Justin Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I didn't really know where to put this so i just put it here. I work nights at a Prison and on my way back home this morning i started to get short of breath and numb and tingly all over, especially in my right arm. I race into town not really knowing were to go for they have just closed the town hospital. I pull into an ambulance service and nobody is there. So i whip out my phone and call 911. Several minutes later another ambulance from another service arrives and has to take me to a hospital in another town about 25 minutes back up the road, the same road i just traveled down from work and back into the same town i just left. They hook an EKG to me and ask a million questions and do this and that test and rule out heart attack or stroke and determine at the end of it all that i more than likely had had an anxiety attack. It turns out that it wasn't all that serious but at the time this came on me till about an hour later, i thought i was about to have a heart attack or stroke. It really scared me at the time and i really thought i was about to die. It kind of felt like that last moment was about to tick at any moment, which they say is common for a person to think having an anxiety attack, for the first time especially. It may seem silly, i can think of an episode of 'Friends' kind of like this when Chandler, Joey and Ross go riding with a police man and hear a gun shot and Joey flings his body onto Chandler to cover him. Then Chandler is overcome with gratitude for saving his life and all that. But in the end it turns out that it was only a car back firing and Joey was only leaning over to get his meat ball Sub. But my point is for a brief moment, i genuinely thought i was about to die and i was scared to death. But not once during this dark moment did i call upon god or repent or anything like that. I had often wondered how i would do in a moment like that and i kind of got my answer today. It's been a little over five years since leaving religion behind and i must say that i'm proud of myself for how i responded to this, at least as far as religion goes, and it surprised me, in a really good way. I wasn't in a fox hole and it turns out i wasn't even about to die, but i still got something from it that lets me know that indeed there are atheists in fox holes. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 That was scary! But yeah, it's good to hear these testimonies that atheists do not fear death when it really comes down to it. From my observation, it's the Christians who fear death and they have good reason to do so. They think there's this big fire pit where they might end up in. Not to mention the natural inclination of wanting to live, like you experienced. But add to that natural inclination the idea that God might not be there for you after all--he might let horned devils like Satan get you. On top of that, they have not found anything in this life to live for because they have trained their brain to live for the afterlife. Worldly pleasures are only incidental, many of them "sinful." I dunno but I wonder sometimes if it's this kind of thing that has Christians all hung up about prolonging life the way they do, even for devout believers whom they feel certain are saved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted October 17, 2013 Super Moderator Share Posted October 17, 2013 Good on you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amateur Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Wonderful to hear! I'm glad you're ok and everything worked out well. And I'm very glad of your reaction; that is very good news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I had an experience like this as well-- I had to have a major surgery (a thoracotomy) in which a tumor had to be removed from my heart and lung area. This was very close to my aorta as well, so there was some danger. I had to donate blood to myself in case I needed an immediate transfusion. All of this went down really fast, and I was only 42 years old with a husband and two children. I was terrified to have the surgery but had to do it-- and at no time did I pray to god for help, or forgivness-- and at that point, I wasn't really an atheist-- but was a deep doubter. I had people say that they would pray for me-- and I kind of thought-- whatever-- I just want the doctor to make sure he does his job correctly, and put my faith in him. I am now 46, and my doctor was awesome-- I never asked god for anything then, and don't do so now. I put my faith in the people around me!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 I had an experience like this as well-- I had to have a major surgery (a thoracotomy) in which a tumor had to be removed from my heart and lung area. This was very close to my aorta as well, so there was some danger. I had to donate blood to myself in case I needed an immediate transfusion. All of this went down really fast, and I was only 42 years old with a husband and two children. I was terrified to have the surgery but had to do it-- and at no time did I pray to god for help, or forgivness-- and at that point, I wasn't really an atheist-- but was a deep doubter. I had people say that they would pray for me-- and I kind of thought-- whatever-- I just want the doctor to make sure he does his job correctly, and put my faith in him. I am now 46, and my doctor was awesome-- I never asked god for anything then, and don't do so now. I put my faith in the people around me!! Glad everything worked out Kris. No prayers were given and no god was called upon. I wonder how Christians try to get around things like this? You know they hear about atheists who never pray or invoke god in anyway yet turn out fine. I wonder what goes through their mind and how long it stays there before they simply brush it off and ignore it and go back to their dumbed down beliefs? I wonder if any are like, if an atheist can do this without prayer and god why do i bother with god and talking to the back of my eyelids if the results are the same? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Thanks Justin! I think the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaLeah Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Hi, Justin, and thanks for sharing your story. I think anxiety attacks are pretty scary... and they can be a wake up call that your brain and body are going through stresses that aren't being addressed. I knew a prison guard (a teacher of mine) and from what I've heard, it's a pretty stressful job. I had an anxiety attack once when I was driving, and I thought I was having a heart attack too. I pulled over and breathed (and sweated and had my heart pounding like it wanted to come out of my chest) and my vision was going sparkly and darkness at the edges was giving me a weird tunnel vision. I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. And then it passed, and I went... okay, I have to figure out why that happened. For me, it was a lot of stress from school, deconverting, family, job stuff. My brain and body sort of went into a revolt. I decided to confront it and to treat myself a lot more carefully and nicely--get more sleep and eat better and scale back on extra activities--and give myself time to think and get to the bottom of what was stressing me out. I hope you can create some space in your life to do that too, to confront whatever your body and brain are trying to tell you. Something is not going well in your life that you aren't paying enough conscious attention to and dealing with. Your subconscious mind wants you to bring it to the forefront of your attention, acknowledge it, and address it. Whatever it is--frustration, confusion, helplessness, stress, anger, grief, etc.