Japedo Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I just received this from a 'concerned co-worker' about my spiritual state. (LOL) This has got to be THE MOST cheesy, Dung heap thing I've received in my mail to date. I think it's compiled of a few Religious preaching Bullshit, Pay particular attention to the "notes" at the bottom. I thought I'd share it with the rest of my fellow heathens, I'm sure you'll be getting this xtain Spam from your local fundy too, beings though it is the Silly season n all! I think I might just send back a : or maybe just bitch slap him when I see him? Decisions decisions... I'll hafta be sure to wish him Joyous winter Holidays, because I just wont be happy until the Christ is taken out of Xmas. Read only if you have time for God Let me tell you, make sure you read all the way to the bottom. I almost deleted this email but I was blessed when I got to the end God, when I received this e-mail, I thought... I don't have time for this... And, this is really inappropriate during work. Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is... Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today. We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning... Maybe, Sunday night... And, the unlikely event of a midweek service. We do like to have Him around during sickness... And, of course, at funerals. However, we don't have time, or room, for Him during work or play... Because.. That's the part of our lives we think... We can, and should, handle on our own. May God forgive me for ever thinking... That... there is a time or place where.. HE is not to be FIRST in my life. We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us. If, You aren't ashamed to do this... Please follow the directions. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father." Not ashamed? Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!! Yes, I do Love God. HE is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) This is the simplest test. If You Love God... And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you... Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you! I don't think I know 10 people who would admit they love Jesus. Do You love Him? THE POEM I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due. So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, And jumped up off my knees. My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease. All day long I had no time To spread a word of cheer. No time to speak of Christ to friends, They'd laugh at me I'd fear. No time, no time, too much to do, That was my constant cry, No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to die. I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life. God looked into his book and said "Your name I cannot find. I once was going to write it down... But never found the time" Now do you have the time to pass it on? Make sure that you scroll through to the end. Easy vs. Hard Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie? Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up? Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about nasty stuff? Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, but yet so easy to look at a nasty one? Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e- ma il, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones? Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger? Do you give up? Think about it . Are you going to forward this, or delete it? Just remember-God is watching you. Prayer Wheel-Let's see the devil stop this one! Here's what the wheel is all about. When you receive this, say a prayer for the person that sent it to you.... That's all you have to do.... There is nothing attached.... This is so powerful.... Do not stop the wheel, please.... Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one.... There are no costs, but wonderful rewards... GOD BLESS! May God keep you and bless you. If this doesn't give you chills, nothing will...this message is very true. Hope you are all as blessed as I was from this story. I wonder how many people will delete this without reading it because of the title on it? There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old birds," came the reply. "What are you gonna do with them?" I asked. "Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time" "But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?" "Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them." The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?" "Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!" "How much?" the pastor asked again. The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?" The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story. One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!" "What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked. Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!" "And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked. "Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly. "How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked "Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!" "How much?" He asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life." Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price. The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit. Notes: Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God). Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing? Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them. Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them. And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Coworkers shouldn't be sending you stuff like this, at least not in the U.S. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Read only if you have time for God Welp, thats about as far as I got...LOL What it says is bad, and I've gotten the bird story before, but why red?? Why why why?? It is painful, ok not as bad as fluorescent, but what is it with fundies and red font? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I read it all the way through - now I have to go out away and break something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 What it says is bad, and I've gotten the bird story before, but why red?? Why why why?? It is painful, ok not as bad as fluorescent, but what is it with fundies and red font? I dunno, maybe it hasta do with their obsession with blood? I toned it down it was in all Huge Font with major spacing. I read it, just so when I go to work I can pick it apart. Thing is, I don't hide my contempt for this BS. Not from anyone. I'm very honest, and most times talk about it with a sense of humor at work when confronted. Questions Such as, If you don't believe in Christ why do you celebrate his birthday with a tree and all that? My answer is, I don't have a Christ tree, Mine's a pagan tree with a pentagram on top.. I think it bothers people that I'm comfortable being an agnostic, and confident that Christ is a myth, that and am able to laugh about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No Heaven for Kevin Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Who writes this crap, anyway? Makes me want to pull my feathers out! I like how Satan says that he is "... going to teach them how to marry and divorce each other ...". So the devil DID have something to do with marriage! I knew it! Let me get this straight, the all powerful god let the devil take all his human children with one apple, so he had to buy them back with his life. Sounds like god needs to take some business classes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fallenleaf Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 May God forgive me for ever thinking... LMAO... I suppose he will if they ever decide to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Got about halfway through this drivel before I fell asleep. Typical fundy, thinks he can just bludgeon you into heaven by the incessant exercise of his tongue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilith Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 The whole, "If you're ashamed of me before men" thing.... I'm not ashamed of Christ. I just don't believe he's savior of the world. That is something they will never grasp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bodhi-in-Training Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I got about 1/4 way through then realized...nope I don't have time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I have seen that before I just deleted it. I can answer this part. Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up? Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about nasty stuff? Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, but yet so easy to look at a nasty one? Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e- ma il, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones? Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger? CAUSE ITS BORING AND NO ONE CANT STAND IT AND THE PEOPLE DOING IT AND JUST TOO AFRAID NOT TOO LIVE ALITTLE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I got about as far as SerenityNow did: "Read only if you have time for God"... I dunno why people waste bandwidth on this kind of crap. It's just stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dianka Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 i would slap someone if they sent me something so drawn out and retarded. I tried, Lord, I tried reading this shit. But your followers are TERRIBLE writers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Talk about a bandwith suckin' virus... Seen it, deleted it, setup OutKrook Express to delete it on arrival to inbox.. Earns daFatman's "FOAD ove da Day. *HUH shithead?*, get out of my sparkbox" award.. k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
queenie Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I wouldn't want this windy, flighty email even if I did believe the tripe it was spewing...gads. I'd say a, "Please take me off of your forwards list" would be in order. Feel like a need a shot of caffeine now and I only got through half of that thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGiant Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Simple response: *ploink* the sound of someone's email hitting /dev/null. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie? Actually, it's not. I become sick if I lie. I tell the truth most of the time. However, the xians I know...well... There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak..."I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?" "Just some old birds," came the reply. This is the worst limeric I've ever read. Now there once was a man from Nantucket... One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!" I'm surprised old satan and jesus chit-chat like this. Seems odd. Also, wasn't it god who laid the trap? Satan was just the juicy worm to lure us in. "How much?" He asked again. Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life." Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price. I thought he paid the price to himself. God doesn't need to give satan anything. He can simply take us from the weakling. Also, the pastor in the story lets the birds live in a little birdy paradise. If this analogy is to be accurate the pastor then crushes and kills the birds that stay in the cage just like jesus sends anyone who doesn't get out of the cage into a burning hell. Do the birds have to believe in the pastor to be saved? Do they have to appreciate the pastor in any way? This is a stupid story. I'm sorry I read it and took the time to comment on it. Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them. Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. Isn't it funny that if you're considerate, use common sense and good manners "god" thinks you're a dick? I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them. I used to own and operate an ISP. I hated shit like this clogging up my mail servers. I would contact anyone clogging up the system with this crap (and I was xian at the time). I have a need to rant a bit today so I figured I'd piss all over this stupid message (my marriage is not doing well today). mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bongo Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Uurrgh! that was bad. as in, tasteless bad. Besides nitpicking the stupid analogy with the bird cage and satan/eden/scenario, I'd like to thank the writer of that drivel for pointing out that yes, most christians ARE embarrassed to share the good news with their friends/co-workers/etc. What does that tell you? Tells me that inside many good christians is a list of doubts looking for answers and a brain struggling to get out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Yechh! That email should've carried a warning to check with your doctor before reading. I just had a bad reaction between that letter and my medications. And is it just me, or was god threatening people to "spend time" with him or he would "forget" to reward them so they get thrown in hell? Isn't that the same behavior abusive spouses and parents have toward their families? More importantly, isn't your time spent better with your kids and loved ones than reading tales out of a bible and worshipping invisible people? Funny that the god in that email sounds just like my Jehovah's Witness father who disowned me because I didn't make time for his religion. If someone sent that crap to me at work, I would've reported their ass to HR for harassment and told them never to infect my mailbox with that shit again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted December 16, 2005 Share Posted December 16, 2005 Read only if you have time for God OK. I don't have time for God. But I do have time for this reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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