.

Ah but a good christian never lets what he knows interfere with what he believes--which is why we are here, isn't it.

 

Thanks for the welcome, everyone.

[gliph]

It felt uncomfortable to sit there thinking and using my brain in a place where I’ only supposed to believe and use my faith. So I’ve not been back since.

 

 

Welcome!

 

That was one of the hardest things for me too. I always thought it was OK to read something, but then I wanted to discuss it and actually STUDY it. It was called "bible study" because you were supposed to study and learn, right? Maybe if it was called "bible sit quietly and read to yourself" that would have helped.

 

You are in a great group here, and find there is lots of freethinking to go around. Thanks for sharing!

[Evelyn]

I like your comment, "I asked the Creator to help me understand and now I overstand!"

 

New word! I've used it today aleady!

 

Welcome to the ExC board!

 

[SweetSouthernHeretic]

<snip>... I asked the Creator to help me understand and now I overstand.

 

Hi and welcome...

 

That makes perfect sense. In my case, I mark a specific point on my "church timeline" when I was so frustrated and angry with it (and them, the church members) that all I could do is pray for wisdom to know what the right path was ... and I ended up with a helluva lot more wisdom than I ever bargained for. I, too, was in the church over 30 years... been out 1994.

 

Thank you for sharing your story.