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Saying 'no'.


traveller2
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I wrote about this in my journal this morning because i realise this is an issue that has caused me some trouble in my life.If I think back to all the events in which I have been most hurt or I have huirt others it has generally been because I have done things,often because it was someone elses will involved;they wanted me to do somthing and my aquiesing caused the trouble.

his is a matter that was compounded by my life as a christian but I belive the roots lie much further back.So now i have finished university i am going to start working on htis.This is defo going to be a big area opf personal development and learning in my life,and probably healing.

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If your issues are anything like mine, it helps me to remember that if I keep trying to do what everyone else wants because "people are valuable", you're not allowed to ignore your own value. That would be hypocritical, and in some way saying that you're different from other humans. When you ask yourself what the people around you want, stop, and remember that your own wishes and needs have to be part of that equation too. Because you're human too.

 

Sometimes I feel guilty for trying to take care of myself and take my own needs into consideration. Then I have to remind myself that my main goal here is to be there for other people, to have something to give. But if I don't take care of myself first, I'll have nothing to give and then I'll just be a burden. So I can remind myself that sometimes saying "no" in the short term actually makes me more able to say "yes" to more important things in the future.

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As you grow older you'll see that if you don't draw lines and boundaries, if you don't let certain people go, your life becomes an unmanageable nightmare. You make the rules for your life, nobody else. It must be this way.

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This is something I have definitely struggled with myself, both as it relates to church and in life in general, and I have hurt and hurt others because of it. When it came to leaving church and a being church musician behind for good, for some reason I felt that doing so wasn't "allowed" for me; everyone else could live their lives and say/do/believe what they wanted, but I had a responsibility (to what I don't know) and told myself I could handle pushing my feelings aside. Which, of course, sounds really crazy and I couldn't handle it, and in the end I left because I started to realize that I deserved to live life on my own terms. Though I had to learn this lesson again recently and had to walk from something church music related that I got involved in mostly as a favor to someone close to me (my boyfriend--luckily he isn't broken up about it in the least). Which to me at least, also shows a lot of the pressure and fear of saying no often comes from within.

 

Again, I had to remind myself that I deserve to live my life by my own rules. And so do you.

 

Sorry for rambling a bit, but needless to say, I can relate to this!yellow.gif

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