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Where I Am At


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Hi, I just wanted to take some time to get things off my chest and start telling someone…. anyone about where I am at in life. I have been keeping everything inside for a long time. I have been a Christian for about 13 years however, in the past few years doubts have started to creep in. I don’t want to get to specific yet. I tried to brush these doubts off as I realize that emotional responses are not how we measure the truth.

 

For the last four months or so I have had an unquenchable thirst for science. I don’t know why. I admit that I am not the most skilled or educated person who will come to this site. I have been doing all my learning through google searches and youtube videos. Anyway I have come to accept evolution as the only plausible explanation for how we all got here.  That means there has been generations of death before people ever got here. “Sin” did not cause death to enter the world.

 

I have been looking up other criticisms of the bible and I am seeing it in a whole new light. One series that really spoke to me was the prplfox youtube videos.

I have been unable to “come out” atheist to my wife. (I do love her deeply.) I think the ball is rolling though. She sees my sudden interest in science. We had a discussion about Genesis in the car the other day. That conversation ended abruptly when I told her the creation account could not be a literal story.

 

Anyway I am supper excited. This summer/fall I will begin perusing a degree in environmental science.  I have no idea what I want to do with this. I just want to learn the truth about the world.

 

Side note: Even though I am 32 I have recently started longboard skating. I love it! I am no good but I can skate for hours and hours and really clear my head. In 13 years of Christianity I have not found the peace and “spirituality” I find longboarding. Some of my Christian friends want to join me however, I do not want them to invade my place of peace and safety.

So at 32 I am going to school and skating as much as I can get away with. It’s like I am an adolescent again.

 

One more thing. I am very self conscious now because I am covered in Christian tattoos. I even have yahweh’s name on my forearm.

 

Sorry for rambling!

 

 

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Welcome darthkoopa. Your search is valid and I urge you on in it. This is a perfect place for you to hang and share. Many of us including myself can relate to your situation with your wife also. Mine is a believer but I have come out to her and my 3 adult children.

It gets to a point where you really have to or you go nuts. You pay the price but IMO I think it is worth it.

 

My search had all the same paths you are taking. Science, YouTube, Netflix documentaries, many books. Have you watched Religulous yet? Have some fun and watch that.

 

Welcome again.

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 I have not watched religious yet. To my shame I was worried about it showing up on my Netflix history. I did watch The god who wasn’t there on youtube.

 

I have watched several science things on Netflix and the wife never said anything to me. I watched a history channel documentary about the evolution of man and the history of these discoveries. It was excellent!

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Guest r3alchild

Well it was great to hear your story, science does kind of fuck literal bible fundamentalism up. Christians will tell you that science and the bible do complement each other, but its just a lack of understanding of science and religious propaganda. About the tattoos, you could have them removed or painted over.

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Hi, DarthKoopa, and welcome!

I'm glad you've found longboarding. It's one of those things I'd like to try someday, if I weren't so clumsy. There's so many great documentaries out there, too. NOVA, Nature, and anything with David Attenborough in it is always a good bet. Don't worry about the tattoos; there's always concealer, too. If nothing else, they'll make a great conversation piece.

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I watched religious tonight and it was entertaining. However I think I am done with all the programs centered around debunking faith for now. I just feel like I have given religion enough of my time and thoughts.

 

I am going to finish the Cosmos series next. And then move on to the Neil Degrasse Tyson stuff on netflix.

 

Really I cant wait to get my butt in class. Summer semester is right around the corner!

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If you want to understand your disillusionment with Christianity, I recommend two series of videos featuring the incredible testimonies of two atheists, known in the online community as Evid3nce and prplfox.

 

Evid3nce explains how he rejected Christianity from the rational perspective:

 

 

 

 

 

prplfox explains how he rejected Christianity from the emotional perspective

 

 

 

 

Taken together these two outstanding individuals helped me to shake off religion.  I highly recommend investing the time to watch through their videos.

 

Welcome to the forum!

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Thank you for the sugestion. I have already watched both series. I mentioned the prplfox series in my first post. Both are great videos. I really identified with the prplfox series.

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I really enjoyed this series about the history of the universe.  I know this only scratches the surface, but I still learned a lot!  It's long, but worth it.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gmW6m6RGe8&playnext=1&list=PL1Kx4-VVJ4TEYAaCisQxogOHeXMoPHEqf&feature=results_main

 

This is only the first of several videos, but I'm sure you can find the rest linked to this one.

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Thank you for the sugestion. I have already watched both series. I mentioned the prplfox series in my first post. Both are great videos. I really identified with the prplfox series.

 

Oh yes!  So you did.  How embarrassing for me!  I shall aim to read more forensically next time!

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Welcome to Ex-C, DarthKoopa! Also, welcome to the Unequally Yoked Club! There are a bunch of us here that are also still married to spouses that are believers, although some of our spouses believe more than others.

