Ellwood Posted April 2, 2013 Author Share Posted April 2, 2013 Love all the comments gang. This is a great place. My wife turned herself around by the time I got home last night and all was well. Such is how it is when dealing with mental illness. We both are advocates of good therapists by the way and use them when needed. Her the christian ones and me the "other". They have gotten us through much of this. I am excited about "The Therapist Project" but have not gone through them. And so I continue on this fascinating journey. This is what is so nutty. My wife trusts doctors, therapists, seat belts, insurance, drugs, door locks, air bags, psychologists, medical research, etc., etc. I am not sure what she needs a gawd for? But she is dead set on it. I think 2 reasons: heaven and the fun social club of our rather liberal accepting church. We have already agreed to not speak of religion from the start. The problem comes when she bursts out at me for deconverting. "So and so was crying about you, so many people love you and are so upset, how could you do this to your son in seminary, what makes you think you are smarter than so and so." All this at high level rant volume. So believe me I don't bring this stuff up. It is other factors that cause it - Christmas and some wine on her part started it last time. OK, I like the "drinking" shift the post has taken. I have had about 8 beers in my life. 6 of those in the last year after my deconversion as I tried to open myself up to be less "rigid". I just can't get a taste for it. So, I have kind of given up on that by now and concluded I will stick with my usual vices of ice cream, chocolate, Girl Scout chocolate mint cookies, and McDonald's Sundae's. I have drastically reduced my intake of brownies since I now attend far fewer church dinners. Thanks gang. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newlife Posted April 2, 2013 Share Posted April 2, 2013 Ellwood, I can fully sampathize with you. Our situation is somewhat similar. After being in the same church for 20 years I came to see that it was all a house of cards and had no foundation in fact. That was 18 years ago. As my life partner I wanted to share the information with her as I would with anything else of value because I care for her but she is not interested. It was not my intention to talk her out of her beliefs but just to share what I was learning To this day she has never even asked me why I made such a drastic decision. I don't really feel respected although I know she loves me a great deal. I absolutely believe you should go have a beer, as I do on a regular basis. If you were here I would gladly accompany you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wndwalkr99 Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 OK, I like the "drinking" shift the post has taken. I have had about 8 beers in my life. 6 of those in the last year after my deconversion as I tried to open myself up to be less "rigid". I just can't get a taste for it. You're probably drinking that shit that passes for beer in most areas of the US. Stay away from Bud Light, at all costs. That stuffis nasty, and people who drink it don't really like beer. They just like sweet crap that gives a rotten hangover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BendyLine Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 OK, I like the "drinking" shift the post has taken. I have had about 8 beers in my life. 6 of those in the last year after my deconversion as I tried to open myself up to be less "rigid". I just can't get a taste for it. So, I have kind of given up on that by now and concluded I will stick with my usual vices of ice cream, chocolate, Girl Scout chocolate mint cookies, and McDonald's Sundae's. I have drastically reduced my intake of brownies since I now attend far fewer church dinners. Honestly, sweets are my vice too. I can have a six pack of beer (good beer, mind you) and it will stay in my fridge for a couple months. Get me a bucket of ice cream, and it might last a week with me the only one eating it. Don't even get me started on girl scout cookies. It's amazing i don't weigh 300 pounds. Beer is an acquired taste, for sure. I've always liked Shiner Bock (it's a local Texas beer), it was the first beer I ever had. When I was in Boston I tried Sam Summer, which was some damned good stuff, but I hear Sam doesn't travel well. As far as imports go, Heinekin is alright, but I'm more partial to Asian beers. Hite, a Korean beer, is good if you can find it. I also love me some Mexican beer, particularly Tecate (which is about the only beer I like out of a can) or Dos Equis with a slice of lime. Corona is like the Bud Lite of Mexican beer (although I prefer it to Bud). I probably sound like an alcoholic or something, but I probably drink about once every couple of months, and usually then I go for a margarita or a mixed drink (Cuba Libre!). But when the mood hits, there's not much better than an ice cold beer on tap. Now, if you really can't stand the taste of beer but want to give it one more shot, may I recommend the following: That is called a Mexican Bulldog. It's a frozen margarita with a beer inside. As you sip the margarita, the beer slowly trickles in. The margarita tones down the bitterness of the beer and the beer tones down the cloying sweetness of the margarita. It's a fantastic drink, although I recommend switching the Corona with a Dos Equis. Also, be sure you have a designated driver. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 Love all the comments gang. This is a great place. My wife turned herself around by the time I got home last night and all was well. Such is how it is when dealing with mental illness. We both are advocates of good therapists by the way and use them when needed. Her the christian ones and me the "other". They have gotten us through much of this. I am excited about "The Therapist Project" but have not gone through them. And so I continue on this fascinating journey. This is what is so nutty. My wife trusts doctors, therapists, seat belts, insurance, drugs, door locks, air bags, psychologists, medical research, etc., etc. I am not sure what she needs a gawd for? But she is dead set on it. I think 2 reasons: heaven and the fun social club of our rather liberal accepting church. We have already agreed to not speak of religion from the start. The problem comes when she bursts out at me for deconverting. "So and so was crying about you, so many people love you and are so upset, how could you do this to your son in seminary, what makes you think