Will The Real God Please Stand Up!

[Guest r3alchild]

Out of the 2.1 billion christians in the world why have you not helped us all

 

What are you waiting for, can't you all work together to make a better world

 

I am sick of all your excuses, you have hand 2000 years to create a paradise for us all

 

2.1 billion people is enough to change everything

 

But you would rather wait for annihilation

 

But you would rather wait till the end of the world

 

But you would rather wait for hell fire and all it entails

 

But in the end I am sick of waiting for your god to change it all

[FloridaGirl]

I wondered these same things when I was actually a Christian, haha.

 

They would all sit around and talk about how Jesus loved everyone and all the wonderful things he did for people. They would then talk about how we were all called to be more Christlike.

 

Instead of doing anything to really love people or help the needy ( with a few exceptions), the response to all this "good news" was more bible studies and motivational speeches.

 

My stay in Christianity only lasted 3 years. It was just so boring. All talk- no action.

[Guest r3alchild]

Yes they love to help people if it serves to convert them but they do nothing in the end, 2000 years proves that, but they still carry on with there bake sales, soup kitchens and tithes if it serves god. But if god ever went away I wonder how many of them would give a shit.

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

"Sorry, but I'm on break from god duties at the moment." - the real God, Yahweh.

 

He forgot to turn on and program his prayer answering machine which should say, "Hello, you have reached God in Heaven, but I can't come to the prayer phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you. *BEEP*" so when you pray, nothing happens.

 

Besides, he's too lazy to fix his crappy creations anyway. He's just too busy sitting on his ass helping football players win games and helping people find their car keys so he really doesn't care all that much. Right now, he's probably playing golf on some far away planet with Baal and Moloch, laughing about the old days when Yahweh had a lot of Moloch's servants killed for doing exactly what Moloch wanted them to do.

 

Moloch probably thinks it's funny these days. When it happened, I would imagine he was probably pissed, but after a nice cold beer, he probably thought, "Eh, I don't need baby sacrifices anymore anyway..."

 

And the reason Jesus probably hasn't come back for the rapture is because he's forgotten about it. Yahweh's ex-wife, Asherah, invited him into her own section of the invisible, undetectable, firmament in the sky for a BDSM session, 2000 years ago, man. No wonder he forgot to return for the Christians 1950 years ago. He probably thought, "Eh, screw those people. I'm having too much fun!"

 

And I would imagine Yahweh probably doesn't care about it either. After his days as an uptight god in the old testament, he has lightened up quite a bit so now he thinks, "Yeah, whatever, women can be leaders and in control if they want. Don't matter to me. Hey, I've got a football player to help win before I play poker with Baal and Moloch! Perhaps Ra will be joining us later. I hope he's not still butthurt about me killing the first born of Egypt back in the old days..."

 

So, since the believers have no idea about this, they are still doing their bake sales and volunteering at the soup kitchens and homeless shelters, at least the ones that are not trying to discriminate against nonbelievers, waiting for Jesus to come for the rapture, but... he's... occupied.

 

 

I probably went a bit further with this joking than I intended, but it was just so funny that I could not stop. I hope it at least lightened up the mood a little. Stuff like what I just posted probably belongs in the humor and satire area, but I didn't think of this stuff until seeing this thread. I just could not resist, so I hope that when someone sees this, anyone who reads this gets a good laugh today.

[Guest r3alchild]

You should have kept going

 

You know how god lightened up? by killing his son. Just think about that, its like a very angry and strict old man whos sick of the world and the only way he can feel better about it is to go and shoot his own son in the head.

 

Fucking retarded!

[◊ crazyguy123 ◊]

You should have kept going

 

You know how god lightened up? by killing his son. Just think about that, its like a very angry and strict old man whos sick of the world and the only way he can feel better about it is to go and shoot his own son in the head.

 

Fucking retarded!

 

Or maybe... When he brought Jesus back to life, they discovered weed and Yahweh thought, "I created weed? What happens if we smoke it?" Then both he and Jesus smoked a whole bunch and now they are peaceful hippies who have forgotten about how their differences and how much they screwed up the Earth.

[Tabula Rasa]

The biggest problem I have with the God of the bible is this. He creates the first two humans. He gives them free will. Then he plants a tree , that if they eat it's fruit, it will give them knowledge of good and evil. Then he tells them not to eat it or they'll die. Now remember, he's given them free will. So they're curious which was also a trait he gave them, so they give into their curiosity.(He also knows that he's designed them to where if he tells them not to do something, they'll be more likely to do itReverse Psychology.) And Jehovah comes down and pitches a fit. Throws them out of Eden. So, then he creates two innocent beings, then sets them up for not just a fall but THE FALL. What Jehovah basically did was put a box of poisoned candy in front of two children.

 

Even if the God of the Bible does exist, he's an asshole and I've no desire to worship him. I sometimes wonder if maybe there is a god, but if there is, I'd expect it to be the real thing, not some being who acts like a spoiled child who gets angry if he doesn't get his way. If there's a god, a supreme being, it would have to transcend any and all of the frailties humans have. Otherwise,it's not a god, it's a creation of weak, flawed humans.

[LivingLife]