Why Did you Tell Them?

[Guest Tehuti Nefer]

I'm asking this question to kinda get a glimpse of what may lay ahead of me. Like Texasfreethinker I'm right here in the buckle of the bible belt Northeast Texas so the question for me is would I even get out of this little town alive?

 

In truth at this time I see no compelling reason to tell anyone how I feel. As I study the history of Christianity, Gnosticism, Khemetian spirituality and the Essenes I feel a desire to share the truth but again, the benefits of self expression do not by a long stretch compare with the heartbreak and condemnation such a disclosure would bring to my family, especially my mother who is an evangelist who prides herself that all her children are saved.

 

I ask myself do they need the knowledge I have. The answer is yes. But these are people who read through the bible five times a year yet see no contradictions in it, people who answer the dichotomy between what the bible says and what reality says with "we walk by faith not by sight," people who see a christian doing something wrong and say they are acting as individuals and their behavior should not be seen as a reflection on the church but when a non-christian does something wrong they are seen as representatives of all non-christians, people who can't consider any truth without filtering it through its social and financial implications. I consider these things and my mouth just freezes at the thought of telling them anything.

 

Fortunately, I live alone and don't have to "live a lie" on a daily basis. The problem is will my tongue always remain inert? Will I one day find myself in a situation where things just blurt out? I used to sit in church just shaking my head and mouthing objections silently but one day the pastor told us that since tithing is required our blessings don't start until we give the eleventh percent. Even then I was trying to swallow the words but they came out anyway. There is nothing in the bible that says christians have to pay tithes. Right there in front of everyone and the pastor got mad, raised his voice at me and started swinging below the belt.

 

I think if I do tell people it should be at the time when i choose to do so, not at the time when I can't take it anymore and things just blurt out. What was your experience?

[pandora]

Ah... you should read through the pinned thread on "how should I break the news?" or something like that.

 

I predict that the more comfortable you get with your non-belief, the more likely are you to "blurt" something out. It happened to my husband with annoying and sometimes devastating consequences.... I gather that my mother in law is like your mother from your description. We live in Indiana, so we also face a lot of fundies here who will beat your door down with tracts once you admit you are apostate.

 

To answer your quetsion more thoroughly, I never intended to outright tell the inlaws...it happened because my husband refused to pray last Easter. Then all hell broke loose.

My mom is cool, so it was a non-issue with her. Anyone else I have told is because I didn't want to lie about what I believe (like with coworkers) and I didn't like being fake either. I have learned to judge situations and twist my words around to be vague enough so that they don't really know exactly what I believe.

 

It is hard to know what kind of information to tell which people... it really is. My reasons for leaving are so complex that it would take a full dialogue to explain it all, so fi someone asks I make sure they really want to know first.

[willybilly30]

Offline im a lot more care full discussing things like that.

I usually watch people closely and look around and see if they seem open-minded or hardcore fundy. Studying ancient stuff like Gnosticism and essenes I know its hard not to correct people their bibles so edited I know how that is. Would your family be open to your knew view of god or are they very strict nothing but the bible kind of Christians. Maybe you should wait awhile till your stronger and learn more till you tell your family about that. I don’t usually try to correct people unless the subject just comes up.

[MQTA]

I used to be a whole lot more vocal than I am now. Back in the 80s and early 90s. Most people think they know where I'm coming from, or at least know talking to me about Jesus or Christianity is a waste of time. Those who do often leave shaking their head, one way or another.

 

Either people thank me for exposing all their beLIEfs for what they are, or get very angry and stomp away, usually fear me after that. LOL. So be it. I'm not much of a fighter, so words are all I got.

 

I'm just a whole lot nicer with people nowadays, I have nothing to prove to them, but I surely won't take their fantasies as mine. Sometimes an innocent comment sets someone off, then they start shadow boxing with tears running down their face. How dare I. But I'm not one to suck up, so anything I say to them only makes them feel worse and worse. If they would just read what I say, instead of putting their ego emotions into what they think was said, they'd get it.. but you can lead a horse to water..

 

I guess if not for the misunderstandings and opposite opinions, we'd all be bored just agreeing.

 

So how's the weather? LOL

[Guest Tehuti Nefer]

Offline im a lot more care full discussing things like that.

I usually watch people closely and look around and see if they seem open-minded or hardcore fundy. Studying ancient stuff like Gnosticism and essenes I know its hard not to correct people their bibles so edited I know how that is. Would your family be open to your knew view of god or are they very strict nothing but the bible kind of Christians. Maybe you should wait awhile till your stronger and learn more till you tell your family about that. I don’t usually try to correct people unless the subject just comes up.

To tell you the truth I don't know how my family will react. I know they will be profoundly disappointed but their ultimate reation? Who knows? Yes, they teach the bible is the only inerrant, infallabhble and inspired word of God but in my experience what they say and what they do have very little to do with each other. One time my mother received an email saying there was a verse in the Koran predicting Bush's attack on Iraq. Mom was ready to concede that maybe there was some truth outside the bible. I mean she was giving herself a hedge. But I looked up the scripture in the Koran and it didn't say that at all.

 

Still it's hard to understand how poeple can read the bible, and never ask or wonder why the gospels say Judas threw the coins down in the temple and went out and hung himself while the priests bought the field but In Acts he boutght the firld with the coins and fell down. I could reasonably bring that up as proof that the bible has contradictions but they've already read these scriptures. know what they say and still insist the bible is the word of god~ What could I possibly say?

[willybilly30]

its sounds let she is really set in her beliefs it may take awhile for her to accept your point of view.

[Checkmate]

WHY tell them? Well, a little thing like "truth" comes to mind. It's who you are. And if you can't share who you are with those whom profess to love you, then what kind of relationship do you have?

 

Pandora suggested before that you read this thread, Breaking The Bad News, to give you a better idea of the Hows and Whys to tell people. I suggest you read through it also. Some insightful experiences revealed therein.

 

Remember: you can only pretend for so long. Sooner or later, you'll be busted. And how do you think your spouse/loved ones will feel towards you when they learn that you've been lying to them?

 

Oh and BTW: Welcome to the forums!

[asdf99]

I live about a thousand miles from my family so I played the low down game for as long as I could. My mother knew something wasn't right when I was no longer in church. I swear she called every Sunday just to ask me if I went to church or not. Many times I went just so I could say I went to church. I was basically a closet ex-christian for awhile. I eventually moved in with my significant other so that of course bothered my parents. My mother confronted me on several occasions and I tried to be as cordial as I could with her on everything. They did come visit us but apparently it was very difficult for my mom as she indicated to me one day on the phone. That day on the phone (this past summer) she raised her voice and said I was living in sin and how horrible was that. That is when I went off. I couldn't take it anymore. I explained to her living in the same building with the person I love is not sin. I went on to explain my beliefs because as an agnostic I don't believe living with my partner is sinful. Because I don't believe the book that she is taking that from is Gods word. I am not breaking any laws. Therefore this is not a problem. This then turned into a hearted discussion about why I wasn't a Christian anymore. It didn't turn out so well and my parents were very disappointed. After this the phone calls stopped. In the beginning my mother gave me the cold shoulder and hardly said anything on the phone. Over time its gotten better. I think time is the key ingredient in this problem. It just takes them time to accept it. I don't regret coming out of the closet because I don't like to live a lie. I don't like to fake anything. So i think the truth is very important. Even when you know it will hurt the ones you love. But just expect rough roads for awhile. Someone at this site recommended the book "Losing Faith in Faith" by Dan Barker. I highly recommend it as well!