you are smarter than so and so." All this at high level rant volume. So believe me I don't bring this stuff up. It is other factors that cause it - Christmas and some wine on her part started it last time. OK, I like the "drinking" shift the post has taken. I have had about 8 beers in my life. 6 of those in the last year after my deconversion as I tried to open myself up to be less "rigid". I just can't get a taste for it. So, I have kind of given up on that by now and concluded I will stick with my usual vices of ice cream, chocolate, Girl Scout chocolate mint cookies, and McDonald's Sundae's. I have drastically reduced my intake of brownies since I now attend far fewer church dinners. Thanks gang. When she's upset at you for leaving the faith, toss her some things to think about. Every time deconversion comes up ask her to help you answer some questions. Use the many examples of lopsided Justice, outright wrongs, contradictions and so on that the bible/dogma provides. No fighting, no arguing. Ask the question and tell her when she has a honest answer that makes sense you'll listen. Thing is, question by question you'll be forcing her to think about her beliefs. She will either try to avoid you asking her more hard questions or she will start to leave the dogma herself. A quick question that hits deep: What made Lot Righteous in gods eyes? Was it him offering his virgin daughters up to the mad mob to be raped to save two strangers or getting them both pregnant while he was in a drunken stupor in the cave? Odd that two city's burned including but not limited to innocent children. Terribly unjust that people were sentenced to death by god for supposed sex crimes, even before the laws ( The Commandments) were given, Yet Lots Sex Crimes make him Righteous somehow. Nutz Set new traditions for holidays. Do something with the family that's fun and completely about them. Every Christmas we go out for Chinese, No one has to cook or clean up, we have lots of fun and sometimes go to a movie. I enjoy everything Secular about the Holidays, Easter is filled with Chocolate Bunnies and Eggs, you know all that Istar stuff. We have family get together's and have fun. Your wife might be reluctant at first but who can argue about family time? . As for Drinking, I'm personally not a beer Person. Try a nice mild Wine like White Zinfandel or White Merlot they are sweet and good wines to start with. I also very much enjoy vodka martinis and Cosmos. Nothing wrong with drinking in moderation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new2me Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 It took me a while to get accustomed to beer, but now I like it. I only drink on rare occasions these days. A few weeks back I was kind of craving a beer and enjoyed a Yuengling (I think you can only get this in the north/mid-east US) and it hit the spot. Last weekend the hubby and I got together with some friends for dinner. I had two passion-fruit margaritas... mmmm-mmmm! I highly recommend! I will admit that when I was younger, I did drink because it was the social norm. Now I only drink if I want one. No social pressure at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted April 3, 2013 Share Posted April 3, 2013 I'm glad to hear your wife is getting better, Ellwood! I come from a family full of folks with various mental illnesses, myself included, so I know how much of a rollercoaster it can be. I'm extremely picky about what I drink, how much I drink, and why I'm drinking it. I like to savor and sip and consider the flavors of a good beer, or an excellent glass of wine, or perfectly mixed margarita. I also make sure it's only ONE drink. Since I drink so rarely, one is enough for me to feel warm and comfortable, but not inebriated. I never used to drink, but I got intrigued by wine and beer culture, so I didn't want to miss out anymore. My family is full of raging alcoholics who swill Coors and boxed goon wine. So to pick and savor a good drink during a special occasion and a good supper is my way of saying "FUCK YOU" to addiction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattFoley Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 How many of the faithful strong Christian church-going men know deep down that Christianity is bullshit but keep up appearances to the detriment of their mental health? This is pretty much where I am. I have seen first hand how a conservative, fundamentalist brand of Christianity can shatter a family. My three younger sisters have all rejected Christianity, each has had it out with my parents. It isn't like they all became heavily-tattoo'd, drug-addled, single moms either. Each of them is exceptionally friendly, hard-working, and caring people. They each just came to the same conclusion that Christianity didn't benefit them in any way, shape, or form. I actually feel bad for my parents, since they invested a ton of time and energy in raising us to be good Christians, and now they have nothing to show for all their efforts. The fact I attend a seeker-sensitive, bubblegum church for 90 minutes a week seems like a small sacrifice so that they can think that at least one of their kids is a "believer." I know I can't keep up the charade forever... probably another couple of years max. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pandora Moon Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 As an example, I showed her a video that was on this site of a beautiful baby while a voice over was pretending to tell this baby some of the crazy things in the Xtian doctrine, like original sin, burning in hell, etc. I showed this to my wife but turned the sound down so she could only see the baby. I told her this was a video against the doctrine of original sin and that some churches preach that it applies to babies as much as adults. She said: "Not in my church. If it did I'd walk right out." And further, she doesn't try to convince anybody to convert to Xtianity. So I don't really mind that she wants to go to that church. So what? Bill, when you find time (only if you have the time), can you let me know where that video was? I'd like to check it out and perhaps do some work of my own with a video showing, once more, the sociopathic nature of the cult. Thanks. This sounds like the video Bill could be referring to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 I'm late to the party, Ellwood. I'm sorry to hear things are difficult because of your deconversion (and your wife's mental illness--oh dear, that just complicates everything). I think it's different for a woman/wife than it is for a man/husband, when the spouse deconverts. As Christian women we are taught from infancy that the most important thing in a marriage relationship is having a strong spiritual leader* as a husband. The husband supposedly 'sets the tone'* for the marriage/family. So without the base of a godly man*, the family is perceived by the wife to be destined for failure (moral and otherwise). Your story is evidence that Christianity is indeed a virus. Keep us posted, friend! *trying not to puke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 15, 2013 Share Posted April 15, 2013 Gawd, Positivist, your comment about the husband's role in Xtianity didn't exactly make my day, but I know what you said is true. I've got a Xtian wife, but we've been married so long I don't think she'll dump me. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Gawd, Positivist, your comment about the husband's role in Xtianity didn't exactly make my day, but Iknow what you said is true. I've got a Xtian wife, but we've been married so long I don't think she'lldump me. bill It's dreadful, isn't it, Bill. What a curse! So glad to be out from under that heavy yoke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoul Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 As an example, I showed her a video that was on this site of a beautiful baby while a voice over was pretending to tell this baby some of the crazy things in the Xtian doctrine, like original sin, burning in hell, etc. I showed this to my wife but turned the sound down so she could only see the baby. I told her this was a video against the doctrine of original sin and that some churches preach that it applies to babies as much as adults. She said: "Not in my church. If it did I'd walk right out." And further, she doesn't try to convince anybody to convert to Xtianity. So I don't really mind that she wants to go to that church. So what? Bill, when you find time (only if you have the time), can you let me know where that video was? I'd like to check it out and perhaps do some work of my own with a video showing, once more, the sociopathic nature of the cult. Thanks. This sounds like the video Bill could be referring to. thanks much PandoraMoon. I may use some of it for a video I may make in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Raoul: I'll look for it, It was posted within the last 2-3 weeks I believe. I'll get back with you. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burny Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I'm starting to realize how lucky I am that my wife is on this journey with me. The ironic part? We both tried HARD to live for Jesus. We sacrificed money, time and family for the church and I think that's why our deconversion has been 'easier' than some. If you have a lot of "skin in the game" you have to REALLY believe the crap. When you finally realize you don't believe it, it's quite a relief that you can get on with living your life again. Good luck with everything - I have to come out to my family yet. It'll be nasty since I'm taking two children away from the church too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoul Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Raoul: I'll look for it, It was posted within the last 2-3 weeks I believe. I'll get back with you. bill Bill, don't bother - Pandora gave me the info. Thanks anyway for the heads up about it. I watched it and threw up my lunch. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellwood Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks for all the great comments everyone. I love this place! I check it at least twice a day. It really seems I am finally getting peace on being a member of the unequally yoked club. Yes, some of your comments reminded me that when I first come out to my wife she declared that she would have to be the spiritual leader in the house now. That didn't last too long since the only ones in the home now are myself(atheist), my youngest daughter(atheist) and my wife(theist). She figured out there was no one to "lead" fairly fast and went on kicking and screaming you might say until she realized that was not working well. My current problem is not making comments to her regarding the stupid things my christian friends are saying regarding the Boston tragedy. Thanks so much for all the beer tips. I will let you know how they work out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Raoul: Glad Pandora Moon found it for you. It's quite compelling, isn't it? bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 How many of the faithful strong Christian church-going men know deep down that Christianity is bullshit but keep up appearances to the detriment of their mental health? This is pretty much where I am. I have seen first hand how a conservative, fundamentalist brand of Christianity can shatter a family. My three younger sisters have all rejected Christianity, each has had it out with my parents. It isn't like they all became heavily-tattoo'd, drug-addled, single moms either. Each of them is exceptionally friendly, hard-working, and caring people. They each just came to the same conclusion that Christianity didn't benefit them in any way, shape, or form. I actually feel bad for my parents, since they invested a ton of time and energy in raising us to be good Christians, and now they have nothing to show for all their efforts. The fact I attend a seeker-sensitive, bubblegum church for 90 minutes a week seems like a small sacrifice so that they can think that at least one of their kids is a "believer." I know I can't keep up the charade forever... probably another couple of years max. Hopefully your parents will adjust their thinking and look for the good in their now adult children outside of Xianity. It also may make them look at themselves and wonder WTF is wrong with Xianity when all their kids have rejected it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoul Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Raoul: Glad Pandora Moon found it for you. It's quite compelling, isn't it? bill Yeah, compelling and dismaying at the same time. I actually took it and created another video using it along with my comments about it. It's out on YouTube. Actually everyone can watch it here. You can fast forward past the first part to get to my video with comments. Some are harsh but relevant in my view. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPtrPBjh_H0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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