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Welcome, DK!

 

Your search is valid. Continue your quest, remembering that these questions we must ask are the hard ones that have stumped everyone since the beginning of consciousness, and if someone is not stumped, they are lying to themselves. Find the best evidence, make a decision you can live with, and find peace!

 

Happy to hear you are going back to school. You can't go wrong with that!

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Welcome, DarthKoopa.  Many of us have traveled the same road that you are on now.  I took it slow with my wife and took her with me (unwillingly).  I recommend watching the Galapagos BBC series with her if you want her to begin to understand evolution.

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Welcome Darth Koopa! Your 'regression' into adolescence sounds similar to what I am currently going through as a recent de-convert. I am 36 and have just started up at University and spend my free time playing loud rock music on my Fender Strat electric guitar or snorkelling in the ocean. I feel twenty years younger - like I am starting my life over again without the chains of religion. Oddly I was actually half way through a Biological Science Degree when I became a christian at age 21. I had studied evolution in great depth YET after becoming christian I still fell for the creation crap - it took a few years of brainwashing to get me to believe it though. Now I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet that I believed in creationism and christianity, after having known better. This is probably why I am now diving into live with the enthusiasm of a teenager.

 

How are you with Chemistry? I recall University level Chem to be very tough. It is one of the reasons why I didn't go back to finish my science degree - I have forgotten all the Chem and Biochem! Instead I am doing a mix of Photography, Graphic Design, Creative Writing and Journalism as I love being creative but also want to be able to get a decent income, hence the variety. I wish you all the best with your studies. Science is amazing. Learning about how living organisms function on their own and as part of the ecosystem is so fascinating and knowing they evolved over millions of years only adds to the wonder of existence. Sounds like it is going to be tough for you to discuss this with your wife, should you choose to, but there are many people here who understand if you ever need support.

 

:)

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I am not very familiar with chem at all. But I work in the pharma industry and I am surrounded by chemist. My friend who helped me get this job has a duel chem degree. So I'm hoping for a little help in that area.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So my wife and our pastor know I am questioning now. But they don't realize how deep it goes. I am writing a paper explaining why I don't believe anymore. It's 5 pages long so far.

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Patience.  Enjoy the intellectual journey, you should find it quite rewarding.  As to the emotional and psychological journey, take the high road.  Remain consistent.  Demonstrate compassion, understanding and empathy to those around you that express fear, anger and other unhealthy emotions or reactions.  Set reasonable boundaries.  Enforce them.

 

Good luck!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I had to smile as you described your skating. I too have found a place of solace for myself, and I can get lost in it for hours every day. I'm glad you have found a way to steal away for some time for yourself. Enjoy!

 

Are you ready to see something a little different from your science world? I will share with you guys my happy place. Keep in mind, I am an artist, a gardener, and I have a 7-year-old daughter (Sienna). LOL. This 8' by 4' sanctuary forces me to think in four dimensions. (i.e., What will this plant look like in two months, and during the winter? How will these colors blend together in the next few months? Will this one fill this space nicely over time? How tall will this get in relation to the one beside it?)

 

Here is a link I made. I hope it works. (Needs to be updated, but you'll get the idea.)

 

http://snowdesigngroup.net/MISC/FairyGarden.051013

 

I work at home, so throughout the day I can take breaks to pull a tiny weed, dead-head a flower, re-weave a mini vine on a mini trellis. Any local store that sells plants probably recognizes me by now as the crazy lady who wanders around reading all the plant labels and asking about maximum growth size and winter foliage on all the tiny plants.

 

All the research I've been doing about this religious stuff (and sounds like you are doing it too) can be pretty heady, so giving our brains time to relax, process, and feel pleasure is immensely important.

 

As an artist, I look forward to your future perspectives on things from the science angle. Thanks for joining and sharing your world.

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Hello DarthKoopa, and welcome. You've found an oasis of free thought.

 

Many of us have struggled through similar circumstances and survived, although with battle scars, to be sure.

 

Hang in there, and seek peace/fulfillment in the things that inspire and comfort you, not in false visions intended to scare you into submission.

 

There's a strong nobility in seeking the truth, and in refusing to accept trite, easy answers intended to make you fall in line, rather than to branch out and truly be your best.

 

There may be some worthy elements of your faith that you choose to hold on to (love, charity, forgiveness). The important thing is not to swing too far to the other side and become a fanatic in either direction. But the guilt, hate, fear-mongering insistence on thought control and discrimination ... well, common sense tells you that those are best left in the ash heap of history.

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BTW as an update my summer classes have started. Right now I am in western civ. while this is not a subject in my major I am surprised how much useful information I am getting out of this class. Of course I am the only student who seems interested in what is going on.

 

 

Youth is wasted on the young.

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