--it's better to address it before you have it happen again. I'm not advocating therapy or medication, just some time to scale down and reflect. Sometimes just acknowledging it and thinking about it is enough to tell your brain and body that you're dealing with it and to chill out until it's solved. My disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional, but I've had a panic / anxiety attack before, and this is what worked for me. It may or may not be useful information for you. Best of luck in all you do, and I'm grateful you shared this story. Like you, I've gone through scary or tough moments and didn't think at all about praying to a God I don't believe in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mydisplayname Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 yeah, I've had anxiety attacks before. Horrible things that. Something bad happened to me in December that formed a big part of my deconversion. As I was lying there I remember thinking, this is it, this is the defining moment where you become an atheist or remain a christian. Are you going to ask god for help or not. If you ask for help then know that you will never be a real atheist and will always wonder what you're going to do when your back is against the wall. I'm so glad I didn't ask for help. Everything worked out 110% If I did ask for help then I would have been forced to accept it as a sign that god helped me. Now, at least I know that I got out of the mess on my own and there's no way god gets credit. --edited. Not ready to give out so much detail yet. One day I will post my deconversion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 Hi, Justin, and thanks for sharing your story. I think anxiety attacks are pretty scary... and they can be a wake up call that your brain and body are going through stresses that aren't being addressed. I knew a prison guard (a teacher of mine) and from what I've heard, it's a pretty stressful job. I had an anxiety attack once when I was driving, and I thought I was having a heart attack too. I pulled over and breathed (and sweated and had my heart pounding like it wanted to come out of my chest) and my vision was going sparkly and darkness at the edges was giving me a weird tunnel vision. I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. And then it passed, and I went... okay, I have to figure out why that happened. For me, it was a lot of stress from school, deconverting, family, job stuff. My brain and body sort of went into a revolt. I decided to confront it and to treat myself a lot more carefully and nicely--get more sleep and eat better and scale back on extra activities--and give myself time to think and get to the bottom of what was stressing me out. I hope you can create some space in your life to do that too, to confront whatever your body and brain are trying to tell you. Something is not going well in your life that you aren't paying enough conscious attention to and dealing with. Your subconscious mind wants you to bring it to the forefront of your attention, acknowledge it, and address it. Whatever it is--frustration, confusion, helplessness, stress, anger, grief, etc.--it's better to address it before you have it happen again. I'm not advocating therapy or medication, just some time to scale down and reflect. Sometimes just acknowledging it and thinking about it is enough to tell your brain and body that you're dealing with it and to chill out until it's solved. My disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional, but I've had a panic / anxiety attack before, and this is what worked for me. It may or may not be useful information for you. Best of luck in all you do, and I'm grateful you shared this story. Like you, I've gone through scary or tough moments and didn't think at all about praying to a God I don't believe in. Thanks RaLeah. I have no idea really why it came on me. Still trying to work that out. It may be work related though i don't really find it all that stressful most of the time. As for any other worries there is none i can think of. I wouldn't call it a worry so much as just something i think about often, but i lost my best friend when i became an atheist and i have never really gotten over it. It's been five years and i am long passed the phase where it is an ever constant strain on my mind, but i do think about it from time to time. Maybe that is it, who knows? Thanks a lot. I always enjoy what you have to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Posted October 18, 2013 Author Share Posted October 18, 2013 yeah, I've had anxiety attacks before. Horrible things that. Something bad happened to me in December that formed a big part of my deconversion. As I was lying there I remember thinking, this is it, this is the defining moment where you become an atheist or remain a christian. Are you going to ask god for help or not. If you ask for help then know that you will never be a real atheist and will always wonder what you're going to do when your back is against the wall. I'm so glad I didn't ask for help. Everything worked out 110% If I did ask for help then I would have been forced to accept it as a sign that god helped me. Now, at least I know that I got out of the mess on my own and there's no way god gets credit. --edited. Not ready to give out so much detail yet. One day I will post my deconversion. That defining moment you mentioned is very much like with me. The thought of god whisked into my head once and i just went "nope, i'm an atheist and even if this is the moment i die, nope." Good to hear everything worked out for you too. Look forward to your story whenever you decide to post it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I think that in those types of moments-- you really know where you stand on things-- the ability not to run back to god and ask for help or forgiveness, etc. shows you are standing strong in your conviction. That is how I felt as well-- and love your song quote. One of my very favorite songs-- John Lennon got it. I like the Perfect Circle version the best though-- they made an awesome song even cooler! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 That's really great that you weren't tempted to pray. (I can't think of a better word to use there than "tempted".) Sorry about the panic attack! I've had problems with palpitations in the past, usually when I'm feeling stress from multiple directions. I did actually pray the other day. It was pretty weird, though. It was one of those absolutely hopeless situations, and I just said "okay, I know I'm not talking to anybody, and if you're real you supposedly won't listen to me because I don't believe it, but if you're real then you would want me to believe, and here's something I can't do anything about, so if you're real you can fix it and get me back all at once." Naturally, nothing happened, but for a real god it would have been really easy to fix the problem, and the problem was being had by my wife, who is a believer. It really was a weird thing to do. Just praying out of desperation. Had I needed a doctor there would have been a concrete way to take care of the situation, so I don't think I'd have been as likely to stumble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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