The whine for a Norman Rockwell Christmas

[Ms. K]

To expand on the post I last made, every year my MIL just haaaaas to have her Norman Fucking Rockwell Happy Families Christmas. She stresses out about it, and makes it miserable for everyone, and God Forbid if you don't do what SHE wants for Christmas, she has the mother of all hissy fits.

 

This has been ongoing for eight Christmases now (we've been married seven years now, but this is our eighth Christmas, since we got married on December 5th). I hate it. I hate dealing with her shit. And most of the time, Mr. K is no goddamn help at all, because he just says, "that's the way she is, ignore her," and leaves me to deal with the fallout.

 

So, I stopped dealing with the fallout. And I started telling Mr. K that I was tired of doing what SHE wanted for Christmas every goddamn year, and it was MY turn to do what I wanted for Christmas, without giving any consideration to her wants and stressing out and hissy fits.

 

This year, since we already had the go-round of having my parents join us at the Family Craptacular and my MIL being a rude bitch to them (she wouldn't even speak to my parents, and when Mr. K came out to the car when we left and said that his mother was being rude, MY mom, who doesn't EVER go off unless she's supremely pissed, let fly), we decided, that since my parents are flying over 2400 miles with airport security being what it is just to spend a holiday with us, we were having Christmas at our house, with my parents, and screw the in-laws.

 

Mr. K has broken the news to his father. FIL was very put out, and told Mr. K that he was "cutting himself off from the rest of the faaaaaamily," which to me, translates to, "I don't want to have to tell your mother, why don't you just do what she wants so I can have some peace." Mr. K is not in the mood to give a shit, considering that he told me that he was unwilling to subject my parents to more of the same shit from his parents as they got the last time they came for Christmas. Mr. K is not speaking to his mother, and refuses to break the news to her. His younger sister knows our plans, and his older sister will get a clue once I get to the Post Office this week to mail their gifts to them.

 

I expect the hissy fit to end all hissy fits with this year. I expect MIL to try to pull out the, "Your father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery this year, he's sick, can't you see how sick he is, why would you deny him Christmas with you?" To which Mr. K will respond with, "So? Ms. K's dad had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, and he's doing fine. This argument is not going to work. Can't you see how far Ms. K's parents have traveled to see us, and that they only get to see us once a year? Why would you deny them Christmas with us, Mom?" And he'll turn it right back around on her.

 

I just chalk it up to, "Everything is Ms. K's fault, including global warming, smog, rising tides, the shitty state of the economy, and every damn thing else we can think of." They really do think that way. Everything is naturally MY fault.

 

However, finally, Mr. K is getting pissed off about it. Good for him, HE can deal with their unreasonable demands for a change, and deal with the, "No, we are NOT going to play Happy Families so Mom can have her Norman Fucking Rockwellgasm this year. She'll just have to get over it."

 

Who else gets the, "It's CHRISTMAS, can't we all just get along, which means that you do what I say so I can have complete control of the holiday?" attitude around here?

[Godless Dave]

First of all, I suggest you check out the forum at www.motherinlawstories.com , if you haven't already done so.

 

Has it never occurred to your Monster in Law that you might want to alternate Christmases, spending every other year with your hubby's side of the family and the other years with yours? Because that seems so obvious to me, I can't understand why any parent with married children doesn't expect to only see their kids for half the holidays.

[godlessgrrl]

I used to get that. It lessened over time. There's still elements of it, though, not the same level of freak-out and rudeness, but enough sort of fakery that I often wonder why I go to family gatherings at all. I'm seriously thinking of blowing off Xmas this year, and I probably would, except I really want to see my grandmother, who's 88. Fuck everybody else, really.

 

Probably after she finally passes I'll just start spending every Xmas in Mexico or something.

 

I dunno what to tell you. You're not alone though.

[Japedo]

awww Ms. K I'm sorry for the unnecessary stress. I have a MIL from Hell too, we could swap stories I'm sure. I cut her unnecessary bullshit out of my life long ago. Some things I can't control and need to deal with. Dealing with her I can control, and put a stop to it. I was at the same point you're at now. I told my husband, his mother, His problem. I bend over backwards for what? To try to make someone like me who doesn't? T ry to make everyone happy and all they do is bitch? She's an absolute asshole to me and 3 out of 4 of her grandkids. I got sick of the favoritism with my kids and trying to live up to her son needed the perfect wife standard she had.

 

The last straw broke when one Xmas as were at my BILs house. she gave out gifts to everyone. Nice stuff, I had a small gift, I was happy until I unwrapped my gift and saw 4 small tiny tin plates with a huge ass 4/1.00 orange sticker on it. she can KMA. Like my dad told me it could have been worse. I coulda only got one plate with the sticker.

 

My husband goes down to see her, once a month, and I did have her over last year for Thanksgiving. "Warm" I'm not to her, but I am tolerant. She can reap what she sows far as I'm concerned. People that cause drama and heartache are controlling people, I don't need it. By the sounds of it, sounds like you don't either. Have fun with your parents, tell your husband he's going to have to deal with her and can go by himself if he wants, but your done ripping your heart out over something that should be fun and joyous for you and your entire family.

 

I fully understand why she will never like me. No matter what I do. I'm much to opinionated, and don't know my place, she prefers the silent Christian slave types.

[pandora]

Ahh... yes. Mother in law stories. I could swap them with you too! It feels good to vent them out.. I have visited that website. It is pretty good for venting, I recommend it.

 

This year, hubby and I are waiting to see if dear MIL will kick us out on Christmas Eve and tell us we're going to hell, or if she's do a guilt trip since she is having foot surgery and wants to take advantage of the fact that we live close.

 

I swear to gawd that we are moving to the other side of the country (if not another country) when I am done with school and my loans are paid off.....

[Chad3232132]

To expand on the post I last made, every year my MIL just haaaaas to have her Norman Fucking Rockwell Happy Families Christmas. She stresses out about it, and makes it miserable for everyone, and God Forbid if you don't do what SHE wants for Christmas, she has the mother of all hissy fits.

 

This has been ongoing for eight Christmases now (we've been married seven years now, but this is our eighth Christmas, since we got married on December 5th). I hate it. I hate dealing with her shit. And most of the time, Mr. K is no goddamn help at all, because he just says, "that's the way she is, ignore her," and leaves me to deal with the fallout.

 

So, I stopped dealing with the fallout. And I started telling Mr. K that I was tired of doing what SHE wanted for Christmas every goddamn year, and it was MY turn to do what I wanted for Christmas, without giving any consideration to her wants and stressing out and hissy fits.

 

This year, since we already had the go-round of having my parents join us at the Family Craptacular and my MIL being a rude bitch to them (she wouldn't even speak to my parents, and when Mr. K came out to the car when we left and said that his mother was being rude, MY mom, who doesn't EVER go off unless she's supremely pissed, let fly), we decided, that since my parents are flying over 2400 miles with airport security being what it is just to spend a holiday with us, we were having Christmas at our house, with my parents, and screw the in-laws.

 

Mr. K has broken the news to his father. FIL was very put out, and told Mr. K that he was "cutting himself off from the rest of the faaaaaamily," which to me, translates to, "I don't want to have to tell your mother, why don't you just do what she wants so I can have some peace." Mr. K is not in the mood to give a shit, considering that he told me that he was unwilling to subject my parents to more of the same shit from his parents as they got the last time they came for Christmas. Mr. K is not speaking to his mother, and refuses to break the news to her. His younger sister knows our plans, and his older sister will get a clue once I get to the Post Office this week to mail their gifts to them.

 

I expect the hissy fit to end all hissy fits with this year. I expect MIL to try to pull out the, "Your father had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery this year, he's sick, can't you see how sick he is, why would you deny him Christmas with you?" To which Mr. K will respond with, "So? Ms. K's dad had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, and he's doing fine. This argument is not going to work. Can't you see how far Ms. K's parents have traveled to see us, and that they only get to see us once a year? Why would you deny them Christmas with us, Mom?" And he'll turn it right back around on her.

 

I just chalk it up to, "Everything is Ms. K's fault, including global warming, smog, rising tides, the shitty state of the economy, and every damn thing else we can think of." They really do think that way. Everything is naturally MY fault.

 

However, finally, Mr. K is getting pissed off about it. Good for him, HE can deal with their unreasonable demands for a change, and deal with the, "No, we are NOT going to play Happy Families so Mom can have her Norman Fucking Rockwellgasm this year. She'll just have to get over it."

 

Who else gets the, "It's CHRISTMAS, can't we all just get along, which means that you do what I say so I can have complete control of the holiday?" attitude around here?

 

Who isthis Norman Rockwell person you speak of?

[pandora]

http://www.nrm.org/

 

The famous (Hoosier) artist that painted idealistic little family scenes and sickeningly sweet holiday and pastoral scenes.

[Curtdude]

.....I swear to gawd that we are moving to the other side of the country (if not another country) when I am done with school and my loans are paid off.....

 

That was my solution to getting away from my immediate family religious wackery. It worked. We all get along much better from a goddamned distance.

[Amethyst]

You know, my parents pretty much expect that every year, I will go with them to my grandma's houses on both sides. But I'm not married yet, so it's better than staying at home alone. One year I would like to take a vacation for Christmas, though. A cruise or something...I don't care, as long as it is warm. Heck maybe if I ever win the lottery, that's what I will do. I'm saving my money though.

[Ms. K]

First of all, I suggest you check out the forum at www.motherinlawstories.com , if you haven't already done so.

 

Has it never occurred to your Monster in Law that you might want to alternate Christmases, spending every other year with your hubby's side of the family and the other years with yours? Because that seems so obvious to me, I can't understand why any parent with married children doesn't expect to only see their kids for half the holidays.

 

 

Godless Dave, I'm already there, LOL....I ranted about this there as well, I'm just letting off steam.

 

My parents can't always come to visit us, and we can't go visit them (my ex-husband and his faaaaaamily live there, and they're a bigger nightmare than my in-laws, and I won't subject myself to the stress of trying to avoid them in a very small town). But, no, it doesn't occur to her in the slightest that she might have to SHARE us for Christmas, or that we might alternate Christmases.

 

I have stopped giving in to her for three years now. One year after the horrible experience of having her be a nasty bitch to my mother. The following year, we didn't spend Christmas with them because we were not driving all night to Santa Maria to my older SIL's house, just to leave at noon the next day because Mr. K had to work. Not gonna happen, and of course, MIL pitched a hissy fit. I told her nobody at our house cared if she was upset, so she might as well get over it.

 

The year after that? We traveled to my YSIL's house, and had Christmas with the family, and were miserable as hell because my MIL was a bitch to us. And she played blatant favorites among the grandkids, which pissed off Mr. K to no end. There's a long backstory that goes with that, and I'll post it another time.

 

Last year? We had Christmas with my younger SIL and her husband's side of the family, YSIL's in-laws, who are nice people. It was a blast, we all had a great time, and my MIL had cat butt face to end all cat butt faces.

 

So, this year, I'm sure that she was banking on being able to use FIL's heart attack and triple bypass surgery as a hammer to get us to celebrate with HER family, and do what SHE wants. She didn't count on me being more stubborn than she is. Of course, I didn't have to say anything to Mr. K really, because he told me first that since my parents were coming all the way out from Kentucky to visit with us for Christmas, we owed it to them to have a PLEASANT Christmas at our house, far away from his evil mother. I smiled, nodded my head, and agreed with him, and just waited for his dad to give him shit about it.

 

Ahh... yes. Mother in law stories. I could swap them with you too! It feels good to vent them out.. I have visited that website. It is pretty good for venting, I recommend it.

 

This year, hubby and I are waiting to see if dear MIL will kick us out on Christmas Eve and tell us we're going to hell, or if she's do a guilt trip since she is having foot surgery and wants to take advantage of the fact that we live close.

 

I swear to gawd that we are moving to the other side of the country (if not another country) when I am done with school and my loans are paid off.....

 

 

Of course, they don't even know about my apostasy at this point. My parents do, and they're accepting of me and my choices. My in-laws would turn right around in front of me and try TELLING Mr. K to divorce me, so he's not unequally yoked. That would go over with Mr. K about like the proverbial fart in church.

 

If they did know, they'd try to make life even more miserable for us. They really would.

 

We are planning on moving back East where MY family is as soon as we can sell this goddamned house. We have no desire to live here much longer, and we'd rather be around the NICE parents, and the HELPFUL grandparents than the evil ones who spawned Mr. K.

[LadyFeline]

Oy. Hearing all these horror stories about evil MILs makes me all the more grateful for my boyfriend's mother (not QUITE a MIL, but close enough for me). She might be a fundie, but I'll be damned if she's not one of the sweetest people I've ever met, even if she can be coarse quite often

 

Noooo, I just get to deal with the Father From Hell, Mr. "I'm going to spend $700 on my sons, and $30 on you", who I KNOW is going to give me hell when mom tell him that *GASP* I'm living with not just my boyfriend, but another male friend as well! TEH HORRARZ!!!!

[Flyby Stardancer]

*cuddles her Sissy muchly*

 

It's stuff like this that makes me so glad that I have such a loving family, and that religious beliefs are basically a non-issue with us...

 

And yet we still manage to celebrate all the major holidays.